Normal Abnormality
In response to the article titled, "Am I normal?"
I find there is quite a difference between submissive and subservient. I am not subservient at all. I figure if people want something they can ask and I will get it for them if they are unable/unwilling but I am not going to be so attentive that I notice their glass is empty or the pillow on the foot stool is not fluffed enough. I am fairly dominant however, I love being submissive to a chosen few. This is D/s not S/m that I am talking about. Because I am a masochist, a very heavy bottom, I often get called a submissive but I most definitely am not. If you notice me submitting to you, it means I really am into you and want to be with you as often as possible and it would please me to be allowed to help care for your needs.
When I am with Him, I try to anticipate his needs and care for them without being told. I remember a bible study I did years ago on the Martha and Mary story where Martha was all busy taking care of the guests while Mary was sitting at Jesus’s feet listening to his words. I am definitely Mary. Dinner can wait, people can manage on their own, I just want to bask in His presence and learn from Him and grow stronger in my understanding of Him.
Crying is not an issue to me. I know that I cry easily and often and if I go too long without crying my depression will get worse. When in scene, I love when it takes me to a good cry. There are only a couple of tops who will purposely pursue that for me. It amazes me who can and who cannot manage to bring me to tears.
I giggled at the question from the sub who asked if it was allowed for the Top to use her safeword. Being a heavy bottom, I often wear the Tops out and it really is up to them to end the scene, in fact, I tell them up front during negotiation that it is best if they call the scene when they are ready to do so.
Also as far as new or changing interests, yes, I have experience some change in my interests and some early interests sort of bore me while interests I was curious about, I have tried and didn’t like. I am very good at speaking up and telling my Top of any problems that arise in a scene. I have found that some days I can take more pain than other days and some days I am more emotional than other days. What works on me today might not work on me tomorrow, no harm, no foul.
My marriage is fine enough. The household is comfortable and fairly accepting. I found kink when I was ready to leave him in July 2009 and due to the dumb “communication thing” all those poly people and S/m people push, I actually opened up to him and things are good enough. He is happy staying home with his sub and I am happy enough coming and going and socializing as I wish rather than feeling tied to the living room chair watching mandatory tv.
I joke about the dumb “communication thing” but I am only being sarcastic. It seems that most of my relationship issues are due to poor communication and when the communication becomes healthy so does the relationship. I don’t have too much trouble with this.
The real question should be, "Am I a normal abnormality?" Then yes, for me, it is very normal to be abnormal and finally being in a crowd of others who are different like me makes me thrive. I continue to learn and grow and change but deep down, I am normal and abnormal, both.
I find there is quite a difference between submissive and subservient. I am not subservient at all. I figure if people want something they can ask and I will get it for them if they are unable/unwilling but I am not going to be so attentive that I notice their glass is empty or the pillow on the foot stool is not fluffed enough. I am fairly dominant however, I love being submissive to a chosen few. This is D/s not S/m that I am talking about. Because I am a masochist, a very heavy bottom, I often get called a submissive but I most definitely am not. If you notice me submitting to you, it means I really am into you and want to be with you as often as possible and it would please me to be allowed to help care for your needs.
When I am with Him, I try to anticipate his needs and care for them without being told. I remember a bible study I did years ago on the Martha and Mary story where Martha was all busy taking care of the guests while Mary was sitting at Jesus’s feet listening to his words. I am definitely Mary. Dinner can wait, people can manage on their own, I just want to bask in His presence and learn from Him and grow stronger in my understanding of Him.
Crying is not an issue to me. I know that I cry easily and often and if I go too long without crying my depression will get worse. When in scene, I love when it takes me to a good cry. There are only a couple of tops who will purposely pursue that for me. It amazes me who can and who cannot manage to bring me to tears.
I giggled at the question from the sub who asked if it was allowed for the Top to use her safeword. Being a heavy bottom, I often wear the Tops out and it really is up to them to end the scene, in fact, I tell them up front during negotiation that it is best if they call the scene when they are ready to do so.
Also as far as new or changing interests, yes, I have experience some change in my interests and some early interests sort of bore me while interests I was curious about, I have tried and didn’t like. I am very good at speaking up and telling my Top of any problems that arise in a scene. I have found that some days I can take more pain than other days and some days I am more emotional than other days. What works on me today might not work on me tomorrow, no harm, no foul.
My marriage is fine enough. The household is comfortable and fairly accepting. I found kink when I was ready to leave him in July 2009 and due to the dumb “communication thing” all those poly people and S/m people push, I actually opened up to him and things are good enough. He is happy staying home with his sub and I am happy enough coming and going and socializing as I wish rather than feeling tied to the living room chair watching mandatory tv.
I joke about the dumb “communication thing” but I am only being sarcastic. It seems that most of my relationship issues are due to poor communication and when the communication becomes healthy so does the relationship. I don’t have too much trouble with this.
The real question should be, "Am I a normal abnormality?" Then yes, for me, it is very normal to be abnormal and finally being in a crowd of others who are different like me makes me thrive. I continue to learn and grow and change but deep down, I am normal and abnormal, both.