back again
What do you know right after I get done posting up an entry when she calls. It was an ok conversation. She had more of a concerned tone this time. I dont know how I feel right now about her being worried about me. I think its always better to have your girlfirend more concerned about you then your ex. Funny thing this week I actually started saying ex. I just started letting everyone know that we weren't dating anymore and they were all suprised. They all asked what happened and I just say I fucked up and thats all there is to it. But back on the subject of the phone call. I always get a very mixed set of emotions when I talk to her. She called this time which was really suprising. I was to scared to pic up the phone though. I get so anxious when I talk to her because Im worried I might say the wrong thing. I am worried I might just go into some semi creepy I love you take me back please I need you speach. I promised her space and I have to give it. I just wish I could wake up from this never ending nightmare and have my other half back. No one wants to feel unwhole
Yesterday at work was very interesting. I was offered orders to be on the ground in Iraq to do security patrols with the army back a few months ago. Its 14 months total. 2 months in training 12 in country. I didn't take it the first time because of Caitlin. I wanted to go to for some odd reason. I just could not do that to someone I love. Well they offered me again yested day and I have till june 20 to take it or else I go to my next ship. I am really temted to go for it. The money is good the job is dangerous and I will get shore duty for the rest of my time in. Plus I have no obligation to keep myself safe now. I can just jump right into the fun stuff. Im really 50/50 on it and Ill just have to give it some real thought.
Today though should be a good day I am going to head out here in a few minutes and get as drunk as I possibly can. Numb the pain till it goes away. Every once in a while it seems like a good idea and this is that once in a while.
Yesterday at work was very interesting. I was offered orders to be on the ground in Iraq to do security patrols with the army back a few months ago. Its 14 months total. 2 months in training 12 in country. I didn't take it the first time because of Caitlin. I wanted to go to for some odd reason. I just could not do that to someone I love. Well they offered me again yested day and I have till june 20 to take it or else I go to my next ship. I am really temted to go for it. The money is good the job is dangerous and I will get shore duty for the rest of my time in. Plus I have no obligation to keep myself safe now. I can just jump right into the fun stuff. Im really 50/50 on it and Ill just have to give it some real thought.
Today though should be a good day I am going to head out here in a few minutes and get as drunk as I possibly can. Numb the pain till it goes away. Every once in a while it seems like a good idea and this is that once in a while.