no complaints posting rule is in effect.
i sure COULD complain. Things aren't totally how i'd like them right now, in some hella significant ways. But, all isn't lost, so i'm not going down that road.
interesting how when it seems i've lost something immensely precious, it seems effortless that i appreciate everything more, when all my TRYING to be happy was just a going through the motions exercise apparently as long as i took shit for granted.
so i went to the library some days ago and checked out a bunch of books, and was totally jazzed to have checked out a new library and gotten my hands on some entertaining (and FREE) reading material, and i've been reading a little pretty much every day, and NOT TOTALLY ENJOYING it. It was like a distress tolerance skill, there's a big difference between doing something you love because you love it, and doing something you know you usually love because you're hoping it's going to magically help you enjoy a moment that is presently shitty.
Reading is a joy, and i've been using it as a coping mechanism. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, but once i decided to stop trying to simply cope and really had to just find joy in life with the realization that the only person who is guaranteed to be in my life is ME, i actually enjoyed reading last night in a way that was totally pleasurable!
Well hot damn.
interesting how when it seems i've lost something immensely precious, it seems effortless that i appreciate everything more, when all my TRYING to be happy was just a going through the motions exercise apparently as long as i took shit for granted.
so i went to the library some days ago and checked out a bunch of books, and was totally jazzed to have checked out a new library and gotten my hands on some entertaining (and FREE) reading material, and i've been reading a little pretty much every day, and NOT TOTALLY ENJOYING it. It was like a distress tolerance skill, there's a big difference between doing something you love because you love it, and doing something you know you usually love because you're hoping it's going to magically help you enjoy a moment that is presently shitty.
Reading is a joy, and i've been using it as a coping mechanism. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, but once i decided to stop trying to simply cope and really had to just find joy in life with the realization that the only person who is guaranteed to be in my life is ME, i actually enjoyed reading last night in a way that was totally pleasurable!
Well hot damn.