Thanks in part to jmspencer
So, jmspencer mentioned in his LJ that they were doing casting calls for Spider-Man: The Musical, here in New York City.
Upon further consideration, I think this musical would succeed, if it received the proper treatment. The Queen treatment, as it were. No, not the Queen of England. I'm talking about the one true Queen, Freddie Mercury and all. I give you... Spidermanian Rhapsody.
PETER PARKER: Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Bit by a spider,
Now it's changed my reality.
MARY JANE: Open your eyes
Our love is meant to be!
PP: I'm just a nerd boy,
I get no sympathy
CHORUS: Your life is nerdity, mockery,
One-handed love for thee
PP: Anyway the web goes, Stan Lee doesn't matter to me, to me.
PP: Aunt May just lost her man
I didn't stop the guy
But I could have, should have tried.
Aunt May, I have just begun
To use my new power responsibly.
Aunt May, o-o-o-o,
I had to let him die.
Now I have an awesome origin story
So I can go fight crime, that's all that really matters.
NORMAN OSBORN: That's it, my time has come.
Being CEO is lame
When you've made pumpkins of flame.
Goodbye everybody, I'll kill you all;
I'm all hopped up on some mutant PCP.
Harry, o-o-o-o,
You're a lame-ass son,
I sometimes wish you'd never been born at all...
NO: I see a little silhouetto of a nerd-
CHORUS: Spider man! Spider man! He is gonna whup your butt now!
NO: Pumpkin bombs and green gas!
PP: Damn, he's kicking my ass! Eeep!
CHORUS: Peter Parker! Peter Parker!
Peter Parker! Peter Parker!
Mary Jane is giving him wet dreams...
PP: I'm still a nerd boy with a dead family!
CHORUS: He's still a nerd boy in the university!
MJ: I'll date his best friend, such a tragedy!
PP: Fighting crime, need a job, look at my photos?
J. JONAH JAMESON: YOU'RE FIRED! No, I'll buy your crap photos.
PP: My photos?
JJJ: YOU'RE FIRED! No, make Spidey look crap-o.
PP: But you know-
JJJ: YOU'RE FIRED! Yo, Miss Brant, ditch this hobo.
PP: Now I'll go-
JJJ: Make Spidey look crap-o!
PP: Green Goblin?
JJJ: That does not even rhyme!
PP: What's that no-
NO: Now-I'll-beat-you-like-a-ho!
PP: Gone to dinner with my fam'ly-
CHORUS: Norm and Harry have a row!
The Green Goblin has discovered you are Spider-Man! Yes man! You're cannned!
[Cue guitar riff]
NO: So you think you can shun me and hurt my pride?
I've got your girl and a tram of folks and they're fried!
PP: No, baby! I can catch them both baby!
NO: Left hook from the side!
PP: Spider-Sense denied!
MJ: Get him Tiger!
[Cue fight scene]
NO: Don't tell little Harry
That his dad's crazy... *dies*
PP: What do I tell Harry? What do I tell MJ? Why me?
CHORUS: Spiderman's a hero...
Upon further consideration, I think this musical would succeed, if it received the proper treatment. The Queen treatment, as it were. No, not the Queen of England. I'm talking about the one true Queen, Freddie Mercury and all. I give you... Spidermanian Rhapsody.
PETER PARKER: Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Bit by a spider,
Now it's changed my reality.
MARY JANE: Open your eyes
Our love is meant to be!
PP: I'm just a nerd boy,
I get no sympathy
CHORUS: Your life is nerdity, mockery,
One-handed love for thee
PP: Anyway the web goes, Stan Lee doesn't matter to me, to me.
PP: Aunt May just lost her man
I didn't stop the guy
But I could have, should have tried.
Aunt May, I have just begun
To use my new power responsibly.
Aunt May, o-o-o-o,
I had to let him die.
Now I have an awesome origin story
So I can go fight crime, that's all that really matters.
NORMAN OSBORN: That's it, my time has come.
Being CEO is lame
When you've made pumpkins of flame.
Goodbye everybody, I'll kill you all;
I'm all hopped up on some mutant PCP.
Harry, o-o-o-o,
You're a lame-ass son,
I sometimes wish you'd never been born at all...
NO: I see a little silhouetto of a nerd-
CHORUS: Spider man! Spider man! He is gonna whup your butt now!
NO: Pumpkin bombs and green gas!
PP: Damn, he's kicking my ass! Eeep!
CHORUS: Peter Parker! Peter Parker!
Peter Parker! Peter Parker!
Mary Jane is giving him wet dreams...
PP: I'm still a nerd boy with a dead family!
CHORUS: He's still a nerd boy in the university!
MJ: I'll date his best friend, such a tragedy!
PP: Fighting crime, need a job, look at my photos?
J. JONAH JAMESON: YOU'RE FIRED! No, I'll buy your crap photos.
PP: My photos?
JJJ: YOU'RE FIRED! No, make Spidey look crap-o.
PP: But you know-
JJJ: YOU'RE FIRED! Yo, Miss Brant, ditch this hobo.
PP: Now I'll go-
JJJ: Make Spidey look crap-o!
PP: Green Goblin?
JJJ: That does not even rhyme!
PP: What's that no-
NO: Now-I'll-beat-you-like-a-ho!
PP: Gone to dinner with my fam'ly-
CHORUS: Norm and Harry have a row!
The Green Goblin has discovered you are Spider-Man! Yes man! You're cannned!
[Cue guitar riff]
NO: So you think you can shun me and hurt my pride?
I've got your girl and a tram of folks and they're fried!
PP: No, baby! I can catch them both baby!
NO: Left hook from the side!
PP: Spider-Sense denied!
MJ: Get him Tiger!
[Cue fight scene]
NO: Don't tell little Harry
That his dad's crazy... *dies*
PP: What do I tell Harry? What do I tell MJ? Why me?
CHORUS: Spiderman's a hero...