Oh, bovine faeces.
Oh, bovine faeces.
OT12; PG; Humour, crack
Are you good at English?
A/N:
I didn't even read through this before posting it. OTL breaking a million writing rules. WHO AM I TO TALK ABOUT ENGLISH. I'm a terrible writer I'm sorry. ;_;
Italics are meant to represent words spoken in English.
“We're going to USA!” Kai cheered, throwing his arms up in the air and executing a celebratory arabesque.
“Don’t be so happy, ballet boy,” Kris said glumly. “We’re going to have to learn English for the interviews. Hello sleepless nights filled with terrible grammar.”
Baekhyun gave Kris a strange look. “What’re you complaining for? At least you can speak basic English.”
“It’s exactly because I can that makes the prospect sound terrifying. All of you are going to be bugging me and I’m going to have to sit through hours of broken English.”
“…cocky ass.” Luhan muttered under his breath, making sure to step on Kris’ foot as he walked past him into his room.
“Today, we will be learning how to hold simple conversations in English,” their teacher announced, tapping the chalkboard with a metal pointer. “Let’s start with Kris as an example, since I’ve been told that he can speak English rather fluently.”
Turning to their giant leader, she addressed him with a few sentences spoken in English. “What is your role in this group?”
“I… I am the… er, a… the leader, and I play an important role in… erm… taking… er…”
“You’re Kris, right?” She cut in, staring at him with an unimpressed gaze.
He nodded slowly, and she sighed, and then murmured to their manager. “Who’s the idiot who told me that he’s fluent in English?”
“He is. It’s just that he’s a slow speaker.”
“Understatement of the century,” she frowned. “Do you mind toning down the amount of speech fillers that you use?”
The rest of the members snickered softly, and Kris retaliated by kicking those who were seated near him under the table.
“Maybe we should try expanding your vocabulary first.” She suggested, drawing two columns on the chalkboard. “Kyungsoo, can you give me two words? Any two words.”
“Erm… erm…” His eyes darted towards around the room, and landed on Tao’s printed shirt of a cow jumping over the moon. “Bull… and… shit.” He added, when he saw a pigeon unleash its watery diarrhea on the window.
Next to him, Chanyeol snorted.
“What?” Kyungsoo asked, before realizing what he had said. He flushed a bright red as the teacher raised an eyebrow at him.
“Fine. We’ll go with those two words,” she said, jotting them down on the left column. “Lay, I need another two. Try to be sensible,” she added, glancing quickly at Kyungsoo, who turned an even darker shade of red.
She asked another two members, and wrote down the words on the board in multi-coloured chalk, gathering a grand total of eight different words.
“Okay, so anyone has any synonyms for these words?” She asked, after writing down the Korean and the English versions on the board.
“I don’t actually think they’ll need to learn how to say the words ‘bull’ and ‘shit’, in that order, Miss.” Their manager whispered to her.
“Nonsense. They can always learn a more sophisticated way of expressing themselves in that manner by using posh words, and it’s always good to know when people are insulting you.”
“Bovine!” Sehun called out, pointing at the word ‘bull’.
“Very good, Sehun. Now let’s say we substitute the word ‘shit’ with ‘faeces’. When we put it together, we’ll get the phrase ‘bovine faeces’. Now, isn’t that a much classier way to express ourselves when we want to say ‘bull shit’? Remember this the next time you want to impress someone with your command of language.”
“This is strange.” Suho muttered under his breath, twiddling his thumbs under the table.
The lesson continued on in that manner, with other members slowly warming up to their teacher. Kai insisted that they learn all the swear words in English, under the pretense of needing to know when people were insulting them. By this time, their teacher had also given up all hope of having a proper lesson, and gladly taught them the various vulgarities, going to great lengths to give synonyms to jazz up their conversations.
Their manager, who was initially horrified, soon got used to it, and typed notes into his hand phone. He figured that it’d come in handy the next time he went to visit his mother-in-law.
“This is so full of shit,” Kris muttered under his breath as the rest took down notes.
“Admit you enjoy it.” Luhan teased under his breath.
“Bull shit, I-”
“Kris!” She cried out, eyebrows pulled into an intimidating frown. Kris wasn’t afraid, though. His own caterpillars were way more fearsome than hers. “What do we say?”
“Huh, what?” He looked up and stared hard at her. She jabbed wildly at the board with the pointer, where the colourful column of synonyms screamed for his attention.
“Oh, bovine faeces.”
OT12; PG; Humour, crack
Are you good at English?
A/N:
I didn't even read through this before posting it. OTL breaking a million writing rules. WHO AM I TO TALK ABOUT ENGLISH. I'm a terrible writer I'm sorry. ;_;
Italics are meant to represent words spoken in English.
“We're going to USA!” Kai cheered, throwing his arms up in the air and executing a celebratory arabesque.
“Don’t be so happy, ballet boy,” Kris said glumly. “We’re going to have to learn English for the interviews. Hello sleepless nights filled with terrible grammar.”
Baekhyun gave Kris a strange look. “What’re you complaining for? At least you can speak basic English.”
“It’s exactly because I can that makes the prospect sound terrifying. All of you are going to be bugging me and I’m going to have to sit through hours of broken English.”
“…cocky ass.” Luhan muttered under his breath, making sure to step on Kris’ foot as he walked past him into his room.
“Today, we will be learning how to hold simple conversations in English,” their teacher announced, tapping the chalkboard with a metal pointer. “Let’s start with Kris as an example, since I’ve been told that he can speak English rather fluently.”
Turning to their giant leader, she addressed him with a few sentences spoken in English. “What is your role in this group?”
“I… I am the… er, a… the leader, and I play an important role in… erm… taking… er…”
“You’re Kris, right?” She cut in, staring at him with an unimpressed gaze.
He nodded slowly, and she sighed, and then murmured to their manager. “Who’s the idiot who told me that he’s fluent in English?”
“He is. It’s just that he’s a slow speaker.”
“Understatement of the century,” she frowned. “Do you mind toning down the amount of speech fillers that you use?”
The rest of the members snickered softly, and Kris retaliated by kicking those who were seated near him under the table.
“Maybe we should try expanding your vocabulary first.” She suggested, drawing two columns on the chalkboard. “Kyungsoo, can you give me two words? Any two words.”
“Erm… erm…” His eyes darted towards around the room, and landed on Tao’s printed shirt of a cow jumping over the moon. “Bull… and… shit.” He added, when he saw a pigeon unleash its watery diarrhea on the window.
Next to him, Chanyeol snorted.
“What?” Kyungsoo asked, before realizing what he had said. He flushed a bright red as the teacher raised an eyebrow at him.
“Fine. We’ll go with those two words,” she said, jotting them down on the left column. “Lay, I need another two. Try to be sensible,” she added, glancing quickly at Kyungsoo, who turned an even darker shade of red.
She asked another two members, and wrote down the words on the board in multi-coloured chalk, gathering a grand total of eight different words.
“Okay, so anyone has any synonyms for these words?” She asked, after writing down the Korean and the English versions on the board.
“I don’t actually think they’ll need to learn how to say the words ‘bull’ and ‘shit’, in that order, Miss.” Their manager whispered to her.
“Nonsense. They can always learn a more sophisticated way of expressing themselves in that manner by using posh words, and it’s always good to know when people are insulting you.”
“Bovine!” Sehun called out, pointing at the word ‘bull’.
“Very good, Sehun. Now let’s say we substitute the word ‘shit’ with ‘faeces’. When we put it together, we’ll get the phrase ‘bovine faeces’. Now, isn’t that a much classier way to express ourselves when we want to say ‘bull shit’? Remember this the next time you want to impress someone with your command of language.”
“This is strange.” Suho muttered under his breath, twiddling his thumbs under the table.
The lesson continued on in that manner, with other members slowly warming up to their teacher. Kai insisted that they learn all the swear words in English, under the pretense of needing to know when people were insulting them. By this time, their teacher had also given up all hope of having a proper lesson, and gladly taught them the various vulgarities, going to great lengths to give synonyms to jazz up their conversations.
Their manager, who was initially horrified, soon got used to it, and typed notes into his hand phone. He figured that it’d come in handy the next time he went to visit his mother-in-law.
“This is so full of shit,” Kris muttered under his breath as the rest took down notes.
“Admit you enjoy it.” Luhan teased under his breath.
“Bull shit, I-”
“Kris!” She cried out, eyebrows pulled into an intimidating frown. Kris wasn’t afraid, though. His own caterpillars were way more fearsome than hers. “What do we say?”
“Huh, what?” He looked up and stared hard at her. She jabbed wildly at the board with the pointer, where the colourful column of synonyms screamed for his attention.
“Oh, bovine faeces.”