[Fic] Painful Mistakes Chapter 06
Title: Painful Mistakes
Beta: None
Pairing: Akame, KAT-TUN friendship
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: None of them belongs to me...T___T
Genre: Angst,Romance,Friendship
Summary: Jin is back to Japan for a few days. Even though he is hesitating,he still pays TTUN a visit. But when he accidentally meets Kame, instead of having a clear talk about KAT-TUN's future, they end falling in greater despair than before. And it's obvious things will just keep going from bad to worse (summary fail,I totally apologize *bows*)
A/N: This is actually dedicated to haloyn , because she was the one who convinced me to post this crazy idea and because we both wanted more eye-liner!Kame fics *hugs*
Chapter 06
Jin arrived in Japan the following night. It had actually been pretty late, around 3:30 a.m. He didn’t inform anyone, he made sure to stay hidden from possible paparazzi and he headed straight home. Somehow, knowing that he was back home made him feel strangely happy. Lately, even though he loved being back home, it always left a bitter impression in his mind, something like going back to square one. And Jin didn’t like to stay on the past. He wanted to always be focused on the future.
And this was why he was glad to feel this way now. Maybe Ryo was right and the answer to all of his problems was indeed in Japan. Maybe going back to the place he had started wasn’t bad after all.
The familiar smell of his own place made his heart beat faster when he finally rested his head on his pillow. He had come back to face destruction, but right now, it felt so easy to do and so relaxing…for a moment, he wondered why the hell he had been such a mess, back in America.
He promised himself he’d call TTUN first thing in the morning and let them know of the time he’d pay Kame a visit. At that simple thought, he felt the sting of pain in his chest and bit his lip nervously. How was Kame now? Was he in pain? He had indeed been terribly strong all those days…Jin was really scared to see how he’d look right now, but he knew he had no choice. It was indeed his fault and nothing would ever change that.
Then again, a crazy side of him (probably the same that had driven him to have sex with Kame) wanted to see him desperately and make sure he was alright. He wanted to bring back Kame’s smile, regardless of how difficult it seemed to be.
He fell asleep with his head full of such thoughts.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“He came back last night?” Maru blinked. Junno nodded.
“He called me ten minutes ago. He will be here some time today.”
Koki was the only one who didn’t voice out his opinion upon hearing that news. He just lowered his head so no one could see him greeting his teeth. He was happy Jin was back, but that had to mean that he would put an end to Kame’s suffering.
“Great, I hope something comes out this time.” The older one sighed and it was then that they saw Ueda storming out of Kame’s room. He was shining.
“He woke up! He…he woke up!”
“He did?” all 3 of them jumped up at that happy announcement. Ueda nodded like crazy.
“Come in, he’s awake!” he gestured them to follow him.
Yes, he was awake. Pale, as always, looking dead tired, but at least with eyes open. Junno and Koki couldn’t handle it and burst in tears.
“Kazu, you worried us so much…are you ok?” Maru asked, holding his hand.
“I…I have a headache…” the youngest of the 5 whispered.
“But you remember us, right? You remember KAT-TUN, ne?”
“Um…yes? Shouldn’t I?”
“And…what about your body?” Junno chocked out. “Is there any part that you can’t move?”
“I can move everything, thank you very much.”
“God, he’s ok!” Koki cried out, hugging him gently. “Don’t do this again, you little rascal! We were dead worried!”
“I’m sorry…” Kame apologized, licking his lips. “How…how many days I’m here?”
“3 days.”
“3 days? What about our concert? Is Johnny-san mad?”
“Kame, I’ll slap you, seriously.” Ueda frowned. “Fuck the rest of the world for a while, will you? You collapsed because of this! You need to rest for a few days, can’t you digest that?”
“Hey, don’t scold him, it’s not the best time.” Maru smacked his head. “He just woke up!”
“Sorry.” Ueda fretted. “I just hate his work-obsession.”
“That’s true.” Koki nodded. “Kame-chan, please forget about work for a while, ne? We’ll take care of everything.”
Kame nodded, feeling a little embarrassed.
“Sorry.” He muttered with flushed cheeks. “I guess I didn’t trust you enough…I tried to work out everything on my own…”
“You had to collapse to realize that?” Ueda rolled his eyes.
“He’s fine now, so there’s no need to look back, ok?” Koki almost punched Ueda. “Don’t be so strict to him, look how beautiful he is! Can you afford scolding him?”
“Koki, we know you’re in love with him-“
“I’m not!” the rapper exclaimed, letting go of Kame immediately.
“-but,” Ueda continued, “he has to hear some complaints, don’t you think?”
“Maybe yes, but this can be done tomorrow.” Maru tried to relax both members. “Right now, Kame needs peace and quiet.”
Junno and Koki nodded, leaving a fuming Ueda biting his lips.
“Ok, whatever you say.” He surrendered. “I’m going to the bathroom.”
Kame watched him in curiosity as he left the room. Koki lowered his head.
“Ne…what’s…what’s wrong with him?” he asked quietly.
“Let’s just say that he was the one who carried the weight you dropped when you fainted.” Maru explained. “We were really lost at some point, it was Nishikido-kun that helped us snap out of it. We lost our confidence for a minute, Kame. With one member missing and the other in the hospital…”
He didn’t even mention Jin’s name, but the tension in the room suddenly went higher. Things were handed to Junno to control.
“But as we’ve already mentioned, things are ok now!” he clamored happily. “Ne, Kame…doesn’t the eyeliner disturb you?”
“The…huh?” Kame blinked. “Wait a minute…I’m still wearing it?”
“Well yeah, the doctor said it’s ok if we don’t remove it. Maru said he’s your fan.” Koki chuckled.
Kame smiled as well, the first honest smile they’d seen in ages, which made their hearts beat faster. Their boy was back.
“He also said that you still have a fever, but it’s not much…you’re still weak though, so you’ll stay in the hospital for the next days.” Junno added. Kame sighed.
“Well, as long as our fans understand, it will be ok, I guess…”
“There he goes again.” Maru smiled, poking his cheek. “Me and Junno talked to the media and Ueda has apologized to our fans through the internet. You didn’t do a crime, Kame!”
“He still doesn’t get it.” Koki laughed with teary eyes. “And I guess he never will.”
It was a huge relief to know that their Kame was awake and fully ok. Amnesia was the last thing they could handle now, not to mention paralyzation. They had to admit that Kame had once again managed to win despite everyone’s fears.
They chatted for ten more minutes and then they left him alone to sleep again. Kame felt grateful, because even though he was too stubborn to admit it, he was still tired with a headache that was unwilling to subside. Sleep was a really tempting solution.
He couldn’t help but think of Jin when he closed his eyes. Where was he right now? What was he doing? Had he heard that his bandmate had collapsed? And if yes, had he reacted at all?
His physical exhaustion was nothing compared to his psychological. It was his feeling of wanting to give up that had dragged him down, not his sickness. Back then, he’d thought that by collapsing, he would be saved. Thinking more clearly now, he couldn’t explain why he’d thought like that. He hadn’t gained a thing, apart from a headache.
Fortunately, a few minutes later, he was in deep sleep. It wasn’t hard to do so and the best thing was that he had no bad dreams.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
They let him rest until almost night came. According to the doctor, it wasn’t good to sleep too much either, and Koki was more than willing to keep Kame company when he woke up.
And finally, Jin’s time to show up came. Accompanied, once again, by Ryo. To say he was nervous would be an understatement. He was terrified.
Maru and Junno weren’t as warm as the other time. They still greeted him happily, but this time, there was an obvious distance between them. Jin could only bow and apologize as he tried desperately to brighten the mood. He was prepared for the worst, but even though this wasn’t the worst, it was still tough to cope with.
“Ok, ok enough.” Ryo butted in as he pushed Jin close to them. “We know the situation is not the best, but all of you need to be united and cooperative for Kamenashi’s sake, ok?”
All three of them nodded like little kids having been scolded. Ryo smiled.
“Good. Where are Koki and Ueda, by the way?”
“Koki is with Kame.” Junno replied. “Ueda…he’s wandering around.”
“Koki’s with Kame?” Jin repeated in horror. “I’m not going in if Koki’s there! He’ll eat me!”
“We’ll drag him out, ok?” Maru frowned, pushing him to Kame’s room. “Nishikido-kun, can you find Ueda and keep him company? I don’t trust him alone.”
“With pleasure.” Ryo smirked.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“How is your headache?” Koki asked anxiously.
“It’s better now.” Kame smiled. “Thanks for staying with me, Koki.”
“We’re friends, aren’t we?” the older one chuckled. “I’ll always take care of you from now on. KAT-TUN are not KAT-TUN without you, you know.”
“I know.” Kame sighed. “But Kamenashi isn’t Kamenashi without KAT-TUN either. I need you, guys. I just feel like an idiot for not understanding it sooner…”
Koki was about to reply, when Maru butted in, smiling at him. He leaned next to Koki and whispered something in his ear, making him jump.
“What? No, I’m not leaving him alone with-“
“Shut up and follow me.” Maru said between gritted teeth. He then turned to Kame. “We’ll be right out of the room if you need us.”
“Huh? What’s wrong?” Kame asked, slowly sitting up. “Why are you-“
He left his phrase incomplete though when Maru opened the door to pull Koki out and he saw Junno pushing Jin in gently. His heart skipped a beat.
Jin wasn’t better though. The last thing he expected to see was the eyeliner at Kame’s eyes again. It had been almost worn out by now, but it was still quite visible. It reduced his already lacking confidence to zero. Somehow, it worked as a bad sign.
“You…are you…are you ok?” he voiced out in the end. He had to start from somewhere.
“What are you doing here?” Kame replied with a question.
“I…was worried. You’re not someone who gives up easily, so when I heard you collapsed…”
“So you came out of curiosity? Or pity?”
“I came because I care!” Jin said, walking closer. “I care about you, Kame! Probably not as much as you do for me, but I still do! It wasn’t easy to decide to come back home, I was afraid you would react the way you do! Don’t reject me so easily, please?”
“Reject you?” Kame asked in disbelief. “Reject you? What are you saying? When did I reject you? When did I do that?”
“I didn’t mean it that way…” Jin sighed. Why couldn’t someone write down the proper words for him so he could memorize them and tell them to Kame? How did he always end up driving him mad? “Don’t get mad, please, what I mean is that you never let me explain…”
“You know you’re the cause of this, right?” Kame said with a broken voice. “You know it’s your fault I collapsed…”
“I know.”
“And you still haven’t apologized. You’re just making up excuses, Jin! Again and again! And I can’t take it anymore! I can’t support you anymore!”
“Kame, listen-“
“Get out of here!” Kame cried out. “Go back to L.A. and stay there! I don’t wanna see your face again! Your undecided mind is killing me!”
“Listen to me, please…” Jin tried again. “And stop shouting, it’s bad for your health!”
“When did you ever care about my health?” Kame yelled again. “You broke me down, you made me love you, so much that I can’t get away from it, you made me believe that you could love me back and then you just left! Why can’t you just go away…I want to hate you…”
He had never felt worse in his entire life. Kame was crying, he was crying right in front of him and Jin couldn’t do a thing, because he was frozen. The person in front of him had put all of his pride aside and was clearly declaring his love for him. “I want to hate you”, he’d said. He couldn’t even try to hate him. He was begging Jin to something so he could hate him.
Maybe he would have been able to get a hold of the situation. But Kame’s tears had paralyzed him completely. He wasn’t prepared for them, therefore he was now in complete shock.
“Kame…I…I’m sorry…” he mumbled, taking a step back. “I…I never thought…you were that hurt…”
“Why? Because I looked fine?” Kame smiled through his sobs. “You once said you could perfectly tell when I am really happy and when I am pretending. Was that a lie too?”
“No, that wasn’t a lie. But I can’t do that anymore…”
“Then leave.” Kame breathed out heavily, as new tears shined in his eyes. “What are you staring at? You made me cry, aren’t you satisfied? This proves I’m human too! Get out!”
“I can’t keep running away!” Jin protested.
“It was your choice in the first place.” Kame sobbed. “Get the hell out of my sight! I don’t wanna see you around me anymore! Leave!”
“Kame-“
“GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” Kame cried out, throwing him his pillow. He had almost stood up and was ready to pull the drip out of his hand. So Jin did the wisest thing he could think of.
He slammed the door open and ran away.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Ryo found Ueda at the hospital yard. It wasn’t difficult at all to approach him, especially since he seemed way too distracted to take notice of him.
“Yo.” He said, poking his cheek. Ueda flinched.
“What?”
“Why aren’t you with the others? Jin came.”
“Well, that’s a relief. But I’m not the one he should talk to, therefore I’m not really intrigued to see him right now.”
“Wow.” Ryo smiled. “That sounds…too mature.”
“We need someone to think like that.” Ueda commented lightly. “Maybe it’s an unknown word for you, though.”
Ryo laughed in clear amusement. No matter how serious Ueda looked, it felt as if the older one had become a little better after hearing about Jin’s return.
“Why are you so eager to help us?” Ueda asked then, facing him. “Even if you’re doing it because you know how it feels, it’s still a bit too much.”
“Well…Jin is my friend.” Ryo answered simply. “I want him to be happy. And no matter what people say, I’m sure that it’s Kamenashi who will make him happy. And Jin can make Kamenashi happy. The only problem is that they can’t see it. Or rather, Jin can’t. Kamenashi can see it, but he’s currently in denial.”
“You can’t blame him, though.” Ueda sighed. “I know that Jin is in a tough situation, but he kind of chose to be like that, so there’s nothing we can do to help him. Kame on the other hand…he endured everything for Jin’s sake and look where he is now…”
“You can’t blame Jin either.” Ryo defended his friend. “It’s not his fault he was born like that. You never know what your taste in music will be or whether your dreams will change.”
Upon hearing that, Ueda smiled.
“You’re indeed a precious friend. I hope Jin never loses you…”
“I feel flattered.” Ryo bowed, grinning. “At least I kind of distract you, right?”
“And I’m grateful.” Ueda sighed. “I’m so stressed out…”
Ryo remained silent for a while, studying his interlocutor’s face. Yup, he did look stressed. And tired and a bit angry. To himself? To Kame? To Jin? Who knew?
“Let’s go for a drink, shall we?” he suggested with a voice full of joy. Ueda blinked at him.
“What are you saying?”
“You need a drink.” Ryo said firmly. “Something to brighten your mood up. Look at you! I’ve never seen you gloomier!”
“I don’t think going out drinking will be good…”Ueda hesitated. “If we get caught, then people will think that I don’t care about Kame and I found the chance to go clubbing!”
“Or maybe they’ll think that you are not fine as well and you need to chill out. Come on, if you’re that worried I’ll just write on my manual that you were dead tired and I took you out!”
“But-“
“I’ll treat you, ok?” Ryo insisted. “Seriously, I can’t see you like this! KAT-TUN need their spirits back. And I’ll start with you.”
And with that, he grabbed Ueda’s hand and pulled him up, leaving him no space to protest.
“Duh…ok, you idiot.” He gave in, with a small smile engraved on his face.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“This is so…wrong.” Maru facepalmed himself. “It’s so wrong that I can’t even begin to describe it. What did you say to him, Jin?”
“Probably the worst I could say.” Jin sulked. “Scold me, I probably deserve it after all the commotion I caused.”
“Jin…”Maru sighed. “Even if I do scold you, the situation is not gonna change. You should have apologized to him the minute you stepped in. You didn’t. He didn’t give you a chance. You didn’t talk to him properly. He yelled. You got scared and didn’t insist. It’s really out of our hands now.”
“I made him cry, Maru.” Jin let out with a hoarse voice. “I saw him crying. Do you know when was the last time I saw Kame cry? Back in 2006, when I was leaving for Los Angeles. And now he cried because I came back. Is there any other option left for me than to quit being in KAT-TUN? I don’t want to be the cause for his tears anymore.”
“There is a bright side to his tears, Jin.” Maru tried to explain again. “Kame hasn’t cried in ages, so making him cry is good, on one hand. He let all his emotions flow and that is definitely good, cause now he will be able to think clearly and see things from a different angle. Sure, making him cry is definitely cruel…but let’s not think only about the negative side, ne?”
“I can’t fight his tears…” Jin whispered. “I can fight everything but his tears…if he starts crying again, I don’t know what I’ll do…”
Fuck it, he hated being so honest. He didn’t like showing his weaknesses, but he had nothing left. He accused Kame for being introvert, but he himself wasn’t better. Maybe if he had decided to ask for his friends’ help earlier, this thing wouldn’t have happened.
“Calm down.” Maru said, holding his shoulder. “Koki and Junno are with Kame now, they’ll help him relax again. Go back home and think. Think very well, Jin. And come back tomorrow, so you can have a proper conversation with him. We’ll convince him to see you. It won’t be difficult.”
“And the source of your confidence?”
“Kame loves you.” Maru silenced him. “If he didn’t, he wouldn’t allow himself to go through this. He loves you, that’s why he wants an end, too. Sooner or later, you two will have to face each other properly, not only for your sake, but also for KAT-TUN’s future. We’re not stupid enough to let the band collapse, Jin.”
Jin was left gaping at him. There were times like this that made Maru confirm the fact that he was older. He needed just a tiny bit of support and then he would immediately take control of the situation. It had made the rest of the members feel at ease numerous times. And this time, it was Jin’s turn.
How had he become so blind? Had he actually convinced himself that there was nothing left his friends could do? KAT-TUN’s future was on the line, it was only normal that they wouldn’t leave him and Kame do as they please. He could now see clearly how many people would be affected by their final choice. He took a deep breath.
“Let’s do this then.” He voiced out his agreement.
After all, he couldn’t lie. He wanted to see Kame again.
.......................................................................................................................................................
A/N: I have the feeling that I wanted to point out sth for this chapter,but I have totally forgotten what it was...xD Oh, well,I hope you liked it nevertheless...and don't forget to leave a comment *hugs*
Beta: None
Pairing: Akame, KAT-TUN friendship
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: None of them belongs to me...T___T
Genre: Angst,Romance,Friendship
Summary: Jin is back to Japan for a few days. Even though he is hesitating,he still pays TTUN a visit. But when he accidentally meets Kame, instead of having a clear talk about KAT-TUN's future, they end falling in greater despair than before. And it's obvious things will just keep going from bad to worse (summary fail,I totally apologize *bows*)
A/N: This is actually dedicated to haloyn , because she was the one who convinced me to post this crazy idea and because we both wanted more eye-liner!Kame fics *hugs*
Chapter 06
Jin arrived in Japan the following night. It had actually been pretty late, around 3:30 a.m. He didn’t inform anyone, he made sure to stay hidden from possible paparazzi and he headed straight home. Somehow, knowing that he was back home made him feel strangely happy. Lately, even though he loved being back home, it always left a bitter impression in his mind, something like going back to square one. And Jin didn’t like to stay on the past. He wanted to always be focused on the future.
And this was why he was glad to feel this way now. Maybe Ryo was right and the answer to all of his problems was indeed in Japan. Maybe going back to the place he had started wasn’t bad after all.
The familiar smell of his own place made his heart beat faster when he finally rested his head on his pillow. He had come back to face destruction, but right now, it felt so easy to do and so relaxing…for a moment, he wondered why the hell he had been such a mess, back in America.
He promised himself he’d call TTUN first thing in the morning and let them know of the time he’d pay Kame a visit. At that simple thought, he felt the sting of pain in his chest and bit his lip nervously. How was Kame now? Was he in pain? He had indeed been terribly strong all those days…Jin was really scared to see how he’d look right now, but he knew he had no choice. It was indeed his fault and nothing would ever change that.
Then again, a crazy side of him (probably the same that had driven him to have sex with Kame) wanted to see him desperately and make sure he was alright. He wanted to bring back Kame’s smile, regardless of how difficult it seemed to be.
He fell asleep with his head full of such thoughts.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“He came back last night?” Maru blinked. Junno nodded.
“He called me ten minutes ago. He will be here some time today.”
Koki was the only one who didn’t voice out his opinion upon hearing that news. He just lowered his head so no one could see him greeting his teeth. He was happy Jin was back, but that had to mean that he would put an end to Kame’s suffering.
“Great, I hope something comes out this time.” The older one sighed and it was then that they saw Ueda storming out of Kame’s room. He was shining.
“He woke up! He…he woke up!”
“He did?” all 3 of them jumped up at that happy announcement. Ueda nodded like crazy.
“Come in, he’s awake!” he gestured them to follow him.
Yes, he was awake. Pale, as always, looking dead tired, but at least with eyes open. Junno and Koki couldn’t handle it and burst in tears.
“Kazu, you worried us so much…are you ok?” Maru asked, holding his hand.
“I…I have a headache…” the youngest of the 5 whispered.
“But you remember us, right? You remember KAT-TUN, ne?”
“Um…yes? Shouldn’t I?”
“And…what about your body?” Junno chocked out. “Is there any part that you can’t move?”
“I can move everything, thank you very much.”
“God, he’s ok!” Koki cried out, hugging him gently. “Don’t do this again, you little rascal! We were dead worried!”
“I’m sorry…” Kame apologized, licking his lips. “How…how many days I’m here?”
“3 days.”
“3 days? What about our concert? Is Johnny-san mad?”
“Kame, I’ll slap you, seriously.” Ueda frowned. “Fuck the rest of the world for a while, will you? You collapsed because of this! You need to rest for a few days, can’t you digest that?”
“Hey, don’t scold him, it’s not the best time.” Maru smacked his head. “He just woke up!”
“Sorry.” Ueda fretted. “I just hate his work-obsession.”
“That’s true.” Koki nodded. “Kame-chan, please forget about work for a while, ne? We’ll take care of everything.”
Kame nodded, feeling a little embarrassed.
“Sorry.” He muttered with flushed cheeks. “I guess I didn’t trust you enough…I tried to work out everything on my own…”
“You had to collapse to realize that?” Ueda rolled his eyes.
“He’s fine now, so there’s no need to look back, ok?” Koki almost punched Ueda. “Don’t be so strict to him, look how beautiful he is! Can you afford scolding him?”
“Koki, we know you’re in love with him-“
“I’m not!” the rapper exclaimed, letting go of Kame immediately.
“-but,” Ueda continued, “he has to hear some complaints, don’t you think?”
“Maybe yes, but this can be done tomorrow.” Maru tried to relax both members. “Right now, Kame needs peace and quiet.”
Junno and Koki nodded, leaving a fuming Ueda biting his lips.
“Ok, whatever you say.” He surrendered. “I’m going to the bathroom.”
Kame watched him in curiosity as he left the room. Koki lowered his head.
“Ne…what’s…what’s wrong with him?” he asked quietly.
“Let’s just say that he was the one who carried the weight you dropped when you fainted.” Maru explained. “We were really lost at some point, it was Nishikido-kun that helped us snap out of it. We lost our confidence for a minute, Kame. With one member missing and the other in the hospital…”
He didn’t even mention Jin’s name, but the tension in the room suddenly went higher. Things were handed to Junno to control.
“But as we’ve already mentioned, things are ok now!” he clamored happily. “Ne, Kame…doesn’t the eyeliner disturb you?”
“The…huh?” Kame blinked. “Wait a minute…I’m still wearing it?”
“Well yeah, the doctor said it’s ok if we don’t remove it. Maru said he’s your fan.” Koki chuckled.
Kame smiled as well, the first honest smile they’d seen in ages, which made their hearts beat faster. Their boy was back.
“He also said that you still have a fever, but it’s not much…you’re still weak though, so you’ll stay in the hospital for the next days.” Junno added. Kame sighed.
“Well, as long as our fans understand, it will be ok, I guess…”
“There he goes again.” Maru smiled, poking his cheek. “Me and Junno talked to the media and Ueda has apologized to our fans through the internet. You didn’t do a crime, Kame!”
“He still doesn’t get it.” Koki laughed with teary eyes. “And I guess he never will.”
It was a huge relief to know that their Kame was awake and fully ok. Amnesia was the last thing they could handle now, not to mention paralyzation. They had to admit that Kame had once again managed to win despite everyone’s fears.
They chatted for ten more minutes and then they left him alone to sleep again. Kame felt grateful, because even though he was too stubborn to admit it, he was still tired with a headache that was unwilling to subside. Sleep was a really tempting solution.
He couldn’t help but think of Jin when he closed his eyes. Where was he right now? What was he doing? Had he heard that his bandmate had collapsed? And if yes, had he reacted at all?
His physical exhaustion was nothing compared to his psychological. It was his feeling of wanting to give up that had dragged him down, not his sickness. Back then, he’d thought that by collapsing, he would be saved. Thinking more clearly now, he couldn’t explain why he’d thought like that. He hadn’t gained a thing, apart from a headache.
Fortunately, a few minutes later, he was in deep sleep. It wasn’t hard to do so and the best thing was that he had no bad dreams.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
They let him rest until almost night came. According to the doctor, it wasn’t good to sleep too much either, and Koki was more than willing to keep Kame company when he woke up.
And finally, Jin’s time to show up came. Accompanied, once again, by Ryo. To say he was nervous would be an understatement. He was terrified.
Maru and Junno weren’t as warm as the other time. They still greeted him happily, but this time, there was an obvious distance between them. Jin could only bow and apologize as he tried desperately to brighten the mood. He was prepared for the worst, but even though this wasn’t the worst, it was still tough to cope with.
“Ok, ok enough.” Ryo butted in as he pushed Jin close to them. “We know the situation is not the best, but all of you need to be united and cooperative for Kamenashi’s sake, ok?”
All three of them nodded like little kids having been scolded. Ryo smiled.
“Good. Where are Koki and Ueda, by the way?”
“Koki is with Kame.” Junno replied. “Ueda…he’s wandering around.”
“Koki’s with Kame?” Jin repeated in horror. “I’m not going in if Koki’s there! He’ll eat me!”
“We’ll drag him out, ok?” Maru frowned, pushing him to Kame’s room. “Nishikido-kun, can you find Ueda and keep him company? I don’t trust him alone.”
“With pleasure.” Ryo smirked.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“How is your headache?” Koki asked anxiously.
“It’s better now.” Kame smiled. “Thanks for staying with me, Koki.”
“We’re friends, aren’t we?” the older one chuckled. “I’ll always take care of you from now on. KAT-TUN are not KAT-TUN without you, you know.”
“I know.” Kame sighed. “But Kamenashi isn’t Kamenashi without KAT-TUN either. I need you, guys. I just feel like an idiot for not understanding it sooner…”
Koki was about to reply, when Maru butted in, smiling at him. He leaned next to Koki and whispered something in his ear, making him jump.
“What? No, I’m not leaving him alone with-“
“Shut up and follow me.” Maru said between gritted teeth. He then turned to Kame. “We’ll be right out of the room if you need us.”
“Huh? What’s wrong?” Kame asked, slowly sitting up. “Why are you-“
He left his phrase incomplete though when Maru opened the door to pull Koki out and he saw Junno pushing Jin in gently. His heart skipped a beat.
Jin wasn’t better though. The last thing he expected to see was the eyeliner at Kame’s eyes again. It had been almost worn out by now, but it was still quite visible. It reduced his already lacking confidence to zero. Somehow, it worked as a bad sign.
“You…are you…are you ok?” he voiced out in the end. He had to start from somewhere.
“What are you doing here?” Kame replied with a question.
“I…was worried. You’re not someone who gives up easily, so when I heard you collapsed…”
“So you came out of curiosity? Or pity?”
“I came because I care!” Jin said, walking closer. “I care about you, Kame! Probably not as much as you do for me, but I still do! It wasn’t easy to decide to come back home, I was afraid you would react the way you do! Don’t reject me so easily, please?”
“Reject you?” Kame asked in disbelief. “Reject you? What are you saying? When did I reject you? When did I do that?”
“I didn’t mean it that way…” Jin sighed. Why couldn’t someone write down the proper words for him so he could memorize them and tell them to Kame? How did he always end up driving him mad? “Don’t get mad, please, what I mean is that you never let me explain…”
“You know you’re the cause of this, right?” Kame said with a broken voice. “You know it’s your fault I collapsed…”
“I know.”
“And you still haven’t apologized. You’re just making up excuses, Jin! Again and again! And I can’t take it anymore! I can’t support you anymore!”
“Kame, listen-“
“Get out of here!” Kame cried out. “Go back to L.A. and stay there! I don’t wanna see your face again! Your undecided mind is killing me!”
“Listen to me, please…” Jin tried again. “And stop shouting, it’s bad for your health!”
“When did you ever care about my health?” Kame yelled again. “You broke me down, you made me love you, so much that I can’t get away from it, you made me believe that you could love me back and then you just left! Why can’t you just go away…I want to hate you…”
He had never felt worse in his entire life. Kame was crying, he was crying right in front of him and Jin couldn’t do a thing, because he was frozen. The person in front of him had put all of his pride aside and was clearly declaring his love for him. “I want to hate you”, he’d said. He couldn’t even try to hate him. He was begging Jin to something so he could hate him.
Maybe he would have been able to get a hold of the situation. But Kame’s tears had paralyzed him completely. He wasn’t prepared for them, therefore he was now in complete shock.
“Kame…I…I’m sorry…” he mumbled, taking a step back. “I…I never thought…you were that hurt…”
“Why? Because I looked fine?” Kame smiled through his sobs. “You once said you could perfectly tell when I am really happy and when I am pretending. Was that a lie too?”
“No, that wasn’t a lie. But I can’t do that anymore…”
“Then leave.” Kame breathed out heavily, as new tears shined in his eyes. “What are you staring at? You made me cry, aren’t you satisfied? This proves I’m human too! Get out!”
“I can’t keep running away!” Jin protested.
“It was your choice in the first place.” Kame sobbed. “Get the hell out of my sight! I don’t wanna see you around me anymore! Leave!”
“Kame-“
“GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” Kame cried out, throwing him his pillow. He had almost stood up and was ready to pull the drip out of his hand. So Jin did the wisest thing he could think of.
He slammed the door open and ran away.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Ryo found Ueda at the hospital yard. It wasn’t difficult at all to approach him, especially since he seemed way too distracted to take notice of him.
“Yo.” He said, poking his cheek. Ueda flinched.
“What?”
“Why aren’t you with the others? Jin came.”
“Well, that’s a relief. But I’m not the one he should talk to, therefore I’m not really intrigued to see him right now.”
“Wow.” Ryo smiled. “That sounds…too mature.”
“We need someone to think like that.” Ueda commented lightly. “Maybe it’s an unknown word for you, though.”
Ryo laughed in clear amusement. No matter how serious Ueda looked, it felt as if the older one had become a little better after hearing about Jin’s return.
“Why are you so eager to help us?” Ueda asked then, facing him. “Even if you’re doing it because you know how it feels, it’s still a bit too much.”
“Well…Jin is my friend.” Ryo answered simply. “I want him to be happy. And no matter what people say, I’m sure that it’s Kamenashi who will make him happy. And Jin can make Kamenashi happy. The only problem is that they can’t see it. Or rather, Jin can’t. Kamenashi can see it, but he’s currently in denial.”
“You can’t blame him, though.” Ueda sighed. “I know that Jin is in a tough situation, but he kind of chose to be like that, so there’s nothing we can do to help him. Kame on the other hand…he endured everything for Jin’s sake and look where he is now…”
“You can’t blame Jin either.” Ryo defended his friend. “It’s not his fault he was born like that. You never know what your taste in music will be or whether your dreams will change.”
Upon hearing that, Ueda smiled.
“You’re indeed a precious friend. I hope Jin never loses you…”
“I feel flattered.” Ryo bowed, grinning. “At least I kind of distract you, right?”
“And I’m grateful.” Ueda sighed. “I’m so stressed out…”
Ryo remained silent for a while, studying his interlocutor’s face. Yup, he did look stressed. And tired and a bit angry. To himself? To Kame? To Jin? Who knew?
“Let’s go for a drink, shall we?” he suggested with a voice full of joy. Ueda blinked at him.
“What are you saying?”
“You need a drink.” Ryo said firmly. “Something to brighten your mood up. Look at you! I’ve never seen you gloomier!”
“I don’t think going out drinking will be good…”Ueda hesitated. “If we get caught, then people will think that I don’t care about Kame and I found the chance to go clubbing!”
“Or maybe they’ll think that you are not fine as well and you need to chill out. Come on, if you’re that worried I’ll just write on my manual that you were dead tired and I took you out!”
“But-“
“I’ll treat you, ok?” Ryo insisted. “Seriously, I can’t see you like this! KAT-TUN need their spirits back. And I’ll start with you.”
And with that, he grabbed Ueda’s hand and pulled him up, leaving him no space to protest.
“Duh…ok, you idiot.” He gave in, with a small smile engraved on his face.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“This is so…wrong.” Maru facepalmed himself. “It’s so wrong that I can’t even begin to describe it. What did you say to him, Jin?”
“Probably the worst I could say.” Jin sulked. “Scold me, I probably deserve it after all the commotion I caused.”
“Jin…”Maru sighed. “Even if I do scold you, the situation is not gonna change. You should have apologized to him the minute you stepped in. You didn’t. He didn’t give you a chance. You didn’t talk to him properly. He yelled. You got scared and didn’t insist. It’s really out of our hands now.”
“I made him cry, Maru.” Jin let out with a hoarse voice. “I saw him crying. Do you know when was the last time I saw Kame cry? Back in 2006, when I was leaving for Los Angeles. And now he cried because I came back. Is there any other option left for me than to quit being in KAT-TUN? I don’t want to be the cause for his tears anymore.”
“There is a bright side to his tears, Jin.” Maru tried to explain again. “Kame hasn’t cried in ages, so making him cry is good, on one hand. He let all his emotions flow and that is definitely good, cause now he will be able to think clearly and see things from a different angle. Sure, making him cry is definitely cruel…but let’s not think only about the negative side, ne?”
“I can’t fight his tears…” Jin whispered. “I can fight everything but his tears…if he starts crying again, I don’t know what I’ll do…”
Fuck it, he hated being so honest. He didn’t like showing his weaknesses, but he had nothing left. He accused Kame for being introvert, but he himself wasn’t better. Maybe if he had decided to ask for his friends’ help earlier, this thing wouldn’t have happened.
“Calm down.” Maru said, holding his shoulder. “Koki and Junno are with Kame now, they’ll help him relax again. Go back home and think. Think very well, Jin. And come back tomorrow, so you can have a proper conversation with him. We’ll convince him to see you. It won’t be difficult.”
“And the source of your confidence?”
“Kame loves you.” Maru silenced him. “If he didn’t, he wouldn’t allow himself to go through this. He loves you, that’s why he wants an end, too. Sooner or later, you two will have to face each other properly, not only for your sake, but also for KAT-TUN’s future. We’re not stupid enough to let the band collapse, Jin.”
Jin was left gaping at him. There were times like this that made Maru confirm the fact that he was older. He needed just a tiny bit of support and then he would immediately take control of the situation. It had made the rest of the members feel at ease numerous times. And this time, it was Jin’s turn.
How had he become so blind? Had he actually convinced himself that there was nothing left his friends could do? KAT-TUN’s future was on the line, it was only normal that they wouldn’t leave him and Kame do as they please. He could now see clearly how many people would be affected by their final choice. He took a deep breath.
“Let’s do this then.” He voiced out his agreement.
After all, he couldn’t lie. He wanted to see Kame again.
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A/N: I have the feeling that I wanted to point out sth for this chapter,but I have totally forgotten what it was...xD Oh, well,I hope you liked it nevertheless...and don't forget to leave a comment *hugs*