(Untitled)

[recurrence]

Next batch! As a note, the batches close after fifty or so votes come in. Please be patient! There's no weeding this round.

Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!

Now VOTE. Closed!

Comments

[classprotector]

All out again and stuff uh ask.

Kagura apper

[classprotector]

Concrit please.

Re: Kagura apper

[classprotector]

As Omi said, it was pretty disjointed, and left me with very little idea of what Kagura would do in camp. Going from one sports event to another trying to beat everyone just...isn't that engaging, and there just wasn't anything other than that in the app. The conversation with the rival was also weird, just because the rival seemed very much to be a gorilla, but s/he kept explaining things. Which...gorillas don't do here, that I've ever seen. They're purple, but not talking. Also, while it very well might be canon, I don't know, the sheer number of times you used the word "rival" was...not ideal? Just seeing the word that many times (especially since they were often very close together) makes the app seem repetitive, and it just sort of a pet peeve of mine to not use the same word that often if you can help it. It also didn't help with the issue of "how would the character interact," since it gave me at least something of a feeling of "this character will interact with the person she identifies as a rival and not much with

Chris Apper

[classprotector]

If you wouldn't mind, I could use any concrit you can spare.

Re: Chris Apper

[classprotector]

There really wasn't a lot to the app. As Shinn said, there wasn't a lot of expansion on any of the ideas here, so it was mainly "X then Y then Z!" with nothing to really grab the reader. And, as Omi said, too much use of Zexen, which sort of made my eyes cross. For a reapp, I'd try to expand on one or two parts of camp that would be funny with Chris, instead of a more comprehensive, less funny 'proper' introduction like you've got here.

Re: Chris Apper

[classprotector]

Thank you very much! :) I'll do that.

Sain

[classprotector]

Concrit, please? (And I'm going to put this on every single post when I ask for concrit, but I know it was insanely long. T_T I'm sorry.)

Re: Sain

[classprotector]

It really was long, which was unfortunate, because you really had some nice moments in there. There was just too much of it and I felt myself getting bogged down as I read. It wasn't that it wasn't amusing, so much as the app just really went on much longer than it needed to be, and it sort of came across as trying to cram in as much funny as possible without having as strong a narrative as would be ideal. For a reapp, I'd focus on, as people have said, a little less canon referencing if you can, and also more focus on fewer ideas. Part of why this read as long was that there was a lot of different stuff in it--lots of paragraphs and a lot of ideas in those paragraphs--so it was harder to really get into than another app of similar length might have been.

Also, this is sort of nitpicky and possibly just my memory failing, and doesn't really factor into my vote in any way, but I haven't played that game in a while--does Sain ever call her just Lyn? I thought it was always Lady Lyndis.

Re: Sain

[classprotector]

Wow, thank you very much! I'll try to keep down the canon next time. I'll probably have to reapp ten times, but I don't care. XD

Er...you're probably right. I haven't played Rekka no Ken in a while. I should probably brush up on that. XD

Once again, thank you!

Toto apper

[classprotector]

I humbly ask for any concrit you can bestow me~

Re: Toto apper

[classprotector]

What I look for in the app is mainly how the character would interact with the camp. This app mainly shows how much Toto likes Quistis, and gives no indication of what Toto would really be like with campers. What an app ideally does is makes us want to interact with the character by showing how cool the character would be to talk to. Since the focus of this app is on something so difficult for most characters to appreciate (probably a few know who Quistis is and would fanboy, but mostly no), it's not that compelling. I'd say the most important thing you can do for a reapp is show why we really should want Toto here to talk to, so finding some part of camp that he can interact with is probably going to be a much easier sell. Hope that helps!

Re: Toto apper

[classprotector]

That helps a lot!! ♥ ♥ ♥ Thank you very much~ I'll make sure to keep this in mind when I work on my reapp.

Setsuna apper

[classprotector]

Lateness sucks.

So what can I hope to improve on for next time since I probably will not be making it this time?

Re: Setsuna apper

[classprotector]

I did change for an in because it wasn't a bad app, and I hate seeing people that borderline not get in, but, ah, not much of a difference, I'm afraid.

As for why I initially voted out, the voice wasn't as strong as I would've liked--I didn't really hear the character speaking to me, but it wasn't bad. And I'm not sure how to suggest an improvement. There was also a lot of canon reliance in the second paragraph, or at least it felt that way. Directly referencing where the character is in canon in the app usually doesn't work well; it takes up space, confuses people who don't know the canon, and also, well, doesn't matter that much. In camp, yeah, that's going to come up, but in the application, focusing more on humor than direct references to what's happening now in the story is usually a better call. Also, as someone whose only knowledge of Angel Sanctuary comes from the OVA many years ago, the punchline (scary when she's pissed) really made me feel like I was missing some canon thing about his sister. I have no idea if I was

Re: Setsuna apper

[classprotector]

Yeah I'll try to hold back on the canon more next time. It was something I was wibbling over and kept trimming. About the angel/demon name-dropping, I was worried about the Lucifer and God thing but it was intended to be your more generic Lucifer and God. I'll think of some cleverer next time. Thanks for the tips.

Re: Setsuna apper

[classprotector]

I think the thing wtih the Lucifer and God thing was mainly that the first paragraph already had some of that kind of humor, so it seemed like a lot, even though it wasn't that much. It's just kinda a weird repetition thing.