Why we hate wedge salads
Here at WePrepareActualMeals.com, we have a confession to make : we think you wedge salads afficionados are the Donald Trumps of the kitchen. You're trying to pass off as humans but the rest of us know better.
The problem isn't iceberg lettuce, let's be clear. Iceberg lettuce is good. It's crunchy and packed with nutrients and the water that fills you up faster.
Noone's mad at iceberg lettuce here, that's a non-issue.
The problem is how you defile it. Where's the respect, we ask ? Cleaving it in half and only throwing a few croutons on top? That's a travesty of a funeral, you should be ashamed. This lettuce that's laying on your plate, it wanted, no, it deserved to go out with a bang.
Which brings us to our second problem, and I'm going to channel my inner Gordon Ramsay for a moment if you'll allow me : salads are about balance. You want every forkful to have a bit of everything you lovingly chose to go in there. A wedge salad is the opposite of that. Where is the balance when you have a huge chunk of lettuce and only a small handful of bacon and croutons ? You're finished with the latter way before the former.
You might as well forego a plate and cutlery, just pick that wedge right up, the meager two ingredients you tossed on top are bound to be stuck to the bucketfull of sauce that's dripping from it anyway. If you're going to be a savage, by all means go the whole nine yards. « But it's a salad ! », you cry, « you don't eat a salad with your hands ! » Oh, yeah ? But what we have here is not a salad, it's an aberration.
A lettuce cut in half cannot constitute a salad. If you cut an apple in half and threw a couple of grapes on top, would you call it a fruit salad ? You wouldn't, because you can acknowledge that making an actual salad requires more effort than that, more preparation.
It's unbelievable and an insult to cuisine worldwide that that pathetic excuse for a salad is served in restaurants. It requires zero preparation and yet, there are places that will make you pay an entirely unreasonnable price for it, assuming you can't tell you're being scammed, making you a laughingstock.
You are better than that, you must be. It's time to rise ! Time to denounce those places and stab them right in the wedge !
Open your eyes, see the light ! Envision a world of evenly cut lettuce. The new millenium doesn't have to be the height of laziness. We have faith in your motor skills so pick up that knife, start small if iceberg lettuce is intimidating, look up some YouTube tutorials if you're scared of not doing it right. You can do it.
Stop happily splashing about in the blue cheese sauce of mediocrity, unaware of the fact that it's swallowing you down like quicksand.
Do that lettuce right.
The problem isn't iceberg lettuce, let's be clear. Iceberg lettuce is good. It's crunchy and packed with nutrients and the water that fills you up faster.
Noone's mad at iceberg lettuce here, that's a non-issue.
The problem is how you defile it. Where's the respect, we ask ? Cleaving it in half and only throwing a few croutons on top? That's a travesty of a funeral, you should be ashamed. This lettuce that's laying on your plate, it wanted, no, it deserved to go out with a bang.
Which brings us to our second problem, and I'm going to channel my inner Gordon Ramsay for a moment if you'll allow me : salads are about balance. You want every forkful to have a bit of everything you lovingly chose to go in there. A wedge salad is the opposite of that. Where is the balance when you have a huge chunk of lettuce and only a small handful of bacon and croutons ? You're finished with the latter way before the former.
You might as well forego a plate and cutlery, just pick that wedge right up, the meager two ingredients you tossed on top are bound to be stuck to the bucketfull of sauce that's dripping from it anyway. If you're going to be a savage, by all means go the whole nine yards. « But it's a salad ! », you cry, « you don't eat a salad with your hands ! » Oh, yeah ? But what we have here is not a salad, it's an aberration.
A lettuce cut in half cannot constitute a salad. If you cut an apple in half and threw a couple of grapes on top, would you call it a fruit salad ? You wouldn't, because you can acknowledge that making an actual salad requires more effort than that, more preparation.
It's unbelievable and an insult to cuisine worldwide that that pathetic excuse for a salad is served in restaurants. It requires zero preparation and yet, there are places that will make you pay an entirely unreasonnable price for it, assuming you can't tell you're being scammed, making you a laughingstock.
You are better than that, you must be. It's time to rise ! Time to denounce those places and stab them right in the wedge !
Open your eyes, see the light ! Envision a world of evenly cut lettuce. The new millenium doesn't have to be the height of laziness. We have faith in your motor skills so pick up that knife, start small if iceberg lettuce is intimidating, look up some YouTube tutorials if you're scared of not doing it right. You can do it.
Stop happily splashing about in the blue cheese sauce of mediocrity, unaware of the fact that it's swallowing you down like quicksand.
Do that lettuce right.