Nothing lasts Forever!
It's sad to realize how fragile and impermanent relationships are. I just got off the phone w/ my friend Liz. I haven't really felt comfortable or appreciated from her for a while. We've hung out less and less, as she's found friends that are closer to her ideals and lifestyles. She's been my friend for ten years. We've watched each other change and make mistakes and hated each other and loved each other. It's really rough to realize that I don't have a place in her life any more. I suppose its just a matter of following the path of least resistance. I suppose I've pushed her out of my life on several occassions and in this case she's pushing me out of her's. I guess I just wasn't expecting that. It doesn't seem quite as natural when it is inforced on you. It made me cry a little bit, but I saw it coming. It's the cycle of friendships...likely she will come back into my life and it will feel more natural. I've been pushed out of a lot of people's lives lately because of a different lifestyle and ideals. It's kind of a harsh reality,but I suppose it makes sense. I've made a lot of new friends too. I'm invited to a b'day party for my "friend" Julie tonight. I don't really know her that well. We've hung out a couple of times and talked a bit when I was seeing her cousin. But, for the most part, she's kind of a stranger to me. It's crazy how scary it is for me to become close friends w/ females. I guess that's why it's been so hard for me to loose my close female friendships this year. It's really special being close to someone that knows you so well and can relate to your "female" problems. I'm a little concerned about making friends w/ Julie, Susan and Shannon. I really fear rejection from female's for some reason. Freud where are you?! But alas, life is good otherwise...just a little bitter in my sweetness!