ka-bla-ha
ugh,
well, I almost feel asleep at work today. I was back on the line again. It was mind-bending. Oh well. I haven't done anything about my "culture" problems... so, I have to actually do something new today, maybe. I want some books on tape for work, and maybe I'll learn another language. Not sure what to say at this point, the line does an odd thing to you, where you start imagining that people are thinking and doing things, and they're not, and when you lift your head up to go home, you remember that your reasons for liking or hating people are based on your imagination... which is based on something... probably stupid... People watch over my shoulders all my life. I live in a crystal box. I think people are expecting me to jump up and down and love the fact that they exist. Most of the time, I'm really not sure I should entertain any craving for life, especially when it involves bugging others. I think being to some extent alone is important for progress.
I don't care if anyone reads this, too. There are times when I'm really sick of the system of behaviors I have. I feel good, better, all right... and well, I need to spend this time better than I have been. I try. It's so easy to get bored of this. I'm bored right now. It won't last. I have to go do situps and eat breakfast and take some video and a shower... I don't think being who I am will matter once I'm out of this town. Nothing gets out of here, not even what you think you are... it's all checked at the road signs. And there's very little that's special about the last two decades. There's been some scrap papers and debts, and nothing from the outside which stands out as "great". So, I've got nothing to talk about and a whole lot to say... bad combination. Maybe most people realize this at age 7, and then resign themself to filling up with universal things... stuff, names, facts... and everywhere they go, they can feel as though they've lived... knowledge is proof of life... and what do I know after all this time?
I don't know. I really don't know how my tired head will take to thinking.
well, I almost feel asleep at work today. I was back on the line again. It was mind-bending. Oh well. I haven't done anything about my "culture" problems... so, I have to actually do something new today, maybe. I want some books on tape for work, and maybe I'll learn another language. Not sure what to say at this point, the line does an odd thing to you, where you start imagining that people are thinking and doing things, and they're not, and when you lift your head up to go home, you remember that your reasons for liking or hating people are based on your imagination... which is based on something... probably stupid... People watch over my shoulders all my life. I live in a crystal box. I think people are expecting me to jump up and down and love the fact that they exist. Most of the time, I'm really not sure I should entertain any craving for life, especially when it involves bugging others. I think being to some extent alone is important for progress.
I don't care if anyone reads this, too. There are times when I'm really sick of the system of behaviors I have. I feel good, better, all right... and well, I need to spend this time better than I have been. I try. It's so easy to get bored of this. I'm bored right now. It won't last. I have to go do situps and eat breakfast and take some video and a shower... I don't think being who I am will matter once I'm out of this town. Nothing gets out of here, not even what you think you are... it's all checked at the road signs. And there's very little that's special about the last two decades. There's been some scrap papers and debts, and nothing from the outside which stands out as "great". So, I've got nothing to talk about and a whole lot to say... bad combination. Maybe most people realize this at age 7, and then resign themself to filling up with universal things... stuff, names, facts... and everywhere they go, they can feel as though they've lived... knowledge is proof of life... and what do I know after all this time?
I don't know. I really don't know how my tired head will take to thinking.