Fic: The Weight of Us
Title: The Weight of Us
Author: cellochick92
Rating: M (Triggers ahead, so please proceed with caution!)
Words: 6,078
Disclaimer: Not mine. Woe.
Summary: Fill for a prompt over at the rq_meme: After all the Finn b.s. Quinn and Rachel work their stuff out and realize that they're hot for each other and begin to date. And things are going great, but when Quinn firmly puts a "No hickeys" rule into place, Rachel is a little hurt. Finn got to leave hickeys, why can't she?
A/N: Think of this as my little Memorial Day gift to you all (At least those of you in the U.S. Who celebrate it!) =) It's the longest one-shot I've ever done, and feedback is, as always, appreciated!
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***Tuesday afternoon***
Puck gave her a less-than-subtle nudge as Rachel started to gather her books after Glee, jerking his head in the brunette's direction. Quinn shook her head furiously, glaring at him as he tried to shove her towards the other girl.
"Get over there," he whispered, "Now's your chance!"
"I changed my mind," she hissed, "I don't want to go through with this!"
Glancing around, Puck saw Rachel move to follow the rest of Glee out into the hallway, and he made a split second decision. Nodding at Quinn, he saw the relief on the blonde's face as he walked with her towards the doorway. As the last Glee clubber filed out, he shut the door quickly, watching as the look on Quinn's face morphed from relief to horror. Her panicked whisper of, "What the hell-" was lost as he practically threw her towards Rachel, grinning and stage-whispering, "Just do it!"
Rachel looked between the two of them, confused as to why her way out of the room was suddenly blocked. She and Quinn had been hanging out, sure, but the blonde didn't go out of her way to corner her in random classrooms. She arched a brow, curiosity painting her features.
"Do what, Quinn?"
Stumbling over her words, Quinn's gaze dropped to the floor. When she was finally able to string together a sentence, it ran together and was slightly incoherent.
"Iwaswonderingifyouwouldgooutwithme."
Glancing up to gauge Rachel's reaction, she saw the singer's confusion and sighed. Trying to find her confidence (because when the hell did Quinn Fabray start stuttering?), she started again.
"I was just...I mean, I know we've been hanging out more recently, and I've really enjoyed getting to know you better, and..." She trailed off, mentally smacking herself. Groaning in frustration, she mumbled, "God, I don't think I could sound more cliched right now if I tried."
"What was that, Quinn?"
If she hadn't been confused before, Rachel was definitely bewildered now. She didn't think she had ever seen the blonde so flustered before, and she was growing concerned.
Puck watched in disbelief as Quinn floundered and Rachel looked on. Mentally groaning at how he had to handle everything, he stepped up closer to Quinn and snapped his fingers to get Rachel's attention.
“So what my baby mama is tryin to do right now is ask you out.” When Rachel's confusion didn't disappear, he felt the need to clarify. “On a date.”
Looking at Quinn with something like hope in her eyes, Rachel hesitantly asked, “Is that true?”
Torn between a desire to smack Puck for jumping in and hugging him for putting her out of her misery, Quinn managed to pull herself together enough to softly reply, “Yeah, Rach.”
When the brunette didn't reply immediately, Quinn felt her stomach sink and her gaze dropped to the floor as she fumble for something to say.
“It's...ah, I mean, I totally understand if you don't want to, I'm fine with it, just let me know what you want, or if you need time to think-”
Her rambling was cut off by a soft finger against her lips, silencing whatever else she was going to say. Daring to look up, she found Rachel's eyes full of warmth and just a hint of laughter. “Friday? Pick me up at 7:00?”
Blinking rapidly, Quinn searched the brunette's face for any sign of insincerity but found only kindness. Nodding slowly, she said, “Yeah, Friday at 7:00 is awesome.”
Trying to contain herself, Rachel was practically bouncing as she replied, “Great! I'll see you then!” She appeared conflicted for a moment before she leaned in and pressed a tender kiss against the blonde's cheek, whispering, “Thank you for asking.” Stepping back, she smiled shyly before turning and leaving the room, shutting the door behind her with a quiet click.
Quinn stood rooted in place, trying to figure out if she was dreaming. After a moment of silence, she felt Puck come up next to her, a satisfied smirk on his face.
“So? I did good, huh?”
Unable to help her grin as it sunk in that this was happening, she paused just long enough to punch him in the arm. Before he could respond, though, she was tackling him in a tight hug, nearly knocking him over from the force of it. He hugged back, his smirk softening into a smile as she mumbled thank you's against his shirt. When she pulled back, however, the smirk was firmly back in place as he said, “I fully expect payment in pictures...or videos...preferably both, but if I have to choose I'm definitely in favor of the videos.”
The smack he got on the back of his head was totally worth it for the grin that sprang up on Quinn's face.
***Friday, 5:00***
Rachel felt the panicky feeling in her stomach start to spread as she sat on her bed. Quinn was picking her up in two hours, and she was freaking out. Sure, she had known what she was getting herself into, but she didn't think the full weight of it had really hit her until now.
The doorbell rang and she bolted down the stairs to answer it, her face practically crumpling in relief as she opened it to find Kurt standing there. She threw herself into him, thankful that his only reaction was to put his arms around her and shush her quietly. After a few long moments, she pulled back to see a look of utter sympathy on his face.
Trying to find words that encompassed how much she appreciated what he was doing for her, she finally murmured, “Thanks, Kurt.”
A sly smirk stole across his face as he replied, “Please. Like I would miss a chance to give anyone a makeover! By the time I'm done she's going to be falling all over you.”
An hour and what felt like a million outfits later, Kurt pronounced her clothing acceptable. He had started in on her makeup, and she started to zone out, drifting in her thoughts and not really paying attention to what he was saying. Her mind quickly zeroed in on it's new favorite subject- Quinn. More specifically, why Quinn would want to go out with her.
It wasn't necessarily a total crisis of self confidence- she knew she was talented and that she wasn't exactly hard on the eyes. It was just...compared to Quinn Fabray, she didn't think that there was anyone who could even come close.
She knew that she and Quinn had been having fun together as friends, but it was a pretty big leap for the blonde to suddenly decide that she wanted to try for more than that. Even before Quinn had asked her, she had known that the blonde was at least not entirely straight, in fact had suspected for years. The problem was, she had never in a million years thought that Quinn would be willing to commit to anything so public as a date.
She (along with just about everyone else in Lima) was well aware of the blonde's religious upbringing, and while she knew that Quinn had begun distancing herself from her family's strict beliefs after they kicked her out, it was a pretty massive thing to suddenly decide that she was okay with publicly outing herself. Granted, they might be able to pass it off as two friends just having dinner with each other, but...in all likelihood, there was no way to keep a relationship (if that's what this was going to be) a secret in a town as small as Lima.
Rachel didn't want to sell Quinn short, because she knew first-hand how amazingly strong the blonde could be. On the other hand, she didn't want to be some sort of experiment for the other girl. Which, you know, sounded a whole lot like selling Quinn short as far as morals and empathy were concerned, but still. Rachel was very comfortable with herself, and she knew that her fathers would support her as best they could no matter what. Quinn had never really had the luxury of a non-judgmental family environment, and Rachel realized that there was a certain emotional distance and hesitance in the cheerleader as a result.
She didn't want to do anything that might push the blonde too far or cause her to pull away. That was probably the main reason why she was so nervous about what would happen once Quinn picked her up. It really wasn't because she was opposed to the idea- that was about as far from the truth as you could get. But...she honestly had no idea what to expect from Quinn, and that scared her.
Groaning quietly as her thoughts threatened to bounce to yet another facet of the situation for her to be nervous about, she tried to steel her resolve. She had just outlined her key concerns over what could (would?) go wrong were she and Quinn to try anything, and it was nerve-wracking to say the least. She just wanted Quinn to like her so badly...
A gentle finger tapped her on the nose, jolting her out of her reverie. Kurt was looking at her, concern and sympathy warring for dominance in his expression. His voice was surprisingly quiet when he asked, “You want to talk about it?”
“I just...”
She sighed, not sure how to even begin to articulate all of the thoughts swirling in her mind.
“I just don't want to screw this up, you know? Because it's Quinn, and I want her to be happy- I want her to be happy with me. I mean, I've wanted this for a while, but I never thought...and now- I just don't want to disappoint her. Kurt sighed at the longing he could hear in Rachel's voice, and smiled a little.
“Oh honey, I know this must be scary, but she obviously wants to be doing this or she never would have asked you! For reasons unknown to me, she apparently finds your winning personality attractive- she knows you and knows what she's getting herself into. As for the ridiculous idea of you disappointing her...well, after I'm done with you, it's going to be all she can do to keep her hands off you!”
His vaguely salacious smirk made her blush and duck her head in embarrassment, but only seconds later she felt fingers under her chin, urging her to look up.
“You'll be fine, Rachel. You just need to go and enjoy your date, and everything will work itself out.”
Smiling in thanks, she settled back into the chair as Kurt returned his attention to her makeup, signaling the end of the conversation. It only took a few minutes longer before he stepped back, grinning proudly as he admired his handiwork. Tugging Rachel up, he pushed her gently towards the mirror, saying, “Go on, tell me that Quinn's going to be able to resist you now!”
Rachel just stared at her reflection for a long moment, amazed at the transformation. She was wearing a skirt that showed just enough leg, and a low-cut dark green top that accented her curves. She knew she wasn't genetically well-endowed, but in this top? Nobody would ever guess that she wasn't Dolly Parton's younger sister.
Her hair was gently curled around her face, highlighting the makeup job Kurt had done- not too much, but certainly enough to highlight her eyes and smile. She felt far more confident that Quinn would find her acceptable now than she might have two hours ago, and she turned to give Kurt a hug. He held up his hands to ward her off, commenting, “I didn't put in two hours of work for you to smudge or wrinkle the perfection I have created!”
Shaking her head in amusement, Rachel glanced at the clock on her wall, feeling her nerves return in force when she saw the minute hand slide into place at the :50. She hurried Kurt towards the front door, nudging him out after mumbling another flurry of thank you's. By the time he was gone, there were only five minutes left till Quinn was supposed to pick her up.
Rachel paced nervously, going over to a hanging mirror to re-check her outfit and makeup. She had just finished reassuring herself that she looked okay when the doorbell rang. Rachel almost tripped over herself in her haste to get to the door, pausing for a second to gather herself before opening it.
Quinn was standing on the other side, smiling shyly. Rachel felt the breath leave her as she took in how gorgeous the other girl looked. Her hair was down, loosely curled, and she had on a simple dress, but Rachel thought that she had never looked more beautiful.
“Hi,” the blonde whispered, a faint blush coloring her cheeks, “You look beautiful, Rach.”
A blush of her own stole onto Rachel's face, and she ducked her head shyly before replying.
“Thank you, Quinn. You look amazing too.”
Quinn's smile grew just a bit wider, and they stood in silence for a moment before the blonde extended her hand towards Rachel palm up.
“Shall we?”
Grinning at the gesture, Rachel placed her hand over Quinn's before squeezing gently and nodding.
“We shall.”
***Two weeks later***
The first time it happened was slightly less than accidental.
They were standing on the porch of the Berry residence, after another amazing night. Rachel couldn't remember why she had been so nervous that first night- Quinn had been shy, certainly, but once they started talking, their chemistry sparked and they hadn't looked back since. They were officially dating, though they hadn't made a big deal out of it. Some of Glee club knew (obviously), but Rachel was fairly certain that some members (most notably Finn), along with the rest of the school, remained oblivious.
Rachel didn't really have a problem with it- it wasn't like Quinn was actively trying to hide their relationship, and the diva was able to understand some of the blonde's concern about possible repercussions should they publicly come out. It didn't worry her much; she reasoned that they had plenty of time to work things out, and if they were ever both ready to make things more public, then they could deal with it then.
As it was, she was perfectly content with the way things were, particularly if Quinn was going to keep doing what she was doing. Quinn pressed a gentle kiss to Rachel's lips, her hands resting lightly on her hips. A soft tongue tenderly ran along the seam of her lips, and Rachel eagerly opened her mouth. It never ceased to amaze her how gentle the blonde was- she was always checking in with Rachel to make sure that what she was doing was okay, and Rachel was certain that if she ever gave the slightest indication, Quinn would stop instantly.
Leading the blonde inside by the hand, Rachel was infinitely glad that her father's had decided to take a weekend trip and leave her alone in the house. She tugged Quinn up the stairs to her room, pressing the blonde back against the door as it was closing. She relished the feeling of Quinn pressed close against her, and let her eyes slide closed as she leaned in and kissed the blonde. Quinn let her set the pace, one hand coming up to tangle in dark locks as they gently explored each others mouths.
Rachel normally loved how careful Quinn was, but as she felt a low stirring in the pit of her stomach, she had a sudden desire to take things to the next level. Sucking lightly on the blonde's tongue until she whimpered softly, Rachel pulled away and began gently kissing down her neck. Normally Quinn didn't want to do anything that might leave a mark, which was usually fine with Rachel, but she was sure that if she just tried a little harder then Quinn would enjoy it and it would be fine. She distinctly remembered seeing hickeys on the other girl when she was dating Finn, and if the big oaf got to leave hickeys, then why couldn't she?
As she began to linger just a bit longer than usual, she felt Quinn tensing against her. She pressed on, sucking and scraping her teeth lightly against the pale skin, savoring the taste of the blonde. Hands pressed gently against her shoulders, encouraging her backward and away from the blonde, but Rachel pushed back and continued what she was doing. The hands at her shoulders became more insistent, and she heard Quinn's voice softly saying her name. Not wanting to stop, Rachel bit a little harder, suddenly wanting everyone to know that Quinn was hers and no longer on the market.
The next thing she knew, she was flying backwards across the room thanks to a strong shove from Quinn, landing on the edge of the bed. Shock and hurt bubbled to the surface as Rachel realized what had happened, and she looked up to confront Quinn. When she saw the blonde, though, all of the anger she had been about to channel into a rant disappeared.
Quinn was leaning up against the door, shaking slightly with her eyes tightly shut and her arms wrapped around herself, effectively closing her off to the brunette.
“Quinn?”
Rachel's voice was soft, trying to figure out what was going on. She waited to see what Quinn would do, unsure what was happening.
“I thought I told you no hickeys.”
The blonde's voice was harsh, and Rachel flinched. Some of the frustration returned, and she shrugged, meeting Quinn's eyes as they flicked open.
“You did, but I thought you would enjoy it.”
Quinn's eyes flashed with an emotion Rachel couldn't identify before it was gone and the girl stonily replied, “If I was going to enjoy it, then I would have told you it was okay!”
Now more frustrated then ever, Rachel stood, pacing slightly in aggravation as her voice rose.
“Quinn, I don't understand why you're so opposed to this! Hickeys are not the end of the world- that's why they invented coverup and scarves!”
Again, that indecipherable emotion flashed across Quinn's face before it was buried and she asked quietly, “Does it really matter why I don't want to? I said no, Rachel, why isn't that enough for you?”
Searching for a way to articulate all of the things she was feeling, Rachel sighed.
“I just...I just want to make you feel good, Quinn. I thought it would be okay...I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable or anything.”
Quinn sighed at the apology, and ran a hand through her hair, looking sad and somewhat defeated.
“It's okay, Rach, I know you would never do anything to hurt me. Just...if I ask you not to do something, could you please respect that there's a reason for it?”
When the brunette nodded quietly, Quinn stepped closer, reaching out a soft hand to cup Rachel's face.
“I'm sorry too, Rach, that I pushed you. Are you okay?”
Rachel nodded again, leaning into the blonde's hand. She turned her head to press a soft kiss to Quinn's palm, her lips lingering for a moment. Sitting back down on her bed, she scooted over until there was room for Quinn and then pulled the blonde down. Once Quinn was settled comfortably, Rachel moved so that her head was resting on the blonde's shoulder, her leg thrown over the other girl's. She leaned up to press a gentle kiss to the underside of Quinn's jaw, loving how the blonde melted into her just a little bit more. Reaching across Quinn's stomach, Rachel twined her fingers with Quinn's, squeezing tightly.
Quinn squeezed back, leaning down to kiss the top of Rachel's head before whispering, “Sweet dreams.”
***One week later***
The second time it happened, it was entirely on accident.
They had been fine, even after that first incident. Quinn seemed entirely willing to just forget it had ever happened, and Rachel didn't want to push the blonde. Their week had been busy, but they had managed to sneak in some alone time during the day at school as well as during the evenings when they were both free.
Still, it had been a while since they had been able to have any sort of extended alone time, and Rachel was going crazy from the lack of Quinn in her life. Her fathers were in the basement when Quinn finally made it to her house Friday evening, and she quickly pulled the blonde up to her room. The moment they were inside with the door securely closed, Quinn's mouth was on Rachel, hungry and far more insistent than it had ever been before.
Rachel gasped at the sensations running through her as Quinn nipped at her bottom lip, hands coming to rest on Rachel's hips, where they squeezed tightly.
“God I missed you,” she gasped out, loving the look she got when Quinn met her eyes. “I missed you too,” she murmured, pulling Rachel to her in a tight hug.
Their kisses turned more heated as the minutes went on, and Rachel felt Quinn's hands begin to trail a path up her sides. They came dangerously close to her breasts, and she gasped into the blonde's mouth. When Quinn retreated, however, Rachel gently reached down and grabbed her hand. She led it back up to her chest until Quinn was palming a breast in her hand. Quinn pulled back enough to see Rachel's face, her eyes silently asking if she was okay. Rachel nodded and, just to be sure they were clear, covered Quinn's hand with her own and pressed down.
Her eyes slid closed at the feeling, and she moaned quietly as Quinn's other hand stole up under her shirt and began mimicking the same actions on her other breast. The blonde's thumb slid over her nipple hesitantly, and Rachel arched into the touch without any hesitation. She kissed Quinn breathlessly, trying to convey to the other girl just how amazing she felt and how much she cared for her.
Breaking away for air, Rachel began to move backwards, and Quinn's eyes were instantly searching her face for any sign that she had done something wrong, her hands jerking away as though burned. Rachel just smiled in reassurance and reached out to pull Quinn towards the bed with her. She kissed Quinn fervently just before they reached the bed, distracting her long enough to flip their positions so that when they sank down onto the bed, she was on top.
She felt Quinn hesitate for the briefest of moments, her body tense, before she relaxed and pulled Rachel more fully on top of her. Rachel kissed her gently, waiting for the blonde to make the next move. Quinn groaned into the kiss, her arms wrapping around Rachel's back, nails digging in lightly.
Knowing that Rachel was desperate for contact but still waiting for her to make the first move, Quinn slipped one of her legs in between Rachel's, sliding it up until it connected with her center. Rachel gasped and jerked her mouth away from Quinn's, her forehead dropping against the blonde's. She paused for a moment, trying to catch her breath, only to have it leave her in a moan when Quinn subtly rocked her hips upward, creating the slightest friction.
Wanting to make Rachel feel even better, Quinn let her fingers ghost over the singer's stomach, trailing across the smooth skin that had been exposed by her shirt riding up. She smiled at the way Rachel's eyes slid shut at the feeling before moving her fingers so that they were holding the diva's hips lightly. Grasping more firmly when Rachel didn't object, she gently encouraged the brunette to move her hips, helping Rachel to slide along her thigh.
She could feel Rachel grinding down ever so slightly and leaned up just enough to whisper in her ear.
“Don't fight it.”
Rachel groaned low in her throat, and her hips shot downwards. Her head dropped down and she pushed a fierce kiss to Quinn's lips as her hips began to move on their own. Quinn moved her hands, running them up Rachel's back under her shirt, marveling at the shiver that passed through the smaller girl at the touch. It still amazed her that she could affect Rachel so dramatically with such a simple touch, and she loved it.
Rachel let her body settle even closer against Quinn's, needing to get closer to the blonde in any way possible. She could feel her nerve endings tingling in anticipation of what was to come. Losing track of what she was doing, just desperate to find her release and be as close to Quinn as was physically possible, she let her head drop into the crook of the blonde's neck. She cried out as she felt herself tighten briefly, and her mouth latched onto Quinn's neck more out of instinct than anything else.
She was so far gone that she didn't notice that Quinn's hands had fallen away from her body and were lying limply on the bed. Her mouth continued working on the blonde's neck, and as she toppled over the edge, she bit down. Rachel let her weight settle on Quinn as she tried to regain control of her breathing, the only sounds in the room her pants and occasional groans when an aftershock hit her.
After a minute, she slowly moved her head up, seeking the blonde's lips with her own. She was taken aback when Quinn didn't respond to the kiss, and she sat up quickly so she could see the other girl better. Rachel felt a spike of fear when she saw that Quinn's eyes were squeezed shut, tears painting lines down her cheeks as they leaked from the corners of her eyes.
“Quinn?”
Rachel's voice was bordering on panicked as she frantically tried to figure out if she had somehow hurt the other girl. She couldn't see anything at first glance, and she tried again.
“Quinn? Are you hurt? Did I do something wrong?”
Hearing the fear in Rachel's voice was enough to break through the haze that Quinn found herself in, and she slowly blinked her eyes open. Rachel was looking at her worriedly, and Quinn wanted so desperately to reassure her, but instead found herself reaching up to touch her neck.
Rachel's eyes flashed, the worry suddenly gone, and Quinn could see the sudden frustration on her face.
“You're crying because I gave you hickeys?!”
Quinn felt herself blanch, but when she opened her mouth to reply, nothing came out. Rachel seemed to take her silence as confirmation, and Quinn could see the diva physically gearing up for a rant.
“Quinn Fabray. I am your girlfriend. I have been perfectly understanding of your desire not to broadcast our relationship, but I have to draw the line somewhere! This is insane. It's one thing to have an aversion to hickeys simply because of the physical blemish they represent, but you are crying. Over a hickey! Hickeys shouldn't be something to be this ashamed of! Is that why you don't want me to give them to you? Are you ashamed of me?”
Quinn could feel her tears threatening to return in force as she listened to Rachel talk. Trying desperately to make sure that Rachel knew she was wrong, she started to say, “I'm not ashamed of you, Rach-” but found herself cut off by the brunette.
“Well then what the hell am I supposed to think, Quinn? Tell me, please, because I'm at a loss right now.”
Quinn was slipping fast, and she fumbled for a reason.
“Rach- I just- I don't want people to-”
Cutting her off once more, Rachel was practically yelling as she snapped back, “Don't want them to what, Quinn? Don't want people to know about me? Because I honestly can't think of any reason why you would be so drastically opposed to letting me leave a hickey now and then!”
Quinn opened her mouth to try to say something, but Rachel steamrolled over her and kept yelling.
“Why won't you let me leave one, Quinn? Why is it that I'm forced to abide by this stupid rule, when you let Finn leave them all over you?!”
“Because I didn't let him, damn it!”
Her outburst took them both by surprise, and Rachel was shocked into silence.
Quinn was shaking, tears flooding from her eyes, and she sat with her legs pulled up to her chest in the moment of quiet that followed her scream. She just wanted it all to stop, she just wanted things to go back to the way they were, and she wished more than anything that she could take her words and all her stupid rules back.
“What do you mean, you didn't let him?”
Rachel's voice was deadly soft as she asked the question, an icy fist of fear gripping her stomach in a vise. Quinn looked up at her, a whimper escaping her lips as her eyes silently begged Rachel not to make her say it. Softening her tone at the look of pain and fear on the blonde's face, Rachel murmured, “Please, Quinn, I need to know.”
Steeling herself for what she was about the say, Quinn squeezed her eyes tightly shut and took a hiccuping breath.
“I mean that I didn't let him, Rachel. It was so stupid, at the time... we had been dating for around a week, and we were...we were in his room, and all of a sudden he was on top of me. I tried to tell him no, Rach, I did, but he didn't listen. He just started rambling about how this was the perfect time and the perfect opportunity, and he didn't want me to miss out.”
Rachel didn't like the way this story was going, not one bit, and she reached out a careful hand to Quinn, squeezing tightly when the blonde threaded their fingers together.
“During, he just kept telling me that he loved me, and he knew I would enjoy it if I could just relax. He said he knew that once I though about it, I would see that this had been the best thing for both of us.”
The hurt in Quinn's voice at the memory made Rachel's heart ache, and she gently shifted on the bed until she was sitting behind Quinn. She wanted desperately to be close to the blonde, to reassure her that she was safe now, but she didn't want to push any more boundaries than she already had. Quinn leaned back into her instantly, though, and Rachel hesitantly wrapped her arms around her as she continued.
“The whole time he kept leaving hickeys, because he said it would be a great reminder of what a fantastic time we'd had.”
Everything fell into place in the span of a single second, and Rachel couldn't help but pull Quinn close to her, hugging the blonde for all she was worth. She had never felt like more of an asshole than she did in that moment. Nuzzling Quinn's hair, she murmured, “Why didn't you just tell me? I never would have pushed it if I had known...”
Quinn sighed, turning her head so she was looking into Rachel's eyes.
“I didn't want you to know. I was worried you might not want me if you knew what had happened...or that you might be upset with me.”
Pressing a tender kiss to Quinn's cheek, Rachel whispered, “I could never not want you, Quinn. Nothing is going to change that. I love you, and none of this was your fault. The only people I'm upset with are myself and Finn. Did you ever tell anyone what happened?”
Wincing at the memory, Quinn grimaced.
“Yeah. I told Puck a while back, and he beat the shit out of Finn. But he's been super protective of me ever since- you should be pretty proud that you passed muster with him!”
Smiling at the attempt at levity, Rachel brushed her nose against Quinn's, just drinking in the sight of the blonde. It hurt, to know that there was something so huge that Quinn had felt the need to hide, but all she could focus on was the relief that the other girl was safe now.
Everything made so much sense now- how careful the blonde had always been not to push too fast, and how gentle she had always been, checking in to make sure what she was doing was okay. Guilt nearly overwhelmed Rachel then as she recalled how she had pushed for more that first time- how she had thought that if she just did it, then Quinn would get over her dislike and enjoy it. A sob caught in her throat at the thought that she was no better than Finn.
Quinn was quick to wipe her tears, and she was clearly concerned as she looked to the diva for an explanation.
“I'm- I'm no better than he was. What I did- I knew- I knew you didn't want it- and I still pushed for more because I thought I could make you enjoy it.”
Quinn shushed her quietly, pulling her close and running gentle fingers through her hair.
“You're so different from him, Rach, you have no idea. If I had told you from the beginning, I have no doubt that you would have been all too careful to make sure I was all right. As it was, I truly believe that if I had ever told you to stop, really told you, you would have.”
Rachel's eyes filled with tears all over again at the kindness in Quinn's voice, and she clung tightly to the blonde.
Eventually she pulled back, only to be greeted with the sight of purplish bruises marring the smooth skin of Quinn's neck. “I'm so, so sorry, Quinn,” she whispered brokenly, a finger reaching out to gently brush against one of the marks. Leaning in slightly, she looked up to meet Quinn's eyes, the question hanging between them clearly. Quinn gave a shaky nod, and Rachel leaned the rest of the way in to softly brush her lips against the marks.
Quinn sighed at the touch, her tense muscles relaxing. She was safe with Rachel- the brunette wasn't going to hurt her, and the knowledge was like a salve on the wounds she had just reopened.
When Rachel pulled away, she met Quinn's eyes once more and whispered fiercely, “I will never, never let anyone hurt you again.”
She sealed the sentiment with a slow kiss, letting Quinn take it where she wanted. When they both broke away for air, she kissed the tip of Quinn's nose before laying back on the bed. She opened her arms and the blonde practically fell into them, curling herself around Rachel until they were entirely intertwined.
As she felt herself begin to drift off, Quinn murmured, “Where do we go from here, Rach?”
Running a soothing hand through Quinn's hair, Rachel pulled her a little bit closer and whispered, “I don't know...I really don't know, Quinn. But what I do know is that well be going there together.”
The answer seemed to satisfy Quinn, who smiled and pressed her face into the singer's neck, leaving a soft kiss there as her breathing evened out into sleep.
Author: cellochick92
Rating: M (Triggers ahead, so please proceed with caution!)
Words: 6,078
Disclaimer: Not mine. Woe.
Summary: Fill for a prompt over at the rq_meme: After all the Finn b.s. Quinn and Rachel work their stuff out and realize that they're hot for each other and begin to date. And things are going great, but when Quinn firmly puts a "No hickeys" rule into place, Rachel is a little hurt. Finn got to leave hickeys, why can't she?
A/N: Think of this as my little Memorial Day gift to you all (At least those of you in the U.S. Who celebrate it!) =) It's the longest one-shot I've ever done, and feedback is, as always, appreciated!
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Click to view***Tuesday afternoon***
Puck gave her a less-than-subtle nudge as Rachel started to gather her books after Glee, jerking his head in the brunette's direction. Quinn shook her head furiously, glaring at him as he tried to shove her towards the other girl.
"Get over there," he whispered, "Now's your chance!"
"I changed my mind," she hissed, "I don't want to go through with this!"
Glancing around, Puck saw Rachel move to follow the rest of Glee out into the hallway, and he made a split second decision. Nodding at Quinn, he saw the relief on the blonde's face as he walked with her towards the doorway. As the last Glee clubber filed out, he shut the door quickly, watching as the look on Quinn's face morphed from relief to horror. Her panicked whisper of, "What the hell-" was lost as he practically threw her towards Rachel, grinning and stage-whispering, "Just do it!"
Rachel looked between the two of them, confused as to why her way out of the room was suddenly blocked. She and Quinn had been hanging out, sure, but the blonde didn't go out of her way to corner her in random classrooms. She arched a brow, curiosity painting her features.
"Do what, Quinn?"
Stumbling over her words, Quinn's gaze dropped to the floor. When she was finally able to string together a sentence, it ran together and was slightly incoherent.
"Iwaswonderingifyouwouldgooutwithme."
Glancing up to gauge Rachel's reaction, she saw the singer's confusion and sighed. Trying to find her confidence (because when the hell did Quinn Fabray start stuttering?), she started again.
"I was just...I mean, I know we've been hanging out more recently, and I've really enjoyed getting to know you better, and..." She trailed off, mentally smacking herself. Groaning in frustration, she mumbled, "God, I don't think I could sound more cliched right now if I tried."
"What was that, Quinn?"
If she hadn't been confused before, Rachel was definitely bewildered now. She didn't think she had ever seen the blonde so flustered before, and she was growing concerned.
Puck watched in disbelief as Quinn floundered and Rachel looked on. Mentally groaning at how he had to handle everything, he stepped up closer to Quinn and snapped his fingers to get Rachel's attention.
“So what my baby mama is tryin to do right now is ask you out.” When Rachel's confusion didn't disappear, he felt the need to clarify. “On a date.”
Looking at Quinn with something like hope in her eyes, Rachel hesitantly asked, “Is that true?”
Torn between a desire to smack Puck for jumping in and hugging him for putting her out of her misery, Quinn managed to pull herself together enough to softly reply, “Yeah, Rach.”
When the brunette didn't reply immediately, Quinn felt her stomach sink and her gaze dropped to the floor as she fumble for something to say.
“It's...ah, I mean, I totally understand if you don't want to, I'm fine with it, just let me know what you want, or if you need time to think-”
Her rambling was cut off by a soft finger against her lips, silencing whatever else she was going to say. Daring to look up, she found Rachel's eyes full of warmth and just a hint of laughter. “Friday? Pick me up at 7:00?”
Blinking rapidly, Quinn searched the brunette's face for any sign of insincerity but found only kindness. Nodding slowly, she said, “Yeah, Friday at 7:00 is awesome.”
Trying to contain herself, Rachel was practically bouncing as she replied, “Great! I'll see you then!” She appeared conflicted for a moment before she leaned in and pressed a tender kiss against the blonde's cheek, whispering, “Thank you for asking.” Stepping back, she smiled shyly before turning and leaving the room, shutting the door behind her with a quiet click.
Quinn stood rooted in place, trying to figure out if she was dreaming. After a moment of silence, she felt Puck come up next to her, a satisfied smirk on his face.
“So? I did good, huh?”
Unable to help her grin as it sunk in that this was happening, she paused just long enough to punch him in the arm. Before he could respond, though, she was tackling him in a tight hug, nearly knocking him over from the force of it. He hugged back, his smirk softening into a smile as she mumbled thank you's against his shirt. When she pulled back, however, the smirk was firmly back in place as he said, “I fully expect payment in pictures...or videos...preferably both, but if I have to choose I'm definitely in favor of the videos.”
The smack he got on the back of his head was totally worth it for the grin that sprang up on Quinn's face.
***Friday, 5:00***
Rachel felt the panicky feeling in her stomach start to spread as she sat on her bed. Quinn was picking her up in two hours, and she was freaking out. Sure, she had known what she was getting herself into, but she didn't think the full weight of it had really hit her until now.
The doorbell rang and she bolted down the stairs to answer it, her face practically crumpling in relief as she opened it to find Kurt standing there. She threw herself into him, thankful that his only reaction was to put his arms around her and shush her quietly. After a few long moments, she pulled back to see a look of utter sympathy on his face.
Trying to find words that encompassed how much she appreciated what he was doing for her, she finally murmured, “Thanks, Kurt.”
A sly smirk stole across his face as he replied, “Please. Like I would miss a chance to give anyone a makeover! By the time I'm done she's going to be falling all over you.”
An hour and what felt like a million outfits later, Kurt pronounced her clothing acceptable. He had started in on her makeup, and she started to zone out, drifting in her thoughts and not really paying attention to what he was saying. Her mind quickly zeroed in on it's new favorite subject- Quinn. More specifically, why Quinn would want to go out with her.
It wasn't necessarily a total crisis of self confidence- she knew she was talented and that she wasn't exactly hard on the eyes. It was just...compared to Quinn Fabray, she didn't think that there was anyone who could even come close.
She knew that she and Quinn had been having fun together as friends, but it was a pretty big leap for the blonde to suddenly decide that she wanted to try for more than that. Even before Quinn had asked her, she had known that the blonde was at least not entirely straight, in fact had suspected for years. The problem was, she had never in a million years thought that Quinn would be willing to commit to anything so public as a date.
She (along with just about everyone else in Lima) was well aware of the blonde's religious upbringing, and while she knew that Quinn had begun distancing herself from her family's strict beliefs after they kicked her out, it was a pretty massive thing to suddenly decide that she was okay with publicly outing herself. Granted, they might be able to pass it off as two friends just having dinner with each other, but...in all likelihood, there was no way to keep a relationship (if that's what this was going to be) a secret in a town as small as Lima.
Rachel didn't want to sell Quinn short, because she knew first-hand how amazingly strong the blonde could be. On the other hand, she didn't want to be some sort of experiment for the other girl. Which, you know, sounded a whole lot like selling Quinn short as far as morals and empathy were concerned, but still. Rachel was very comfortable with herself, and she knew that her fathers would support her as best they could no matter what. Quinn had never really had the luxury of a non-judgmental family environment, and Rachel realized that there was a certain emotional distance and hesitance in the cheerleader as a result.
She didn't want to do anything that might push the blonde too far or cause her to pull away. That was probably the main reason why she was so nervous about what would happen once Quinn picked her up. It really wasn't because she was opposed to the idea- that was about as far from the truth as you could get. But...she honestly had no idea what to expect from Quinn, and that scared her.
Groaning quietly as her thoughts threatened to bounce to yet another facet of the situation for her to be nervous about, she tried to steel her resolve. She had just outlined her key concerns over what could (would?) go wrong were she and Quinn to try anything, and it was nerve-wracking to say the least. She just wanted Quinn to like her so badly...
A gentle finger tapped her on the nose, jolting her out of her reverie. Kurt was looking at her, concern and sympathy warring for dominance in his expression. His voice was surprisingly quiet when he asked, “You want to talk about it?”
“I just...”
She sighed, not sure how to even begin to articulate all of the thoughts swirling in her mind.
“I just don't want to screw this up, you know? Because it's Quinn, and I want her to be happy- I want her to be happy with me. I mean, I've wanted this for a while, but I never thought...and now- I just don't want to disappoint her. Kurt sighed at the longing he could hear in Rachel's voice, and smiled a little.
“Oh honey, I know this must be scary, but she obviously wants to be doing this or she never would have asked you! For reasons unknown to me, she apparently finds your winning personality attractive- she knows you and knows what she's getting herself into. As for the ridiculous idea of you disappointing her...well, after I'm done with you, it's going to be all she can do to keep her hands off you!”
His vaguely salacious smirk made her blush and duck her head in embarrassment, but only seconds later she felt fingers under her chin, urging her to look up.
“You'll be fine, Rachel. You just need to go and enjoy your date, and everything will work itself out.”
Smiling in thanks, she settled back into the chair as Kurt returned his attention to her makeup, signaling the end of the conversation. It only took a few minutes longer before he stepped back, grinning proudly as he admired his handiwork. Tugging Rachel up, he pushed her gently towards the mirror, saying, “Go on, tell me that Quinn's going to be able to resist you now!”
Rachel just stared at her reflection for a long moment, amazed at the transformation. She was wearing a skirt that showed just enough leg, and a low-cut dark green top that accented her curves. She knew she wasn't genetically well-endowed, but in this top? Nobody would ever guess that she wasn't Dolly Parton's younger sister.
Her hair was gently curled around her face, highlighting the makeup job Kurt had done- not too much, but certainly enough to highlight her eyes and smile. She felt far more confident that Quinn would find her acceptable now than she might have two hours ago, and she turned to give Kurt a hug. He held up his hands to ward her off, commenting, “I didn't put in two hours of work for you to smudge or wrinkle the perfection I have created!”
Shaking her head in amusement, Rachel glanced at the clock on her wall, feeling her nerves return in force when she saw the minute hand slide into place at the :50. She hurried Kurt towards the front door, nudging him out after mumbling another flurry of thank you's. By the time he was gone, there were only five minutes left till Quinn was supposed to pick her up.
Rachel paced nervously, going over to a hanging mirror to re-check her outfit and makeup. She had just finished reassuring herself that she looked okay when the doorbell rang. Rachel almost tripped over herself in her haste to get to the door, pausing for a second to gather herself before opening it.
Quinn was standing on the other side, smiling shyly. Rachel felt the breath leave her as she took in how gorgeous the other girl looked. Her hair was down, loosely curled, and she had on a simple dress, but Rachel thought that she had never looked more beautiful.
“Hi,” the blonde whispered, a faint blush coloring her cheeks, “You look beautiful, Rach.”
A blush of her own stole onto Rachel's face, and she ducked her head shyly before replying.
“Thank you, Quinn. You look amazing too.”
Quinn's smile grew just a bit wider, and they stood in silence for a moment before the blonde extended her hand towards Rachel palm up.
“Shall we?”
Grinning at the gesture, Rachel placed her hand over Quinn's before squeezing gently and nodding.
“We shall.”
***Two weeks later***
The first time it happened was slightly less than accidental.
They were standing on the porch of the Berry residence, after another amazing night. Rachel couldn't remember why she had been so nervous that first night- Quinn had been shy, certainly, but once they started talking, their chemistry sparked and they hadn't looked back since. They were officially dating, though they hadn't made a big deal out of it. Some of Glee club knew (obviously), but Rachel was fairly certain that some members (most notably Finn), along with the rest of the school, remained oblivious.
Rachel didn't really have a problem with it- it wasn't like Quinn was actively trying to hide their relationship, and the diva was able to understand some of the blonde's concern about possible repercussions should they publicly come out. It didn't worry her much; she reasoned that they had plenty of time to work things out, and if they were ever both ready to make things more public, then they could deal with it then.
As it was, she was perfectly content with the way things were, particularly if Quinn was going to keep doing what she was doing. Quinn pressed a gentle kiss to Rachel's lips, her hands resting lightly on her hips. A soft tongue tenderly ran along the seam of her lips, and Rachel eagerly opened her mouth. It never ceased to amaze her how gentle the blonde was- she was always checking in with Rachel to make sure that what she was doing was okay, and Rachel was certain that if she ever gave the slightest indication, Quinn would stop instantly.
Leading the blonde inside by the hand, Rachel was infinitely glad that her father's had decided to take a weekend trip and leave her alone in the house. She tugged Quinn up the stairs to her room, pressing the blonde back against the door as it was closing. She relished the feeling of Quinn pressed close against her, and let her eyes slide closed as she leaned in and kissed the blonde. Quinn let her set the pace, one hand coming up to tangle in dark locks as they gently explored each others mouths.
Rachel normally loved how careful Quinn was, but as she felt a low stirring in the pit of her stomach, she had a sudden desire to take things to the next level. Sucking lightly on the blonde's tongue until she whimpered softly, Rachel pulled away and began gently kissing down her neck. Normally Quinn didn't want to do anything that might leave a mark, which was usually fine with Rachel, but she was sure that if she just tried a little harder then Quinn would enjoy it and it would be fine. She distinctly remembered seeing hickeys on the other girl when she was dating Finn, and if the big oaf got to leave hickeys, then why couldn't she?
As she began to linger just a bit longer than usual, she felt Quinn tensing against her. She pressed on, sucking and scraping her teeth lightly against the pale skin, savoring the taste of the blonde. Hands pressed gently against her shoulders, encouraging her backward and away from the blonde, but Rachel pushed back and continued what she was doing. The hands at her shoulders became more insistent, and she heard Quinn's voice softly saying her name. Not wanting to stop, Rachel bit a little harder, suddenly wanting everyone to know that Quinn was hers and no longer on the market.
The next thing she knew, she was flying backwards across the room thanks to a strong shove from Quinn, landing on the edge of the bed. Shock and hurt bubbled to the surface as Rachel realized what had happened, and she looked up to confront Quinn. When she saw the blonde, though, all of the anger she had been about to channel into a rant disappeared.
Quinn was leaning up against the door, shaking slightly with her eyes tightly shut and her arms wrapped around herself, effectively closing her off to the brunette.
“Quinn?”
Rachel's voice was soft, trying to figure out what was going on. She waited to see what Quinn would do, unsure what was happening.
“I thought I told you no hickeys.”
The blonde's voice was harsh, and Rachel flinched. Some of the frustration returned, and she shrugged, meeting Quinn's eyes as they flicked open.
“You did, but I thought you would enjoy it.”
Quinn's eyes flashed with an emotion Rachel couldn't identify before it was gone and the girl stonily replied, “If I was going to enjoy it, then I would have told you it was okay!”
Now more frustrated then ever, Rachel stood, pacing slightly in aggravation as her voice rose.
“Quinn, I don't understand why you're so opposed to this! Hickeys are not the end of the world- that's why they invented coverup and scarves!”
Again, that indecipherable emotion flashed across Quinn's face before it was buried and she asked quietly, “Does it really matter why I don't want to? I said no, Rachel, why isn't that enough for you?”
Searching for a way to articulate all of the things she was feeling, Rachel sighed.
“I just...I just want to make you feel good, Quinn. I thought it would be okay...I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable or anything.”
Quinn sighed at the apology, and ran a hand through her hair, looking sad and somewhat defeated.
“It's okay, Rach, I know you would never do anything to hurt me. Just...if I ask you not to do something, could you please respect that there's a reason for it?”
When the brunette nodded quietly, Quinn stepped closer, reaching out a soft hand to cup Rachel's face.
“I'm sorry too, Rach, that I pushed you. Are you okay?”
Rachel nodded again, leaning into the blonde's hand. She turned her head to press a soft kiss to Quinn's palm, her lips lingering for a moment. Sitting back down on her bed, she scooted over until there was room for Quinn and then pulled the blonde down. Once Quinn was settled comfortably, Rachel moved so that her head was resting on the blonde's shoulder, her leg thrown over the other girl's. She leaned up to press a gentle kiss to the underside of Quinn's jaw, loving how the blonde melted into her just a little bit more. Reaching across Quinn's stomach, Rachel twined her fingers with Quinn's, squeezing tightly.
Quinn squeezed back, leaning down to kiss the top of Rachel's head before whispering, “Sweet dreams.”
***One week later***
The second time it happened, it was entirely on accident.
They had been fine, even after that first incident. Quinn seemed entirely willing to just forget it had ever happened, and Rachel didn't want to push the blonde. Their week had been busy, but they had managed to sneak in some alone time during the day at school as well as during the evenings when they were both free.
Still, it had been a while since they had been able to have any sort of extended alone time, and Rachel was going crazy from the lack of Quinn in her life. Her fathers were in the basement when Quinn finally made it to her house Friday evening, and she quickly pulled the blonde up to her room. The moment they were inside with the door securely closed, Quinn's mouth was on Rachel, hungry and far more insistent than it had ever been before.
Rachel gasped at the sensations running through her as Quinn nipped at her bottom lip, hands coming to rest on Rachel's hips, where they squeezed tightly.
“God I missed you,” she gasped out, loving the look she got when Quinn met her eyes. “I missed you too,” she murmured, pulling Rachel to her in a tight hug.
Their kisses turned more heated as the minutes went on, and Rachel felt Quinn's hands begin to trail a path up her sides. They came dangerously close to her breasts, and she gasped into the blonde's mouth. When Quinn retreated, however, Rachel gently reached down and grabbed her hand. She led it back up to her chest until Quinn was palming a breast in her hand. Quinn pulled back enough to see Rachel's face, her eyes silently asking if she was okay. Rachel nodded and, just to be sure they were clear, covered Quinn's hand with her own and pressed down.
Her eyes slid closed at the feeling, and she moaned quietly as Quinn's other hand stole up under her shirt and began mimicking the same actions on her other breast. The blonde's thumb slid over her nipple hesitantly, and Rachel arched into the touch without any hesitation. She kissed Quinn breathlessly, trying to convey to the other girl just how amazing she felt and how much she cared for her.
Breaking away for air, Rachel began to move backwards, and Quinn's eyes were instantly searching her face for any sign that she had done something wrong, her hands jerking away as though burned. Rachel just smiled in reassurance and reached out to pull Quinn towards the bed with her. She kissed Quinn fervently just before they reached the bed, distracting her long enough to flip their positions so that when they sank down onto the bed, she was on top.
She felt Quinn hesitate for the briefest of moments, her body tense, before she relaxed and pulled Rachel more fully on top of her. Rachel kissed her gently, waiting for the blonde to make the next move. Quinn groaned into the kiss, her arms wrapping around Rachel's back, nails digging in lightly.
Knowing that Rachel was desperate for contact but still waiting for her to make the first move, Quinn slipped one of her legs in between Rachel's, sliding it up until it connected with her center. Rachel gasped and jerked her mouth away from Quinn's, her forehead dropping against the blonde's. She paused for a moment, trying to catch her breath, only to have it leave her in a moan when Quinn subtly rocked her hips upward, creating the slightest friction.
Wanting to make Rachel feel even better, Quinn let her fingers ghost over the singer's stomach, trailing across the smooth skin that had been exposed by her shirt riding up. She smiled at the way Rachel's eyes slid shut at the feeling before moving her fingers so that they were holding the diva's hips lightly. Grasping more firmly when Rachel didn't object, she gently encouraged the brunette to move her hips, helping Rachel to slide along her thigh.
She could feel Rachel grinding down ever so slightly and leaned up just enough to whisper in her ear.
“Don't fight it.”
Rachel groaned low in her throat, and her hips shot downwards. Her head dropped down and she pushed a fierce kiss to Quinn's lips as her hips began to move on their own. Quinn moved her hands, running them up Rachel's back under her shirt, marveling at the shiver that passed through the smaller girl at the touch. It still amazed her that she could affect Rachel so dramatically with such a simple touch, and she loved it.
Rachel let her body settle even closer against Quinn's, needing to get closer to the blonde in any way possible. She could feel her nerve endings tingling in anticipation of what was to come. Losing track of what she was doing, just desperate to find her release and be as close to Quinn as was physically possible, she let her head drop into the crook of the blonde's neck. She cried out as she felt herself tighten briefly, and her mouth latched onto Quinn's neck more out of instinct than anything else.
She was so far gone that she didn't notice that Quinn's hands had fallen away from her body and were lying limply on the bed. Her mouth continued working on the blonde's neck, and as she toppled over the edge, she bit down. Rachel let her weight settle on Quinn as she tried to regain control of her breathing, the only sounds in the room her pants and occasional groans when an aftershock hit her.
After a minute, she slowly moved her head up, seeking the blonde's lips with her own. She was taken aback when Quinn didn't respond to the kiss, and she sat up quickly so she could see the other girl better. Rachel felt a spike of fear when she saw that Quinn's eyes were squeezed shut, tears painting lines down her cheeks as they leaked from the corners of her eyes.
“Quinn?”
Rachel's voice was bordering on panicked as she frantically tried to figure out if she had somehow hurt the other girl. She couldn't see anything at first glance, and she tried again.
“Quinn? Are you hurt? Did I do something wrong?”
Hearing the fear in Rachel's voice was enough to break through the haze that Quinn found herself in, and she slowly blinked her eyes open. Rachel was looking at her worriedly, and Quinn wanted so desperately to reassure her, but instead found herself reaching up to touch her neck.
Rachel's eyes flashed, the worry suddenly gone, and Quinn could see the sudden frustration on her face.
“You're crying because I gave you hickeys?!”
Quinn felt herself blanch, but when she opened her mouth to reply, nothing came out. Rachel seemed to take her silence as confirmation, and Quinn could see the diva physically gearing up for a rant.
“Quinn Fabray. I am your girlfriend. I have been perfectly understanding of your desire not to broadcast our relationship, but I have to draw the line somewhere! This is insane. It's one thing to have an aversion to hickeys simply because of the physical blemish they represent, but you are crying. Over a hickey! Hickeys shouldn't be something to be this ashamed of! Is that why you don't want me to give them to you? Are you ashamed of me?”
Quinn could feel her tears threatening to return in force as she listened to Rachel talk. Trying desperately to make sure that Rachel knew she was wrong, she started to say, “I'm not ashamed of you, Rach-” but found herself cut off by the brunette.
“Well then what the hell am I supposed to think, Quinn? Tell me, please, because I'm at a loss right now.”
Quinn was slipping fast, and she fumbled for a reason.
“Rach- I just- I don't want people to-”
Cutting her off once more, Rachel was practically yelling as she snapped back, “Don't want them to what, Quinn? Don't want people to know about me? Because I honestly can't think of any reason why you would be so drastically opposed to letting me leave a hickey now and then!”
Quinn opened her mouth to try to say something, but Rachel steamrolled over her and kept yelling.
“Why won't you let me leave one, Quinn? Why is it that I'm forced to abide by this stupid rule, when you let Finn leave them all over you?!”
“Because I didn't let him, damn it!”
Her outburst took them both by surprise, and Rachel was shocked into silence.
Quinn was shaking, tears flooding from her eyes, and she sat with her legs pulled up to her chest in the moment of quiet that followed her scream. She just wanted it all to stop, she just wanted things to go back to the way they were, and she wished more than anything that she could take her words and all her stupid rules back.
“What do you mean, you didn't let him?”
Rachel's voice was deadly soft as she asked the question, an icy fist of fear gripping her stomach in a vise. Quinn looked up at her, a whimper escaping her lips as her eyes silently begged Rachel not to make her say it. Softening her tone at the look of pain and fear on the blonde's face, Rachel murmured, “Please, Quinn, I need to know.”
Steeling herself for what she was about the say, Quinn squeezed her eyes tightly shut and took a hiccuping breath.
“I mean that I didn't let him, Rachel. It was so stupid, at the time... we had been dating for around a week, and we were...we were in his room, and all of a sudden he was on top of me. I tried to tell him no, Rach, I did, but he didn't listen. He just started rambling about how this was the perfect time and the perfect opportunity, and he didn't want me to miss out.”
Rachel didn't like the way this story was going, not one bit, and she reached out a careful hand to Quinn, squeezing tightly when the blonde threaded their fingers together.
“During, he just kept telling me that he loved me, and he knew I would enjoy it if I could just relax. He said he knew that once I though about it, I would see that this had been the best thing for both of us.”
The hurt in Quinn's voice at the memory made Rachel's heart ache, and she gently shifted on the bed until she was sitting behind Quinn. She wanted desperately to be close to the blonde, to reassure her that she was safe now, but she didn't want to push any more boundaries than she already had. Quinn leaned back into her instantly, though, and Rachel hesitantly wrapped her arms around her as she continued.
“The whole time he kept leaving hickeys, because he said it would be a great reminder of what a fantastic time we'd had.”
Everything fell into place in the span of a single second, and Rachel couldn't help but pull Quinn close to her, hugging the blonde for all she was worth. She had never felt like more of an asshole than she did in that moment. Nuzzling Quinn's hair, she murmured, “Why didn't you just tell me? I never would have pushed it if I had known...”
Quinn sighed, turning her head so she was looking into Rachel's eyes.
“I didn't want you to know. I was worried you might not want me if you knew what had happened...or that you might be upset with me.”
Pressing a tender kiss to Quinn's cheek, Rachel whispered, “I could never not want you, Quinn. Nothing is going to change that. I love you, and none of this was your fault. The only people I'm upset with are myself and Finn. Did you ever tell anyone what happened?”
Wincing at the memory, Quinn grimaced.
“Yeah. I told Puck a while back, and he beat the shit out of Finn. But he's been super protective of me ever since- you should be pretty proud that you passed muster with him!”
Smiling at the attempt at levity, Rachel brushed her nose against Quinn's, just drinking in the sight of the blonde. It hurt, to know that there was something so huge that Quinn had felt the need to hide, but all she could focus on was the relief that the other girl was safe now.
Everything made so much sense now- how careful the blonde had always been not to push too fast, and how gentle she had always been, checking in to make sure what she was doing was okay. Guilt nearly overwhelmed Rachel then as she recalled how she had pushed for more that first time- how she had thought that if she just did it, then Quinn would get over her dislike and enjoy it. A sob caught in her throat at the thought that she was no better than Finn.
Quinn was quick to wipe her tears, and she was clearly concerned as she looked to the diva for an explanation.
“I'm- I'm no better than he was. What I did- I knew- I knew you didn't want it- and I still pushed for more because I thought I could make you enjoy it.”
Quinn shushed her quietly, pulling her close and running gentle fingers through her hair.
“You're so different from him, Rach, you have no idea. If I had told you from the beginning, I have no doubt that you would have been all too careful to make sure I was all right. As it was, I truly believe that if I had ever told you to stop, really told you, you would have.”
Rachel's eyes filled with tears all over again at the kindness in Quinn's voice, and she clung tightly to the blonde.
Eventually she pulled back, only to be greeted with the sight of purplish bruises marring the smooth skin of Quinn's neck. “I'm so, so sorry, Quinn,” she whispered brokenly, a finger reaching out to gently brush against one of the marks. Leaning in slightly, she looked up to meet Quinn's eyes, the question hanging between them clearly. Quinn gave a shaky nod, and Rachel leaned the rest of the way in to softly brush her lips against the marks.
Quinn sighed at the touch, her tense muscles relaxing. She was safe with Rachel- the brunette wasn't going to hurt her, and the knowledge was like a salve on the wounds she had just reopened.
When Rachel pulled away, she met Quinn's eyes once more and whispered fiercely, “I will never, never let anyone hurt you again.”
She sealed the sentiment with a slow kiss, letting Quinn take it where she wanted. When they both broke away for air, she kissed the tip of Quinn's nose before laying back on the bed. She opened her arms and the blonde practically fell into them, curling herself around Rachel until they were entirely intertwined.
As she felt herself begin to drift off, Quinn murmured, “Where do we go from here, Rach?”
Running a soothing hand through Quinn's hair, Rachel pulled her a little bit closer and whispered, “I don't know...I really don't know, Quinn. But what I do know is that well be going there together.”
The answer seemed to satisfy Quinn, who smiled and pressed her face into the singer's neck, leaving a soft kiss there as her breathing evened out into sleep.