Why Don't You Stay? (3/4) [Chuck/Cas]
Title: Why Don't You Stay?
Author:casiedearestfic
Pairing: Chuck/Cas
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: Unbeta'd
Words: 8,300
Summary: Chuck and Castiel have become very good friends. Eventually, the lines between 'just friends' and 'something more' become blurred.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the boys. All characters belong to respective copyrights.
Notes: So, I'm SUCH a Dean/Cas shipper, it took months for my friend to convince me that Sam/Cas slash wasn't the end of the world. So this one snuck up on me. I have never read Castiel with anyone who isn't a Winchester, and I've never written him with anyone other than Dean. So, I apologize if there seems to be a case of Jealous!Dean here. I think I may have dreamed this, because I litterally woke up with this on my mind, sat down, and it wrote itself completely. This story is my baby, I love it, and I kind of want to hug and kiss it. Title from the song 'Stay' by Sugarland, which is an unrelated song, but I listened to it about 30 times while I wrote this, so forgive me.
Chuck was waiting on his front steps when Castiel arrived. He had his elbows on his knees, and his head in his hands. Castiel noticed immediately that he was crying. Sobbing, really. Cas dropped to his knees on the stair below Chuck, trying to pull his hands away from his face. Chuck didn't fight it. He let Castiel hold his wrists and study his face, and he wanted to look away, but he forced himself to stay.
"We need to go inside" Castiel's voice was deep and concerned, and Chuck knew he couldn't deny that his friend was right.
Chuck had fallen on the couch immediately, and Cas struggled to keep up with his manic pace. He sat on the overstuffed arm by Chuck's head, and asked the question that couldn't go unanswered. Chuck took a long time to reply, letting Castiel's question hang in the air for what felt like hours.
"My wife." Chuck was crying even harder now.
"Your...." Castiel was confused, and completely unsure of what to say.
"My ex-wife, I mean, she's..."
Castiel felt himself tense up, waiting for the word. But, it never came. Instead, Chuck got up, grabbing a newspaper from the table before throwing himself back on the couch. Castiel took it, reading the section that Chuck had pointed to.
Aimee Marco, 36, tragically lost her life Thursday night, after being involved in a fatal auto collision. The other passengers survived, with only...
Castiel's reading was interrupted by a strangled sob from Chuck. And, for the first time, Castiel knew that silence wasn't acceptable between them.
"Chuck," Cas slid down the arm of the couch, coming to rest on the cushions. He was squeezed tightly between the side of the couch and Chuck's body, but Chuck didn't move away. So, Cas lifted his arm, letting it rest around Chuck's shoulders. He wracked his brain, trying desperately to think of something to say. When he failed, though, he knew that this was going to be a long night.
"You should rest." Cas stated softly, bringing his other hand to fall lightly on Chuck's knee. Chuck started to protest, before finally nodding his head. Castiel followed him up to his bedroom, shutting off appliances as he went. He pulled the dark bedroom curtains closed as Chuck fell into the bed. The blankets were laying in a rumpled pile on the floor, and Cas picked them up, smoothing them over Chuck's body. He had turned himself face down into the bed, his back was heaving with the efforts of crying, and Castiel's concern continued to grow. He didn't know what to do with himself, unless standing at the foot of the bed counted for something.
"Cas." Chuck was calling for him now, and Castiel immediately went to him, almost stumbling in the dusky glow of the room. He dropped himself on the bed slowly, making every effort not to jolt his friend.
"What do you need, Chuck?" He kept his voice low, feeling the fragile silence of the room wrap around him.
"I need to sleep." Chuck's voice was shaky and strained, and it pained Cas to hear him that way.
"Yes." he agreed, and began to move off the bed. He was stopped by Chuck's hand grabbing at his coat, keeping him captive in the bed.
"Stay." Castiel was silently glad he had said it.
Chuck was completely drained of energy now, struggling to keep his eyes open. He watched as Castiel took off his trench coat and suit jacket, followed by his shoes, before slipping into the bed beside him. Cas pulled the blanket up over them both, and found comfort in the warmth.
"Thanks." Chuck smiled half heartedly, and Castiel appreciated the effort. He had expected Chuck to fall asleep immediately, with the way he had been looking so exhausted and worn down. But, no matter how much Chuck begged for sleep to take him, it never came. They had laid in bed for hours, talking softly, studying each other, and eventually, the curtains became unnecessary, as the sky outside blackened.
A few times, Castiel had heard his phone ring in the pocket of his trench coat. But, the coat was on the chair across the room, and all that mattered to Cas was this bed. So, the calls went unanswered.
They fell into an easy silence for a while, a ticking clock the only sound between them. Cas wondered briefly if Chuck had fallen asleep, but soon realized that he had not. Cas had come to know the difference in the way Chuck breathed when he was awake and asleep, and right now, he was definitely awake. Cas wanted to speak, wanted to fill the silence and offer some sort of condolence, but words escaped him completely. In a desperate attempt to make some connection, he rolled onto his side and stretched his hand out over Chuck's heart. Chuck sighed deeply, and Castiel felt his heart beat quicken under his fingers. After that, it only took minutes for Chuck to fall asleep.
Cas lost track of time completely after that, not caring about it enough to check a clock. The curtains remained closed, blocking out almost all of the sunlight that followed the night. He wasn't sure how long exactly he had been there, but he was sure that it was longer than ever before.
Chuck woke at random times, tossing in the bed. Sometimes he would wake up crying, and sometimes he would say that he was just making sure that Cas was still there. And of course, he was.
The only time Cas ever left the bed was to find food for Chuck, who was clearly forgetting that he needed to eat. He would bring up coffee and a sandwich every few hours, and Chuck always thanked him much more than was necessary. When Cas slid back into bed after his latest coffee delivery, Chuck was the one to communicate with touches. He let his hand rest on Castiel's arm, running his fingers lightly over the white fabric of his button down shirt. Castiel closed his eyes, letting himself enjoy the sensation. His annoyance was infinite when his phone rang once, and never stopped.
"Yes?" he answered into the receiver, after dragging himself away from Chuck's touch, and the warm comfort of the blanket.
"Dude!" Sam's voice was a mix of emotions. "We though you disappeared! Where have you been?"
"I told you, Sam, I was going to visit Chuck." Cas kept his voice barely above a whisper.
"That was like...three days ago, man. Where are you now?" Sam was almost yelling.
"I'm still here." Cas stated softly.
He was answered by a long silence before Sam's voice came back to him.
"What, are you like...living there now?"
"No, Sam." Cas really didn't have the patience for this conversation. "Chuck is going through a difficult time. He needs me to be with him." It was nice to hear Sam's voice, he admitted that much to himself. But Chuck was laying awake in the bed, and somehow, Cas knew that he wouldn't fall asleep until he was laying next to him.
The conversation ended soon after, with Sam telling Cas to 'be careful', and Castiel agreeing, although he wasn't sure what the potential danger was.
"I'm going to have to return to Sam and Dean, soon." Cas informed Chuck, as he slid back into bed, pulling his tie off completely as he did.
"I figured as much." Chuck's voice was sad, far away, and Castiel hated it. "But, that's fine. you can't stay in bed with me your whole life." Chuck laughed softly, bitterly.
"Well, you know," Cas moved closer to Chuck on the bed, feeling himself sink into the warmth of the blanket, "I would if I could. Stay here forever, I mean."
Chuck answered with silence, but Cas could read it perfectly. His body agreed with his mind as Chuck rolled over to face him, and wrapped one arm loosely across Castiel's waist. It was a comforting touch, and it shot heat through both bodies. Chuck tightened his grip, holding onto Cas now, rather than just making contact.
The phone rang once more, but Castiel closed his eyes, knowing that there was no way he was going to get up now to answer it.
The morning came quickly, and Castiel forced himself out of bed. He started dressing himself, pulling on his jacket and shoes, when Chuck woke up and began to question him.
"Why are you leaving?" His voice was hurt and unstable.
"I really must spend some time with Sam and Dean. I feel..." like if I spend one more moment in bed with you, I won't ever be able to leave "...guilty about ignoring them for so many days." He finished pulling on his black suit jacket. Chuck was getting up now, rounding the bed to reach for Cas.
"No, I cannot stay, I really must go." he grabbed his tie off the bedside table, disappearing from the room before Chuck could make him change his mind.
He showed up in the Winchesters hotel room, slightly out of breath. He didn't realize that days of laying in bed had messed his hair and rumpled his clothes, and his tie hung loosely from his fingers.
"Whoa." Dean raised his eyebrows, looking quizzically at the angel in front of him. "What happened to you?" He asked.
"I spent a lot of time in bed with Chuck." Cas explained simply, as if the phrase wasn't loaded with implications. Dean seemed to understand though, that Castiel hadn't meant anything by it, remembering that he had told Sam that Chuck was going through some bad stuff.
"What's up with Chuck, anyway?" Dean asked, instead of unloading the other questions that begged to be asked.
"His ex-wife has passed away." Castiel turned his eyes to the floor, following the geometrical shapes all the way to Dean's feet.
Sam emerged from the bathroom, followed by a cloud of warm steam. He looked between Cas and Dean, getting that he had walked in on a conversation already in progress. He didn't try to jump in, but he quickly put the puzzle together as he heard bits and pieces of the words exchanged between them as he got dressed.
"Jesus..." He couldn't imagine that this would be the sort of thing that Chuck could easily get over.
"Yeah," Dean agreed, "as if that guy wasn't miserable enough already."
Castiel kicked at the floor, suddenly aware that the top few buttons of his shirt were undone, and his tie was still absent from his outfit. He made quick work of straightening his clothes, fingers fumbling when he realized that he had no idea how to do the tie.
Dean laughed as he watched Castiel's cluelessness shine through with ferocious intensity, before offering to help.
"Come here." He laughed, motioning Castiel over. It took Dean only a few seconds to get it done, and Castiel thanked him before sitting heavily on the end of Sam's bed.
"So..." Dean drew out the word, as if Castiel would answer without the rest of his thought being formed. "Why did you come back, then?" He asked, his voice caring.
"I felt guilty about not seeing you for so many days. I kept ignoring Sam's calls, and that was wrong of me to do." He kept his eyes on the floor, noticing that his shoe was untied.
"Cas, you have a good reason to go be with Chuck now. He actually needs you now." Dean stressed his words, clearly trying to make a point. Castiel didn't want to agree with him. He knew that he was becoming far too dependant on Chuck, and he needed to distance himself right now.
"There are other people who could be with him right now. It doesn't have to be me." Castiel didn't convince even himself. Dean ignored that fact that Chuck didn't, actually, have other people who could be with him, and skipped straight to the point.
"Other people aren't you, Cas. You're important to him. You're his...best friend." Dean's words came out unsteadily, and Sam listened, knowing that Dean fought back the urge to say boyfriend.
A long and tense silence filled the room after that, neither man knowing what to say. Sam broke the tension finally.
"Cas...just go to him."
Castiel was gone before the last word left Sam's lips, immediately regretting his decision. He showed up in Chuck's living room, not bothering at all with the door. He searched the house, almost hoping not to find Chuck, knowing that once he did, he may not be able to walk away again. His search ended upstairs, outside the bathroom door. He heard the shower running, and was unsure if Chuck would hear him over the rush of water.
"Chuck?" he tried anyway. There was a muffled bang, and Cas worried that Chuck had slipped. He opened the door slowly, leaning into the steamed up room.
"Cas?" The angel could see Chuck's shadow through the shower curtain, relieved that he was, in fact, standing upright. "I've come back." Cas said, clearly stating the obvious.
"You do not know how glad that makes me." Chuck's gratefulness showed through his voice, and Cas moved further into the room, shutting the door behind him, before leaning against the sink counter.
"Did you get to see Sam and Dean?" Chuck asked, raising his voice over the rushing water.
"Yes I did, briefly." Cas watched Chuck's shadow behind the curtain, blurred by the dim light in the room. The water shut off, filling the room with a deafening silence.
"Were they mad at you?" Chuck's arm reached out to grab at the towel that he just couldn't quite seem to reach. Castiel lifted it off the rack, putting it in Chuck's hand.
"No, they understood your...need...to have me with you." Castiel wasn't sure that he had chosen his words carefully enough.
The shower curtain opened, and Castiel could barely see Chuck through the thick steam that swallowed them up.
"Well, Cas," Chuck was close now, and Castiel looked down at the towel wrapped around his waist, "You don't have to be here if you don't want to be." He said quietly, wincing at the way their voices echoed loudly in the room.
"But, I do want to be." Castiel replied, watching Chuck run his fingers through his wet hair. Chuck just sighed, pressing his palms against the wet countertop. Castiel was aware that the room was far too humid, dampening his clothes, making his skin sticky. He turned toward the door, pulling it open to step into the hallway to avoid the wet heat. He left the door open, unable to bring himself to break the contact between them. Chuck gathered his clothes, but did not put them on. Instead, he followed Cas into the hall, leading the way back to his bedroom.
"Are you going back to bed?" Castiel wanted Chuck to stay awake.
"Maybe...just...for one hour." Chuck's voice was tired and pleading, and Castiel couldn't deny him his one simple request. He did, however, vow not to get back into the bed with him.
"Will you lay with me?" Chuck was already under the covers, towel still wrapped around his waist.
Castiel was under the blanket next to him within seconds. He made a mental note to be sure to drag Chuck out of bed after one hour, but the thought was pointless, since he had no clue what the time was. It didn't matter, though, once the blanket started to warm up again, and both men were swallowed by the soft heat.
Castiel rolled a little too close to Chuck, ending up with his hand pressed against his arm. Cas could feel that Chuck's skin was still slightly wet, and the heat of the bed had burned him up. Castiel willed himself to pull away, but he remained still. He could feel the muscles in Chuck's arm tense, and he wrapped his hand around them.
Chuck responded.
He moved Castiel's hand off of his arm, pulling it, instead, across his body, letting it rest on his bare waist. They moved silently against each other, pulling and pushing until they were both comfortably wrapped up together. By the time Chuck had stopped moving, they were laying face to face, arms wrapped around each other. Castiel knew his fingers were trembling against Chuck's back, but he couldn't do anything to stop it.
Their motions slowed, becoming almost non-existant, but Castiel was very aware of the way Chuck's leg was lightly pressing it's way between his. He closed his eyes, unsure of an appropriate reaction. He let his hand slide down a little, resting on the edge of the towel.
"Cas..." Chuck's voice was softer than a whisper, barely there at all, but Castiel let it wash over him slowly.
The tension between them was starting to become painful and Castiel knew that they couldn't turn back now. He knew that this couldn't be brushed off or forgotten, and he also knew that he didn't want it to be.
He fisted his hand in the towel, loosening it off of Chuck's body. Chuck swallowed hard, realizing that he was now completely naked against Castiel. It was the final boundary.
Chuck was the first to lean into the kiss, bringing their mouths together slowly. Cas was rubbing at the small of his back, sending chills down his spine, and Chuck tangled their legs together. The whole thing ended up moving rather quickly, but Cas didn't mind. Somehow, the second that Castiel first walked through Chuck's door three months ago, they both knew that this would happen. And it was happening.
Castiel was pulling Chuck against him, letting his hands wander over his bare skin. The kiss had deepened, turning into something much more that the teasing touch it had started out as. Slowly, Chuck's hands became desperate for skin, and he pulled at Castiel's tie, sliding Dean's knot loose. Cas felt Chuck's hands on his shoulders, pushing at his coat, pulling it off of his body. He didn't fight against it, just let it go.
Castiel blushed furiously as he felt Chuck getting hard against his leg, struggling to hold back a moan. He closed his eyes, thinking, deciding.
Decision made. Cas pushed at Chuck, laying him flat on the bed before rolling on top of his naked body. He struggled to breathe, feeling himself become dizzy at the lack of oxygen.
"Cas." Chuck was mumbling against the angel's mouth.
"Want." Cas couldn't bring himself to form complete thoughts.
"Wait." Chuck was pushing at him lightly, and Castiel obeyed. He forced himself to pull away from Chuck's lips, looking down at him longingly.
Chuck didn't have to speak for Castiel to understand. Too fast.
Cas pushed off of Chuck, landing on the bed beside him, breathing hard and shaking. He wasn't sure what was causing him to tremble, but he accepted that it was likely another mix of emotions he'd never comprehend.
"I'm sorry, Cas..." Chuck was reaching out for him, rubbing gently at his chest. Cas turned his head, looking at Chuck with desire.
"Do not apologize, please. I can't make you want me." Cas kept his voice stern and business-like, determined to show that he was not hurt.
"No!" Chuck's eyes widened. "That's not it! I...uh..." He thought for a moment, knowing that the words he wanted to say were probabaly a bad choice. He said them anyway. "I do want you, Cas. I really want you."
Castiel bit his lip, warmed instantly by the words that surrounded them.
"It's just...that..." Chuck was dragging out his words, giving many syllables to each. "I have never been with a man. I have never even kissed a man. And you..." Chuck cleared his throat, "you're a man." Way to state the obvious.
Castiel stared blankly at his friend for a moment, taking in his explaination. After a long minute of silence, he moved closer to Chuck on the bed, wrapping his arm around him before placing a delicate kiss on his shoulder.
"We will wait, then. We will move slowly. For you, I have all the time in the world."
Part Four
Author:casiedearestfic
Pairing: Chuck/Cas
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: Unbeta'd
Words: 8,300
Summary: Chuck and Castiel have become very good friends. Eventually, the lines between 'just friends' and 'something more' become blurred.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the boys. All characters belong to respective copyrights.
Notes: So, I'm SUCH a Dean/Cas shipper, it took months for my friend to convince me that Sam/Cas slash wasn't the end of the world. So this one snuck up on me. I have never read Castiel with anyone who isn't a Winchester, and I've never written him with anyone other than Dean. So, I apologize if there seems to be a case of Jealous!Dean here. I think I may have dreamed this, because I litterally woke up with this on my mind, sat down, and it wrote itself completely. This story is my baby, I love it, and I kind of want to hug and kiss it. Title from the song 'Stay' by Sugarland, which is an unrelated song, but I listened to it about 30 times while I wrote this, so forgive me.
Chuck was waiting on his front steps when Castiel arrived. He had his elbows on his knees, and his head in his hands. Castiel noticed immediately that he was crying. Sobbing, really. Cas dropped to his knees on the stair below Chuck, trying to pull his hands away from his face. Chuck didn't fight it. He let Castiel hold his wrists and study his face, and he wanted to look away, but he forced himself to stay.
"We need to go inside" Castiel's voice was deep and concerned, and Chuck knew he couldn't deny that his friend was right.
Chuck had fallen on the couch immediately, and Cas struggled to keep up with his manic pace. He sat on the overstuffed arm by Chuck's head, and asked the question that couldn't go unanswered. Chuck took a long time to reply, letting Castiel's question hang in the air for what felt like hours.
"My wife." Chuck was crying even harder now.
"Your...." Castiel was confused, and completely unsure of what to say.
"My ex-wife, I mean, she's..."
Castiel felt himself tense up, waiting for the word. But, it never came. Instead, Chuck got up, grabbing a newspaper from the table before throwing himself back on the couch. Castiel took it, reading the section that Chuck had pointed to.
Aimee Marco, 36, tragically lost her life Thursday night, after being involved in a fatal auto collision. The other passengers survived, with only...
Castiel's reading was interrupted by a strangled sob from Chuck. And, for the first time, Castiel knew that silence wasn't acceptable between them.
"Chuck," Cas slid down the arm of the couch, coming to rest on the cushions. He was squeezed tightly between the side of the couch and Chuck's body, but Chuck didn't move away. So, Cas lifted his arm, letting it rest around Chuck's shoulders. He wracked his brain, trying desperately to think of something to say. When he failed, though, he knew that this was going to be a long night.
"You should rest." Cas stated softly, bringing his other hand to fall lightly on Chuck's knee. Chuck started to protest, before finally nodding his head. Castiel followed him up to his bedroom, shutting off appliances as he went. He pulled the dark bedroom curtains closed as Chuck fell into the bed. The blankets were laying in a rumpled pile on the floor, and Cas picked them up, smoothing them over Chuck's body. He had turned himself face down into the bed, his back was heaving with the efforts of crying, and Castiel's concern continued to grow. He didn't know what to do with himself, unless standing at the foot of the bed counted for something.
"Cas." Chuck was calling for him now, and Castiel immediately went to him, almost stumbling in the dusky glow of the room. He dropped himself on the bed slowly, making every effort not to jolt his friend.
"What do you need, Chuck?" He kept his voice low, feeling the fragile silence of the room wrap around him.
"I need to sleep." Chuck's voice was shaky and strained, and it pained Cas to hear him that way.
"Yes." he agreed, and began to move off the bed. He was stopped by Chuck's hand grabbing at his coat, keeping him captive in the bed.
"Stay." Castiel was silently glad he had said it.
Chuck was completely drained of energy now, struggling to keep his eyes open. He watched as Castiel took off his trench coat and suit jacket, followed by his shoes, before slipping into the bed beside him. Cas pulled the blanket up over them both, and found comfort in the warmth.
"Thanks." Chuck smiled half heartedly, and Castiel appreciated the effort. He had expected Chuck to fall asleep immediately, with the way he had been looking so exhausted and worn down. But, no matter how much Chuck begged for sleep to take him, it never came. They had laid in bed for hours, talking softly, studying each other, and eventually, the curtains became unnecessary, as the sky outside blackened.
A few times, Castiel had heard his phone ring in the pocket of his trench coat. But, the coat was on the chair across the room, and all that mattered to Cas was this bed. So, the calls went unanswered.
They fell into an easy silence for a while, a ticking clock the only sound between them. Cas wondered briefly if Chuck had fallen asleep, but soon realized that he had not. Cas had come to know the difference in the way Chuck breathed when he was awake and asleep, and right now, he was definitely awake. Cas wanted to speak, wanted to fill the silence and offer some sort of condolence, but words escaped him completely. In a desperate attempt to make some connection, he rolled onto his side and stretched his hand out over Chuck's heart. Chuck sighed deeply, and Castiel felt his heart beat quicken under his fingers. After that, it only took minutes for Chuck to fall asleep.
Cas lost track of time completely after that, not caring about it enough to check a clock. The curtains remained closed, blocking out almost all of the sunlight that followed the night. He wasn't sure how long exactly he had been there, but he was sure that it was longer than ever before.
Chuck woke at random times, tossing in the bed. Sometimes he would wake up crying, and sometimes he would say that he was just making sure that Cas was still there. And of course, he was.
The only time Cas ever left the bed was to find food for Chuck, who was clearly forgetting that he needed to eat. He would bring up coffee and a sandwich every few hours, and Chuck always thanked him much more than was necessary. When Cas slid back into bed after his latest coffee delivery, Chuck was the one to communicate with touches. He let his hand rest on Castiel's arm, running his fingers lightly over the white fabric of his button down shirt. Castiel closed his eyes, letting himself enjoy the sensation. His annoyance was infinite when his phone rang once, and never stopped.
"Yes?" he answered into the receiver, after dragging himself away from Chuck's touch, and the warm comfort of the blanket.
"Dude!" Sam's voice was a mix of emotions. "We though you disappeared! Where have you been?"
"I told you, Sam, I was going to visit Chuck." Cas kept his voice barely above a whisper.
"That was like...three days ago, man. Where are you now?" Sam was almost yelling.
"I'm still here." Cas stated softly.
He was answered by a long silence before Sam's voice came back to him.
"What, are you like...living there now?"
"No, Sam." Cas really didn't have the patience for this conversation. "Chuck is going through a difficult time. He needs me to be with him." It was nice to hear Sam's voice, he admitted that much to himself. But Chuck was laying awake in the bed, and somehow, Cas knew that he wouldn't fall asleep until he was laying next to him.
The conversation ended soon after, with Sam telling Cas to 'be careful', and Castiel agreeing, although he wasn't sure what the potential danger was.
"I'm going to have to return to Sam and Dean, soon." Cas informed Chuck, as he slid back into bed, pulling his tie off completely as he did.
"I figured as much." Chuck's voice was sad, far away, and Castiel hated it. "But, that's fine. you can't stay in bed with me your whole life." Chuck laughed softly, bitterly.
"Well, you know," Cas moved closer to Chuck on the bed, feeling himself sink into the warmth of the blanket, "I would if I could. Stay here forever, I mean."
Chuck answered with silence, but Cas could read it perfectly. His body agreed with his mind as Chuck rolled over to face him, and wrapped one arm loosely across Castiel's waist. It was a comforting touch, and it shot heat through both bodies. Chuck tightened his grip, holding onto Cas now, rather than just making contact.
The phone rang once more, but Castiel closed his eyes, knowing that there was no way he was going to get up now to answer it.
The morning came quickly, and Castiel forced himself out of bed. He started dressing himself, pulling on his jacket and shoes, when Chuck woke up and began to question him.
"Why are you leaving?" His voice was hurt and unstable.
"I really must spend some time with Sam and Dean. I feel..." like if I spend one more moment in bed with you, I won't ever be able to leave "...guilty about ignoring them for so many days." He finished pulling on his black suit jacket. Chuck was getting up now, rounding the bed to reach for Cas.
"No, I cannot stay, I really must go." he grabbed his tie off the bedside table, disappearing from the room before Chuck could make him change his mind.
He showed up in the Winchesters hotel room, slightly out of breath. He didn't realize that days of laying in bed had messed his hair and rumpled his clothes, and his tie hung loosely from his fingers.
"Whoa." Dean raised his eyebrows, looking quizzically at the angel in front of him. "What happened to you?" He asked.
"I spent a lot of time in bed with Chuck." Cas explained simply, as if the phrase wasn't loaded with implications. Dean seemed to understand though, that Castiel hadn't meant anything by it, remembering that he had told Sam that Chuck was going through some bad stuff.
"What's up with Chuck, anyway?" Dean asked, instead of unloading the other questions that begged to be asked.
"His ex-wife has passed away." Castiel turned his eyes to the floor, following the geometrical shapes all the way to Dean's feet.
Sam emerged from the bathroom, followed by a cloud of warm steam. He looked between Cas and Dean, getting that he had walked in on a conversation already in progress. He didn't try to jump in, but he quickly put the puzzle together as he heard bits and pieces of the words exchanged between them as he got dressed.
"Jesus..." He couldn't imagine that this would be the sort of thing that Chuck could easily get over.
"Yeah," Dean agreed, "as if that guy wasn't miserable enough already."
Castiel kicked at the floor, suddenly aware that the top few buttons of his shirt were undone, and his tie was still absent from his outfit. He made quick work of straightening his clothes, fingers fumbling when he realized that he had no idea how to do the tie.
Dean laughed as he watched Castiel's cluelessness shine through with ferocious intensity, before offering to help.
"Come here." He laughed, motioning Castiel over. It took Dean only a few seconds to get it done, and Castiel thanked him before sitting heavily on the end of Sam's bed.
"So..." Dean drew out the word, as if Castiel would answer without the rest of his thought being formed. "Why did you come back, then?" He asked, his voice caring.
"I felt guilty about not seeing you for so many days. I kept ignoring Sam's calls, and that was wrong of me to do." He kept his eyes on the floor, noticing that his shoe was untied.
"Cas, you have a good reason to go be with Chuck now. He actually needs you now." Dean stressed his words, clearly trying to make a point. Castiel didn't want to agree with him. He knew that he was becoming far too dependant on Chuck, and he needed to distance himself right now.
"There are other people who could be with him right now. It doesn't have to be me." Castiel didn't convince even himself. Dean ignored that fact that Chuck didn't, actually, have other people who could be with him, and skipped straight to the point.
"Other people aren't you, Cas. You're important to him. You're his...best friend." Dean's words came out unsteadily, and Sam listened, knowing that Dean fought back the urge to say boyfriend.
A long and tense silence filled the room after that, neither man knowing what to say. Sam broke the tension finally.
"Cas...just go to him."
Castiel was gone before the last word left Sam's lips, immediately regretting his decision. He showed up in Chuck's living room, not bothering at all with the door. He searched the house, almost hoping not to find Chuck, knowing that once he did, he may not be able to walk away again. His search ended upstairs, outside the bathroom door. He heard the shower running, and was unsure if Chuck would hear him over the rush of water.
"Chuck?" he tried anyway. There was a muffled bang, and Cas worried that Chuck had slipped. He opened the door slowly, leaning into the steamed up room.
"Cas?" The angel could see Chuck's shadow through the shower curtain, relieved that he was, in fact, standing upright. "I've come back." Cas said, clearly stating the obvious.
"You do not know how glad that makes me." Chuck's gratefulness showed through his voice, and Cas moved further into the room, shutting the door behind him, before leaning against the sink counter.
"Did you get to see Sam and Dean?" Chuck asked, raising his voice over the rushing water.
"Yes I did, briefly." Cas watched Chuck's shadow behind the curtain, blurred by the dim light in the room. The water shut off, filling the room with a deafening silence.
"Were they mad at you?" Chuck's arm reached out to grab at the towel that he just couldn't quite seem to reach. Castiel lifted it off the rack, putting it in Chuck's hand.
"No, they understood your...need...to have me with you." Castiel wasn't sure that he had chosen his words carefully enough.
The shower curtain opened, and Castiel could barely see Chuck through the thick steam that swallowed them up.
"Well, Cas," Chuck was close now, and Castiel looked down at the towel wrapped around his waist, "You don't have to be here if you don't want to be." He said quietly, wincing at the way their voices echoed loudly in the room.
"But, I do want to be." Castiel replied, watching Chuck run his fingers through his wet hair. Chuck just sighed, pressing his palms against the wet countertop. Castiel was aware that the room was far too humid, dampening his clothes, making his skin sticky. He turned toward the door, pulling it open to step into the hallway to avoid the wet heat. He left the door open, unable to bring himself to break the contact between them. Chuck gathered his clothes, but did not put them on. Instead, he followed Cas into the hall, leading the way back to his bedroom.
"Are you going back to bed?" Castiel wanted Chuck to stay awake.
"Maybe...just...for one hour." Chuck's voice was tired and pleading, and Castiel couldn't deny him his one simple request. He did, however, vow not to get back into the bed with him.
"Will you lay with me?" Chuck was already under the covers, towel still wrapped around his waist.
Castiel was under the blanket next to him within seconds. He made a mental note to be sure to drag Chuck out of bed after one hour, but the thought was pointless, since he had no clue what the time was. It didn't matter, though, once the blanket started to warm up again, and both men were swallowed by the soft heat.
Castiel rolled a little too close to Chuck, ending up with his hand pressed against his arm. Cas could feel that Chuck's skin was still slightly wet, and the heat of the bed had burned him up. Castiel willed himself to pull away, but he remained still. He could feel the muscles in Chuck's arm tense, and he wrapped his hand around them.
Chuck responded.
He moved Castiel's hand off of his arm, pulling it, instead, across his body, letting it rest on his bare waist. They moved silently against each other, pulling and pushing until they were both comfortably wrapped up together. By the time Chuck had stopped moving, they were laying face to face, arms wrapped around each other. Castiel knew his fingers were trembling against Chuck's back, but he couldn't do anything to stop it.
Their motions slowed, becoming almost non-existant, but Castiel was very aware of the way Chuck's leg was lightly pressing it's way between his. He closed his eyes, unsure of an appropriate reaction. He let his hand slide down a little, resting on the edge of the towel.
"Cas..." Chuck's voice was softer than a whisper, barely there at all, but Castiel let it wash over him slowly.
The tension between them was starting to become painful and Castiel knew that they couldn't turn back now. He knew that this couldn't be brushed off or forgotten, and he also knew that he didn't want it to be.
He fisted his hand in the towel, loosening it off of Chuck's body. Chuck swallowed hard, realizing that he was now completely naked against Castiel. It was the final boundary.
Chuck was the first to lean into the kiss, bringing their mouths together slowly. Cas was rubbing at the small of his back, sending chills down his spine, and Chuck tangled their legs together. The whole thing ended up moving rather quickly, but Cas didn't mind. Somehow, the second that Castiel first walked through Chuck's door three months ago, they both knew that this would happen. And it was happening.
Castiel was pulling Chuck against him, letting his hands wander over his bare skin. The kiss had deepened, turning into something much more that the teasing touch it had started out as. Slowly, Chuck's hands became desperate for skin, and he pulled at Castiel's tie, sliding Dean's knot loose. Cas felt Chuck's hands on his shoulders, pushing at his coat, pulling it off of his body. He didn't fight against it, just let it go.
Castiel blushed furiously as he felt Chuck getting hard against his leg, struggling to hold back a moan. He closed his eyes, thinking, deciding.
Decision made. Cas pushed at Chuck, laying him flat on the bed before rolling on top of his naked body. He struggled to breathe, feeling himself become dizzy at the lack of oxygen.
"Cas." Chuck was mumbling against the angel's mouth.
"Want." Cas couldn't bring himself to form complete thoughts.
"Wait." Chuck was pushing at him lightly, and Castiel obeyed. He forced himself to pull away from Chuck's lips, looking down at him longingly.
Chuck didn't have to speak for Castiel to understand. Too fast.
Cas pushed off of Chuck, landing on the bed beside him, breathing hard and shaking. He wasn't sure what was causing him to tremble, but he accepted that it was likely another mix of emotions he'd never comprehend.
"I'm sorry, Cas..." Chuck was reaching out for him, rubbing gently at his chest. Cas turned his head, looking at Chuck with desire.
"Do not apologize, please. I can't make you want me." Cas kept his voice stern and business-like, determined to show that he was not hurt.
"No!" Chuck's eyes widened. "That's not it! I...uh..." He thought for a moment, knowing that the words he wanted to say were probabaly a bad choice. He said them anyway. "I do want you, Cas. I really want you."
Castiel bit his lip, warmed instantly by the words that surrounded them.
"It's just...that..." Chuck was dragging out his words, giving many syllables to each. "I have never been with a man. I have never even kissed a man. And you..." Chuck cleared his throat, "you're a man." Way to state the obvious.
Castiel stared blankly at his friend for a moment, taking in his explaination. After a long minute of silence, he moved closer to Chuck on the bed, wrapping his arm around him before placing a delicate kiss on his shoulder.
"We will wait, then. We will move slowly. For you, I have all the time in the world."
Part Four