(no subject)
ok so i haven't updated in ages so here i am to update. i have become something different, something quiet and sort of out of the loop, not that it's bad, kind lonely but that's being taken care of. today i hung out with ryan in the morning and since it's good friday he wanted to get a little praying at the church in so before he drove me home and went to work we stopped in at the church, however it was the same church in which jesse's mom's wake was held, and as we kneeled there and prayed tears started burning my eyes and all of the emotions and images flooded my mind from that day and then i remembered how much i'd hurt ryan sullivan and how terrible i felt, so i just sat there and i cried, and as we walked out ryan put his arm around me and when we got in the car he just hugged me, we didn't even talk. it was meaningful, and then later on i had to drop off a movie to him so i walked to papa gino's and it was really kool because i saw a rabbit run in front of me and it was sooo neat. and yea then i chilled wit carlos and chelsea and it was kool, we watched law and order and what women want. later on when carlos was driving me home he said we def. should do something tomorow and to give him a ring and that made me happy cuz yea he was inviting me to do something and just yea made me feel wanted. and to top my night off bill called me and he was drunk out of his mind, but not violent nasty drunk more like meaningful soulful drunk. and we talked for like and hour and a half and he kept saying please don't leave me and he told me how he felt so lonely and hollow and how he thinks that for once in his life he may love someone and it's me because i am not there to be lusted after and he made sure i would call him tomorow and told me i was so beautiful and just everything seems to meaningful today and the moon oh lord the moon was amazing. so i think i may sleep right now and just kinda live. farewell farewell parting is such sweet sorrow.