One and Only
One and Only
Chansoo
Summary
In the back of the small library, tucked behind stacks of dusty books, Kyungsoo found a letter.
One and Only
[Chansoo]
In the back of the small library, tucked behind stacks of dusty books, Kyungsoo found a letter. Folded neatly in threes and sealed inside a yellowing envelope, the letter laid waiting to be discovered and read of its content. It was addressed to no one and showed not of its origin. Kyungsoo gently torn the seal open and flattened the ink-laden paper. Raising the letter to eye level, against the sunlight streaming in from the only window in the small library, he began to read.
Dear stranger,
You may not know of me nor I of you, but it is fate that you are now reading this letter. I am not of anyone famous or of societal importance, but like all, I have a story I want to tell.
Life is not kind and the world may be cruel, but the story I want to tell you is not of my suffering. I want to tell you about my one and only love.
The love of my life was a terminal cancer patient whom I've first met on a house visit as a young doctor. It was love at first sight, despite the fact that he was a man and so was I. He was a gentle soul, someone with soft gazes and warm smiles. His eyes were bright and clear like the autumn moon and his voice sweet like honey. He reminded me of early spring, when the flowers are blooming and when the world slowly comes alive. While physically he was frail and of weak constitution, he was also a man of bravery and strength because he fought against death until the last second; but most importantly, he chose to love me, and you must agree that to love unconditionally and trustingly is extremely courageous. Until his last breath, he loved me. I was his one and only.
However, I could not give him all that he deserved; to be loved, to be held in loving embraces, and to be showered with affectionate kisses, all of that I could not give to him even during the final moments of his life. He could not even call out my name. We believed that love knows no boundary, age or gender, but society often is ignorant of true love, and people are quick to judge and swift to deliver punishment. If he was a young maiden and I was her personal doctor, then perhaps we would have been accepted. But atlas, he was a protected young man of merely twenty dying of an impossible disease and I was a doctor fresh out of medical school with no prestige and no power. If we made apparent of our feelings, society would take no sympathy in our circumstances or of our love, and we’d be left in destitution. So, we hid our love in lingering touches, in tender glazes and in between each line of the coded letters we secretly exchanged. How I wish for once I could have held him in my arms, to hold him tight and whisper to him I love him; but I never did and never could have, not even after he was long gone and cold in the ground.
Thus, now I sit here dying of old age, I write this letter to lament about my one and only love that I have lost a long time ago. The memories of him that were locked away for so many years are now finally free to come back to me. I will take these memories to the gates of hell, if God says I have sinned for loving him. If true love between two men is a sin, then I accept my divine punishment. Because my love, my spring time and the light of my life was and still is everything to me. I will never leave him behind.
So kind stranger, this is the story of my love. If you are still reading at this point, then please read a bit further and hear this tired soul out: although the world is cruel and unaccepting at times, true and everlasting love exists. If you ever find it, please don’t let it go. I believe it is fate that you have found my letter, so I hope that one day you will also experience an unforgettable love. I hope that you will be able to capture that love and live happily with your one and only. I wish you all the fortune in this world.
Farewell.
Sincerely yours,
P.CY
12/07/88
(In loving memories of D.KS)
With shaky hands, Kyungsoo lowered the letter and let the warm sunshine awash him. A single tear glided down his cheek. Now he knew why he was drawn to work here and why he was having those dreams; he now knew who that tall man with a broad smile in his dreams was and why his brief gazes were always filled with love but also indescribable sadness. Gently, he refolded the letter and tucked them inside the aging envelope. Hugging it close to his heart, Kyungsoo whispered: “Thank you.” Although he could not capture his love in the last lifetime and perhaps he had already missed his one and only in this lifetime, but Kyungsoo felt that it was okay. Because he knew, the love will always remain. They will see each other again, one day. He was sure. He was positive.
Suddenly, the door to the small library creaked open and footsteps sounded throughout the room. Taking one last look at the envelope in his hand, Kyungsoo tucked the letter behind the books again. He dusted his hands and walked out from behind the shelves with his gaze trained on the ground. When he looked up, his eyes widened and tears moistened the rim of his eyes. In front of him, the man from his dream stood, with the same broad smile and the same longing eyes.
“Chanyeol.”
He whispered, finally calling out the name he could not say a lifetime ago. The man nodded, also teary eyed, and in a low raspy voice Kyungsoo had missed so very much, he replied softly.
“Kyungsoo, I've found you.”
In that instance, Kyungsoo believed: true and everlasting love does exist.
---