if this is what happens when i buy new sneakers i'll kill someone
this morning i was watching slc punk, in fact no not this morning as it's only about 8 and i just finished watching the movie. either way tho brilliant. however the ending was terribly sad, horrible and ironic. insane how those kinds of endings are. but yea. so i started crying because bob died, he shouldn't have died, he didn't deserve to die, but because of someone else's fuckup he died. and i started crying, but when i tasted my tears they were not salty sorrow love filled tears but poisonous crap leaking out of me. but then now that i look at it i've changed so much and not only do i notice but so do other ppl, emily for instance, and ryan. i had a civil conversation with sam. it made me happy because for once we were both civil, no tears, no hatred, no putdowns. it was pleasant. except what happens when i turn into them, i'm turning into the enemy. so what happens to me now, i change, next comes the question, what am i supposed to look like now, what do i believe in now, because all of a sudden i'm looking at it and i don't believe in what i used to anymore, am i going to have a falling out with my life? am i going to start to disown the ppl that i so dearly loved that i was so attatched to? i hope not, i hope i walk into school on monday and things are the way they were, funny how everyone around me was falling apart and now for once i'm rising, as they fall i rise, i become everything i've tried to be for so long.amazing the irony of it. yea i don't even know at this point i'm just scared that i start questioning everything i've believed in for the last few years and i have to start anew. yea maybe i'll be able to come through for myself and stay crazy for just a little while longer. well i think i'm going to go do other things in order to not question anything n e more, i'm off peace.