A Walk With The Black Dog At My Heel
A Walk With The Black Dog At My Heel
Last weeks blog was bale to pick up on the theme of sounds of the week, This week I'm not so sure what sort of thread runs through the weeks events. I do know that there has a lightening of my inner darkness and mood, but this process has been at best, tenuous. So please don't be alarmed there will be out pouring of trite jollity or other such frippery. I get the distinct impression that in much of the blog-i-verse, those that write do so with a black dog sat by their desk. The black dog in question, was the depression and sense of doom that the great Winston Churchill confessed to be his greatest personal struggle. I think we all have a black dog in our lives, it follows us with a sort of languid loyalty that makes its presence almost comfortable and its banishment all the harder.
White Rodent, White Undies, Black Mutt
I can't deny that my wife's continued sick leave, still irks me, her monthly salary has now been reduced by £250 which does not help, but some how se seems alost indifferent to the implications. She refuses to work through any issues of economy her self and leaves the accounts as ever to me. To tackle the heating bill I turd down the thermostat by 3 degrees on Friday only to have my efforts undone by the fact that when I made my self a let supper yesterday evening I left the cooker on. A fact only discovered by the wife at 3am. Yes I know that is a strange time, but she has odd sleep patterns, and waking up at 3 am is not unusual for her. But neither is it surprising as she often falls asleep on a sofa at around 9 pm. I have returned home many an evening after 10 to discover the wife asleep, the youngest kid watching telly and the eldest in my office and online. On matters more lascivious, her sleep patterns tend to result in her requests for passion occurring, when they do, at 4 or 5 am when I am normally lost in the arms Morpheus (that is Zonked Out to those of plainer prose).
But I digress, On Monday evening was clearing out around the washing machine when I poured a bucket of water down the loo, glimpsing as I did so a glimmer of white in the grubby greyness, I'm afraid I rather panicked. For I though the glimmer of white was not a pair of knickers but one of the wife's pet chinchillas now presumably drowned and disappearing round the U bend. Long time readers of my blog on 360 and Multiply will know that chinchillas, degus and toilets have with come together in my house hold with alarming (not least for the unfortunate rodents) frequency. Before diving off the deep end, I first looked in the 4 cages around the house that between them house some 12 chinchillas and 3 degus. Catching no sight of the young Snow Ball. I stormed into the sitting room and bellowing, berated my wife for her lack of attention to her own animals and how this was synonymous with her current lack of motivation and general shoddy attitude. At which the subject of my wrath rather that its focus emerged from the cloak cupboard and bounced into the sitting room. Normally I'm quite cynical about her pets, ( I have to be considering all the head aches they give me) but from time to time a certain character does rather get under my skin. Snow Ball a pink white 2 month old chinchilla, possessed of a remarkable ability to escape is such a rodent. Needless to say my rant and indignation crumbled into the morose brooding of a firebrand politician trounced by an upstart.
Yet it was also a clear indication, as if I need yet another one, of my own descent into tense hair trigger temper. This helps no one and only emphasised my need to reassess my behaviour at home, that leaves my kids often flinchingley uncertain about their dad's mood. The dominance on my mind set of my own black dog needs to be tackled, as much, if not for more than any economic concerns I might have.
On Tuesday evening I forced my self to simply sit and relax, I made a point of massaging my wife's feet, not as much for her but by using an act of peace to diffuse my own tension. When we become absorbed in our worries to our own and others ill, the act of caring can be a stronger medicine for the carer that the cared for; and you wonder why so many people have cats and dogs.
There'll Be A Mumbling In The Valleys
Last week I mentioned that I had given up my welsh evening class time slot so that the wife could get back to classes to develop her own language skills, well I'm not off the hook that easily. The class she has chosen is on a Tuesday night, this leaves me me clear to go on a Wednesday evening. I know that the easy and tempting option, would be to give up. But learning Welsh forces forces me to employ learning skills that would be otherwise un-exercised. So I registered on Wednesday and will back to it coming this week.
Men Of Ostland Never Grumble.
as dreadful dice from hands do tumble
defeat will loom and make them humble.
When Chancer plays Warhammer
(My apologies to the song men of Harlech)
Thursday night Wargames club saw my Warhammer Empire army out on the table for the first time since Julys tournament, like so many times before I got my arse well and truly handed to me, this time by a Lizardman army. I didn't help that I used a 3000 point army list I'd written last year and which was well in need of revision. Also given the size of the game, I got stuck in when I should have held back. I was rather hurt when a friend mentioned that he had never seen me win a game of WHFB by skill only by luck. I should be more thick skinned, but some things are best let go of.
Monday night kick boxing, did not lead to to a bloody nose this time, instead a head ache and glove rash on my fore head. However like so many things I keep plugging away, often when other people would give up or know they are beaten.
Work Front
Its not so easy to get to grips with the working week. I feels like a week of small parts, orbiting a goal and still not yet coming together as a clear cohesive whole. The coming week will see much more proving of ideas and hopefully some more clear tangible progress on my main project. I was bale to get soem quiet time in the office on friday afternnon which was much appreciated. I wals work best when the office is empty and used the time to plan out the comming week and get ahead on yet another project plan.
When Life Collides With The Blogger
As I was writing this blog, family life interposed it self with abrupt force my eldest spent too long out wither friends so we had to go up the road to look for her, the missus got pissed off at me for not ensuring the kid kept to a curfew and not knowing where she was. I took that one on the chin. The missus had spent most of the afternoon at a church meeting which she only found out about when I collected her from the morning service, resulting in her missing Sunday lunch which I ended up cooking for my self and the kids. Hey, pretty much a normal Sunday.
Well the wind has faded a bit from my litery sails, there is more to say about this week, such as yesterdays local food fairs, but its 9pm, so I'll bid all my friends across: nation, ocean and ether, a safe sane and peaceful week.
Chancer