Movie Marathon!
Another fun-filled action-packed movie for the masses! Reviewed here by that guy who loves bad movies! Oh yeah!
300
Long Long Ago B.C.: The Battle of Thermopylae, in which X Greek soldiers, including 300 Spartans, face off against Y Persian soldiers, where Y >>>>> X. While actual historical details are sketchy, the end result is that, for the most part, the 300 Spartans fought to the death and were responsible for inflicting massive casualties on the vast Persian army.
This movie is based on that event. No, let's stretch it out a bit. This movie is based on a graphic novel which was based on that event. Now, the movie itself is quite tightly derived from the novel. The novel itself is quite loosely based on historical fact. So anyone who wants a History Channel-class recap of Greek military victories is not going to be pleased with this film. This is not the History Channel. This is the Fun Crazy Channel. Check your reality at the door and prepare for two hours of large buff men kicking ass.
Also, go find an IMAX theater. It's worth it.
The plot: 300 Spartans beat the holy hell out of pretty much anything that moves. CGI renders blood like it has never been rendered before. Faramir is not a pussy.
The pros: This is a visually spectacular movie. The battle scenes, interspersed with a lot of patented Ridley Scott slo-mo, are like dances of blood. The scenery is well-modeled, from the Greek towns to the ocean swallowing ships to the snowy mountain. The creatures are creaturiffic. The costumes, especially on Xerxes and the Immortals, are interesting. And, if you're into that sort of thing, there are muscled shirtless men galore. Of the $100M or so budgeted for this movie, I'm sure that about half of it went into physical training to generate the largest number of six-packs ever assembled on the big screen. I came out of that movie feeling like a tubby out-of-shape bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, and I'm moderately fit as is. Even the hunchback was more buff than me.
The cons: There is a narrative voiceover that occupies a good chunk of screen time. I think it's a remnant of Frank Miller wanting to keep the "graphic novel" feel in the movie. It's also tied to the only survivor, Faramir Delios, who goes back to tell the tale of the 300 and inspire a nation yadda yadda. There could have been less of it. Or a better voice could have been used. Likewise, some of the speechifying is heavy-handed with talk of freedom and such; barbarienne is right in saying that Mel Gibson did it much better, and more efficiently, in Braveheart. There is, of course, historical inaccuracy, but really, that only bothers those who didn't realize this was a fictional retelling. See also the "historical retellings" called Troy and King Arthur. If you're Iranian, apparently this movie is an insult to your heritage. I'm sorry to say that that is not true; Persia is no more Iran than Gaul is France or the Aztec Empire is Mexico. Thousands of years of history and change have transformed all of those cultures. Only Lo Pan remains eternal.
The verdict: Go because it is fun. Unless you don't like big battles, in which case... I guess don't go. Unless you like beefcake, in which case... definitely go.
Note: Thanks to this film, someone now has, on their resume, the part of "Transsexual Asian #1" listed. That's going to push a career in exciting new directions.
Note: Xerxes has singlehandedly taken bling to a new level. Even Mr. T would have a hard time topping that head-face-chain thing.
Note: Do you know how this movie could have been better? 3D. This movie in 3D, with additional blood splattering CGI, would have ruled. Also, theaters could install a sprinkler system, so that as the 3D virtual blood sprayed out over the audience, the sprinklers would periodically squirt and spatter the audience. There's no way this technique could fail.
Note: I think "300" is just the abbreviated title of this film. It should have been called "300 uses for a dead body". "Johnny, what can you make out of this corpse?" - "Well, I can make a wall, or a tree, or mortar, or an avalanche, or..."
Note: Sparta has a valley of dead babies! A Valley! Full of Dead Babies! Is this truly the historical origin of the "dead baby" series of jokes? One can only wonder...
300
Long Long Ago B.C.: The Battle of Thermopylae, in which X Greek soldiers, including 300 Spartans, face off against Y Persian soldiers, where Y >>>>> X. While actual historical details are sketchy, the end result is that, for the most part, the 300 Spartans fought to the death and were responsible for inflicting massive casualties on the vast Persian army.
This movie is based on that event. No, let's stretch it out a bit. This movie is based on a graphic novel which was based on that event. Now, the movie itself is quite tightly derived from the novel. The novel itself is quite loosely based on historical fact. So anyone who wants a History Channel-class recap of Greek military victories is not going to be pleased with this film. This is not the History Channel. This is the Fun Crazy Channel. Check your reality at the door and prepare for two hours of large buff men kicking ass.
Also, go find an IMAX theater. It's worth it.
The plot: 300 Spartans beat the holy hell out of pretty much anything that moves. CGI renders blood like it has never been rendered before. Faramir is not a pussy.
The pros: This is a visually spectacular movie. The battle scenes, interspersed with a lot of patented Ridley Scott slo-mo, are like dances of blood. The scenery is well-modeled, from the Greek towns to the ocean swallowing ships to the snowy mountain. The creatures are creaturiffic. The costumes, especially on Xerxes and the Immortals, are interesting. And, if you're into that sort of thing, there are muscled shirtless men galore. Of the $100M or so budgeted for this movie, I'm sure that about half of it went into physical training to generate the largest number of six-packs ever assembled on the big screen. I came out of that movie feeling like a tubby out-of-shape bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, and I'm moderately fit as is. Even the hunchback was more buff than me.
The cons: There is a narrative voiceover that occupies a good chunk of screen time. I think it's a remnant of Frank Miller wanting to keep the "graphic novel" feel in the movie. It's also tied to the only survivor, Faramir Delios, who goes back to tell the tale of the 300 and inspire a nation yadda yadda. There could have been less of it. Or a better voice could have been used. Likewise, some of the speechifying is heavy-handed with talk of freedom and such; barbarienne is right in saying that Mel Gibson did it much better, and more efficiently, in Braveheart. There is, of course, historical inaccuracy, but really, that only bothers those who didn't realize this was a fictional retelling. See also the "historical retellings" called Troy and King Arthur. If you're Iranian, apparently this movie is an insult to your heritage. I'm sorry to say that that is not true; Persia is no more Iran than Gaul is France or the Aztec Empire is Mexico. Thousands of years of history and change have transformed all of those cultures. Only Lo Pan remains eternal.
The verdict: Go because it is fun. Unless you don't like big battles, in which case... I guess don't go. Unless you like beefcake, in which case... definitely go.
Note: Thanks to this film, someone now has, on their resume, the part of "Transsexual Asian #1" listed. That's going to push a career in exciting new directions.
Note: Xerxes has singlehandedly taken bling to a new level. Even Mr. T would have a hard time topping that head-face-chain thing.
Note: Do you know how this movie could have been better? 3D. This movie in 3D, with additional blood splattering CGI, would have ruled. Also, theaters could install a sprinkler system, so that as the 3D virtual blood sprayed out over the audience, the sprinklers would periodically squirt and spatter the audience. There's no way this technique could fail.
Note: I think "300" is just the abbreviated title of this film. It should have been called "300 uses for a dead body". "Johnny, what can you make out of this corpse?" - "Well, I can make a wall, or a tree, or mortar, or an avalanche, or..."
Note: Sparta has a valley of dead babies! A Valley! Full of Dead Babies! Is this truly the historical origin of the "dead baby" series of jokes? One can only wonder...