We Were Never Once Apart: Chapter 3
Ratings: R
Chapters: 3 / 18 (tentative)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance, Lawsuit!verse, Conspiracy Theory
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong, Yoochun/Changmin, BFF!Yunho/Junsu, Jaejoong/Yoochun
Characters: TVXQ, JUNO (Kim Junho, later chapters), Go Ara (later chapters)
Warnings: Crude language
Disclaimers: (1) I do not own the boys, SM.E or anything from them, except for copies of their album. (2) This is merely a work of fiction. There might be some references to what happened, but using 'conspiracy theory' to twist things about. I know the lawsuit is something sensitive, and I am definitely not saying that this fiction is a work of analysis; it is, ultimately, a work of a fan with a mind that thinks a little, too much.
Summary: In an attempt to please their mentor and satisfy their ambitions, Dong Bang Shin Ki took on a route that is filled with misunderstandings, unanswered questions and uncertainties. Then as lies become seemingly true and the truth slowly turns to lies, the boys are trapped in a spidery mess that had them question about love, friendship, brotherhood; about their passion, dreams and promises. And before they knew it, they already split when they weren't; question is, what 'side' are they on?
A/N: This plot is woven into my head when I was reading about various rumours, news articles and readers' comments on the lawsuit, TV2XQ, JYJ and DB5K and I tried to play around with the possibilities of 'what if's.
Oh, it's unbeta-ed too.
>> A/N: In regards to the lawsuit and its correlation with WWNOA
Prologue || oo1 || oo2 ||
Chapter 3: Doubt and Trust
'When in doubt, pray.'
That was the all-too familiar phrase that Junsu grew up with. Religion had always played a large part in Junsu's life; no matter how busy he is he made sure to set time aside for faith. Of course, it wasn't always sunshine with religion; sometimes it was because of how he led his life in Christianity that made it hard for him to accept something that is foreign or forbidden in the bible. More than ever, he prayed when he has questions that he can't solve; Sometimes these questions questioned his faith.
Like the first time his hyungs gathered them around in the living room late into the night to admit their relationship. Junsu had went into denial that his group members are homosexuals, least two of them and in a relationship. He was preached that love should be between a man and a woman, for that is the normal way of life. God created man and woman to match each other. Going against that defies the universal rules. He remembered it was hectic to him. Yoochun had accepted it with a nothing more than a nod, knowing about them all too well. Changmin had a slight shock, but his calm, stoic self had him shrugging after moments of awkward silence. While he merely went into his room without a word.
Jaejoong-hyung had tried to talk to him, but he always find an excuse to run away. When Yunho hyung finally cornered him into a corner of the room, with tears in his eyes, did Junsu decided to listen to them after giving himself enough distance, avoiding them as if they were plague. The couple say nothing but apologies and apologies. Sorry Junsu-ah, sorry Junsu-ah, but we didn't want to hide anymore. Sorry Junsu-ah, but we really want you to accept us as who we are. Junsu-ah, sorry, sorry.
Looking back he didn't knew what they were apologizing for. They did nothing but just to love with a passion that is on par with a man and a woman, and much more. Junsu, for the first time, questioned his faith and religion, and he prayed. For what exactly, he didn't knew, but he prayed, like the little boy that kneeled down before the father for the first time, hands clasp tight, head bowed and eyes closed and prayed. Is it a sin to defy universal law? Is it a sin to love? For god to separate someone because of love, is it fair?
And then he realised that that's not the true preaching of the bible but by the people using the bible. There was never enough evidence to show that the bible was against homosexuality, as Changmin had kindly enlighten him one day by throwing his bible in his face, and he was right. God is fair, and he should not be cruel. He would never destroy something so pure and beautiful as love, be it between a man and a woman, or two of the same gender. God loves all the same and treat them equally; God taught him not to judge; God taught him to love equally. Why should anyone be different?
Other times, he prayed when he has doubts. Like the time he first lost his voice due to over-straining. Scouted since the age of 12, his pre-breaking voice was described as beautiful; his family loved his voice, his mentor called it a gift from god, and fellow trainees both loved and envy his voice. Until the first sign of growth hit him like a freight train; the first few days he thought it was merely a bad cold, before Junho called, telling him that he experienced his voice change since forever. He cried, than prayed, and continued singing. Eventually his voice seemed to have stopped at the growing stage, spoiled from days of straining and forced practices, and ironically, became his trademark and his passport to stardom.
There are also times when he prayed for others. Whenever his loved ones fall sick, like the time when Yunho-hyung had met with the worst anti attack ever; when Yoochun ended up in hospital and he didn't had the time to visit; when Jaejoong-hyung broke his leg and when Changmin had his exams. When his brother decided to follow his footsteps into the entertainment industry. When Eunhyuk was going to debut in a rotational project group, he prayed whole-heartedly for eventual success. Sometimes they're small, minute things. Sometimes they're bigger challenges. Either way, he clamps his hands together, kneeling by the bedside during this daily ritual, praying.
Because he was taught that by praying, god will show him the correct way.
But alas Junsu is not a saint.
He too questions his faith, especially when he couldn't see the light at the end. When the obstacle is too tough to overcome. The first time he felt that he had fallen into a black abyss was their foray to Japan. A place he'd only seen on television, a place that had been part of his nightmares; stuck in a foreign place away from home, losing the ability to communicate with others and to start from square one is more than what frustrating could describe. It was the first time that he realise praying isn't going to get him anywhere.
Otherwise, he thinks that faith is impractical. He was where he is because of the hours of practice and effort he put into, not because of religion. Then he chides himself at the end of the day for thinking something so foolish, so selfish, that he as a humble servant of the lord, should not boost his own ego because faith, has had also led him to where he is.
Today is no different from other days. Junsu flops onto his bed after a hurried shower; it has been a long day, and he didn't manage to catch a wink of sleep on the flight, his heart heavy. Junsu sighed, sitting up from his bed. He took a look at Jaejoong's messy bed, stacked with piles of clothes and glance around the room, the feeling so familiar yet so foreign. He frowned, and kneeled by the bed, head bowed, unmoving. He spent a few more moments in that state, much longer than the usual. He heard the door creaking open, light footsteps padded into the room, stopping by his side for few seconds, as if hesitating. The footsteps padded out, even lighter than before, and once the door clicked shut, silence was all Junsu could hear, almost deafening him.
---
"Yunho-hyung's not going to be happy about that."
Jaejoong took a last, long puff, and snuffed the cigarette, but otherwise remained in his place, staring out into space.
"...You know, you could have said no."
"And what? You know we don't have that much of a choice."
"Has that ever stopped you?"
Jaejoong shook his head, but said nothing else.
"You want something out of this."
It wasn't a question, and Jaejoong slightly widened his eyes at Changmin, his face void of any emotions. He knew. Changmin knew that there was something Jaejoong wanted, though he didn't know what exactly it is; with Jaejoong, one can never be too sure.
The brunette averted his eyes and went back into staring at an empty space, "maybe I do," he admitted. This time Changmin widened his eyes at the easy admittance. "And do you not, Changmin-ah? You see it don't you, the opportunities you will get?"
"Even if it meant leaving Yunho-hyung?"
Jaejoong's eyes hardened at the mention of his lover. "I'm not leaving. I'm withdrawing my investments. I just need some time to do that."
"If you really have the heart to do so, why don't you start drafting your mails, instead of staring into space?"
The comeback was bitter, but Jaejoong ignored it. Instead he sighed, shaking his head. It is times like this that Jaejoong knew Changmin was still a child; smart but simple, and seeing the world in an untainted glass. "It's not that easy. I'm not the only one in this boat, Changmin-ah. My family are on it too. Besides, it's not just the simple act of selling shares, we've also got direct investments into the company itself that I'm seeking to withdraw, things that requires external expertise."
"Have you talk to Yoochun, Changmin-ah?"
Changmin shook his head, back leaning against the balcony. "To him, staying or leaving doesn't matter."
"Does it matter to you?"
"No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know," Changmin said, voice trailing to a whisper. He had never thought of Yoochun leaving him for an unknown period. Not any of his fellow members, definitely not his Yoochun. He let lanky self be wrapped into his hyung's pale, strong arms, allowing himself to be comforted.
"Not beating me up today?" Jaejoong teased the younger, knowing how much he hates skinship. Changmin gave him a light slap, lips curling into a smile as Jaejoong faked the pain, but he never once let go of him.
---
"Hyung, am I bothering you?" Yunho turned around from his desk as Yoochun flopped down on his bed, making himself comfortable.
"Not unless your soulmate is kissing me senseless ," he joked, only to catch Yoochun's leer.
"Then no, because he's busy making out with my lover right now."
"If only that's happening," Yunho snorted. Changmin would have started a war in the house if Jaejoong ever tries to land a kiss on him, "besides, shouldn't you be controlling your little lover if that's happening?"
"Hell no, that would be hot!" Yoochun whistled, and laughed at Yunho's bemused and slightly given up expression. As his laughter died down, he scouted nearer to Yunho, an unexplainable expression on his face.
"Yunho-hyung, I'm going to ask you to do one thing for me," the raven started, licking his slightly chapped lips, "please take care of Changmin for me."
The leader sighed, half expecting that. He shook his head, "No, that won't do, do that yourself."
"Hyung, you know that might not be possible in the near future. I might not be there twenty-four seven for him. If Jae-hyung withdraws, I'm definitely going with Junsu. I'm not going to leave him to fend for himself alone, you know that. It makes more sense too since I have a Cre-beau shop set up for my mother under my name. I know Changmin will understand ultimately, he always will."
"...Alright," Yunho replied, throat feeling drying than usual at how impending all these seemed. "But why are you telling me this? Jaejoongie will take care of Changmin better than me."
Yoochun nodded, "True. But if I say that to him now, you know that he will definitely choose to leave too."
---
Junsu's eyes snapped open at the soft sound of piano, and fumbled to get to his phone, knowing that only one person would contact him at this time of the day. "Hyung! I-"
"Junsu-ah, it's your dad."
The raven widened his eyes at the unexpected call, "...Dad! Why...no, I'm fine. Really. I-no, it's alright for now, I was just stressed out...Yes, sorry for worrying you...right, erm, dad? Well, about Cre-beau, just telling you that Jaejoong-hyung might be withdrawing his investments...I'm, I don't know about what, I-I need to go. Tomorrow's going to be a long day, dad. Right, goodnight, tell mum I'm fine...bye."
He flopped on his bed when the call ended, exhaustion setting in.
---
"Cre-beau? You want to use Cre-beau as an excuse?!"
Changmin reached out to tug at his hyung's jacket to calm the other down, his sudden outburst causing an awkward silence. "Junsu-hyung," he murmured, but his voice loud enough for all of them to hear, "listen first."
Junsu spare the magnae a glance, nodding once reluctantly as his leader spared a warning look in his direction. He sat down, hands trembling.
"As I was saying, no one else in the company know about this. Not your managers, your label-mates, not even your CEO. We need a legitimate reason for the split, and Cre-beau is a perfect solution. Besides, Cre-beau isn't exactly an 'excuse'. We have rights to suspect your investments in that company; do not forget that you three had thrown in your investments without consulting us beforehand. We have received news that Cre-beau is using Dong Band Shin Ki as one of its marketing strategies; may I remind you who created the brand 'TVXQ' and who owns rights to it? They're seeking a lawsuit sooner or later. Why not use it now?" Lee Soo Man elaborated, his relaxed stance made it seemed like he was talking about nothing serious at all.
"But I'm not leaving." Jaejoong said, reaching out to grab Yunho's hand tight, staring straight in his mentor's eyes, making his stance clear. Lee Soo Man nodded, "It's your decision to stay or leave, but someone has to do either."
Junsu kept silent, long not listening to the conversation, knowing that his mentor was right in more ways than one. Cre-beau was a company that had sought them all out, and it was his father that took an immense interest in this new investment. 'Investing for the future, Junsu-ah' he had said, telling him that singing is not something he would be able to do forever. Impending military drafts, and growing age will soon label them too old to be that of an 'idol', he knew his father's intentions were meant to be good.
He just could not just leave his father alone when he seemed so intent on getting shares on the company, insisting that he sees great potential in it. He knew that he would not be able to get that much money for the investments, so he had lend a hand, and his father had given part of the shares under his name.
But he could not have enough for the investments without help from Yoochun and Jaejoong-hyung, the two giving in after seeing how unmoving Changmin and Yunho was towards the company, insisting that it's too suspicious. Jaejoong-hyung had refused at first, but Junsu knew that he would cave, like he always do, to his dongsaengs. Even as an unwilling party, he asked help from his sisters, one of which was interested and co-invested with him. Yoochun on the other hand, had his mother's support from the start, reasons pretty much the same as that of his own father's.
Changmin and Yunho's suspicions were pretty much founded; the China branch had started using their name as part of their marketing, even without consent from themselves nor the company. The widespread name had caused their fans to flock to Cre-beau just for the name, probably thinking that they were endorsers when they're supposed to be mere investors. Even though there are times where he wanted to withdraw, the happy look from his father when earnings are credited to them stopped him.
"Well then, I'd talk to you all again, after the Japanese tour is over," Lee Soo Man said, noticing the time on the clock. "I trust you to keep this to yourself," he continued, warning tone and all, "and good luck for the tour." The boys nodded, replied with a simple thanks as form of politeness and bid a quick goodbye, rushing to get out of the room too suffocating for them all. At least, that is what Junsu had thought.
---
"Wake up. Junsu~wake up!"
Junsu woke up with a start, staring straight into Jaejoong, eye bags evident due to lack of adequate sleep. He gave a confused look to the elder, and the other sigh in response. "We're going to be late if you don't hurry up. Today's day one of our rehearsal. Even Yunho is done with his bath."
Rehearsal? Junsu blinked, before his brain slowly registered the meaning of that word. Right, tour! He tumbled off the bed in a hurry, the previous day's events thrown to the back of his head at the moment. He had more important things to do, that being his fulfilling his dream.
---
A/N: Listening to Wish by Sowelu. Sometimes, I think this fits Junsu alot: "Everybody needs somebody's love, love is necessary; because being loved by things can let you smile again. Everybody wants to be happy; I pray for your happiness as I sing."
I'm not a christian, and I do hope that I don't offend anyone by writing that. There is a reason why I wanted to write Junsu as such, for now. This chapter is mainly Junsu, partly because I felt that there was too little of him. This chapter is a little inspired by 'Oranges are Not the Only Fruit'. And the current timeline is right before The Secret Code Live Tour. :)
And please visit >> here<< to vote who should be Junsu's straight partner in the fic! :) Poll will close one week later on 1st February!