(no subject)
a saying i just thought of "don't frown because it is over smile because it happened"... I preach it all the time but now my time has come to follow through with that and I am having a hard time ....
so.. Chris thinks that I am over him... haha ...if only he knew that I am not at all .. why would he think that...how could I?
I mean yeah there are things about him that I wish could change.. like he wouldn't get mad at little things and would just TRY and not automatically assume he can not do something because if he TRIES at least he tries and knows you know? like example: COLLEGE! enough said .. but n e ways how could i be over someone who Would do anything for me? Who protected me soo much... I honestly believe that he would die for me.. like that's how much he showed he loved me .. well towards the beginning towards the end of our relationship he kinda made me feel sometimes like i was a burden. Like I want a boyfriend who makes plans and invites me places i do not want to have to always make plans, I want someone who will prove to me they love me all the time, someone who will call randomly and be like just wanted to hear your voice I LOVE YOU .. ok busy i have to go,someone who will make plans, someone who will give me 4 dozen roses just for the heck of it on a tuesday, someone like Chris.. without the arguing.
It is hard at work to walk past him and strike a smile because what do i have to be smiling about to him? It is sooo hard you have no idea.. and then when he smiles back I feel like the whole world has STOPPPED Dead in it's tracks and I just fall in love with him all over again for those few seconds and then the world continues and I realize ooo he does not want to be with me.
I mean I do not know if he wants to be with me then ... I am all confused like im already confused in life... but I mean sometimes he makes it seem like he does but then other people tell me how he does not want to be with me .. and I do not listen to them because it is work and there is drama and people try to start stuff.. so I wish he would answer me when i ask . .because I have no strength in life to carry on.. I wish I did.. I wish I could get over things like this fast .. but how can you? Like I want to be back with him only if he shows me he is going to try to TRY, anyways I do not really need to be writing all of this ...and Chris is you are reading this ...then I guess you read it .. and there is nothing much i can do about that. Sorry for putting our business out there.. but it really isn't "our" business n e more it is my business.
Anyways, there is still many things I am confused about but please ya'll pray for me and that the best comes out of this whole thing for the both of us.
So n e ways Thursday Im going to the beach and then Thursday night i have a date with the girls!!! Woo hoo for girls night haven't done that in a while. Friday I am going to Busch Gardens I HAVE NEVER EVER EVER EVER BEEN in my whole life .. I know CRRAAAZZZYYy INSANE IN thE MEMBRANE .. lol ( that was for you Justin if you're reading this) lol .. ok well I think I have wrote enough Im going to go check my email and see if Mr.Chris wrote me ...I'll keep ya'll updated...
O P.S comment if you are working the any of the 3 weeklongs this year? I probably am .. I kinda want to go to Steubenville, Georgia this year.. anyones Church going? Justin or Sam is your's going again?
K PEACE OUT BOY SCOUT AND GIRL SCOUTS IM OUT!
p.s my new favorite song:
http://www.mariahcarey.com/mariahcarey/music/M_1.las?click=mimi
click on we belong together! I LOVE MARIAH CAREY!!!
o and I love that song by Backstreet boys INCOMPLETE!! uhh great song! k i've said enough! im out!
Here I am, once again. I'm torn into pieces.
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
so.. Chris thinks that I am over him... haha ...if only he knew that I am not at all .. why would he think that...how could I?
I mean yeah there are things about him that I wish could change.. like he wouldn't get mad at little things and would just TRY and not automatically assume he can not do something because if he TRIES at least he tries and knows you know? like example: COLLEGE! enough said .. but n e ways how could i be over someone who Would do anything for me? Who protected me soo much... I honestly believe that he would die for me.. like that's how much he showed he loved me .. well towards the beginning towards the end of our relationship he kinda made me feel sometimes like i was a burden. Like I want a boyfriend who makes plans and invites me places i do not want to have to always make plans, I want someone who will prove to me they love me all the time, someone who will call randomly and be like just wanted to hear your voice I LOVE YOU .. ok busy i have to go,someone who will make plans, someone who will give me 4 dozen roses just for the heck of it on a tuesday, someone like Chris.. without the arguing.
It is hard at work to walk past him and strike a smile because what do i have to be smiling about to him? It is sooo hard you have no idea.. and then when he smiles back I feel like the whole world has STOPPPED Dead in it's tracks and I just fall in love with him all over again for those few seconds and then the world continues and I realize ooo he does not want to be with me.
I mean I do not know if he wants to be with me then ... I am all confused like im already confused in life... but I mean sometimes he makes it seem like he does but then other people tell me how he does not want to be with me .. and I do not listen to them because it is work and there is drama and people try to start stuff.. so I wish he would answer me when i ask . .because I have no strength in life to carry on.. I wish I did.. I wish I could get over things like this fast .. but how can you? Like I want to be back with him only if he shows me he is going to try to TRY, anyways I do not really need to be writing all of this ...and Chris is you are reading this ...then I guess you read it .. and there is nothing much i can do about that. Sorry for putting our business out there.. but it really isn't "our" business n e more it is my business.
Anyways, there is still many things I am confused about but please ya'll pray for me and that the best comes out of this whole thing for the both of us.
So n e ways Thursday Im going to the beach and then Thursday night i have a date with the girls!!! Woo hoo for girls night haven't done that in a while. Friday I am going to Busch Gardens I HAVE NEVER EVER EVER EVER BEEN in my whole life .. I know CRRAAAZZZYYy INSANE IN thE MEMBRANE .. lol ( that was for you Justin if you're reading this) lol .. ok well I think I have wrote enough Im going to go check my email and see if Mr.Chris wrote me ...I'll keep ya'll updated...
O P.S comment if you are working the any of the 3 weeklongs this year? I probably am .. I kinda want to go to Steubenville, Georgia this year.. anyones Church going? Justin or Sam is your's going again?
K PEACE OUT BOY SCOUT AND GIRL SCOUTS IM OUT!
p.s my new favorite song:
http://www.mariahcarey.com/mariahcarey/music/M_1.las?click=mimi
click on we belong together! I LOVE MARIAH CAREY!!!
o and I love that song by Backstreet boys INCOMPLETE!! uhh great song! k i've said enough! im out!
Here I am, once again. I'm torn into pieces.
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes