And..... Scene
I'm back. It's over. For me.
I now know what Dickens meant when he said "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times."
I didn't think I was nervous. I didn't think it would be that big a deal. I didn't think it would be grueling - maybe a little tiring but not grueling. Holy hannah. I was dead wrong.
I tanked the first 2 nights. Had the worst sets I have ever had in my entire life. Ever. It was embarassing. I just.... psyched myself out. And then because I did that, I hated myself.
Yeah, good times.
Luckily though, from the moment we showed up at the Comedy Underground there were two guys there - two Toronto comics I had briefly talked to online about carpooling - who turned into my best friends ever. They were GREAT, GREAT support. They talked me out of quitting - because I was going to. They reminded me that I am the youngest (career-wise) competitor in this and that it's an honor just to be there. (so true). So I just decided to forget the scores. After two nights in last place there was no way I was making the semis anyway.
So I dropped the pressure off myself. Got out of my own way. And had 3 great sets. Whitman college loved me. The theater in Longview liked me (my first BIG theatre gig!). And Bellingham LOVED me. I went from scoring 5 out of 10s to scoring 7s,8s and 9s out of 10. Too little too late but I also realize that if I had to go on to the semis, I would have died of exhaustion.
The travelling between show locations was always between 1 hour and 5 hours. We travelled through mountain passes in a freak snowstorm. We travelled through a torrential downpour in the dark. And I did all the driving. I was fucking EXHAUSTED. We got home from shows, ate and hung out and went to bed around 2,3 or 4 everynight and then were up at 8,9,10 every morning to drive a billion hours, get to a new hotel, shower and get to the next gig. No naps. No downtime. No rest.
But I had Paul and Man-nay-nay (yes, that's a nickname) and Jennie (my friend from home). We had the BEST time together. it was weird how well and how quickly we bonded. I don't know if thats because we're all Canadian or just because. Either way I love those guys. I mean really, LOVE. Paul made it to the semis - me & ma-nay-nay didn't. He should make it to the finals. He's so fucking brilliant. And such a beautiful person - inside and out.
Anyway, I took today off work to try and get some sleep back. I'm so tired. So so tired.
You know what's funny too? When you finally start to move on... realize who you want you can't have and so you let the dream go. You move on. And suddenly, unexpectedly, you find someone else who you bond with and you get the butterflies for... who is just as crazy for you as you are for him..... and you suddenly realize you haven't thought of boy #1 in a solid week. And then..... he emails you OUT OF NOWHERE for the first time in over a MONTH.
Wow. Do guys have some kind of radar or something?!
Whoa! I don't think she's agonizing over me anymore. I should email her! Try and get inside her head again.
Oye vey. I don't get them. I really, really do not.