Insomnia

[carpdeus]

Some questions resonate down through the ages. Why is one of them. Another comes from the Gospels. During the mockery of a trial and such that led to Jesus' crucifixion, Pilate asked, "What is truth?"
That is a question that pounds at the very center of my being. What is truth? No, not in the overarching spiritual manner. In the very simple manner of who and what am I?
I could take an hour or so and catalog who I am.

• Husband (estranged)
• Father (disassociated)
• Son (divorced)
• Author (moderately successful)
• Consultant (fairly successful)
• Wise and witty (sometimes)
• Suffering from foot-in-mouth disease (sometimes)

One of the reasons I'm asking these questions is because C and I have had a couple of conversations. She would like for me to say that I feel certain things about her. I'd like to say those things but am I saying it to please her or because they are true? Is it a case of the devil I know vs the one I don't?
I'm currently scheduled to go through Intensive Outpatient Therapy. Four weeks of 4 hour a day meetings with my psychologist and his staff to see if we can break down to what is at the center of my being. And that scares me. I do not know that I will be able to make it through the entire course. I dont' know that I won't make it through and find myself not only changed but not who I am hoping I will be.
Right now I am tired. I got a phone call as I was drifting off to sleep trying to watch an old movie on tv. And I'm still up., My thoughts are in turmoil. And I don't know which way is up.
To sleep, perchance to dream?
To sleep, perchance to avoid nightmares?