Let the old dreams die
Title: Let the old dreams die
Rating: PG
Pairing: Doojoon/Hyunseung, past!Jiyong/Hyunseung
Word Count: 1,100
Summary: Hyunseung's second chance; a chance to start over and let all the right things in.
A/N: Written when i was on vacation, so it might be a little messy. thanks to my bb room137 for helping me with the title! ily<3 also, Happy Birthday to the lovely Hyunseung bb!<3333
They say that you never realize what you have until it’s gone. Hyunseung didn’t believe that at first. As time drifted them apart, Hyunseung wishes he was never that dependent on him in the first place. He wishes that he believed.
Big Bang isn’t complete without all 6 of them, they had said. But now, they seemed so well off with only 5. He wasn’t needed, not on stage, not in the company, not in their hearts. And that was the thing that hurt the most. Not the stage that could have been, but the hearts of the people that meant so much.
It really was harder to part with some verses others. Even now, now that it’s been months since he left, he still can’t forget him. And times like these make him think he never will. Even if Big Bang would be complete without him, even if G-Dragon would be complete without SO-1, Hyunseung would never ever be complete without Jiyong.
Which is why when he started training with a new company, he always wonders why he bothers. Big Bang was and still is his family and to him, it’s the only family he wants.
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Beast. Beast, not Big Bang, he reminds himself the day before his debut. He made it this time. The half complete Hyunseung made it this time.
His new group is extremely nice to him. They were no Big Bang, but Hyunseung knows Big Bang is impossible now. No matter how hard he prays, no matter how much he isn’t willing to let go, Big Bang is impossible. Now, it’s only his friend Yoseob who brought him into the company, always cool Junhyung, the cute childish Kikwang and Kikwang’s little crush, maknae Dongwoon. Then of course, there was him. Doojoon.
Doojoon. What can Hyunseung say about him? He’s manly, extremely cool and the perfect leader. Oh, and good looking. Can’t forget that one. And there’s just... something about him that makes Hyunseung feel different and giddy inside every time he’s around. Hyunseung is sure it can’t be love because, well, he loves Jiyong, so how can he be in love with Doojoon? Nah, impossible, that’s just crazy.
As if his life was suddenly playing tricks on him, Hyunseung feels fluttery inside as he notices the person who just entered the room. The devil himself.
“Hyunseung!”Hyunseung smiles back, but how he wishes he could have just walked by and not notice him, but he guesses Doojoon is too good of a leader to not not notice his band mate.
Suddenly, he felt warmth on his head and soft cosy hands near his face. It’s a warmth that feel so familiar.
“You’re going to catch a cold.”
<---(flashback) here>
“I don’t want you sick. Wear this.” The Jiyong in front of him is not his leader, but Jiyong, his friend, his lover.
The soft fabric of this favourite black beanie surrounds his head as Jiyong took time to fix it out for him. The warmth he felt at that moment is something he won’t forget...
(end flashback)--->
“warmth...” Hyunseung mumbled unconsciously.
“Yah, you finally realize that it’s cold?”
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Every time Hyunseung turns on the radio in Beast’s van and hears GD’s new song “Heartbreaker”, he wonders how far he would have got. Would he have been solo too? Or an actor like TOP? Or MCing like Seungri?
He wonders if he and Jiyong would have been able to make it this far together.
He wonders who the heartbreaker he sings about is.
He wonders if he’s resting and eating well.
And he’s sure Doojoon catches on to his thoughts, because every single time the song plays on the radio, he takes no time to switch the channel, despite the complains from KiKwang and Dongwoon.
And it’s times like these that Hyunseung is so grateful for a leader like Doojoon.
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Sometimes, Hyunseung wishes he was Yoseob; he’s loud, outgoing and Doojoon loves him. Or he’s sure he does. He wishes he could, but he can’t stop the overwhelming jealousy he feels when Doojoon and Yoseob are together. He knows it’s wrong because he’s sure he loves Jiyong and he has no control of who Doojoon wants to be with. Sometimes, he wishes he could leave so he doesn’t have to see them together. Sometimes he wishes he never met Doojoon.
But when he comes by and does whatever he does, all those thoughts fly out the window and Hyunseung knows that it’s not friendship or even leaderly respect, but love.
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Beast is the B2st, Shock of the New Era... a year sure passes fast when you’re around people who you like. It’s been a year of Beast and sometimes Hyunseung still can’t let go of Big Bang. When he needs time to dwell on the past, Hyunseung would go out to the balcony of their dorm to get it all out.
Hyunseung knows he should let go, but he can’t. Not when he’s still not sure about Beast despite all that has gone by. He just... can’t.
Doojoon always makes sure that no one would go to bother him when he’s having one of his moments. Perhaps, Doojoon knows how Hyunseung feels to have to leave behind a lover, a job, a family and a dream all at once. Perhaps he doesn’t.
The glass door clicks open and Doojoon joins him out on the balcony.
“The stars are pretty bright today.”
Silence.
“I’ll leave you alone, but we have a schedule tomorrow and I don’t want you out here too long, okay? Get some rest.”
And Hyunseung wishes he could contain his emotions better because the next thing he knows, he’s crying into Doojoon’s shirt and Doojoon has his arms wrapped around him in a comforting hug.
“Hyunseung, you know everything happens for a reason... there must have been a reason why we are both here together now and not with our old groups...”
Silence.
“Hyunseung-ah, I think... my reason is you...”
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They say that you never realize what you have until it’s gone. Hyunseung didn’t believe that at first. Time drifted him and Jiyong apart and him and Doojoon together. Even if he realized too late, Hyunseung is glad for his second chance for everything he once missed out on. He knows that what’s gone is gone and even if it’s hard, he should focus on his present because that’s the only thing he has now.
You can never find the right thing if you never let go of the wrong ones.
...and Hyunseung knows that this time, everything’s right.