(no subject)
Today was stressful to say the least especially after my morning drama. I said I had stepped off the drama train but I allowed myself to step right back on it. Sigh. I'm feeling blah. I feel lonely. I'm thinking I deserve it but that's stupid in itself. I know better. I know I am not lonely and I know I don't deserve it.
I am still upset about the breach of trust and slander that my ex friend did to me earlier today. To mention things about someone without mentioning them by name is one thing but to just put it ALL out there is quite another. I'm no angel, I won't deny I said things. It was very wrong.I regreted them but I have never mentioned his PERSONAL business or personal conversations that I know would be hurtful to him on my lj. When you have a private conversation in which you are pouring your heart out or anything else that comes from your heart or you are angry about, you expect the conversation to stay there, in trust with that person not to be shared with others. He's quite young but this doesn't excuse it. Only once did I mention something personal when I replied to someone earlier today. It was so vicious, so vindicative, so sick, I am shocked, and no one stopped to ask, why he posted personal emails. Not one single person. He did it before with a mutual person we both knew. He took it upon himself to cut and paste our conversation. Unreal. Trust is important and now it's been shattered. One of my friends said he would never do that to me let alone an enemy.
I'm just glad I'm away from that situation. I know that in time, I will be alright. I won't have to worry about what I say around him, won't have to worry about him calling me ungodly, sinful because of same sex attractions I have etc. Sorry for the rant but this hurts. It really does. The loss of a friendship is no small thing. I can't sit up here and bullshit anyone. It fucking hurts.
The only bright thing in night is one of my guy friends, he said I was very special to him. He said he wanted to take me into his arms and hold me. After that, he said, as long as he lived, he would always be here for me. He told me he loved me, he never said that before. He called me his closest friend, I didn't know until that moment I was so I was floored. He said God brought us together. That made me feel so happy and warm inside. That's God at work right there. God works like that, he always sends people to me when I'm down. Bless his heart! He is a special and wonderful man. He's got a powerful heart. I thank God for my friends. They are dear to me. I read the bible earlier today and I'm going to pray to God as always before I go to bed. I need prayer. Will you anyone pray for me? I would appreciate it! Thanks
I am still upset about the breach of trust and slander that my ex friend did to me earlier today. To mention things about someone without mentioning them by name is one thing but to just put it ALL out there is quite another. I'm no angel, I won't deny I said things. It was very wrong.I regreted them but I have never mentioned his PERSONAL business or personal conversations that I know would be hurtful to him on my lj. When you have a private conversation in which you are pouring your heart out or anything else that comes from your heart or you are angry about, you expect the conversation to stay there, in trust with that person not to be shared with others. He's quite young but this doesn't excuse it. Only once did I mention something personal when I replied to someone earlier today. It was so vicious, so vindicative, so sick, I am shocked, and no one stopped to ask, why he posted personal emails. Not one single person. He did it before with a mutual person we both knew. He took it upon himself to cut and paste our conversation. Unreal. Trust is important and now it's been shattered. One of my friends said he would never do that to me let alone an enemy.
I'm just glad I'm away from that situation. I know that in time, I will be alright. I won't have to worry about what I say around him, won't have to worry about him calling me ungodly, sinful because of same sex attractions I have etc. Sorry for the rant but this hurts. It really does. The loss of a friendship is no small thing. I can't sit up here and bullshit anyone. It fucking hurts.
The only bright thing in night is one of my guy friends, he said I was very special to him. He said he wanted to take me into his arms and hold me. After that, he said, as long as he lived, he would always be here for me. He told me he loved me, he never said that before. He called me his closest friend, I didn't know until that moment I was so I was floored. He said God brought us together. That made me feel so happy and warm inside. That's God at work right there. God works like that, he always sends people to me when I'm down. Bless his heart! He is a special and wonderful man. He's got a powerful heart. I thank God for my friends. They are dear to me. I read the bible earlier today and I'm going to pray to God as always before I go to bed. I need prayer. Will you anyone pray for me? I would appreciate it! Thanks