Those wacky stars.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I decided to call my cable TV company to inquire about a mistake on my bill. From past experience, I suspected this would be a visit to the suburbs of hell. My expectations were soon fulfilled. After being cycled through three phases of the automated system, I was told by a machine that I'd get to speak with an actual person in 16 minutes. Then I was delivered into the aural torment of recorded smooth jazz. But a minute into the ordeal, something wonderful happened. The muzak gave way to a series of great indie rock tunes, including three I'd never heard before. A song that I later determined to be Laura Veirs' "Don't Lose Yourself" became my instant new favorite. By the time the billing consultant was ready for me, my mood was cheery. I predict a comparable sequence for you, Capricorn. An apparent trip to the suburbs of hell will have a happy ending that exposes you to fresh sources of inspiration.
I have been to the suburbs of Hell. While there, I obtained many interesting new toys with which to torment the innocent.
Sadly, this horoscope is already almost expired. Given that I was traveling all last week, however, it is, in hindsight, fairly appropriate. Welcome to Hell, here's your flight delay.
I have been to the suburbs of Hell. While there, I obtained many interesting new toys with which to torment the innocent.
Sadly, this horoscope is already almost expired. Given that I was traveling all last week, however, it is, in hindsight, fairly appropriate. Welcome to Hell, here's your flight delay.