(no subject)
... I have ten minutes to prep this batch and eat before running off to class. Er. Ah. Oh well.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Heero Yuy
Series: Gundam Wing
Age: 15
Canon: Gundam Wing is the third in a long line of many similar space mobile suit series, noted for its giant fighting mechas, insanely young (and pretty!) soldier-protagonists, and lots of large, shiny explosions.
Heero Yuy is one of five young men, all around 15, who are sent to Earth as guerrilla fighters against the military organization known as OZ. He is shown to be the most capable of the small team, trained and raised to be a Perfect Soldier. The pilot of first the Wing Gundam, and later the Wing Zero, Heero completes his missions with deadly efficiency and dedication, not even hesitating to take his own life if need be. While all this may make him appear ruthless, stoic, and emotionless, his motto in life is actually that the best way to live life is by following one’s emotions. And he does-just apparently not on the battlefield. Or rather, Heero is able to carefully separate his emotions and not let them distract him from his tasks. He is also impossibly gifted in a variety of activities including, but not limited to, basketball, hacking, horseback riding, and fencing.
Sample Post:
There have been recent reports of a suspicious region on Earth. Perhaps OZ has set up a new training camp, or a base for more mobile doll production. Investigation appears to be the best course of action at this time as I have been unable to secure any other reliable information.
0900: Depart for “Camp Fuck You Die”.
1300: Target location reached. Infiltration-successful. It doesn’t look like a military camp, but appearances can be deceiving.
Preliminary assessment of base security measures:
Wards set around the perimeters- exact coordinates and power source unknown. Managed to reduce Zero to a fraction of its usual size, rendering it largely ineffective unless countermeasures are taken to dismantle the ward. Threat level: potentially problematic. (Note: Look into reversing the effects on Zero for a start; its new tendency to beep and flash is irritating and could endanger the mission.)
Gorillas- Earlier attempts to immobilize and use for infiltration purposes have confirmed that they are real despite their odd colouring as opposed to guards in suits. Strong, but lacking in speed and intelligence. Threat level: low.
Unidentifed Corpses Capable of Movement (hereby called UCCMs)- most prominent and numerous security feature. Likely results of failed biotechnology experimentations. OZ is using them as target practice for the trainees. Most effective way of neutralizing appears to be a 9mm to the head region. Threat level: negligible.
I have also compiled a list of new, yet-to-be-deciphered OZ codes, the most common of which are “fuckyoudie”, “moogle” (suspect this to be a new drug; have heard hearsay of “saving” and “revival”), and “tentacle monster” (believe this to refer to a new mobile suit model). I will conduct further investigations and -
Addendum: There are also talking birds. Threat level and purpose unknown. Possibly intended to be spy devices.
… Affirmative, that is where I keep my gun, and no, I am not “just happy to see you”.
Most effective method of neutralization: see “UCCMs”.
Heero Yuy, out.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sumeragi Hokuto
Series: Tokyo Babylon / X/1999 (cameo)
Age: 16
Canon: [Spoilers for the end of TB] Tokyo Babylon follows the onmyouji (something similar to an exorcist or medium who uses magic based on ying and yang) Sumeragi Subaru the 13th heir of the Sumeragi family and the enemy of the assassin clan of the Sakurazukamori.
Hokuto is Subaru's twin sister who mainly serves as the comedy relief in TB with her boisterous and over-the-top attitude. She inherited very little of the powers that Subaru did and that seems to suit her flighty and frivolous attitude just fine. She actively supports and cheers for Subaru to marry Seishiro (a much older veterinarian who turns out to be psychotic assassin :D; ) and delights in just making shy Subaru blush and pointing out his patheticness. Despite that it's obvious that Hokuto loves her brother more than anything else in the world she always mothers and tells him to eat and watches out for him-her greatest wish is for Subaru to be happy and a little selfish every once in a while. In the end of Tokyo Babylon Hokuto sacrifices her life for Subaru and dies at the hands of the Sakurazukamori.
Oh, have I mentioned her wardrobe?
Sample Post:
Hokuto-chan reporting in! ♥
Now let's see here… my, my, this is rather an odd little place to come to, don't you think? As the most beloved sister to an omyoji I was sure I knew at least a little more about the afterlife than the average person but…this really isn't what I had pictured! Zombies in place of angels, shotguns rather than halos, tentacles instead of transcendent bliss, that sort of thing, you know? I mean, if I didn't know better I'd say this was a Hollywood set of some cheapo zombie flick! How passé.
I think this place needs a little spicing up Hokuto-chan style! It needs more action! More drama ! You think you can scare anyone? Oh ho ho! Even a delicate beauty such as myself would yawn in your face with such a pitiful act. Tch! Put some feeling into those moans! You're in agony --not auditioning for soft-core porn!
That's it! You should have some confidence and pride in what you are! Nothing should ever be done half-heartedly or else it's just not worth doing. Even zombie…-ing. Ahem. Now--make me quiver in my (gorgeous brand new) pumps! They match the magenta cat suit that I finished last week~ tee hee!
Ah, before anything else, I…no one has seen a guy that looks like me around, right? A hopelessly clueless klutz who has excellent taste in clothes and an adorable face? No? …good.
Who's next? You, sir, would look dashing with some shoulder pads! ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Nobue Itoh
Series: Strawberry Marshmallow
Age: 16
Canon: Strawberry Marshmallow is a slice-of-life/harem series with a
twist. Instead of high school to college aged characters, it follow the
lives of four elementary school girls and the vaguely pedophilic high school
girl they hang out with.
Nobue Ito. She's sixteen. She smokes, she drinks, she drives recklessly, and
her personality isn't fantastic, either. She's willing to help out her
sister, or any of her sister's cute friends, true, but other times turns
around and bothers them, steals from them, or kidnaps them from school.
She's interested in fashion, adventure, and has little to no self control.
She's not very bright either, and sucks at video games. Redeeming features?
She's good with kids...? She's fun at parties...?
Nobue. She's a relatively spastic, cheerful girl, who's nicotine and lolicon
addictions rule her life. ♥
Sample Post:
Okay, aside from waking up at anungodly hour of the morning -- It's
SUMMER, okay?! Summer means sleeping in, despite what my alarm clock thinks.
Who gave Chi permission to set it for me, anyway? Er, aside
from that, today has been alright. I've been sitting on buses and napping
the whole way here, and my legs are sore as fuck; but now I'm finally here.
Camp Fuck You Die. Gotta say, I like the name. ♥
But for being a Summer Camp, this place sure is... Swampy. Every time I
heard about Camps they were always sunshine and sparkles, green grass and
blue skies. It's pretty dreary here. Murky. I keep hearing things in the
bushes - groaning noises. Perverts? Murderers? Equally bad...
Gah, the noises are stressing me out~ I need a smoke. ... Leave me alone,
I'm trying to quit. Because, obviously, a sixteen year old girl
should not be smoking. I don't know how I get away with
'being twenty' so often. Do I really look old? D: But trying to
fight off the addiction is kind of hard, you know! For I while I was okay
with just eating pocky, but I, uh... Kept gaining weight.
... Whatever. Chi will be happy - even if I can get cigarettes, I probably
can't get any alcohol around here. She's so against me drinking~ Even more
than our parents. I should text message her might get me less freaked
out about those nois--what was that noise?!
Who ever's there, you better look out! I'm ready whoop out my fake-ass
kung-fu! Unless you're someone to walk with me the rest of the way,
which would rock. I packed too many outfits, my bags are heavy for
just me
Hm~ The name and the noises. They show character - make this place
interesting. Hell yeah.
...
The noises are still freaking me out, where's my cell phone?!
Chiiiiii
Poll Vote!
Character: Atobe Keigo
Series: Prince of Tennis
Age: 14/15
Canon: You are the prince of tennis~ Well, no, Atobe isn't; that title goes to Echizen Ryoma, star of the series and Mary-Sue sometimes brat. But Atobe's something of a "king" in his own right. He's rich, he's talented, and in a school known for its tennis, he's at the very top of it all, captaining the two hundred plus team with ease, charisma, and a flair for the dramatic. Proud and showy, and though he's got something of a massive ego, he's still a hard worker and dedicated to his team. Rather pompous besides, he's known to refer to himself as "Ore-sama", which can roughly be translated into "my great self" (in the first person). Quite self-centered. Even so, the things he boasts, he can back up.
But in the end, tennis >>> everything. Which means he's somewhat obsessive over Tezuka, and Sanada, because they've beaten him, and he's got his pride, yo. Not like Inui with the stalkage, but given the chance, he will declare challenge.
For those who care, I'm taking him mostly from the manga, which means less of the Mizuki-esque flamboyance. Also, before his Nationals game against Echizen, (as a matter of fact, before Hyoutei even plays Seigaku) because it's more fun that way. By the way, Hyoutei can be translated to "Ice Empire", and Konomi does play with the name by making Atobe's newest move "Ice World".
Sample Post:
I demand that you let me out of here.
I do understand, however, why one might want to capture my great self, and indeed, I must commend you for your... novel approach. At the very least, I've certainly never heard of using a vending machine to kidnap someone. However, you'll find that I would be much more open to negotiation were you to let me out of it. As ridiculous as it was, I won't even ask how the machine... vacuumed me in. By all respects, such a thing should be physically impossible, though undoubtedly, it was a trick of the light and special effects. What else could it be? Ahn? What is it that you want? Money? Revenge? Did a business deal with my father go wrong? I'll have you know I have little to do with his transactions, though if it's such a matter I'm sure something could be worked out. If it's tennis, then perhaps we have some common ground, hm?
Still, we shall get nowhere unless you let me ou-- unf. Ahem. Thank you. Perhaps I should have phrased my request better. "Return me to the courts", though I had no idea I would need to be more specific. I'm afraid I may have overestimated you, whomever you may be. Certainly, I didn't expect your cowardice, as you dumped me into this cesspool of a jungle. You could at least give me the courtesy of facing me, if you are to make demands on my presence. A rather significant match is about to take place, and certainly nothing you may need me for is as crucial.
A brochure? Well, I am truly sorry for this Lady Director's loss, but I fail to see how it has anything to do with me. Excuse me! You gorillas! I demand you to cease manhandling me. Ah, they let go.
...Hmph, that's why.
Amusing, very amusing. For your sake, I will hope that this ice melts soon. Better to release me at once, and regain some measure of favor, than wait until my great insight sees through this foolish scheme of yours and I escape myself. Beware, my captor! For this great being called Atobe Keigo.
Come out and show yourself! I challenge you to a match.
Poll Vote!
Character: Light Yagami
Series: Death Note
Age: 18
Canon: Death Note; the story of Light Yagami, your average high school genius, versus L, the greatest detective in the world (who seems to have a liking for sweets). But of course, these two aren't in a death match for no reason! Light has a dirty little secret (one that would be perfect Postsecret fodder), and L is on to it. Light possesses the Death Note, a notebook dropped by a Shinigami that allows him to kill anyone with a few simple pen strokes. Light (workname: Kira) uses this Death Note to kill off the world's criminals in the name of what he calls justice. Light thinks he's good. L thinks he's bad. The world's population is split between the two, and only hope that Kira doesn't find out they stole a candybar back in the 3rd grade.
'If L is indeed the world's greatest detective, then why hasn't he caught Light?!' you ask? The answer is simple. L might be brilliant, innovative, and unorthodox, but so is Light, and even more so! Light is cool, calculating, suave, and quite the manipulative bastard. The fact he works closely with L on the Kira case doesn't help L either. L and Light work together so much, you could say they were inseparable. Literally.
Sample Post:
Camp Fuck You Die certainly exceeds expectations.
I'll admit, my expectations of camp were low, especially after a quick glance over at the brochure on the plane trip over. Honestly, Camp Fuck You Die? Was it some attempt at crude humor, or reverse psychology? Not only does the brochure lack information (The happiest place on Earth. The End?), but the grammar leaves something to be desired. Is it Camp Fuck, You Die or Camp Fuck You, Die? The placement of that one comma has a tremendous impact of the meaning of the phrase.
The brochure could have made a mention onto the imported wildlife in the area at least. I see the Director went to great lengths to procure animals. The addition of the purple gorillas and giant squid are nice touches, but did you think of what it would do to the local ecosystem? While the giant squid gives the camp a sort of 'foreign-fantasy horror' feel, I'm sure it's presence is causing a huge upset in the local nutria and crawfish population. The 'purple' gorillas? They resemble a crossbreed between the Western Lowland Gorilla's and Cross River Gorilla. I highly doubt this was a government approved crossbreed. Speaking of governments, has the Director thought of what the local government would say? Apparently illegal importation is all fun and games until someone gets arrested.
There’s one last topic for me to address. The moment I touched down, I was handed three marriage certificates. I’m positive that polygamy is illegal, even in Louisiana. While it is flattering, I am definitely not a mail order groom. And no, I don’t think the government of Louisiana is an ‘anarcho-syndicalist commune’, and even if it were, polygamy would still be illegal.
Poll Vote!
Character: Shinohara Wakaba
Series: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Age: 14
Canon: Shinohara Wakaba is a hopeless romantic, a terrible student, an incorrigible gossip, and the best friend anyone could ask for. Fortunately for Tenjou Utena, the heroine of the series, Wakaba is her best friend. Bubbly and affectionate, Wakaba is quick to give her biased opinion, quick to defend people, and especially quick to proclaim how awesome Utena is. She also likes to shout to the world her undying love for Utena. While almost knocking Utena out of a window with one of her tackling hugs. And making comments that Utena's her boyfriend, much to Utena's chagrin.
Not to say that Wakaba doesn't have a dark side; her jealousy and inferiority complex are considerable and she is manipulated by them at one point in the series. She's just quite good at repressing, particularly when assisted by a mind-wipe. In a world where swords come out of chests, curry can be explosive, and the main villain does flips on a speeding convertible, Wakaba provides an element of normality that is much-needed in Utena's life. It also doesn't hurt that she's the cutest thing ever.
Sample Post:
Utena! Uteeeenaaa! Utena-sama! Why aren't you talking to your ultra-best friend? Uteeeeenaaaaa. Why is there underwear all over that tree? Are you listening to me, Utena? What are those weird squirting roses? U-te-na, I didn't jump on you that hard, why is your arm falling...off...
Ew, you're not Utena!
I don't know why zombie people are walking around with pink hair, pretending to be the coolest person ever, but I don't like it. This place is a summer camp, right? Then there should be three-legged races and campfires and no, body parts shouldn't be used instead of wood! Campfires are very good for exciting, romantic development but burned zombie smell isn't. I don't care if it's the best way to get rid of the bodies, love should be ignited around a campfire, not dead people.
Plus, if the fire is full of zombies, you can't toast marshmallows. Toasting marshmallows is important too. You can also cook a lunch full of love over the fire for your special someone. But put effort into it! And if you can't cook, you can impress them by making prepackaged food look good. You can use food coloring to dye the marshmallows pink. Or you could soften the jerky and shape it into hearts. Think how pretty that would be...no, no, no, not nooses, hearts!
Well! I was going to leave right away, because no way would Utena stay in such an uncool place, but I can't go before I tell everyone how you're doing it all wrong. It being dating. Because in a place like this, it's really obvious that no one is dating the right way. There should be romance and only two people involved and sport convertibles! Maybe that's why everyone is upset. Because you're trying to date around a zombie fire and it isn't working. Well, don't worry, Wakaba-chan is here to help!
But if any of you playboys are thinking of trying anything with me while I'm here, you'd better think again. I've got a boyfriend! She'll totally kick your ass!
Poll Vote!
Character: Bulma Briefs
Series: Dragon Ball
Age: 17/18 (about a year after the Red Ribbon Army was defeated)
Canon: In the world of Dragon Ball, people and dinosaurs co-exist, a talking dog is the King of the World, and a lasting friendship is forged between a monkey-tailed boy and a girl with an I.Q. that's as impressive as her bank account.
Bulma is the only child of the wealthy and brilliant Dr. Briefs and his flirtatious wife (Dr. Briefs invented the Hoi Poi Capsules - small containers that can store practically anything, including houses and aircraft.) She is high-strung, moody, and self-absorbed. If she sets her sights on something - or someone, rest assured she'll do whatever it takes to get it, even if that means offering a quick panty peek or an even quicker panty grope. She'll put on a brave front if she's in the company of her super-strong friends, but she’s also quick to run away if the odds shift against them.
Shortly after discovering the dragon balls - seven palm-sized marbles that allow one wish to be granted when all of them are gathered, Bulma invented a radar device that would help locate them. At first, Bulma planned on using the dragon balls to get a lifetime supply of strawberries, but changed her mind and decided to ask for a "hunky" boyfriend instead.
Sample Post:
Ew, ew, ew! This has to be the worst place yet that I’ve tracked one of the dragon balls! It figures that the very last one would end up in a dump like this. I mean really, "Camp Fuck You Die?" Definitely not a Bed & Breakfast.
Still, a landing strip would have been nice. I'm sure that... person didn't appreciate my "dropping in" on him like that, but in my defense, I did yell for him to get out of the way. Besides, he must not have been hurt too badly if he was able to get up and make a pass at me. Sure, I can understand that he’d be thankful he’s not dead after colliding with my plane, but did he really think I'd be impressed by his sucking up to my intelligence? Honestly, groaning "braaiinns" has to be the most unromantic thing I've ever heard. Ch! Talk to the hand, buddy!
Ah, finally - civilization! And so what if it's a dump - I'm in Hunk Heaven! ♥ ♥ ♥ Hi there, I'm Bulma. Would somebody please tell me how I can acquire a guest pass? I don’t expect I’ll need access to this... resort... for more than a day or two. But for you hotties, I might just consider extending my stay! ♥
No, I only need a guest pass; my lodging's covered, thanks. I just need a level piece of ground that’s large enough... Oh, that clearing over there will be perfect! Now let's see, where's my house capsule? Ah, here we go.
There - one completely furnished capsule house! Of course, since my dad owns the company that invented these little beauties, my house is top-of-the-line. And even if I'll only be here for one or two nights, there's no way I'm staying in any of those cabins; I so don't do "rustic."
H-hey there, be careful. Wait - you can’t all just go barging into someone’s house uninvited! And tell me I did not just hear "dibs" called on my super-firm mattress!
Poll Vote!
Character: Anemone
Series: Eureka SeveN (Manga and Anime)
Age: looks 15-16
Canon: In an alternate future, humanity has abandoned Earth and settled on a planet far away from their former home. By harnessing special particles in the atmosphere of their new planet called "trapar", scientists have managed to create flying surfboards and giant robots that seem almost alive. Type theEND is one such robot, and Anemone pilots it like a pro.
A tool of the military, Anemone is constantly drugged in order to keep her calm and capable. Sometimes the calm thing doesn't work out all that well, however, since Anemone has a tendency to go batshit insane during battle or whenever she's in pain. The rest of the time, she's bratty, bossy, and occasionally says and does totally random things just for giggles. Anemone is capable of being charming and unselfish, but those moments don't usually last thanks to her violent mood swings. She adores sweets and always has her (very, very fat) pet Gulliver nearby.
Sample Post:
Hello camp! My name's Anemone and I am here to have sex with your family ♥.
. . . Ahahaha! Oh man, the looks on your faces. I don't know why you guys are so scandalized. After all, there is a no-sex rule. I know there is. The toucans explained it to me.
The toucans told me about all the camp rules, actually. They were very thorough. They even used visual aids to help explain something called the height rule. Apparently they borrowed those from a local, so anyone missing the latest issue of Camp Playboy should check the trees on the south end of camp. The birds said the owner wouldn't mind, though, since he swears he "only reads them for the articles".
The other animals aren't nearly as intelligent or entertaining, though the monkeys do come close. I encountered a group of them in drag earlier today. When I asked why they were all wearing dresses, one of them grunted something that could have either been "they're all the more fashionable to rape you in, my dear" or "I'm a goddamn pretty pretty princess. That's why." I couldn't tell which. Honestly, if they're going to bastardize fairy tales, then they could at least work on their diction.
Eventually they admitted that they were enabled by one of the zombies. It sounds like enabling is just another way of saying ordering. I think I might have to try it. Let me see--
--Aha! Hey! You with the one arm! I'm enabling you to take Gulliver for a tour around camp while I find some cake. He gnaws through his leashes pretty fast, so you'll have to carry him. And remember to shuffle slowly; he likes being able to take in the scenery at his own pace.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Heero Yuy
Series: Gundam Wing
Age: 15
Canon: Gundam Wing is the third in a long line of many similar space mobile suit series, noted for its giant fighting mechas, insanely young (and pretty!) soldier-protagonists, and lots of large, shiny explosions.
Heero Yuy is one of five young men, all around 15, who are sent to Earth as guerrilla fighters against the military organization known as OZ. He is shown to be the most capable of the small team, trained and raised to be a Perfect Soldier. The pilot of first the Wing Gundam, and later the Wing Zero, Heero completes his missions with deadly efficiency and dedication, not even hesitating to take his own life if need be. While all this may make him appear ruthless, stoic, and emotionless, his motto in life is actually that the best way to live life is by following one’s emotions. And he does-just apparently not on the battlefield. Or rather, Heero is able to carefully separate his emotions and not let them distract him from his tasks. He is also impossibly gifted in a variety of activities including, but not limited to, basketball, hacking, horseback riding, and fencing.
Sample Post:
There have been recent reports of a suspicious region on Earth. Perhaps OZ has set up a new training camp, or a base for more mobile doll production. Investigation appears to be the best course of action at this time as I have been unable to secure any other reliable information.
0900: Depart for “Camp Fuck You Die”.
1300: Target location reached. Infiltration-successful. It doesn’t look like a military camp, but appearances can be deceiving.
Preliminary assessment of base security measures:
Wards set around the perimeters- exact coordinates and power source unknown. Managed to reduce Zero to a fraction of its usual size, rendering it largely ineffective unless countermeasures are taken to dismantle the ward. Threat level: potentially problematic. (Note: Look into reversing the effects on Zero for a start; its new tendency to beep and flash is irritating and could endanger the mission.)
Gorillas- Earlier attempts to immobilize and use for infiltration purposes have confirmed that they are real despite their odd colouring as opposed to guards in suits. Strong, but lacking in speed and intelligence. Threat level: low.
Unidentifed Corpses Capable of Movement (hereby called UCCMs)- most prominent and numerous security feature. Likely results of failed biotechnology experimentations. OZ is using them as target practice for the trainees. Most effective way of neutralizing appears to be a 9mm to the head region. Threat level: negligible.
I have also compiled a list of new, yet-to-be-deciphered OZ codes, the most common of which are “fuckyoudie”, “moogle” (suspect this to be a new drug; have heard hearsay of “saving” and “revival”), and “tentacle monster” (believe this to refer to a new mobile suit model). I will conduct further investigations and -
Addendum: There are also talking birds. Threat level and purpose unknown. Possibly intended to be spy devices.
… Affirmative, that is where I keep my gun, and no, I am not “just happy to see you”.
Most effective method of neutralization: see “UCCMs”.
Heero Yuy, out.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sumeragi Hokuto
Series: Tokyo Babylon / X/1999 (cameo)
Age: 16
Canon: [Spoilers for the end of TB] Tokyo Babylon follows the onmyouji (something similar to an exorcist or medium who uses magic based on ying and yang) Sumeragi Subaru the 13th heir of the Sumeragi family and the enemy of the assassin clan of the Sakurazukamori.
Hokuto is Subaru's twin sister who mainly serves as the comedy relief in TB with her boisterous and over-the-top attitude. She inherited very little of the powers that Subaru did and that seems to suit her flighty and frivolous attitude just fine. She actively supports and cheers for Subaru to marry Seishiro (a much older veterinarian who turns out to be psychotic assassin :D; ) and delights in just making shy Subaru blush and pointing out his patheticness. Despite that it's obvious that Hokuto loves her brother more than anything else in the world she always mothers and tells him to eat and watches out for him-her greatest wish is for Subaru to be happy and a little selfish every once in a while. In the end of Tokyo Babylon Hokuto sacrifices her life for Subaru and dies at the hands of the Sakurazukamori.
Oh, have I mentioned her wardrobe?
Sample Post:
Hokuto-chan reporting in! ♥
Now let's see here… my, my, this is rather an odd little place to come to, don't you think? As the most beloved sister to an omyoji I was sure I knew at least a little more about the afterlife than the average person but…this really isn't what I had pictured! Zombies in place of angels, shotguns rather than halos, tentacles instead of transcendent bliss, that sort of thing, you know? I mean, if I didn't know better I'd say this was a Hollywood set of some cheapo zombie flick! How passé.
I think this place needs a little spicing up Hokuto-chan style! It needs more action! More drama ! You think you can scare anyone? Oh ho ho! Even a delicate beauty such as myself would yawn in your face with such a pitiful act. Tch! Put some feeling into those moans! You're in agony --not auditioning for soft-core porn!
That's it! You should have some confidence and pride in what you are! Nothing should ever be done half-heartedly or else it's just not worth doing. Even zombie…-ing. Ahem. Now--make me quiver in my (gorgeous brand new) pumps! They match the magenta cat suit that I finished last week~ tee hee!
Ah, before anything else, I…no one has seen a guy that looks like me around, right? A hopelessly clueless klutz who has excellent taste in clothes and an adorable face? No? …good.
Who's next? You, sir, would look dashing with some shoulder pads! ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Nobue Itoh
Series: Strawberry Marshmallow
Age: 16
Canon: Strawberry Marshmallow is a slice-of-life/harem series with a
twist. Instead of high school to college aged characters, it follow the
lives of four elementary school girls and the vaguely pedophilic high school
girl they hang out with.
Nobue Ito. She's sixteen. She smokes, she drinks, she drives recklessly, and
her personality isn't fantastic, either. She's willing to help out her
sister, or any of her sister's cute friends, true, but other times turns
around and bothers them, steals from them, or kidnaps them from school.
She's interested in fashion, adventure, and has little to no self control.
She's not very bright either, and sucks at video games. Redeeming features?
She's good with kids...? She's fun at parties...?
Nobue. She's a relatively spastic, cheerful girl, who's nicotine and lolicon
addictions rule her life. ♥
Sample Post:
Okay, aside from waking up at anungodly hour of the morning -- It's
SUMMER, okay?! Summer means sleeping in, despite what my alarm clock thinks.
Who gave Chi permission to set it for me, anyway? Er, aside
from that, today has been alright. I've been sitting on buses and napping
the whole way here, and my legs are sore as fuck; but now I'm finally here.
Camp Fuck You Die. Gotta say, I like the name. ♥
But for being a Summer Camp, this place sure is... Swampy. Every time I
heard about Camps they were always sunshine and sparkles, green grass and
blue skies. It's pretty dreary here. Murky. I keep hearing things in the
bushes - groaning noises. Perverts? Murderers? Equally bad...
Gah, the noises are stressing me out~ I need a smoke. ... Leave me alone,
I'm trying to quit. Because, obviously, a sixteen year old girl
should not be smoking. I don't know how I get away with
'being twenty' so often. Do I really look old? D: But trying to
fight off the addiction is kind of hard, you know! For I while I was okay
with just eating pocky, but I, uh... Kept gaining weight.
... Whatever. Chi will be happy - even if I can get cigarettes, I probably
can't get any alcohol around here. She's so against me drinking~ Even more
than our parents. I should text message her might get me less freaked
out about those nois--what was that noise?!
Who ever's there, you better look out! I'm ready whoop out my fake-ass
kung-fu! Unless you're someone to walk with me the rest of the way,
which would rock. I packed too many outfits, my bags are heavy for
just me
Hm~ The name and the noises. They show character - make this place
interesting. Hell yeah.
...
The noises are still freaking me out, where's my cell phone?!
Chiiiiii
Poll Vote!
Character: Atobe Keigo
Series: Prince of Tennis
Age: 14/15
Canon: You are the prince of tennis~ Well, no, Atobe isn't; that title goes to Echizen Ryoma, star of the series and Mary-Sue sometimes brat. But Atobe's something of a "king" in his own right. He's rich, he's talented, and in a school known for its tennis, he's at the very top of it all, captaining the two hundred plus team with ease, charisma, and a flair for the dramatic. Proud and showy, and though he's got something of a massive ego, he's still a hard worker and dedicated to his team. Rather pompous besides, he's known to refer to himself as "Ore-sama", which can roughly be translated into "my great self" (in the first person). Quite self-centered. Even so, the things he boasts, he can back up.
But in the end, tennis >>> everything. Which means he's somewhat obsessive over Tezuka, and Sanada, because they've beaten him, and he's got his pride, yo. Not like Inui with the stalkage, but given the chance, he will declare challenge.
For those who care, I'm taking him mostly from the manga, which means less of the Mizuki-esque flamboyance. Also, before his Nationals game against Echizen, (as a matter of fact, before Hyoutei even plays Seigaku) because it's more fun that way. By the way, Hyoutei can be translated to "Ice Empire", and Konomi does play with the name by making Atobe's newest move "Ice World".
Sample Post:
I demand that you let me out of here.
I do understand, however, why one might want to capture my great self, and indeed, I must commend you for your... novel approach. At the very least, I've certainly never heard of using a vending machine to kidnap someone. However, you'll find that I would be much more open to negotiation were you to let me out of it. As ridiculous as it was, I won't even ask how the machine... vacuumed me in. By all respects, such a thing should be physically impossible, though undoubtedly, it was a trick of the light and special effects. What else could it be? Ahn? What is it that you want? Money? Revenge? Did a business deal with my father go wrong? I'll have you know I have little to do with his transactions, though if it's such a matter I'm sure something could be worked out. If it's tennis, then perhaps we have some common ground, hm?
Still, we shall get nowhere unless you let me ou-- unf. Ahem. Thank you. Perhaps I should have phrased my request better. "Return me to the courts", though I had no idea I would need to be more specific. I'm afraid I may have overestimated you, whomever you may be. Certainly, I didn't expect your cowardice, as you dumped me into this cesspool of a jungle. You could at least give me the courtesy of facing me, if you are to make demands on my presence. A rather significant match is about to take place, and certainly nothing you may need me for is as crucial.
A brochure? Well, I am truly sorry for this Lady Director's loss, but I fail to see how it has anything to do with me. Excuse me! You gorillas! I demand you to cease manhandling me. Ah, they let go.
...Hmph, that's why.
Amusing, very amusing. For your sake, I will hope that this ice melts soon. Better to release me at once, and regain some measure of favor, than wait until my great insight sees through this foolish scheme of yours and I escape myself. Beware, my captor! For this great being called Atobe Keigo.
Come out and show yourself! I challenge you to a match.
Poll Vote!
Character: Light Yagami
Series: Death Note
Age: 18
Canon: Death Note; the story of Light Yagami, your average high school genius, versus L, the greatest detective in the world (who seems to have a liking for sweets). But of course, these two aren't in a death match for no reason! Light has a dirty little secret (one that would be perfect Postsecret fodder), and L is on to it. Light possesses the Death Note, a notebook dropped by a Shinigami that allows him to kill anyone with a few simple pen strokes. Light (workname: Kira) uses this Death Note to kill off the world's criminals in the name of what he calls justice. Light thinks he's good. L thinks he's bad. The world's population is split between the two, and only hope that Kira doesn't find out they stole a candybar back in the 3rd grade.
'If L is indeed the world's greatest detective, then why hasn't he caught Light?!' you ask? The answer is simple. L might be brilliant, innovative, and unorthodox, but so is Light, and even more so! Light is cool, calculating, suave, and quite the manipulative bastard. The fact he works closely with L on the Kira case doesn't help L either. L and Light work together so much, you could say they were inseparable. Literally.
Sample Post:
Camp Fuck You Die certainly exceeds expectations.
I'll admit, my expectations of camp were low, especially after a quick glance over at the brochure on the plane trip over. Honestly, Camp Fuck You Die? Was it some attempt at crude humor, or reverse psychology? Not only does the brochure lack information (The happiest place on Earth. The End?), but the grammar leaves something to be desired. Is it Camp Fuck, You Die or Camp Fuck You, Die? The placement of that one comma has a tremendous impact of the meaning of the phrase.
The brochure could have made a mention onto the imported wildlife in the area at least. I see the Director went to great lengths to procure animals. The addition of the purple gorillas and giant squid are nice touches, but did you think of what it would do to the local ecosystem? While the giant squid gives the camp a sort of 'foreign-fantasy horror' feel, I'm sure it's presence is causing a huge upset in the local nutria and crawfish population. The 'purple' gorillas? They resemble a crossbreed between the Western Lowland Gorilla's and Cross River Gorilla. I highly doubt this was a government approved crossbreed. Speaking of governments, has the Director thought of what the local government would say? Apparently illegal importation is all fun and games until someone gets arrested.
There’s one last topic for me to address. The moment I touched down, I was handed three marriage certificates. I’m positive that polygamy is illegal, even in Louisiana. While it is flattering, I am definitely not a mail order groom. And no, I don’t think the government of Louisiana is an ‘anarcho-syndicalist commune’, and even if it were, polygamy would still be illegal.
Poll Vote!
Character: Shinohara Wakaba
Series: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Age: 14
Canon: Shinohara Wakaba is a hopeless romantic, a terrible student, an incorrigible gossip, and the best friend anyone could ask for. Fortunately for Tenjou Utena, the heroine of the series, Wakaba is her best friend. Bubbly and affectionate, Wakaba is quick to give her biased opinion, quick to defend people, and especially quick to proclaim how awesome Utena is. She also likes to shout to the world her undying love for Utena. While almost knocking Utena out of a window with one of her tackling hugs. And making comments that Utena's her boyfriend, much to Utena's chagrin.
Not to say that Wakaba doesn't have a dark side; her jealousy and inferiority complex are considerable and she is manipulated by them at one point in the series. She's just quite good at repressing, particularly when assisted by a mind-wipe. In a world where swords come out of chests, curry can be explosive, and the main villain does flips on a speeding convertible, Wakaba provides an element of normality that is much-needed in Utena's life. It also doesn't hurt that she's the cutest thing ever.
Sample Post:
Utena! Uteeeenaaa! Utena-sama! Why aren't you talking to your ultra-best friend? Uteeeeenaaaaa. Why is there underwear all over that tree? Are you listening to me, Utena? What are those weird squirting roses? U-te-na, I didn't jump on you that hard, why is your arm falling...off...
Ew, you're not Utena!
I don't know why zombie people are walking around with pink hair, pretending to be the coolest person ever, but I don't like it. This place is a summer camp, right? Then there should be three-legged races and campfires and no, body parts shouldn't be used instead of wood! Campfires are very good for exciting, romantic development but burned zombie smell isn't. I don't care if it's the best way to get rid of the bodies, love should be ignited around a campfire, not dead people.
Plus, if the fire is full of zombies, you can't toast marshmallows. Toasting marshmallows is important too. You can also cook a lunch full of love over the fire for your special someone. But put effort into it! And if you can't cook, you can impress them by making prepackaged food look good. You can use food coloring to dye the marshmallows pink. Or you could soften the jerky and shape it into hearts. Think how pretty that would be...no, no, no, not nooses, hearts!
Well! I was going to leave right away, because no way would Utena stay in such an uncool place, but I can't go before I tell everyone how you're doing it all wrong. It being dating. Because in a place like this, it's really obvious that no one is dating the right way. There should be romance and only two people involved and sport convertibles! Maybe that's why everyone is upset. Because you're trying to date around a zombie fire and it isn't working. Well, don't worry, Wakaba-chan is here to help!
But if any of you playboys are thinking of trying anything with me while I'm here, you'd better think again. I've got a boyfriend! She'll totally kick your ass!
Poll Vote!
Character: Bulma Briefs
Series: Dragon Ball
Age: 17/18 (about a year after the Red Ribbon Army was defeated)
Canon: In the world of Dragon Ball, people and dinosaurs co-exist, a talking dog is the King of the World, and a lasting friendship is forged between a monkey-tailed boy and a girl with an I.Q. that's as impressive as her bank account.
Bulma is the only child of the wealthy and brilliant Dr. Briefs and his flirtatious wife (Dr. Briefs invented the Hoi Poi Capsules - small containers that can store practically anything, including houses and aircraft.) She is high-strung, moody, and self-absorbed. If she sets her sights on something - or someone, rest assured she'll do whatever it takes to get it, even if that means offering a quick panty peek or an even quicker panty grope. She'll put on a brave front if she's in the company of her super-strong friends, but she’s also quick to run away if the odds shift against them.
Shortly after discovering the dragon balls - seven palm-sized marbles that allow one wish to be granted when all of them are gathered, Bulma invented a radar device that would help locate them. At first, Bulma planned on using the dragon balls to get a lifetime supply of strawberries, but changed her mind and decided to ask for a "hunky" boyfriend instead.
Sample Post:
Ew, ew, ew! This has to be the worst place yet that I’ve tracked one of the dragon balls! It figures that the very last one would end up in a dump like this. I mean really, "Camp Fuck You Die?" Definitely not a Bed & Breakfast.
Still, a landing strip would have been nice. I'm sure that... person didn't appreciate my "dropping in" on him like that, but in my defense, I did yell for him to get out of the way. Besides, he must not have been hurt too badly if he was able to get up and make a pass at me. Sure, I can understand that he’d be thankful he’s not dead after colliding with my plane, but did he really think I'd be impressed by his sucking up to my intelligence? Honestly, groaning "braaiinns" has to be the most unromantic thing I've ever heard. Ch! Talk to the hand, buddy!
Ah, finally - civilization! And so what if it's a dump - I'm in Hunk Heaven! ♥ ♥ ♥ Hi there, I'm Bulma. Would somebody please tell me how I can acquire a guest pass? I don’t expect I’ll need access to this... resort... for more than a day or two. But for you hotties, I might just consider extending my stay! ♥
No, I only need a guest pass; my lodging's covered, thanks. I just need a level piece of ground that’s large enough... Oh, that clearing over there will be perfect! Now let's see, where's my house capsule? Ah, here we go.
There - one completely furnished capsule house! Of course, since my dad owns the company that invented these little beauties, my house is top-of-the-line. And even if I'll only be here for one or two nights, there's no way I'm staying in any of those cabins; I so don't do "rustic."
H-hey there, be careful. Wait - you can’t all just go barging into someone’s house uninvited! And tell me I did not just hear "dibs" called on my super-firm mattress!
Poll Vote!
Character: Anemone
Series: Eureka SeveN (Manga and Anime)
Age: looks 15-16
Canon: In an alternate future, humanity has abandoned Earth and settled on a planet far away from their former home. By harnessing special particles in the atmosphere of their new planet called "trapar", scientists have managed to create flying surfboards and giant robots that seem almost alive. Type theEND is one such robot, and Anemone pilots it like a pro.
A tool of the military, Anemone is constantly drugged in order to keep her calm and capable. Sometimes the calm thing doesn't work out all that well, however, since Anemone has a tendency to go batshit insane during battle or whenever she's in pain. The rest of the time, she's bratty, bossy, and occasionally says and does totally random things just for giggles. Anemone is capable of being charming and unselfish, but those moments don't usually last thanks to her violent mood swings. She adores sweets and always has her (very, very fat) pet Gulliver nearby.
Sample Post:
Hello camp! My name's Anemone and I am here to have sex with your family ♥.
. . . Ahahaha! Oh man, the looks on your faces. I don't know why you guys are so scandalized. After all, there is a no-sex rule. I know there is. The toucans explained it to me.
The toucans told me about all the camp rules, actually. They were very thorough. They even used visual aids to help explain something called the height rule. Apparently they borrowed those from a local, so anyone missing the latest issue of Camp Playboy should check the trees on the south end of camp. The birds said the owner wouldn't mind, though, since he swears he "only reads them for the articles".
The other animals aren't nearly as intelligent or entertaining, though the monkeys do come close. I encountered a group of them in drag earlier today. When I asked why they were all wearing dresses, one of them grunted something that could have either been "they're all the more fashionable to rape you in, my dear" or "I'm a goddamn pretty pretty princess. That's why." I couldn't tell which. Honestly, if they're going to bastardize fairy tales, then they could at least work on their diction.
Eventually they admitted that they were enabled by one of the zombies. It sounds like enabling is just another way of saying ordering. I think I might have to try it. Let me see--
--Aha! Hey! You with the one arm! I'm enabling you to take Gulliver for a tour around camp while I find some cake. He gnaws through his leashes pretty fast, so you'll have to carry him. And remember to shuffle slowly; he likes being able to take in the scenery at his own pace.
Poll Vote!