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Spilling wax and spending far too much time on facespace. Someone has got engaged. Someone else's younger brother who was always going to grow up to be attractive did. Someone else's younger sister who I haven't seen for more years than she'd lived when I knew her grew up too. I'd forgotten what she even looked like and then there it was in flickers on her grown face.
I deleted 2 people I'd once been friends with. I feel odd about it - the removal of the virtual friendship tie, more than the reality of mutual dislike. Semiguilt. Pseudo. No doubt it ties in with the shrinking of my current social circle, particularly the shrunk/lost friendships within my house - these were old housemates too. In light of in-house behaviour that irritates me now I doubt momentarily my irritations then - was I fair? But I think so, I do think so. And it wasn't a matter of self-isolation through unhappiness, either: they didn't like me when I was happy, they found me too brash, too blunt, too true. It's not the same. We haven't been friends for over a year. Yet that internet link still came, afterwards, and stuck until now. Why the guilt? Why is there this drawn-out fear of failure, of fault? Would they have liked me if I had been more easygoing? Would they have liked me if I had been - or pretended at being - somebody else?
Facebook seems suddenly largely made up of people I knew and came to dislike and others I don't yet know very well. People I actually care about are in a definite minority. The others I've deleted so far are people I've met just once or twice. They might be nice, but they don't know me, we don't talk. I tried, a couple times, going through every single name on my list and sending some small message, starter smalltalk - social experiment on the social network link site. But it takes time to spin through that alphabet and really, there are only so many times you can kickstart with a Hey, how are you? that doesn't lead on to something. So why am I - are we - compelled to keep these names listed? It's not a status symbol for me, it's not about external audience. It's about those listed. But if I'm not comfortable in their boxes why am I uncomfortable about throwing them away? Why suddenly care?
I deleted 2 people I'd once been friends with. I feel odd about it - the removal of the virtual friendship tie, more than the reality of mutual dislike. Semiguilt. Pseudo. No doubt it ties in with the shrinking of my current social circle, particularly the shrunk/lost friendships within my house - these were old housemates too. In light of in-house behaviour that irritates me now I doubt momentarily my irritations then - was I fair? But I think so, I do think so. And it wasn't a matter of self-isolation through unhappiness, either: they didn't like me when I was happy, they found me too brash, too blunt, too true. It's not the same. We haven't been friends for over a year. Yet that internet link still came, afterwards, and stuck until now. Why the guilt? Why is there this drawn-out fear of failure, of fault? Would they have liked me if I had been more easygoing? Would they have liked me if I had been - or pretended at being - somebody else?
Facebook seems suddenly largely made up of people I knew and came to dislike and others I don't yet know very well. People I actually care about are in a definite minority. The others I've deleted so far are people I've met just once or twice. They might be nice, but they don't know me, we don't talk. I tried, a couple times, going through every single name on my list and sending some small message, starter smalltalk - social experiment on the social network link site. But it takes time to spin through that alphabet and really, there are only so many times you can kickstart with a Hey, how are you? that doesn't lead on to something. So why am I - are we - compelled to keep these names listed? It's not a status symbol for me, it's not about external audience. It's about those listed. But if I'm not comfortable in their boxes why am I uncomfortable about throwing them away? Why suddenly care?