In which there is BPAL, and no one is really surprised.
Still comes the BPAL (a common abbreviation for 'Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab', if you're somehow coming to this party late). I'm currently forcing myself to try one new scent from my backlog for every day on which I insist on wearing my beloved Bad Luck Woman Blues. This is surprisingly difficult, as BLWB seems to be my One True BPAL, surpassing all others in my esteem.
Except when I feel like wearing Trick or Treat. But.
Today, I'm reviewing three scents from the general collection: Two, Five, and Seven; Seance; and Blood Pearl. Yaaaaaay!
Seance.
What the Lab says: A mysterious, enigmatic blend of dry, mellow rosewood, crushed rose leaf and the slightest touch of warm hazel.
What I say: So in the bottle, this basically smells like...God knows what. Seriously. I'm pretty good about picking out BPAL notes, as a general rule; even when I can't identify them all, I can usually find two or three of the dominant notes. But this? Just sort of smelled, well, sweet. Not like roses, not like leaves, not nutty, just...sweet. I sniffed it a lot before daring to put it on, because with things that have no defined notes, well. Sometimes they're awesome. And sometimes they kick the crap out of me and take my stuff away.
On my skin, the sweetness promptly took off its robe to disclose a fabulously dry and understated sort of dusty rose scent. I'm assuming this was the rosewood, but alas, it didn't stick around; very shortly after it appeared, it was attacked by the rose leaf, which had a much stronger, sharper, rose-i-er scent, and which seemed intent on beating the living crap out of it. For about fifteen minutes, I smelled like fancy rose soap from a very nice whorehouse, which was nice, but...not really my thing.
Luckily, it turns out that rosewood is stealthy, and difficult to kill. It lurked under the miasma of rose leaf until the rose leaf got distracted by something shiny, then crept out of hiding and clubbed it to death with the hazel. I now smell like pleasantly dry, dusty rose sachets, something that's been lurking in a chest for generations, waiting to be found and used to summon the spirits of the dead. Who will hopefully be friendly. A nice, mature scent, and one I approve of.
My score: 6 out of 10. It's evil a little too much of the time, but it settles nicely.
Two, Five, and Seven.
What the Lab says: A huge bouquet of squished rose petals: Bulgarian rose, Somalian rose, Turkish rose, Damascus rose, red and white rose, tea rose, wine rose, shrub roses, rose, rose, rose...and just an itty bitty bit of green grass.
What I say: So, um, yeah. I read the Lab description and went 'so you say this has roses in it?'. And then I uncapped the vial, sniffed, and discovered that it actually had the entire Berkeley Rose Gardens in it. I actually gagged, because I hadn't really expected to get bitchslapped by that many roses at once. I am choosing to take this as a lesson. Namely, 'the Lab is not actually lying when they claim to have shoved all the roses in Wonderland into a single perfume'. If you don't like roses, steer clear. If you do like roses, apply this one outdoors. Because I will do anything for SCIENCE!!!!, I put it on anyway.
On my skin, the initial impression is 'you have just applied more roses to your wrists than grow in the entire state of Oregon, you fool, you fool, you reeking, rose-scented fool'. Seriously, it's impossible to think anything beyond AIIIIIIIEEEEEGH THE ROSES THEY ARE EATING MY FLESH IT BURNS IT BURNS OH JESUS!!!!!. I put on very little of this perfume. I smelled like the Rose Bowl. It was distressing in the extreme, and did I mention that the roses were touching me in bad places? They were very intrusive, and I did not approve.
The scent did eventually start to die down, which is good, since it meant I didn't suffocate and die. It wasn't an unpleasant smell, it was just OH MY GOD STRONG, and strong in a very, very floral way. After about an hour, the roses died down enough for me to smell the grass, but it was too little, too late. I had to wear Bad Luck Woman Blues for three days to beat back the trauma, and I think I now have a phobia of garden shows.
My score: 2 out of 10. I'm gonna put this on Vixy and see if the Red Queen whacks her head off.
Blood Pearl.
What the Lab says: Lustrous, sanguine, soft and lavish: soft orris, blood musk, and coconut.
What I say: Someday, I will learn to actually read the damn Lab descriptions before I go smearing things on myself. Seriously, the fact that I'm not actively allergic to anything they use doesn't mean I should just go sliming myself. I can't wear musk, I can't wear dragon's blood, and I can't wear anything they describe as 'sanguine'. But I didn't read the description, and so I put it on my skin, and smelled...musk.
And musk. And musk. AND OH GOD THE MUSK THE MUSK IS IN MY BRAIN IT IS FORCING ME TO EAT TACOS AND DANCE THE CHA-CHA! I was not even a little bit amused. The orris tried to put in an appearance, and promptly got slapped by the musk and told to go back to its goddamn corner already. And then the coconut arrived, and suddenly I smelled like musky sunscreen. This was somehow not actually pleasing unto me, and I was forced to scrub myself with pumpkin scented bodywash for about fifteen minutes to make it stop.
I don't know how the scent died down, because I washed it off first. It hurt me. It hurt me a lot. Uck. And that is all.
My score: -2 out of 10. DO NOT WANT.
Except when I feel like wearing Trick or Treat. But.
Today, I'm reviewing three scents from the general collection: Two, Five, and Seven; Seance; and Blood Pearl. Yaaaaaay!
Seance.
What the Lab says: A mysterious, enigmatic blend of dry, mellow rosewood, crushed rose leaf and the slightest touch of warm hazel.
What I say: So in the bottle, this basically smells like...God knows what. Seriously. I'm pretty good about picking out BPAL notes, as a general rule; even when I can't identify them all, I can usually find two or three of the dominant notes. But this? Just sort of smelled, well, sweet. Not like roses, not like leaves, not nutty, just...sweet. I sniffed it a lot before daring to put it on, because with things that have no defined notes, well. Sometimes they're awesome. And sometimes they kick the crap out of me and take my stuff away.
On my skin, the sweetness promptly took off its robe to disclose a fabulously dry and understated sort of dusty rose scent. I'm assuming this was the rosewood, but alas, it didn't stick around; very shortly after it appeared, it was attacked by the rose leaf, which had a much stronger, sharper, rose-i-er scent, and which seemed intent on beating the living crap out of it. For about fifteen minutes, I smelled like fancy rose soap from a very nice whorehouse, which was nice, but...not really my thing.
Luckily, it turns out that rosewood is stealthy, and difficult to kill. It lurked under the miasma of rose leaf until the rose leaf got distracted by something shiny, then crept out of hiding and clubbed it to death with the hazel. I now smell like pleasantly dry, dusty rose sachets, something that's been lurking in a chest for generations, waiting to be found and used to summon the spirits of the dead. Who will hopefully be friendly. A nice, mature scent, and one I approve of.
My score: 6 out of 10. It's evil a little too much of the time, but it settles nicely.
Two, Five, and Seven.
What the Lab says: A huge bouquet of squished rose petals: Bulgarian rose, Somalian rose, Turkish rose, Damascus rose, red and white rose, tea rose, wine rose, shrub roses, rose, rose, rose...and just an itty bitty bit of green grass.
What I say: So, um, yeah. I read the Lab description and went 'so you say this has roses in it?'. And then I uncapped the vial, sniffed, and discovered that it actually had the entire Berkeley Rose Gardens in it. I actually gagged, because I hadn't really expected to get bitchslapped by that many roses at once. I am choosing to take this as a lesson. Namely, 'the Lab is not actually lying when they claim to have shoved all the roses in Wonderland into a single perfume'. If you don't like roses, steer clear. If you do like roses, apply this one outdoors. Because I will do anything for SCIENCE!!!!, I put it on anyway.
On my skin, the initial impression is 'you have just applied more roses to your wrists than grow in the entire state of Oregon, you fool, you fool, you reeking, rose-scented fool'. Seriously, it's impossible to think anything beyond AIIIIIIIEEEEEGH THE ROSES THEY ARE EATING MY FLESH IT BURNS IT BURNS OH JESUS!!!!!. I put on very little of this perfume. I smelled like the Rose Bowl. It was distressing in the extreme, and did I mention that the roses were touching me in bad places? They were very intrusive, and I did not approve.
The scent did eventually start to die down, which is good, since it meant I didn't suffocate and die. It wasn't an unpleasant smell, it was just OH MY GOD STRONG, and strong in a very, very floral way. After about an hour, the roses died down enough for me to smell the grass, but it was too little, too late. I had to wear Bad Luck Woman Blues for three days to beat back the trauma, and I think I now have a phobia of garden shows.
My score: 2 out of 10. I'm gonna put this on Vixy and see if the Red Queen whacks her head off.
Blood Pearl.
What the Lab says: Lustrous, sanguine, soft and lavish: soft orris, blood musk, and coconut.
What I say: Someday, I will learn to actually read the damn Lab descriptions before I go smearing things on myself. Seriously, the fact that I'm not actively allergic to anything they use doesn't mean I should just go sliming myself. I can't wear musk, I can't wear dragon's blood, and I can't wear anything they describe as 'sanguine'. But I didn't read the description, and so I put it on my skin, and smelled...musk.
And musk. And musk. AND OH GOD THE MUSK THE MUSK IS IN MY BRAIN IT IS FORCING ME TO EAT TACOS AND DANCE THE CHA-CHA! I was not even a little bit amused. The orris tried to put in an appearance, and promptly got slapped by the musk and told to go back to its goddamn corner already. And then the coconut arrived, and suddenly I smelled like musky sunscreen. This was somehow not actually pleasing unto me, and I was forced to scrub myself with pumpkin scented bodywash for about fifteen minutes to make it stop.
I don't know how the scent died down, because I washed it off first. It hurt me. It hurt me a lot. Uck. And that is all.
My score: -2 out of 10. DO NOT WANT.