Dear Big Gay Wagon Company,
Well, it's been fun, but it's time I moved on. I just can't take this relationship anymore.
I gave you plenty of chances, and I was patient. You just never really measured up to my expectations.
The rumors are true. I've met someone else. And they treat me a hell of a lot better than you do. I've already opened accounts and everything. I've even deposited money! Yes, it's monkey climbing, but that doesn't matter, it's time I started thinking about myself. So this is the end of us.
I know it would be easier if I said "it's not you, it's me." But, sorry. It's you.
You suck.
Sincerely,
A new US Bank customer