Comments | cantchangeme: How is it you can look forward to and dread something so much all at once?

renewedsoul_v in cantchangeme

How is it you can look forward to and dread something so much all at once?

Apr 16, 2006 17:04

After running around and getting everything we needed for tonight and putting it all away in the appropriate spots, short of the DVDs, which I left on the counter, I told Logan I was going to call my dad and disappeared into the bedroom. It wasn't like I was hiding what we were going to talk about from Logan. He pretty much knew anyway. How things ( Read more... )

Leave a comment

Back to all threads

logan_echolls April 17 2006, 00:52:00 UTC

I paused the game I'd been playing the moment Veronica came out of the bedroom and slipped in beside me, curling up at my side. Putting my controller down on the table in front of the couch, I wrapped an arm around her so she could settle in closer against me. I hadn't heard any of the conversation, nor had I eavesdropped, but Veronica's eyes were reddened slight with tears she had already cried or tears she was about to let out - tears she was probably holding back just because I was here, but tears she knew she couldn't hide ( ... )

renewedsoul_v April 17 2006, 20:52:43 UTC

"I don't think I could this without you." I whispered, letting out a breath before settling more into his arms. It wasn't as though I lacked the skills. That wasn't it. It was just even harder than I'd expected it to be to be so far away from my dad - to be almost unwilling to call him because that was just safer for all of us. And as much as I loved hearing his voice, it was always harder right after I hung up the phone. And Backup... some days I want nothing more than to be able to take him to play at the beach, so hearing he's taken up permanent residence on my bed is more than a little heartbreaking ( ... )

logan_echolls April 19 2006, 05:57:58 UTC

I let out a breath and brushed a few strands of her hair out of her face, away from her eyes and cheeks. "Well, you really don't have to worry about that," I told her firmly. Yeah, I got the fact that neither of us could do this without the other and that this was strictly something we had to do together, but I didn't leave things behind that I didn't not want to leave behind. I didn't have the father I cared enough to associate with or the people who really cared enough about my absence despite what Veronica said about her father saying Trina's been asking about me. Big fucking deal. She finally noticed her little brother? Whatever ( ... )

renewedsoul_v April 19 2006, 19:01:22 UTC

"I know. And I'm incredibly thankful for that." I promise him softly at his statement, reassurance, whatever it was, that I didn't have to worry about doing this alone. I knew that. Having him here made all of this bearable. He was the reason for all of it anyway... without him, what's the point?

"That was pretty much my reaction when my dad told me, too. Disbelief that she actually thought to ask him without needing something and known you wouldn't actually believe it when I told you. He was less than thrilled with that response, believe me." I told him, "But yeah, I don't know... he just told me to tell you she'd been in asking if he knew where you were. I know, it's weird."

"He also said the same thing I did - that if you did it, there wouldn't be so many people trying to make you look guilty." I pointed out when he said he thought my dad already thought he was innocent. It's true. He would have been trying even harder to keep me away from Logan otherwise, but it's not entirely the point. "And I'm sorry, I just thought he should ( ... )

logan_echolls April 20 2006, 05:26:01 UTC

"Well, your dad is an optimist," I replied. "Life sunny side up, glass half full. We're realists. She probably did need something, because I can't think of a time that Trina has ever decided to come visiting just because she was thinking of me." The whole court ordering her as a guardian until I was emancipated this Spring/Summer barely counted. Even as it was, I was emancipated a few weeks before turning 18 ( ... )

renewedsoul_v April 22 2006, 22:08:37 UTC

The tiniest of sighs escaped when Logan pointed out the difference between us and my dad. If my dad was anything but optimistic he would have given up a long time ago. He wouldn't have fought mom so hard about leaving Neptune. One thing I know for sure is that life would be very different than it is now for more reasons than I even care to count ( ... )

logan_echolls April 22 2006, 23:46:39 UTC

I would have been perfectly fine with Veronica stopping at the fact that she just fulfilled a promise to her dad that Trina was thinking of me. You know, that was enough. I knew when she said that we were missed that it had meant she was missed, that Neptune wanted her home while only wanting to lock me up for a crime I may or may not have committed.

But Veronica didn't stop there. Even expecting her to stop there was probably too much. I was actually doing what I could not to engage in a fight - because we always did seem to bait each other into one easily. She knew I didn't want to talk about this: that night on the bridge, Felix's murder, why we were here. She knew that, but she kept pressing the buttons anyway. She even openly questions her dad's right to know about those dreams along with questioning me if the dreams were true or not.

I refrain from gritting teeth or something equally expressive of my frustration with her questions. I look up towards her as if I can say it all with my eyes. What for? is the question I'm ( ... )

renewedsoul_v April 23 2006, 01:44:54 UTC

I could see the frustration mounting in him with every word that came spilling out of my mouth. It was like a kettle getting ready to whistle signaling it was boiling, and yet somehow the words dripping with a touch of sarcasm and hostility just kept coming ( ... )

logan_echolls April 23 2006, 03:00:57 UTC

I let out a sigh of my own as she explained what was going on. The anger almost completely dissipates in an instant. It wasn't as if I couldn't already see that she was beyond stressed and tired. It wasn't as if I hadn't known that was why she was on edge and saying things she didn't want to, but couldn't help ( ... )

renewedsoul_v April 24 2006, 20:13:50 UTC

He catches my arm lightly, more of an attempt to make me hear him than it is to stop me. It's not even close to being hard enough to actually force me to stop... he just wants me to hear what he's saying. Not to leave ( ... )

logan_echolls April 25 2006, 04:34:46 UTC

I'm not sure whether to be glad or not that she humors me with a smile, so I might as well be glad that she at least didn't continue on her way to the bedroom. She'd have left the two of us to mope in our own ways; me probably losing myself within PS2, getting bored or pissed and going out and her probably either actually indulging in what she's feeling or possibly doing something manic like cleaning ( ... )

renewedsoul_v April 25 2006, 06:44:54 UTC

I returned the kiss softly, relaxing into his touch, feeling all the tension drain away as his fingers threaded gently into my hair for a moment. He might not like that I told my dad, but at least he wasn't going to hold it against me. He doesn't want me to worry about him. I knew that. I just couldn't seem to help myself at times. At least this time I didn't go into some total panic mode and do something I'd spend months regretting. Small favours, right? I'm learning ( ... )

Back to all threads