Mental discomfort
To what extent is mental discomfort good for us? To what degree should we seek it out?
Two recent/current examples in my life brought up this issue. First, there was an ice cream social in my neighborhood last Thursday. There are such events oh, maybe two or three times a year, but until now it's been almost impossible to go because they tend to be in the early evening, and when I was commuting I was generally not home by the start time, or just barely home and not wanting to go do anything.
Last Thursday I actually went, despite SO being out of town. I even - gasp - talked to two or three people I had not previously met, as well as the president of the neighborhood association and his partner (both of whom I do know) and one of our immediate neighbors who was there. (This event was held in the little park on one corner of the neighborhood.) I am an introvert, very definitely, and although I have developed decent social skills over the years this is just the kind of situation that I don't really enjoy. Socializing with people, especially strangers, is something I find draining rather than energizing.
So why did I go? I'm not sure. Perhaps partly because I knew that SO would have gone if he had been home. Partly because I do know the association president and felt a certain obligation to be supportive - it's kind of frustrating and even embarrassing to organize things and have hardly anyone turn up. It wasn't a terrible time, and I stayed 45 minutes or so, but even after the fact I'm ambivalent about going.
The other area of current (ongoing) discomfort is responding to people who have recently had babies. I know several such folks in various contexts, and - quite understandably - they talk/post about their babies pretty regularly. I am mostly unable (or at any rate unwilling) to respond, but I worry that I'm behaving inappropriately by not responding.
It's not the same with folks who have older children; I can hear or read about older kids without the same emotional reaction. The infertility issue is, of course, what is going on here. Older kids don't provoke the same mental connection of infant-birth-pregnancy-(failure) in my head.
But then I think, should I be trying to respond more often? If I make an effort to overcome my discomfort and hurt at interacting with those who have achieved something I so much have wanted and can never have, would that be good for me... perhaps in the long run, even if it hurts now? Or is it better not to push myself, to let myself heal emotionally and mentally a little more before making that kind of effort?
So that's what I've been thinking about today. Now, back to work on those research guides... or weeding. If I get tired of one I can switch to the other.
Two recent/current examples in my life brought up this issue. First, there was an ice cream social in my neighborhood last Thursday. There are such events oh, maybe two or three times a year, but until now it's been almost impossible to go because they tend to be in the early evening, and when I was commuting I was generally not home by the start time, or just barely home and not wanting to go do anything.
Last Thursday I actually went, despite SO being out of town. I even - gasp - talked to two or three people I had not previously met, as well as the president of the neighborhood association and his partner (both of whom I do know) and one of our immediate neighbors who was there. (This event was held in the little park on one corner of the neighborhood.) I am an introvert, very definitely, and although I have developed decent social skills over the years this is just the kind of situation that I don't really enjoy. Socializing with people, especially strangers, is something I find draining rather than energizing.
So why did I go? I'm not sure. Perhaps partly because I knew that SO would have gone if he had been home. Partly because I do know the association president and felt a certain obligation to be supportive - it's kind of frustrating and even embarrassing to organize things and have hardly anyone turn up. It wasn't a terrible time, and I stayed 45 minutes or so, but even after the fact I'm ambivalent about going.
The other area of current (ongoing) discomfort is responding to people who have recently had babies. I know several such folks in various contexts, and - quite understandably - they talk/post about their babies pretty regularly. I am mostly unable (or at any rate unwilling) to respond, but I worry that I'm behaving inappropriately by not responding.
It's not the same with folks who have older children; I can hear or read about older kids without the same emotional reaction. The infertility issue is, of course, what is going on here. Older kids don't provoke the same mental connection of infant-birth-pregnancy-(failure) in my head.
But then I think, should I be trying to respond more often? If I make an effort to overcome my discomfort and hurt at interacting with those who have achieved something I so much have wanted and can never have, would that be good for me... perhaps in the long run, even if it hurts now? Or is it better not to push myself, to let myself heal emotionally and mentally a little more before making that kind of effort?
So that's what I've been thinking about today. Now, back to work on those research guides... or weeding. If I get tired of one I can switch to the other.