Mental discomfort

[celandineb]

To what extent is mental discomfort good for us? To what degree should we seek it out?

Comments

[juniperus]

Not that it's the same, but I felt that same need to be silent and with my own thoughts (rather than responding) for a good two years after making my decision, when faced with friends getting into Ph.D. institutions, passing orals, defending dissertations... it took me a year to get a point at which I could say more than what politeness required (ie, 'congrats'), and then not much more (and it was a struggle).

I think recognizing it is good. Developing a strategy for dealing with your internal struggle is good. You aren't going to overcome discomfort or grief, but you can learn how to be healthier about it, how to be good to you and still move about in the world.

*hugs*

[venivincere]

You take ALL THE TIME YOU NEED. You are under no obligation to curtail or rush your healing process just to please others. This is one time in your life where you really do need to be selfish for your own good. If people have the absolute gall to ask you why you haven't said anything, be frank with them: say something like, "I am happy for you, but I've recently found out that I can't have children and I'm still fragile." But more than likely, no one will say anything, or even much notice, unless they're a good friend. They're too wrapped up in their own lives.

*hugs you so, so tight*

[syredronning]

Aw, great subject.

This is something I frequently encounter too, and I think there's no hard-and-fast rule about it. It's good to sometimes go out of your comfort zone, to challenge yourself and find out whether task xy is really as bad or just not to your taste, or maybe offers suddenly a new, interesting aspect.

Comparable to your issue, I couldn't really find anything good to say to people whose parents have died after the death of my own mother (I'm happy that others had a better relationship with their mothers, but mine is super-ambivalent and I needed two years to get more relaxed about this subject).

So I think it's very natural to have times when dealing with a certain subject just doesn't feel good, and forcing the issue will not make it easier IMO. Also, IMO in online land, people are generally more relaxed about others who comment-or-not, as _someone_ will comment.

(Also, I guess most of your friends know your history, so they'll take it easy anyway and just be glad when you stick around at all.)

My 5 cent... :)

[tyellas]

One advantage of going to the ice cream social is...you got ice cream!

I often don't know what to say to friends who have had babies because I am not a baby-lovin' person, and their communications tend to be all about the new proto-human blanket burrito in their midst. Which, after the first few pixie mug-shots, I find really boring.

I find that if friends are true friends, they understand and don't expect me to gush as much as Grandma. If friends are more distant, then it usually doesn't matter because Grandma and the baby-lovers are gushing. Hopefully, people like me provide cover for people like you, so that you can have feelings and healing time in private - as well as hugs and support.

[aome]

There is no "responding inapppropriately" except for making rude comments, which you aren't doing. I think giving yourself some space from these painful situations is JUST FINE. If these people are your friends, they will understand why you're not leaping in to enthusiastically participate in their posts/conversations, and if they DON'T understand, then too bad for them. You'll be able to comment more freely as you heal, and you'll know the time is right.

Meanwhile, I should apologize for subjecting you to all the whining and bitching I do about the uncooperative older children in my household, even if it's not a tender subject. :P