Working At Street Lights
Hey there... I'm writing here again... I've been busy sleeping and going to work. Work, for the NONE OF YOU who are reading this, is at Tessy Plastics in Elbridge, NY... or sometimes listed as Auburn or Weedsport, NY... It's claimed by several townships, I guess...
At work today, we had our Christmas Party with lots and lots of cookies and cakes and foods... Almost everyone took back their left-overs, and so I didn't get any good take home stuff, but there was a super amount of food... obligatory baked beans and lasagna-zetta substance... Highlight for me was the fact that my shift supervisor noted that I drink only Vanilla Coke and got a Liter bottle of it... I think that's cool, because no one else at work ever brings the stuff in except me, so that's nice.
There was a nice bean and sausage thing which make my stomach angry at me this later at night/morning... and there was a ridiculous amount of desert foods... even a cake which had sitting next to it, a can of goopy cherry topping... so you had to put the cherries on yourself. There's tedious assembly work even during the Christmas party, I suppose.
I managed to talk to an engineer about computers for about ten minutes, so it made me look really smart in front of the right people, which is nice... Today finally someone asked me the two main questions which eventually get asked to me everywhere... 1. how old are you? and 2. Do you smoke pot? I don't smoke pot at present, because I might get called into a job which has mandatory testing or random testing. My last two jobs had random testing, and I was never asked to take one, but even the possibility freaked me out... also there was a hair test for certain projects at my last job, so if my employee number was linked to projects from a certain company with high standards, then I'd have to submit a hair sample... and I was sweating that, because I hear that goes back through your entire life's history... and well, I personally think that is quite unfair...
Think about this: If you get drunk all the time while you're working, you can claim disability for alcoholism and go to mandatory treatment... if you have to leave work for "drug related illness" then it's the same deal... but if you just get nabbed on one of these tests for something you did casually a year or so or more before you were even hired, it's grounds for immediate dismissal... so it's okay to have a "problem" with drugs and alcohol in the workplace, but if you are or have been a user who has controled or resolved their issues without therapy or meetings (often chuck full of religious propoganda) then you lose your job... If you get caught with a drug issue at work, claim you have a horrible addiction, I guess... and see if you can get a medical leave...
I hate the way that works out. I really don't think it encourages people to take control of their lives. Sure, I don't want some crack head running the over-head crane at work, but I think there should be some kind of review before tossing people out on their ass because of the results of testing. But hey, I don't know much about the issue at all... I only know that by creating an adult world which is harsh and cold, it encourages the young to live like crazy animals and fuck up as much as possible to get it out of their systems before the "real world" forces them to walk the line for 40 odd years... and of course when they get to that 9-5 life, they learn it's better to just go completely crazy rather than risk a simple small screw up...
Really, I think we've got everybody too damned tense now. Employees are freaked out about their job security, kids look at the future and say "fuck it", and people across the board are just letting things build until they go all out with one big push, rather than sitting down at least a few times in their life and saying, "I don't want this" and walking on... I was raised NEVER to walk until the job or the comittment was done, and that virtue is only so noble for so long... pretty soon, you're hanging yourself. In life, you sometimes try things you're not good at. You sometimes start a thing you don't want to see through... and you only live once, and no amount of nobility is going to give you the time back.
I wish I would have gotten the chance to get this out of my system while I was a kid, but back then, I wasn't allowed to quit anything. I stayed in Boy Scouts deep into freakin' High School, and I hated it for somewhere around eight years... My parents were always encouraging me to stay in stuff, and I did, even if there was nothing for me to gain by it. I did some sports, and at times, I wasn't getting along with the people, I wasn't doing well, and I was basically wasting my time and making myself miserible... but I had to "stick it out" and "be a man" and when I got to college, I realized it was the biggest mistake of my life, but I stuck it out... stuck with my first guess and went through with it... and I'll be paying for that forever.
So, it comes around finally that I've flipped the other way... I looked at my life when I was working 8-6, getting no respect or promotion from my stupid office job, driving two hours each day between jobs, and working at the local branch of a newspaper writing articles about topics I hated... and nothing in my life was worth the effort, not even the future, which wasn't interesting to me, since it looked exactly the same to me as every day... I didn't make enough to move out of the house... hated my folks, hated my co-workeds, hated my bosses, had no friends within three hours distance away, and didn't take a single day-off because I didn't have an automobile that could really afford more miles on it... so I started quitting things I couldn't tolerate anymore.
I quit the paper, because I knew they couldn't rely on me anymore. I quit letting myself be used by employers, and asked them to either pay adequate to the work I do, give me a promotion (so I wouldn't get every shit job that came along), or deal with the fact that I wasn't going to do anything remotely high-tech for them ever again, because I simply didn't feel like it anymore... and I don't think that's such a horrible thing to tell them, since for six months, without being hired to do any of the work initially, I was a webmaster, a database writer, a digital video editor, graphic artist, and computer troubleshooter, basically because I was bored and I felt like doing it... and I no longer felt like doing it... so what? Well, I got fired... in part because my attitude doesn't make sense to idiots, and in part because I'm "a cut-above what the expected and what they needed at this stage in their development"... they needed someone to carry A/V equipment and just sit around and scratch his balls for 8 hours... which because of my stupid "drive" to actually "do" things ended up stangling me... and that's another product of this household, where there's always a push to learn everything and do everything, and become something important and then demand to be appreciated for it... it doesn't work that way... you have to take your time, take things as they are offered, don't intimidate your bosses with all the shit you can do, and just try to relax... but I'm never allowed to relax... even today my mother asked me when I was going to get hired on at one of the benifits positions at the factory....
oh yeah, so that's the story, too... I couldn't find another job doing anything, because I'm "over-qualifited" and I work as a temp in a factory doing light industrial on the night shift... which is all right, since I get paid to do a certain thing and I do it, and that makes me feel good, because the job gets done, no body bothers me, and there's nothing political about it... I hate people, and all day long, I work with machines, plastic parts, and cardboard boxes... and it's usually not bad... people treat me like I'm not important... and I'm not, so it's okay... we're easy come easy go workers, so it's all cool.
So, working here, it's an attempt to recover from my stint of having to quit, or saying I just can't take it anymore and trying to cut out the bad things in my life by cutting out everything... It's not easy to segment things and just get the good stuff... I realize I blew a lot of good opportunities by leaving my old office job, but I also got out of a lot of things that were making my life intolerable. My life isn't as "progressive" as it was, I suppose, and I'm down here on this low level, working later, never seeing anyone, but it's okay... I'm relaxing, learning some much needed discipline. I worked myself into the ground at my last job, and I expected more than they were willing to offer... and at this job, well, the machines are trying to keep things at a level pace... sometimes it's good or bad, but it's always at this level where it takes it out of my hands, and that's a calming experience...
So, I'm trying to relax... I used to write for two papers, now I stay home and write a lot more and play my guitar and keep in touch with the people who matter most to me, knowing that I've got some building future plans which are exciting... I didn't have a future at all before I quit that stupid life I was living... I was just building a big prison for myself trying to collect enough money to make myself feel like I was actually sacrificing my happiness for a reason... I didn't want the new car... I didn't want the nice apartment in the city... I didn't even really want to get promoted and move on up... I just really wanted to left alone to choose my life and my company... and I think those choices are getting clearer.... It's an actual spark now I can build with, so I'm happy with that...
I need to go and try to stay awake by eating cereal and drinking Pepsi... arg...
At work today, we had our Christmas Party with lots and lots of cookies and cakes and foods... Almost everyone took back their left-overs, and so I didn't get any good take home stuff, but there was a super amount of food... obligatory baked beans and lasagna-zetta substance... Highlight for me was the fact that my shift supervisor noted that I drink only Vanilla Coke and got a Liter bottle of it... I think that's cool, because no one else at work ever brings the stuff in except me, so that's nice.
There was a nice bean and sausage thing which make my stomach angry at me this later at night/morning... and there was a ridiculous amount of desert foods... even a cake which had sitting next to it, a can of goopy cherry topping... so you had to put the cherries on yourself. There's tedious assembly work even during the Christmas party, I suppose.
I managed to talk to an engineer about computers for about ten minutes, so it made me look really smart in front of the right people, which is nice... Today finally someone asked me the two main questions which eventually get asked to me everywhere... 1. how old are you? and 2. Do you smoke pot? I don't smoke pot at present, because I might get called into a job which has mandatory testing or random testing. My last two jobs had random testing, and I was never asked to take one, but even the possibility freaked me out... also there was a hair test for certain projects at my last job, so if my employee number was linked to projects from a certain company with high standards, then I'd have to submit a hair sample... and I was sweating that, because I hear that goes back through your entire life's history... and well, I personally think that is quite unfair...
Think about this: If you get drunk all the time while you're working, you can claim disability for alcoholism and go to mandatory treatment... if you have to leave work for "drug related illness" then it's the same deal... but if you just get nabbed on one of these tests for something you did casually a year or so or more before you were even hired, it's grounds for immediate dismissal... so it's okay to have a "problem" with drugs and alcohol in the workplace, but if you are or have been a user who has controled or resolved their issues without therapy or meetings (often chuck full of religious propoganda) then you lose your job... If you get caught with a drug issue at work, claim you have a horrible addiction, I guess... and see if you can get a medical leave...
I hate the way that works out. I really don't think it encourages people to take control of their lives. Sure, I don't want some crack head running the over-head crane at work, but I think there should be some kind of review before tossing people out on their ass because of the results of testing. But hey, I don't know much about the issue at all... I only know that by creating an adult world which is harsh and cold, it encourages the young to live like crazy animals and fuck up as much as possible to get it out of their systems before the "real world" forces them to walk the line for 40 odd years... and of course when they get to that 9-5 life, they learn it's better to just go completely crazy rather than risk a simple small screw up...
Really, I think we've got everybody too damned tense now. Employees are freaked out about their job security, kids look at the future and say "fuck it", and people across the board are just letting things build until they go all out with one big push, rather than sitting down at least a few times in their life and saying, "I don't want this" and walking on... I was raised NEVER to walk until the job or the comittment was done, and that virtue is only so noble for so long... pretty soon, you're hanging yourself. In life, you sometimes try things you're not good at. You sometimes start a thing you don't want to see through... and you only live once, and no amount of nobility is going to give you the time back.
I wish I would have gotten the chance to get this out of my system while I was a kid, but back then, I wasn't allowed to quit anything. I stayed in Boy Scouts deep into freakin' High School, and I hated it for somewhere around eight years... My parents were always encouraging me to stay in stuff, and I did, even if there was nothing for me to gain by it. I did some sports, and at times, I wasn't getting along with the people, I wasn't doing well, and I was basically wasting my time and making myself miserible... but I had to "stick it out" and "be a man" and when I got to college, I realized it was the biggest mistake of my life, but I stuck it out... stuck with my first guess and went through with it... and I'll be paying for that forever.
So, it comes around finally that I've flipped the other way... I looked at my life when I was working 8-6, getting no respect or promotion from my stupid office job, driving two hours each day between jobs, and working at the local branch of a newspaper writing articles about topics I hated... and nothing in my life was worth the effort, not even the future, which wasn't interesting to me, since it looked exactly the same to me as every day... I didn't make enough to move out of the house... hated my folks, hated my co-workeds, hated my bosses, had no friends within three hours distance away, and didn't take a single day-off because I didn't have an automobile that could really afford more miles on it... so I started quitting things I couldn't tolerate anymore.
I quit the paper, because I knew they couldn't rely on me anymore. I quit letting myself be used by employers, and asked them to either pay adequate to the work I do, give me a promotion (so I wouldn't get every shit job that came along), or deal with the fact that I wasn't going to do anything remotely high-tech for them ever again, because I simply didn't feel like it anymore... and I don't think that's such a horrible thing to tell them, since for six months, without being hired to do any of the work initially, I was a webmaster, a database writer, a digital video editor, graphic artist, and computer troubleshooter, basically because I was bored and I felt like doing it... and I no longer felt like doing it... so what? Well, I got fired... in part because my attitude doesn't make sense to idiots, and in part because I'm "a cut-above what the expected and what they needed at this stage in their development"... they needed someone to carry A/V equipment and just sit around and scratch his balls for 8 hours... which because of my stupid "drive" to actually "do" things ended up stangling me... and that's another product of this household, where there's always a push to learn everything and do everything, and become something important and then demand to be appreciated for it... it doesn't work that way... you have to take your time, take things as they are offered, don't intimidate your bosses with all the shit you can do, and just try to relax... but I'm never allowed to relax... even today my mother asked me when I was going to get hired on at one of the benifits positions at the factory....
oh yeah, so that's the story, too... I couldn't find another job doing anything, because I'm "over-qualifited" and I work as a temp in a factory doing light industrial on the night shift... which is all right, since I get paid to do a certain thing and I do it, and that makes me feel good, because the job gets done, no body bothers me, and there's nothing political about it... I hate people, and all day long, I work with machines, plastic parts, and cardboard boxes... and it's usually not bad... people treat me like I'm not important... and I'm not, so it's okay... we're easy come easy go workers, so it's all cool.
So, working here, it's an attempt to recover from my stint of having to quit, or saying I just can't take it anymore and trying to cut out the bad things in my life by cutting out everything... It's not easy to segment things and just get the good stuff... I realize I blew a lot of good opportunities by leaving my old office job, but I also got out of a lot of things that were making my life intolerable. My life isn't as "progressive" as it was, I suppose, and I'm down here on this low level, working later, never seeing anyone, but it's okay... I'm relaxing, learning some much needed discipline. I worked myself into the ground at my last job, and I expected more than they were willing to offer... and at this job, well, the machines are trying to keep things at a level pace... sometimes it's good or bad, but it's always at this level where it takes it out of my hands, and that's a calming experience...
So, I'm trying to relax... I used to write for two papers, now I stay home and write a lot more and play my guitar and keep in touch with the people who matter most to me, knowing that I've got some building future plans which are exciting... I didn't have a future at all before I quit that stupid life I was living... I was just building a big prison for myself trying to collect enough money to make myself feel like I was actually sacrificing my happiness for a reason... I didn't want the new car... I didn't want the nice apartment in the city... I didn't even really want to get promoted and move on up... I just really wanted to left alone to choose my life and my company... and I think those choices are getting clearer.... It's an actual spark now I can build with, so I'm happy with that...
I need to go and try to stay awake by eating cereal and drinking Pepsi... arg...