Fic: Butterfly Effect 33/? (BWOC, Tommy/Merton, NC17)
Yeah. So I wrote something. I have lost the ability to judge the quality of my own writing, however, and I really have no idea if I'm still on track toward the ever-changing ending or what. But hey, I wrote something, and that's one more chapter toward putting this bad boy to bed.
(How many years has it been since I started this fic? God, I could have written ten romance novels by now.)
Chapter Thirty-Three: Stolen Kisses
This wasn't supposed to be happening. Merton wasn't even supposed to be stranded in military school in the first place, and he definitely wasn't supposed to be making out with his roommate. But nothing about the past few months made any sense, so there was no reason for him to expect things to start making sense now. Besides, kissing Tommy was really, really nice, and Merton didn't want to stop.
Nice wasn't even the right word for it, because he'd kissed other guys before, sure, but it had never felt quite like this. Before it had always been sort of frantic and awkward, and Merton always worried that he was doing it wrong. And kissing Tommy should have been even more awkward than kissing David or even Alistair, but instead it just felt...right. Like it was inevitable, and all the time they'd spent trying to pretend they were just friends was a waste.
And really, if everyone else in the squadron already thought they were messing around, they might as well be. If they had to put up with stares and whispers and the occasional threat, Merton might as well get to push his hands through Tommy's hair. He might as well get to press his palms against the solid muscle under Tommy's t-shirt, and he might as well know the sounds Tommy made when Merton pushed his tongue into Tommy's mouth for the first time.
It was a surprised little moan, as it turned out, and that was a sound Merton wouldn't mind hearing again. He could think of at least a dozen things he'd like to do with Tommy, things Tommy had probably never even thought of, never mind the guys in their squadron. He didn't even know he'd been thinking about them until Tommy kissed him, but now that it had happened there was no way they could go back.
Which was exactly why Tommy should move out of their room and never look back, because there was no such thing as privacy here, and any second now Krauss or one of the other guys was going to walk in and catch them. And it was the last thing he wanted to do, but one of them had to think about the consequences, so Merton flattened his hands against Tommy's chest and pushed as hard as he could.
"Stop."
As soon as he said it he regretted it, because Tommy was looking at him like Merton had slapped him instead of just pushing him away. He looked confused and hurt and...God, really hot, and suddenly Merton couldn't remember why he'd wanted to stop in the first place. Then Tommy let out a heavy sigh and sank onto Merton's bunk, hands in his hair and if Merton had just kept his big mouth shut those could be his hands right now.
"I'm sorry, I thought...was I supposed to ask first?"
Tommy looked up as he said it, and that wasn't fair, because he was even cuter when he was nervous. And Merton was pretty sure before Tommy kissed him that he didn't really have a lot of experience with this stuff, but he didn't know Tommy was that clueless.
"No, I didn't mean...look, Tommy..."
It would be easy to fix this. All he had to do was cross the room and kiss Tommy again, and Tommy would forget all about the fact that Merton had made him stop. But that didn't solve their privacy problem, and if someone actually caught them together there was no telling what would happen.
And it was probably a mistake to sit down next to Tommy, but if this was the only chance they were going to get to touch each other, Merton was going to take it. He couldn't kiss Tommy again no matter how much he wanted to, but he could press their shoulders together and hope Tommy knew what he was trying to say. "I didn't stop because I don't like you."
"I like you too," Tommy said, shifting against him and oh, God, now their thighs were touching.
"Which is the whole problem, just like you said. What would happen if our fearless leader showed up for a surprise inspection right now? Or worse, five minutes ago?"
"I don't know," Tommy answered, glancing over at him and wow, Merton really wanted to kiss him again. "If he told the Dean we'd probably get kicked out. If he didn't tell the Dean it would probably be a lot worse."
"Exactly. So maybe it would be better if you did move out."
He hated saying it, but he knew somebody had to. This place was bad enough with Tommy in his corner; if he found himself totally alone again he wasn't sure how he'd make it through the rest of the semester, let alone the rest of the year. Then again, they couldn't make him come back after Christmas break if they couldn't find him, and it would make Tommy's life a lot easier if Merton wasn't around.
Tommy shifted against him and Merton held his breath, waiting for the moment when Tommy stood up and started packing his stuff. But that didn't happen; instead Tommy reached for his hand, threading their fingers together and Merton couldn't bring himself to pull away. "I'm not moving out, Merton. I know I should, but I'm not going to."
Merton knew he should argue. He was great at annoying people, after all, and if he tried hard enough he could probably annoy Tommy into switching rooms. Except that it was kind of nice, just sitting there holding Tommy's hand, and Merton still wasn't ready to let go. He wasn't sure he'd ever be ready to let go, no matter how dangerous it was.
"So what do we do now?"
Tommy shrugged, shoulder moving against Merton's and even that felt good. There was no way they were going to get away with this, because there was no way they could keep sharing a room and keep their hands off each other. No matter how careful they were, eventually somebody was going to see something, and then it would just be a matter of time before somebody finished what Eckert started. Except this time it wouldn't be just Merton they were after.
And this was all his fault, really, because if he hadn't been such a jerk in the beginning maybe Tommy wouldn't have tried so hard to be his friend. But Merton had done pretty much everything he could to get Tommy to hate him as much as the rest of the squadron did, so maybe it wasn't completely his fault. He'd tried, at least, and if Tommy couldn't take a hint that wasn't Merton's problem.
It didn't really matter whose fault it was, though, because Tommy was still holding his hand and they both still had targets on their backs. Merton opened his mouth to point that out, but he was interrupted by voices right outside their door. Tommy jumped and let go of his hand, and Merton stood up and headed for his desk before he could change his mind.
"We should probably get started on our homework."
"Yeah," Tommy said, and Merton was not turning around to look at him or they'd never get anything done. "Merton..."
"What?"
"Will you still help me with my math?"
The question surprised a laugh out of Merton, and instantly the tension rushed out of him. Because it was still the same Tommy, and they were still roommates. Still friends, only they were even more now. Merton wasn't sure what that meant yet, but he was pretty sure they'd figure it out together.
~
It didn't really change that much. It couldn't, because they both knew how careful they had to be, even when they were alone in their room. But he didn't have to pretend it was an accident when his hand brushed against Merton's anymore, and he didn't have to resist the urge to press their knees together under the desk. It was kind of nice, just being able to touch Merton without having to think about what it meant, because now they both knew.
He still kept his hands to himself when there were other people around, but it felt a little different when he reached down to give Merton a hand on the obstacle course now. And it was just Tommy helping a teammate over the wall or up the rope ladder, something he'd done for every guy in the squad at one point or another, but it felt different now that he'd actually kissed Merton.
Tommy hadn't actually planned to kiss his roommate. He hadn't thought it out beforehand or anything, but he wasn't sorry he'd done it. It was the only thing in his life he was sure about these days, and wouldn't his father love to hear that.
Thinking about his father made his palms sweat in a totally different way than thinking about Merton, though, so he pushed the thought away and focused on keeping his hands to himself instead. It was tough when Merton was right in front of him, but Tommy had already helped him on the course twice and if he didn't give it a rest somebody was bound to notice. So he checked the urge to put his hands on Merton's butt and give him that last push over the wall; pulling him up by the hand was one thing, but touching...other parts of Merton was out of the question.
Not that he didn't want to. He thought about it a lot more than he wanted to admit -- a lot more than was probably healthy -- and he was pretty sure Merton wouldn't mind. At least not as long as they were sure they wouldn't get caught, but that wasn't going to happen while they were at the Academy. Even Merton had been here long enough to know there was no such thing as privacy in their lives, and so far Tommy hadn't thought of a way around that.
And now he knew why he didn't really get it when the other guys went on about the girls in those magazines they smuggled into the barracks, but it was worse for him, because the person he wanted to be with was in the same room and he couldn't do anything about it. It was hard enough to find a time when it was safe to kiss Merton, let alone do anything else. And he wanted to do that other stuff, but he'd give a lot to spend an afternoon just making out.
He managed to keep his hands to himself through the rest of drills, all the way back to the barracks and up the stairs to their room. But when they were finally inside with the door shut he caught Merton's arm, pulling him back toward the door and pressing him hard against it.
"I've been thinking about this all day," he said, whispering the words against Merton's mouth just before Tommy kissed him. And it was a risk even when they were blocking the door, but it was a risk he was willing to take.
He still hadn't gotten used to the fact that he could just kiss his roommate whenever; okay, not whenever he wanted, but whenever they were alone. He hadn't gotten used to the fact that Merton wanted to kiss him back, and he wasn't sure he was ever going to. Because Merton had gone to normal schools, he'd had boyfriends that he didn't have to hide and he'd done all this stuff before. Tommy was still just figuring it all out, and he had no idea how he measured up.
So far he hadn't gotten any complaints, though, and he'd decided to take that as a good sign. Just like Merton's fingers gripping the front of his t-shirt were a pretty good sign, and he knew they still had to grab showers before dinner, but he wished that just this once they could skip it and stay right here.
"Tommy," Merton murmured against his mouth, hands still on Tommy's chest but now they were pressed flat against him and Tommy knew what was coming. Merton was always the one to stop things before they went too far -- before they went anywhere at all -- and he knew he should be glad that one of them had a little self-control. But mostly it just made Tommy wonder if Merton just wasn't that into it, if Tommy was bad at it and Merton didn't want to tell him. Or maybe he was still thinking about his last boyfriend; Merton never talked about him, but Tommy could tell just from his picture that he was a lot closer to Merton's type than Tommy would ever be.
"Yeah, I know," he answered, forcing himself to pull away before Merton pushed him. "You better go first."
Merton nodded but didn't move, hands still resting on Tommy's chest and not quite meeting Tommy's gaze. "Listen, there aren't any surprise inspections on Thanksgiving, are there? I mean, even Krauss isn't that sadistic, is he?"
He wasn't positive why Merton was asking, but Tommy was pretty sure he could guess. Before he could stop himself he grinned, heart skipping a beat when Merton grinned right back at him. "I'm pretty sure he'll leave us alone after dinner. At least that's how it usually goes."
"Good. Let's hope he upholds tradition." The tips of Merton's ears turned pink as he finally pushed himself off the door, and Tommy's heart did another weird little flip at the sight. He wanted to touch Merton's ears and see if they were as warm as they looked, wanted to trace them with his tongue and it was a good thing Merton was already grabbing his stuff and heading for the showers, or Tommy might never let him leave their room again.
~
Earlier parts are here, miraculously archived on my web site even though nothing else I've written this year has made it up there.
(How many years has it been since I started this fic? God, I could have written ten romance novels by now.)
Chapter Thirty-Three: Stolen Kisses
This wasn't supposed to be happening. Merton wasn't even supposed to be stranded in military school in the first place, and he definitely wasn't supposed to be making out with his roommate. But nothing about the past few months made any sense, so there was no reason for him to expect things to start making sense now. Besides, kissing Tommy was really, really nice, and Merton didn't want to stop.
Nice wasn't even the right word for it, because he'd kissed other guys before, sure, but it had never felt quite like this. Before it had always been sort of frantic and awkward, and Merton always worried that he was doing it wrong. And kissing Tommy should have been even more awkward than kissing David or even Alistair, but instead it just felt...right. Like it was inevitable, and all the time they'd spent trying to pretend they were just friends was a waste.
And really, if everyone else in the squadron already thought they were messing around, they might as well be. If they had to put up with stares and whispers and the occasional threat, Merton might as well get to push his hands through Tommy's hair. He might as well get to press his palms against the solid muscle under Tommy's t-shirt, and he might as well know the sounds Tommy made when Merton pushed his tongue into Tommy's mouth for the first time.
It was a surprised little moan, as it turned out, and that was a sound Merton wouldn't mind hearing again. He could think of at least a dozen things he'd like to do with Tommy, things Tommy had probably never even thought of, never mind the guys in their squadron. He didn't even know he'd been thinking about them until Tommy kissed him, but now that it had happened there was no way they could go back.
Which was exactly why Tommy should move out of their room and never look back, because there was no such thing as privacy here, and any second now Krauss or one of the other guys was going to walk in and catch them. And it was the last thing he wanted to do, but one of them had to think about the consequences, so Merton flattened his hands against Tommy's chest and pushed as hard as he could.
"Stop."
As soon as he said it he regretted it, because Tommy was looking at him like Merton had slapped him instead of just pushing him away. He looked confused and hurt and...God, really hot, and suddenly Merton couldn't remember why he'd wanted to stop in the first place. Then Tommy let out a heavy sigh and sank onto Merton's bunk, hands in his hair and if Merton had just kept his big mouth shut those could be his hands right now.
"I'm sorry, I thought...was I supposed to ask first?"
Tommy looked up as he said it, and that wasn't fair, because he was even cuter when he was nervous. And Merton was pretty sure before Tommy kissed him that he didn't really have a lot of experience with this stuff, but he didn't know Tommy was that clueless.
"No, I didn't mean...look, Tommy..."
It would be easy to fix this. All he had to do was cross the room and kiss Tommy again, and Tommy would forget all about the fact that Merton had made him stop. But that didn't solve their privacy problem, and if someone actually caught them together there was no telling what would happen.
And it was probably a mistake to sit down next to Tommy, but if this was the only chance they were going to get to touch each other, Merton was going to take it. He couldn't kiss Tommy again no matter how much he wanted to, but he could press their shoulders together and hope Tommy knew what he was trying to say. "I didn't stop because I don't like you."
"I like you too," Tommy said, shifting against him and oh, God, now their thighs were touching.
"Which is the whole problem, just like you said. What would happen if our fearless leader showed up for a surprise inspection right now? Or worse, five minutes ago?"
"I don't know," Tommy answered, glancing over at him and wow, Merton really wanted to kiss him again. "If he told the Dean we'd probably get kicked out. If he didn't tell the Dean it would probably be a lot worse."
"Exactly. So maybe it would be better if you did move out."
He hated saying it, but he knew somebody had to. This place was bad enough with Tommy in his corner; if he found himself totally alone again he wasn't sure how he'd make it through the rest of the semester, let alone the rest of the year. Then again, they couldn't make him come back after Christmas break if they couldn't find him, and it would make Tommy's life a lot easier if Merton wasn't around.
Tommy shifted against him and Merton held his breath, waiting for the moment when Tommy stood up and started packing his stuff. But that didn't happen; instead Tommy reached for his hand, threading their fingers together and Merton couldn't bring himself to pull away. "I'm not moving out, Merton. I know I should, but I'm not going to."
Merton knew he should argue. He was great at annoying people, after all, and if he tried hard enough he could probably annoy Tommy into switching rooms. Except that it was kind of nice, just sitting there holding Tommy's hand, and Merton still wasn't ready to let go. He wasn't sure he'd ever be ready to let go, no matter how dangerous it was.
"So what do we do now?"
Tommy shrugged, shoulder moving against Merton's and even that felt good. There was no way they were going to get away with this, because there was no way they could keep sharing a room and keep their hands off each other. No matter how careful they were, eventually somebody was going to see something, and then it would just be a matter of time before somebody finished what Eckert started. Except this time it wouldn't be just Merton they were after.
And this was all his fault, really, because if he hadn't been such a jerk in the beginning maybe Tommy wouldn't have tried so hard to be his friend. But Merton had done pretty much everything he could to get Tommy to hate him as much as the rest of the squadron did, so maybe it wasn't completely his fault. He'd tried, at least, and if Tommy couldn't take a hint that wasn't Merton's problem.
It didn't really matter whose fault it was, though, because Tommy was still holding his hand and they both still had targets on their backs. Merton opened his mouth to point that out, but he was interrupted by voices right outside their door. Tommy jumped and let go of his hand, and Merton stood up and headed for his desk before he could change his mind.
"We should probably get started on our homework."
"Yeah," Tommy said, and Merton was not turning around to look at him or they'd never get anything done. "Merton..."
"What?"
"Will you still help me with my math?"
The question surprised a laugh out of Merton, and instantly the tension rushed out of him. Because it was still the same Tommy, and they were still roommates. Still friends, only they were even more now. Merton wasn't sure what that meant yet, but he was pretty sure they'd figure it out together.
~
It didn't really change that much. It couldn't, because they both knew how careful they had to be, even when they were alone in their room. But he didn't have to pretend it was an accident when his hand brushed against Merton's anymore, and he didn't have to resist the urge to press their knees together under the desk. It was kind of nice, just being able to touch Merton without having to think about what it meant, because now they both knew.
He still kept his hands to himself when there were other people around, but it felt a little different when he reached down to give Merton a hand on the obstacle course now. And it was just Tommy helping a teammate over the wall or up the rope ladder, something he'd done for every guy in the squad at one point or another, but it felt different now that he'd actually kissed Merton.
Tommy hadn't actually planned to kiss his roommate. He hadn't thought it out beforehand or anything, but he wasn't sorry he'd done it. It was the only thing in his life he was sure about these days, and wouldn't his father love to hear that.
Thinking about his father made his palms sweat in a totally different way than thinking about Merton, though, so he pushed the thought away and focused on keeping his hands to himself instead. It was tough when Merton was right in front of him, but Tommy had already helped him on the course twice and if he didn't give it a rest somebody was bound to notice. So he checked the urge to put his hands on Merton's butt and give him that last push over the wall; pulling him up by the hand was one thing, but touching...other parts of Merton was out of the question.
Not that he didn't want to. He thought about it a lot more than he wanted to admit -- a lot more than was probably healthy -- and he was pretty sure Merton wouldn't mind. At least not as long as they were sure they wouldn't get caught, but that wasn't going to happen while they were at the Academy. Even Merton had been here long enough to know there was no such thing as privacy in their lives, and so far Tommy hadn't thought of a way around that.
And now he knew why he didn't really get it when the other guys went on about the girls in those magazines they smuggled into the barracks, but it was worse for him, because the person he wanted to be with was in the same room and he couldn't do anything about it. It was hard enough to find a time when it was safe to kiss Merton, let alone do anything else. And he wanted to do that other stuff, but he'd give a lot to spend an afternoon just making out.
He managed to keep his hands to himself through the rest of drills, all the way back to the barracks and up the stairs to their room. But when they were finally inside with the door shut he caught Merton's arm, pulling him back toward the door and pressing him hard against it.
"I've been thinking about this all day," he said, whispering the words against Merton's mouth just before Tommy kissed him. And it was a risk even when they were blocking the door, but it was a risk he was willing to take.
He still hadn't gotten used to the fact that he could just kiss his roommate whenever; okay, not whenever he wanted, but whenever they were alone. He hadn't gotten used to the fact that Merton wanted to kiss him back, and he wasn't sure he was ever going to. Because Merton had gone to normal schools, he'd had boyfriends that he didn't have to hide and he'd done all this stuff before. Tommy was still just figuring it all out, and he had no idea how he measured up.
So far he hadn't gotten any complaints, though, and he'd decided to take that as a good sign. Just like Merton's fingers gripping the front of his t-shirt were a pretty good sign, and he knew they still had to grab showers before dinner, but he wished that just this once they could skip it and stay right here.
"Tommy," Merton murmured against his mouth, hands still on Tommy's chest but now they were pressed flat against him and Tommy knew what was coming. Merton was always the one to stop things before they went too far -- before they went anywhere at all -- and he knew he should be glad that one of them had a little self-control. But mostly it just made Tommy wonder if Merton just wasn't that into it, if Tommy was bad at it and Merton didn't want to tell him. Or maybe he was still thinking about his last boyfriend; Merton never talked about him, but Tommy could tell just from his picture that he was a lot closer to Merton's type than Tommy would ever be.
"Yeah, I know," he answered, forcing himself to pull away before Merton pushed him. "You better go first."
Merton nodded but didn't move, hands still resting on Tommy's chest and not quite meeting Tommy's gaze. "Listen, there aren't any surprise inspections on Thanksgiving, are there? I mean, even Krauss isn't that sadistic, is he?"
He wasn't positive why Merton was asking, but Tommy was pretty sure he could guess. Before he could stop himself he grinned, heart skipping a beat when Merton grinned right back at him. "I'm pretty sure he'll leave us alone after dinner. At least that's how it usually goes."
"Good. Let's hope he upholds tradition." The tips of Merton's ears turned pink as he finally pushed himself off the door, and Tommy's heart did another weird little flip at the sight. He wanted to touch Merton's ears and see if they were as warm as they looked, wanted to trace them with his tongue and it was a good thing Merton was already grabbing his stuff and heading for the showers, or Tommy might never let him leave their room again.
~
Earlier parts are here, miraculously archived on my web site even though nothing else I've written this year has made it up there.