Victory for films!
Now, I normally don't read celebrity gossip; the personal lives and private pecadilloes of the rich and famous don't really matter to me, unless it somehow affects a film/franchise/program I am invested in. For example, not a day goes by where I don't worry that Robert Downey, Jr. might become a drug-and-booze-addled fuck-up again and ruin the unexpectedly-awesome Iron Man franchise Marvel is trying to build around him (alright, that's minor hyperbole, I don't really think about it that often. Just six or seven times per week).
However, a story I glanced at over a coworker's shoulder had me prowling the internet-machine for juicy tidbits. At last, the long-rumored pending divorce of Madonna from director Guy Ritchie was confirmed in a joint statement released by their publicists.
Madonna, as we well know, is a faded 80s pop-idol who doesn't act her age (anyone else see pictures of her 50-year-old ass strutting around stage during her latest tour in a leotard? If you didn't, you're fucking lucky) and is responsible for the worst theme in the entire, storied history of the James Bond film franchise. Guy Ritchie is a cult-famous British director best known for films involving indecipherable accents, ultra-violence, and Brad Pitt playing an Irish gypsie.
Why the hell do I care? Because not all that long ago, Madonna suggested the film Casablanca ought to be remade. Stop and think about that. Casablanca is probably one of the top contenders for the title of "greatest film in the history of American cinema." In any sane world, suggesting that it be remade would be punishable by the slowest, most horrific death people can devise. But maybe that's just me.
Not only did Madonna suggest it should be remade, she said she wanted to update it, and set it in fucking Iraq. She also thought it would be a great idea for her to play Ilsa. You know, the Ingrid Bergman role. The dame Bogart is all "hill of beans, here's looking at you, kid" at in the end of the picture. A role that calls for subtlety, nuance, and not being Madonna. She overlooked all of these vital aspects (especially the last one) and still said it. She possibly still believes it.
When she first announced this, I was more than a little upset. People tried to remind me that no one would be insane enough to do that. True, but she has enough money to maybe get things going, especially with a director husband who had once before cast her in an unnecessary remake. Just how much power did Madonna's twat have over him? Was it enough to have him committ to the unthinkable? Would the world actually get this celluloid abortion hoisted upon it in some desperate attempt to unseat Plan 9 From Outer Space as the worst thing in the whole of cinema?
But, for now, the threat has passed. Allegedly, she's now dating A-rod, and not Spielberg or Coppola or the only other person in the world who might take her idea seriously, Uwe Boll.
Jesus, there's a thought...maybe she'll start fucking Boll, convince him Casablanca was a video game, and then...
But, no. No. Let's not imagine such things. They might come true...
However, a story I glanced at over a coworker's shoulder had me prowling the internet-machine for juicy tidbits. At last, the long-rumored pending divorce of Madonna from director Guy Ritchie was confirmed in a joint statement released by their publicists.
Madonna, as we well know, is a faded 80s pop-idol who doesn't act her age (anyone else see pictures of her 50-year-old ass strutting around stage during her latest tour in a leotard? If you didn't, you're fucking lucky) and is responsible for the worst theme in the entire, storied history of the James Bond film franchise. Guy Ritchie is a cult-famous British director best known for films involving indecipherable accents, ultra-violence, and Brad Pitt playing an Irish gypsie.
Why the hell do I care? Because not all that long ago, Madonna suggested the film Casablanca ought to be remade. Stop and think about that. Casablanca is probably one of the top contenders for the title of "greatest film in the history of American cinema." In any sane world, suggesting that it be remade would be punishable by the slowest, most horrific death people can devise. But maybe that's just me.
Not only did Madonna suggest it should be remade, she said she wanted to update it, and set it in fucking Iraq. She also thought it would be a great idea for her to play Ilsa. You know, the Ingrid Bergman role. The dame Bogart is all "hill of beans, here's looking at you, kid" at in the end of the picture. A role that calls for subtlety, nuance, and not being Madonna. She overlooked all of these vital aspects (especially the last one) and still said it. She possibly still believes it.
When she first announced this, I was more than a little upset. People tried to remind me that no one would be insane enough to do that. True, but she has enough money to maybe get things going, especially with a director husband who had once before cast her in an unnecessary remake. Just how much power did Madonna's twat have over him? Was it enough to have him committ to the unthinkable? Would the world actually get this celluloid abortion hoisted upon it in some desperate attempt to unseat Plan 9 From Outer Space as the worst thing in the whole of cinema?
But, for now, the threat has passed. Allegedly, she's now dating A-rod, and not Spielberg or Coppola or the only other person in the world who might take her idea seriously, Uwe Boll.
Jesus, there's a thought...maybe she'll start fucking Boll, convince him Casablanca was a video game, and then...
But, no. No. Let's not imagine such things. They might come true...