Breaking Dawn
I'm really torn on this one guys. It's every bit as ridiculous as you've heard, and yet I liked it more than the others combined. I R CR8ZY!!! For some reason there seems to be less commentary, but a longer explanation/review at the end. Fair warning: I think there is a lot more profanity in this review.
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Of course he buys her a Mercedes that isn't even out in Europe yet, let alone the U.S. Though not a bad call on it being an armored vehicle. She sure needs one. Though that bitch does not know what to do with a V12.
A. V. 12.
Damn, Edward. Dartmouth, tricked out Mercedes, and an AMEX Black? Overboard much? You haven't even locked that down yet.
a link, however tenuous, to my missing best man.
God, don't start with this again. Leave Jacob alone! You've done enough damage.
“Charlie, I realize that I’ve gone about this out of order. Traditionally, I should have asked you first. I mean no disrespect, but since Bella has already said yes and I don’t want to diminish her choice in the matter, instead of asking you for her hand, I’m asking you for your blessing. We’re getting married, Charlie. I love her more than anything in the world, more than my own life, and-by some miracle-she loves me that way, too. Will you give us your blessing?”
Is it wrong that I really liked that paragraph? *Hides in shame*
Hah, the crux of her freaking out about marriage was her mother and her reaction and then she's all "*shrug* whatevs."
I knew she'd take his name. To be quite honest Isabella Swan > Bella Cullen.
I touched the cool miracle of his skin, and I was home.
Playing fast and loose with the word "miracle" now aren't we?
Aww, Jake. I knew he'd show.
I’d never done anything good enough to deserve a friend like Jacob.
We're all agreed then.
Way to open your mouth again Bella. TMI. Jake obviously didn't need to know what you were planning for your honeymoon. Of course he flipped out.
Hmm, it's weird. A wedding like this usually ends up in an epilogue at the end of a series.
Aww, cute Carlisle, I want an island as a present! Hahaha.
His lips brushed against my throat, just below my ear. He chuckled once and his cool breath tickled my overheated skin. “Don’t take too long, Mrs. Cullen.”
So, wouldn't that be the neck? Just wondering.
Dammit, if you're not going to describe "last night" at all STOP FUCKING MENTIONING IT.
Oh my God, he can't stop self-loathing for half a damn day so as to not ruin the post-coital morning? Jesus.
“Why am I covered in feathers?” I asked, confused.
He exhaled impatiently. “I bit a pillow. Or two. That’s not what I’m talking
about.”
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *chokes to death and dies*
OMG, we're going on six pages of Edward wangsting about bruising her during the sex. Considering you thought you were going to crush her skull, and she was feeling nothing but good - consider it a win, man!
Hahahahahaha, Bella is back to having to beg for sex because he won't touch her again. Is it wrong that I'm loving this book so far? It's so freaking lulzy I can't help it!
I bet no one thought that it might be safer is she got on top and did all the work. Just throwing that out there.
Yep, "marble skin." GOT. IT.
“I’ll have to buy Esme a new bed frame,” he confessed, glancing over his shoulder. I followed his gaze and was shocked to see that large chunks of wood had apparently been gouged from the left side of the headboard.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
LMFAO at her wanting to stay human longer now for the sex! She is so...special.
"He shrugged, unperturbed. “Kaure’s part Ticuna Indian. She was raised to be more superstitious-or you could call it more aware-than those who live in the modern world. She suspects what I am, or close enough.” He still didn’t sound worried. “They have their own legends here. The Libishomen-a blood-drinking demon who preys exclusively on beautiful women.” He leered at me."
Well, look who did some research...
“Maybe later. I had another idea for burning calories.”
“And what was that?”
“Well, there’s an awful lot of headboard left-”
Hahahahahahaha, God dammit, I'm entertained!
D'oh, pregnant. Well, that was fast. She's going to have some mutant quick gestational period, isn't she?
OMFG SHE IS!!!! ACK!!!
Okay, why is it in TV, movies, and books women are like Swiss Army watches when it comes to their periods? They are never ever late, or have irregular periods. That is so annoying to me.
What happened to change everything was that a soft little nudge bumped my hand-from inside my body.
WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what?
THAT WAS AFTER FIVE FUCKING DAYS LATE.
I would start screaming and never stop.
The fact that Edward is still frozen on the floor is cracking my shit up!
Aw, he's out of it now. He was properly freaked out by the fact THAT IT MOVED.
Surprising, absolutely. Astonishing, even. But wrong?
No.
WHAT? WTF DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT WRONG? IT. IS. JUST. SO. WRONG!!
Oh Lord, here we go with the "a fetus is blessing no matter what!" propaganda.
*head explodes*
Not a choice-a necessity.
And the pro-life no matter what the circumstances propaganda.
Okay, her lack of concern about this is really, severely WTF?
Her "little nudger??" Edward has the appropriate, freaked way the fuck out, "WE'RE GETTING THAT THING OUT OF YOU NOW!!" attitude and she's already nicknaming it?? ARGH!!
I'm going to be rocking in a corner, crying, and chewing my hair by the time I'm done with this book. We now have empirical evidence that I am, in fact, a masochist.
What the bloody fuck is this 'Books' thing? Why are we going to Jacob's point of view again? Why is this relevant?? This is, yet again, why first person fails. Now you have to do something incredibly non-sensical to get another POV (and really, having read it, it didn't really give us much more than we would have gotten from Bella's POV anyway). I really, truly hate you, Stephanie Meyer.
Pedo Bear is still freaking out about this three-year-old imprinting thing, he's going to be very unhappy later.
Like most of Bella's choices, I don't understand this one. Interesting that she recruited Rosalie to be her personal bodyguard.
So, Edward is an incubus? Mmmkay...
Oooh, great, more self-loathing from Edward. He's going to be a joy. Bella has made this choice, you just get to suffer her death.
That suggestion is all well and good, Edward, but you have to know Bella has her head wrapped around the fact that it is YOUR child. A Jacob substitute isn't going to work. I wonder if SMeyer forgot that Jacob is 16 when she wrote this...
I was the finished-second-place werewolf about to ask the vampire’s wife to shack up and procreate. Nice.
Uh...yeah...nice. Jesus, SMeyer.
“Did you know that ‘I told you so’ has a brother, Jacob?” she asked, cutting me off. “His name is ‘Shut the hell up.’”
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! I was like, "didn't I JUST read that somewhere? Did Jacob say that in an earlier book?" Yeah, I did just read it, in The Simpson's quote generator on my Dashboard just yesterday! That was funny. (The line was actually credited, I just want to make that clear.)
Ugh, Bella makes my head hurt. What exactly would the plan be in the case of her death? Edward already hates the thing because it's killing her, and she also knows his proclivity to try and join her in death. So she's going through all of this just so Rosalie can have a baby?
And Rosalie...I generally don't mind her being an advocate for Bella's death - I quite like her for it - but it's kind of hard to believe she'd be all gung ho to hurt Edward like this. I know she always wanted a baby, but they don't yet know what the hell this thing is going to be.
You know, I'm with Jacob on going against Sam here. They were willing to let bygones be bygones when they were actually going to break the treaty, but now they're going to war over something that doesn't? Without knowing what it is yet?
Seth Clearwater is kind of adorable.
I don't buy it. Leah wouldn't join you. Tell me you're smart enough to figure out it's a trick.
Ah, okay, nevermind her longing to be away from Sam's every thought overriding her dislike of Jacob does actually make sense.
She put Leah and Jacob in the same boat when it comes to heartbreak. Only she made Leah an insufferable, bitter, harpy, bitch about it while Jacob is risking everything to help The Cullens. I'm fucking serious, SMeyer HATES women.
Why is Carlisle acting like they just doesn't get what the fetus wants since it's not accepting food and Bella's body rejects it? That sucking void of intelligence is stronger now, huh? My first guess is that THE FETUS WANTS BLOOD. Duh.
Okay, so Edward finally caught on to that, and now it's Carlisle's turn to be incredibly obtuse.
It's kind of weird how far in the background Alice is at this point. I don't get it.
This. Is. Ridiculous. I mean, I knew it was coming, but come on. Drinking blood through a straw from a cup? A person who gets severely ill at the slightest smell of blood thinks it smells good? Come on, now. It's also vaguely nauseating. I mean I wouldn't have a problem if it were a vampire chowing down on some human, but this is just squicky.
BELLA HEALS ALL. The wolves will be okay.
Leah whipped her head back and forth like she was trying to shake the image out of her mind. "That is easily the freakin’ grossest thing I’ve heard in my life. Yuck. If there was anything in my stomach, it would be coming back." [Responding to the image of Bella drinking blood.]
Ahahahahah, so true, love it, Leah.
So...why does Carlisle randomly have an x-ray machine upstairs? Did he think Bella made it a good investment?
Not being able to see the fetus gives Alice a headache and that's why she's not around much? That's a weak excuse for being too lazy to be able to write all the characters at once.
Funny, though, I’d’ve thought her biggest issue would just be me.
I don't think I have ever seen three words smushed together like that before.
Knew it. Bella is such a selfish bitch. She's made her choices, damn the consequences to her parents, and now because she couldn't bear to hear Charlie's anxiety she's made the situation worse? Not that it would have been easy for him to lose her anyway, but still.
“From what little research we’ve been able to do, it would appear the creatures use their own teeth to escape the womb,” he whispered.
Not enough emoticons on earth to convey my reaction to that one.
You know, thus far the only one who has gotten anywhere close to vampire behavior in these books is Bella - AS A HUMAN. Effin' ridiculous.
“You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair.”
HAHAHAHAHAHHA, this fighting between Jacob and Rosalie is pretty freaking funny. I wish we could get more Rosalie period.
Leah sympathizes with Rosalie over the breeding imperative? Figures. Though I guess we understand what Rose is doing now?
OME, pelvic break?! *wretch all over the fucking bed*
Holy crap in a trash can, EDWARD CAN HEAR THE FETUS' THOUGHTS! That's just so...wrong. And it's like, smarter than all of them already. Which is not a hard feat for a fetus but still VERY DISCONCERTING. So of course that makes this kid real for him and he can't hate it anymore. Plus it wuvs its mommy - even though it's going to rip her to shreds.
Heh, EJ, really? Ugh, I'd still prefer that to what they actually named the girl. Which, I didn't just figure out was Renee and Esme together until just this moment. Duh.
Hah, and then it gets explained like a half a page later.
Ahah, go Leah. Someone needs to tell Bella about herself. Probably not the best time, but still.
“Yes. [The baby] seems to have a vague sense of what hurts her now. He’s trying to avoid that, as much as possible. He… loves her. Already.”
WUT???
There was the strangest, muffled ripping sound from the center of her body.
*cringe* Uncomfortable...
JESUS - TAP DANCING - CHRIST ON TOAST!!
SPINE SNAP! *wretch all over the fucking bed again*
Edward vampire teeth chainsaws into the uterus *high pitched whine as I grab my own then wretch all over the fucking bed again*
Yeah, this macro is really all you need to know of that birthing scene.
Look at your face now as you're watching that. THAT WAS MY FACE THROUGH THAT FUCKING SCENE IN THE BOOK.
I seriously was just really hungry before...
I looked up from Bella’s white eyes, still pumping her heart for her.
What? Didn't you just say that she popped the blood vessels in her eyes?
No picture, no other macro, nothing adequately conveys EXACTLY the look on my face as Jacob imprinted on Bella's daughter than this one right here:
I just, I can't...SMeyer=sick fuck. Srsly.
And it's hard, because that was also sort of the look on my face through the birthing scene, but it was so much worse for the imprinting. Just. So true. DO NOT WANT.
*sigh* switching books again. WTF is this deal? It's so stupid.
Oh...the "J" in EJ wasn't for "Junior" it was for Jacob...FUCKING BITCH.
God, I still marvel at what a stupid name that is, Renesmee. Maybe she should have gone with Edward Jacob anyway.
Ugh, burning Bella is boring. (Yay, alliteration!)
“She’s going to be dazzling.”
Oh, dear Lord...
Huh, you can chagrin as a vampire, eh?
(It's so bad that chagrin has become the funniest word. They just said it on the news and I laughed like an idiot.)
OME, new sensations!! Moving on...
I totally knew this was going to happen. That when she finally transformed she would be able to control herself more easily than anyone had before. I saw it coming a mile away.
'OMFG, I'm soooo pretty, and sooooo awesome, and now I really am perfect and not just faking that I'm not!'
*gags*
Ugh, I can tell that now everything has happened the rest of this shit is going to be as boring as Eclipse...and more more annoying because Bella is OMFE SO PERFECT now.
But I wasn’t going to argue; I was too thirsty. As soon as I’d started to think about the dry burn in my throat, it was all I could think about. Definitely getting worse. My mouth felt like four o’clock on a June afternoon in Death Valley.
Hah, thank you, Dan Rather.
It was a surprisingly sensual experience to observe Edward hunting.
...okie dokie.
Nice to see that vampiric power didn't plug up the sucking void of intelligence.
Renesmee’s fragrance was perfectly balanced right on the line between the scent of the most beautiful perfume and the scent of the most delicious food.
Awkward...
“It’s not natural,” Jasper muttered.
No, it's SUPERnatural.
Heh, I loved how everyone jumped to the baby's whim when she screamed.
Whoa, that kid's power is some seriously freaky shit!
Oh, look, Bella finally caught up as if she didn't have enough clues of Jake's imprinting already. She's going to kill Jake, and it's kind of funny this time because it's gross.
“I’ve held her all of one time, and already you think you have some moronic wolfy claim to her? She’s mine.”
“I can share,” he said pleadingly as he retreated across the lawn.
“You think you’ll be part of my family as my son-in-law!” I screeched.
“That was her,” he told me. “From the very beginning. We had to be together,
even then.”
Hah, Bella, you're going to have to get over it. The name you gave that kid blows, Nessie is much better.
Jacob and Sam had discovered that Alphas could speak to each other while in their wolf form.
Well, that's convenient!
Poor Charlie...
What would be the right thing to tell him? Were the Cullens right? Was telling him that I’d died the best, the kindest way? Would I be able to lie still in a coffin while he and my mother cried over me?
Yes. Once again, you made your choice, it's easier than them thinking you disappeared and always worried and wondering.
Renesmee smelled good in a very non-food way.
Still awkward...
Yeah, this baby's power/intelligence are really freaking me the hell out (as if the four week gestational period didn't already do that job).
“No. No way!” I shook my head fiercely and then shot a glance at the smug smile on my seventeen-year-old husband’s face. “No, this doesn’t count. I stopped aging three days ago. I am eighteen forever.”
For Christ's sake...she's immortal, she has everything she wants, and she's still going to freak over them considering her 19? It just never ends with her. Ugh, and I didn't like the age reminder.
Hey, once it's completely dead sex and not necrophilic sex, she describes it more!
I think it's fairly obvious what's coming next (as Bella's dreams almost always foreshadow something) but this perfect fairytale thing is making me fucking violent.
SMeyer's inability to completely describe a scene, so when she changes something it doesn't make sense at all and you wonder how the person got there/in that position, is truly maddening.
“There’s a tremendous amount of time left over when you don’t have to sleep. It makes balancing your… interests quite easy. There’s a reason why I’m the best musician in the family, why-besides Carlisle-I’ve read the most books, studied the most sciences, become fluent in the most languages.… Emmett would have you believe that I’m such a know-it-all because of the mind reading, but the truth is that I’ve just had a lot of free time.”
Yeah, there is, but what do you want to bet that she doesn't spend her time improving herself, studying, going to school or whatever. She's going to spend the rest of eternity as wife and mother. Even when the baby runs off with Jacob (*gag*), I don't see her doing much else with her time - other than Edward.
Why does the baby always automatically go to Rosalie? Never Edward? In fact, Edward has seemed to barely hold her. Like when she was dreaming it was mostly of Bella and Jacob, Edward didn't rank up there. What is that about?
So the sucking void of intelligence got worse? WTF, Jacob?? Charlie can assume whatever he wants, but it's going to be hard not to guess right (at least about her no longer being human) when he HUGS Bella and feels her "icy, marble skin." Unless they can come up with some plausible way to prevent that. And regardless, they'd still have to move away because of Dartmouth and the whole NOT AGING AND RAPIDLY GROWING MUTANT CHILD thing.
I was surprised that Charlie stayed away so long. Before they said that Bella was at the CDC in Atlanta he was like 20 minutes from her that whole time and he never tried to push his way in to see her?
Hahahahahah at how Bella is even hornier now that she's a vampire.
Huh. This is...weird. Okay, Charlie has accepted things and not getting full answers because he doesn't want to know, but he's touched her and that hasn't freaked him enough?
The hell? Why couldn't you just name her Carlie?? I think we could have all dealt with THAT!! Idiot.
That Charlie shit was WAY too easy. Everything is too easy. SMeyer has issues with real conflict doesn't she?
Haha, love Emmett. I wish he ripped off Bella's arm (though him losing was kind of funny, too).
OME, IT'S SPARKLE TIME!!
Of course Bella is the most dazzling of them all.
The baby doesn't really sparkle though, isn't that convenient!?
It's like the end of every chapter at this point is like the end of a book, where it could/should end, but it never does.
I took mythology a lot more seriously since I’d become a vampire.
HAH. Too bad you're not in a book with a decent mythology.
Man, this woman has issues with creating metaphors.
Oh, now NESSIE HEALS ALL.
OMG, WE ARE ALL ONE BIG VAMPY-WOLFY FAMILY!!!
So. Many. Eyerolls.
*starts singing a Breaking Dawn version of We Are Family*
At three months, Renesmee could have been a big one-year-old, or a small two-year-old. She wasn’t shaped exactly like a toddler; she was leaner and more graceful, her proportions were more even, like an adult’s. Her bronze ringlets hung to her waist; I couldn’t bear to cut them, even if Alice would have allowed it. Renesmee could speak with flawless grammar and articulation, but she rarely bothered, preferring to simply show people what she wanted. She could not only walk but run and dance. She could even read.
Well, at least the sucking void of intelligence hasn't had an effect on the Super Mutant Freak Baby. o_O
Fuckin' creepy-ass kid...jumping 15 feet?
For once, I was the quickest to understand...
Gold star for Bella!!
My Theory: Irina saw Nessie with Jacob, got pissed, figured out what Nessie was (with the super speed, hunting and shit), and let the Volturi know about her as revenge for taking up with the wolves.
Now, lets see how long it takes for them to catch on...
What the hell? Only a few paragraphs later?!? That sucking void of intelligence must be ebbing. I think the Super Mutant Freak Baby is doing it.
ALICE DID WHAT?!?!?!!?
...you're tap dancing on a thin-ass thread SMeyer...
Jacob let me hold Renesmee; he wanted space in case he had to phase quickly.
How nice. He let you hold your own daughter.
Well, of course Bella has an fantastical, amazing supernatural talent besides supernatural self-control. Why wouldn't she??
I mean, okay, that makes sense why Alice wouldn't want to be subject to Aro claiming her, but to run away? That still makes NO sense. At least no sense that everyone 100% believes it. Even Bella with the clue left for her by Alice. I don't know why I'm letting that confuse me, they aren't that bright.
Of course, Jacob got more surly with each new addition. He kept his distance when he could, and when he couldn’t he grumbled to Renesmee that someone was going to have to provide an index if anyone expected him to keep all the new bloodsuckers’ names straight.*
Me: WTF? Is there actually an index?
*scroll*
HOLY SHIT THERE IS AN INDEX!
Random.
Well, of course Mrs. Cullen can learn to expand her powers in the course of a few weeks while it takes others decades/centuries.
Bella's aversion to amazing cars is kind of annoying, too. 'Ferrari so pretty, but meh!' *rolls eyes*
“She looks like . . .” His eyes ran from my face to my shoes appreciatively. “Well, she looks like a freaking supermodel, that’s what she looks like.” I smiled and he winked at me, then went on. “Rocking body, pale as a sheet, dark brown hair almost to her waist, needs a good night’s sleep-any of this sounding familiar?”
*rolls eyes* Oh, please. You do wish, SMeyer, you really do.
...my eyes hurt from rolling them.
I preferred it that way-the last part anyway. I would not live without Edward again; if he was leaving this world, then I would be right behind him.
And damn the kid, right, Padme? Super selfish bitch.
On her wrist was an intricately braided Quileute version of a promise ring. Edward had gritted his teeth over that one, but it didn’t bother me.
Seriously? I would have cracked his fucking skull. Give my baby a promise ring?? Ugh.
Why does it seem so easy for her to ignore the craving with J. Jenks, Charlie, or any other human? SMeyer couldn't even spare a paragraph to describe the longing, burning desire that she has to fight tooth and nail?? That should be fairly prominent.
Honestly, Bella, Jenks thought you were trying to kidnap the kid, what would authorities think when a haggard, rushed Jacob, devastated by loss and horrified, goes running through the airport with this little girl that looks nothing like him? I really can't see that not making anyone suspicious.
Wait...so because of your freakish, obsessive need to be proximate to Edward at all times, you have your child sleeping in a tent in the cold instead of just staying at the house or the cottage?? The least you could have done is left her with Rosalie there. Crazy, co-dependent...
Uh, this shield thing is weird. Especially the elastic description of it and Bella's sudden control.
So, are the wolves being "shapeshifters" and not werewolves SMeyer's way of backtracking because she did some damn research? I think so. And did Edward know the whole time? Or was it when he suddenly found "clarity" in Eclipse about trying to keep Bella from Jacob? Wasn't there enough evidence before then? Like, from the first time it was explained to him? Ugh...whatever. I'm thinking too much.
Makenna’s maize-haired mate spoke in a high, nervous voice.
Hah. More alliteration.
Edward leaned his head against the same shoulder where he’d placed Renesmee. “Goodbye, Jacob, my brother… my son.”
Oh, look, BELLA SAVES THE DAY!! Of course!!
I'm guessing this improved mood in Edward is because Alice is back with info on the kid from South America.
Yep. Knew it! Y'all need to keep up.
That's why I gave SMeyer the benefit of the doubt before, I didn't think she'd let Alice go out like that (well, hoping, this is, after all, SMeyer).
Why do all these foreign vampires speak English? I wondered that about the Volturi in New Moon, but it would make sense for them to know English, they'd certainly have the time to learn. But these others that have never, nor never intended to leave their lands?
Wait...ugh, that's it?? BORING!
Why build up to these massive life-altering fights and have them fizzle out every time? Okay, you don't want to kill anyone off, but you couldn't fight? Have people at least get hurt? Kill off some side characters? SOMETHING so that it wasn't 100% easy?!?
This weird flashback thing SMeyer likes to do is annoying. Just go linearly and cover it. Most times these flashbacks get muddled and confusing.
Kind of figured out what Nahuel's issue was from the staring. Knowing you barely survived the birth to be made a vampire should have been your first clue. Why is it so rare that Bella know something without having her hand held?
That was such a weak-ass ending...but exactly what you would expect from wish-fulfillment fluff. I'm feeling lack of fulfillment through wish-fulfilment. Not that I really wanted of the main family to die, but it would have been more satisfying if everything weren't wrapped up in a perfect little bow. Like I said though, it was completely to be expected.
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I don't actually have as strong feelings about this book either way. I think I was right about going in with a completely different set of expectations (and knowing the major happenings before even starting the series). I don't think it was any worse than the other books, really. Actually, it had a leg up on the last two because at some points it was really, truly entertaining. And really, if you're going to do a horrible job writing books, the least they can be is entertaining (yes, I am easily entertained, why do you ask?). Honestly, I don't see what all the ballyhoo was about. The writing does not appear, to me, to be worse (in fact it looked as though she was attempting to be more descriptive - she failed, but still), and really the story goes in the same nonsensical direction the whole thing seemed to be progressing toward. Maybe my brain is warped because I've been reading these things one after the other, without taking a good lit break in between. So there was no break between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn for me to think about it, plus I was so annoyed and bored by Eclipse that I think it really propped up Breaking Dawn. I have a lot of negative things to say about the book, and I have agreed with almost every negative thing I've read about the book, but I can totally see myself reading this again when I'm in need of a non-thinking piece of fluff (how many of you doubt that I will get to that point again next semester? Bueller?).
First book took one hell of a nose dive. It was entertaining the hell out of me. Then she gets pregnant and it makes no sense. Like less sense than everything else. I probably could have bought it all if she started out in a place of being FREAKED THE FUCK OUT about the fact that within 16 days of having possibly been impregnated, she is not only experiencing all pregnancy symptoms, but she HAS A BUMP THAT IS MOVING. When he said they were getting that thing out of her she should have been like, "OKAY." Then as they make the long journey back she thinks about it and thinks about it, and feels it, etc. Until they get to the point when they're going to do the procedure and then changes her mind. Especially since she starts off saying how she never really considered having kids, she never saw herself as a mother, etc. But then she automatically knows she wants to keep whatever unknown, freaky-ass, mutant child they somehow spawned? As written it serves only the pro-life agenda SMeyer had in mind and it's fucking disgusting. Especially the blatant way in which she advocates being pro-life even in situations where the life of the mother is at serious risk. Fuck off, SMeyer. Fuck off.
The pedophilic undertones in this book are pretty serious. I don't know what SMeyer was trying to tell herself when writing this. It's one thing to have a big age difference between mates, sometimes you meet later and it's just a thing. I don't have a big problem with that (hell, you can even not think about the near century age difference between Bella and Edward because he is frozen at 17). What I do have a problem with is if one was damn near an adult and knew the other from the moment of their birth. That is beyond squicky. She writes that they just want the babies to be happy and healthy and that's all they want, but the idea is ALWAYS that they will be together when the child comes of age. SMeyer may think it sounds innocent, but it toes a seriously disturbing line. Like I said before, sick. [I don't understand why her predilection toward pedophilia and inappropriate adult/minor relationships isn't more of an issue. Apparently she started off the series with Bella leaving her mother because her stepfather was making her uncomfortable, the publishers did actually make her change that. Then she gets all cutesy saying that one of Bella's new teachers in Forks was all up on her jock, too. WHAT is that? Why aren't more people questioning that? I've heard she pulls this same kind of thing in her other book, The Host as well.]
I also read into this that once you let go, and completely surrender everything you are to another person you will get everything in life you want, everything will be amazing, and perfect. That is another extremely dangerous message to be sending to young girls. I don't understand why people think these books are okay for kids. Yes, there is a strong (and very awkward) abstinence message. However, the stuff Bella and Edward do in her room isn't necessarily okay either. Then she starts begging him for sex and trying to seduce him. The primary reason he won't is the very real possibility of killing her, and then the virtue of their souls is added in as an aside. The stalking, the emotional abuse, the flighty idiot girl, the "OMG, HE'S GONE MUST TRY NOT TO KILL SELF"...I mean, seriously? That's the message you want to send to your daughter?? Then add in the use of marriage as a tool to get what you want, and it is way past ridiculous. What's the point of preaching abstinence when all you're going to do is advocate extremely early marriage just to have sex? That makes NO sense.
I think I liked this one better because we were away from Bella a lot so there was like 170 pages where she wasn't whining, of course that's because there was that nonsensical jump to Jacob's POV. There's no way to win with SMeyer. There was less whining in general, so by the end I was mollified enough to not actively wish for Bella's (or Edward's) death. Everything from before didn't really matter anymore, they had exactly what they wanted. They were married, had a baby, and Bella was immortal so there was nothing to prevent or fight against (therefore less bipolar freak outs by the both of them). Edward appeared to continue his embargo against being a complete asshole. Though he did turn overly saccharine, and almost any desire Bella had, Edward would serve. Regardless of how stupid. Or maybe it was just the fact I didn't want the baby to suffer their deaths (even if she does freak me the fuck out), even if they didn't seem to care about leaving her behind. I can't even begin to convey how infuriating it is that both of them would still try to join the other in death even after having the baby.
Most of the time I had them aged in my head to about their mid-20s for it to work. I hated any time I was reminded that they were 19 and 17 and already married with a child.
What is up with the weird venom properties? There is venom in the eyes, okay. There is venom in their saliva, but if that is the case then why did nothing happen when Edward would lick Bella's lips when they were making out? And, from what I've heard, SMeyer's explanation for why Bella got pregnant is that it was his venom. Fine, we'll suspend belief even more and pretend that it makes sense that venom would fertilize an egg, why did it not transform Bella then? Oh, yeah, convenience...
Why was it just so necessary for Super Mutant Freak Baby to be born? She was just a convenient plot point so that we'd accept Bella's transformation. Because during the honeymoon she was talking about staying human longer and going to school for awhile. Yes, it was only for the sake of sex, but still gave her more time to think about the decision. So to get those who knew that it was ridiculous for Bella to so willingly give up her life, her soul, to be with Edward to accept the transformation more - which is what SMeyer really wanted to write about (and the subsequent perfection) - she needed a better impetus. So she created this baby Bella just HAD to have, risking life and limb (oh, hi pro-life message), and of course the baby tore her ass to shreds on the way out so there was no other choice but to transform her or let her die. That and just by the shear number of times she uses the baby's name instead of "the/my baby," etc. you know she was sitting around thinking about the characters doing 'what if?' scenarios, thought of this one, came up with that stupid name and was SO DAMN PLEASED with herself that she was like OME, THIS MUST BE WRITTEN!! Then, afterward, came up with a "conflict" to center around the child.
I was laughing through reading most of the book wondering how they will turn this into a movie. That will be a bigger fucking mess than the Twilight movie. Especially with KStew playing Bella.
Was anyone else expecting there to be an epilogue that said: ONE HUNDRED AND NINETEEN YEARS LATER?
I would have peed myself.
And, yes...I do hate myself for not hating this book like I should.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Of course he buys her a Mercedes that isn't even out in Europe yet, let alone the U.S. Though not a bad call on it being an armored vehicle. She sure needs one. Though that bitch does not know what to do with a V12.
A. V. 12.
Damn, Edward. Dartmouth, tricked out Mercedes, and an AMEX Black? Overboard much? You haven't even locked that down yet.
a link, however tenuous, to my missing best man.
God, don't start with this again. Leave Jacob alone! You've done enough damage.
“Charlie, I realize that I’ve gone about this out of order. Traditionally, I should have asked you first. I mean no disrespect, but since Bella has already said yes and I don’t want to diminish her choice in the matter, instead of asking you for her hand, I’m asking you for your blessing. We’re getting married, Charlie. I love her more than anything in the world, more than my own life, and-by some miracle-she loves me that way, too. Will you give us your blessing?”
Is it wrong that I really liked that paragraph? *Hides in shame*
Hah, the crux of her freaking out about marriage was her mother and her reaction and then she's all "*shrug* whatevs."
I knew she'd take his name. To be quite honest Isabella Swan > Bella Cullen.
I touched the cool miracle of his skin, and I was home.
Playing fast and loose with the word "miracle" now aren't we?
Aww, Jake. I knew he'd show.
I’d never done anything good enough to deserve a friend like Jacob.
We're all agreed then.
Way to open your mouth again Bella. TMI. Jake obviously didn't need to know what you were planning for your honeymoon. Of course he flipped out.
Hmm, it's weird. A wedding like this usually ends up in an epilogue at the end of a series.
Aww, cute Carlisle, I want an island as a present! Hahaha.
His lips brushed against my throat, just below my ear. He chuckled once and his cool breath tickled my overheated skin. “Don’t take too long, Mrs. Cullen.”
So, wouldn't that be the neck? Just wondering.
Dammit, if you're not going to describe "last night" at all STOP FUCKING MENTIONING IT.
Oh my God, he can't stop self-loathing for half a damn day so as to not ruin the post-coital morning? Jesus.
“Why am I covered in feathers?” I asked, confused.
He exhaled impatiently. “I bit a pillow. Or two. That’s not what I’m talking
about.”
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *chokes to death and dies*
OMG, we're going on six pages of Edward wangsting about bruising her during the sex. Considering you thought you were going to crush her skull, and she was feeling nothing but good - consider it a win, man!
Hahahahahaha, Bella is back to having to beg for sex because he won't touch her again. Is it wrong that I'm loving this book so far? It's so freaking lulzy I can't help it!
I bet no one thought that it might be safer is she got on top and did all the work. Just throwing that out there.
Yep, "marble skin." GOT. IT.
“I’ll have to buy Esme a new bed frame,” he confessed, glancing over his shoulder. I followed his gaze and was shocked to see that large chunks of wood had apparently been gouged from the left side of the headboard.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
LMFAO at her wanting to stay human longer now for the sex! She is so...special.
"He shrugged, unperturbed. “Kaure’s part Ticuna Indian. She was raised to be more superstitious-or you could call it more aware-than those who live in the modern world. She suspects what I am, or close enough.” He still didn’t sound worried. “They have their own legends here. The Libishomen-a blood-drinking demon who preys exclusively on beautiful women.” He leered at me."
Well, look who did some research...
“Maybe later. I had another idea for burning calories.”
“And what was that?”
“Well, there’s an awful lot of headboard left-”
Hahahahahahaha, God dammit, I'm entertained!
D'oh, pregnant. Well, that was fast. She's going to have some mutant quick gestational period, isn't she?
OMFG SHE IS!!!! ACK!!!
Okay, why is it in TV, movies, and books women are like Swiss Army watches when it comes to their periods? They are never ever late, or have irregular periods. That is so annoying to me.
What happened to change everything was that a soft little nudge bumped my hand-from inside my body.
WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what? WHAT? what?
THAT WAS AFTER FIVE FUCKING DAYS LATE.
I would start screaming and never stop.
The fact that Edward is still frozen on the floor is cracking my shit up!
Aw, he's out of it now. He was properly freaked out by the fact THAT IT MOVED.
Surprising, absolutely. Astonishing, even. But wrong?
No.
WHAT? WTF DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT WRONG? IT. IS. JUST. SO. WRONG!!
Oh Lord, here we go with the "a fetus is blessing no matter what!" propaganda.
*head explodes*
Not a choice-a necessity.
And the pro-life no matter what the circumstances propaganda.
Okay, her lack of concern about this is really, severely WTF?
Her "little nudger??" Edward has the appropriate, freaked way the fuck out, "WE'RE GETTING THAT THING OUT OF YOU NOW!!" attitude and she's already nicknaming it?? ARGH!!
I'm going to be rocking in a corner, crying, and chewing my hair by the time I'm done with this book. We now have empirical evidence that I am, in fact, a masochist.
What the bloody fuck is this 'Books' thing? Why are we going to Jacob's point of view again? Why is this relevant?? This is, yet again, why first person fails. Now you have to do something incredibly non-sensical to get another POV (and really, having read it, it didn't really give us much more than we would have gotten from Bella's POV anyway). I really, truly hate you, Stephanie Meyer.
Pedo Bear is still freaking out about this three-year-old imprinting thing, he's going to be very unhappy later.
Like most of Bella's choices, I don't understand this one. Interesting that she recruited Rosalie to be her personal bodyguard.
So, Edward is an incubus? Mmmkay...
Oooh, great, more self-loathing from Edward. He's going to be a joy. Bella has made this choice, you just get to suffer her death.
That suggestion is all well and good, Edward, but you have to know Bella has her head wrapped around the fact that it is YOUR child. A Jacob substitute isn't going to work. I wonder if SMeyer forgot that Jacob is 16 when she wrote this...
I was the finished-second-place werewolf about to ask the vampire’s wife to shack up and procreate. Nice.
Uh...yeah...nice. Jesus, SMeyer.
“Did you know that ‘I told you so’ has a brother, Jacob?” she asked, cutting me off. “His name is ‘Shut the hell up.’”
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! I was like, "didn't I JUST read that somewhere? Did Jacob say that in an earlier book?" Yeah, I did just read it, in The Simpson's quote generator on my Dashboard just yesterday! That was funny. (The line was actually credited, I just want to make that clear.)
Ugh, Bella makes my head hurt. What exactly would the plan be in the case of her death? Edward already hates the thing because it's killing her, and she also knows his proclivity to try and join her in death. So she's going through all of this just so Rosalie can have a baby?
And Rosalie...I generally don't mind her being an advocate for Bella's death - I quite like her for it - but it's kind of hard to believe she'd be all gung ho to hurt Edward like this. I know she always wanted a baby, but they don't yet know what the hell this thing is going to be.
You know, I'm with Jacob on going against Sam here. They were willing to let bygones be bygones when they were actually going to break the treaty, but now they're going to war over something that doesn't? Without knowing what it is yet?
Seth Clearwater is kind of adorable.
I don't buy it. Leah wouldn't join you. Tell me you're smart enough to figure out it's a trick.
Ah, okay, nevermind her longing to be away from Sam's every thought overriding her dislike of Jacob does actually make sense.
She put Leah and Jacob in the same boat when it comes to heartbreak. Only she made Leah an insufferable, bitter, harpy, bitch about it while Jacob is risking everything to help The Cullens. I'm fucking serious, SMeyer HATES women.
Why is Carlisle acting like they just doesn't get what the fetus wants since it's not accepting food and Bella's body rejects it? That sucking void of intelligence is stronger now, huh? My first guess is that THE FETUS WANTS BLOOD. Duh.
Okay, so Edward finally caught on to that, and now it's Carlisle's turn to be incredibly obtuse.
It's kind of weird how far in the background Alice is at this point. I don't get it.
This. Is. Ridiculous. I mean, I knew it was coming, but come on. Drinking blood through a straw from a cup? A person who gets severely ill at the slightest smell of blood thinks it smells good? Come on, now. It's also vaguely nauseating. I mean I wouldn't have a problem if it were a vampire chowing down on some human, but this is just squicky.
BELLA HEALS ALL. The wolves will be okay.
Leah whipped her head back and forth like she was trying to shake the image out of her mind. "That is easily the freakin’ grossest thing I’ve heard in my life. Yuck. If there was anything in my stomach, it would be coming back." [Responding to the image of Bella drinking blood.]
Ahahahahah, so true, love it, Leah.
So...why does Carlisle randomly have an x-ray machine upstairs? Did he think Bella made it a good investment?
Not being able to see the fetus gives Alice a headache and that's why she's not around much? That's a weak excuse for being too lazy to be able to write all the characters at once.
Funny, though, I’d’ve thought her biggest issue would just be me.
I don't think I have ever seen three words smushed together like that before.
Knew it. Bella is such a selfish bitch. She's made her choices, damn the consequences to her parents, and now because she couldn't bear to hear Charlie's anxiety she's made the situation worse? Not that it would have been easy for him to lose her anyway, but still.
“From what little research we’ve been able to do, it would appear the creatures use their own teeth to escape the womb,” he whispered.
Not enough emoticons on earth to convey my reaction to that one.
You know, thus far the only one who has gotten anywhere close to vampire behavior in these books is Bella - AS A HUMAN. Effin' ridiculous.
“You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair.”
HAHAHAHAHAHHA, this fighting between Jacob and Rosalie is pretty freaking funny. I wish we could get more Rosalie period.
Leah sympathizes with Rosalie over the breeding imperative? Figures. Though I guess we understand what Rose is doing now?
OME, pelvic break?! *wretch all over the fucking bed*
Holy crap in a trash can, EDWARD CAN HEAR THE FETUS' THOUGHTS! That's just so...wrong. And it's like, smarter than all of them already. Which is not a hard feat for a fetus but still VERY DISCONCERTING. So of course that makes this kid real for him and he can't hate it anymore. Plus it wuvs its mommy - even though it's going to rip her to shreds.
Heh, EJ, really? Ugh, I'd still prefer that to what they actually named the girl. Which, I didn't just figure out was Renee and Esme together until just this moment. Duh.
Hah, and then it gets explained like a half a page later.
Ahah, go Leah. Someone needs to tell Bella about herself. Probably not the best time, but still.
“Yes. [The baby] seems to have a vague sense of what hurts her now. He’s trying to avoid that, as much as possible. He… loves her. Already.”
WUT???
There was the strangest, muffled ripping sound from the center of her body.
*cringe* Uncomfortable...
JESUS - TAP DANCING - CHRIST ON TOAST!!
SPINE SNAP! *wretch all over the fucking bed again*
Edward vampire teeth chainsaws into the uterus *high pitched whine as I grab my own then wretch all over the fucking bed again*
Yeah, this macro is really all you need to know of that birthing scene.
Look at your face now as you're watching that. THAT WAS MY FACE THROUGH THAT FUCKING SCENE IN THE BOOK.
I seriously was just really hungry before...
I looked up from Bella’s white eyes, still pumping her heart for her.
What? Didn't you just say that she popped the blood vessels in her eyes?
No picture, no other macro, nothing adequately conveys EXACTLY the look on my face as Jacob imprinted on Bella's daughter than this one right here:
I just, I can't...SMeyer=sick fuck. Srsly.
And it's hard, because that was also sort of the look on my face through the birthing scene, but it was so much worse for the imprinting. Just. So true. DO NOT WANT.
*sigh* switching books again. WTF is this deal? It's so stupid.
Oh...the "J" in EJ wasn't for "Junior" it was for Jacob...FUCKING BITCH.
God, I still marvel at what a stupid name that is, Renesmee. Maybe she should have gone with Edward Jacob anyway.
Ugh, burning Bella is boring. (Yay, alliteration!)
“She’s going to be dazzling.”
Oh, dear Lord...
Huh, you can chagrin as a vampire, eh?
(It's so bad that chagrin has become the funniest word. They just said it on the news and I laughed like an idiot.)
OME, new sensations!! Moving on...
I totally knew this was going to happen. That when she finally transformed she would be able to control herself more easily than anyone had before. I saw it coming a mile away.
'OMFG, I'm soooo pretty, and sooooo awesome, and now I really am perfect and not just faking that I'm not!'
*gags*
Ugh, I can tell that now everything has happened the rest of this shit is going to be as boring as Eclipse...and more more annoying because Bella is OMFE SO PERFECT now.
But I wasn’t going to argue; I was too thirsty. As soon as I’d started to think about the dry burn in my throat, it was all I could think about. Definitely getting worse. My mouth felt like four o’clock on a June afternoon in Death Valley.
Hah, thank you, Dan Rather.
It was a surprisingly sensual experience to observe Edward hunting.
...okie dokie.
Nice to see that vampiric power didn't plug up the sucking void of intelligence.
Renesmee’s fragrance was perfectly balanced right on the line between the scent of the most beautiful perfume and the scent of the most delicious food.
Awkward...
“It’s not natural,” Jasper muttered.
No, it's SUPERnatural.
Heh, I loved how everyone jumped to the baby's whim when she screamed.
Whoa, that kid's power is some seriously freaky shit!
Oh, look, Bella finally caught up as if she didn't have enough clues of Jake's imprinting already. She's going to kill Jake, and it's kind of funny this time because it's gross.
“I’ve held her all of one time, and already you think you have some moronic wolfy claim to her? She’s mine.”
“I can share,” he said pleadingly as he retreated across the lawn.
“You think you’ll be part of my family as my son-in-law!” I screeched.
“That was her,” he told me. “From the very beginning. We had to be together,
even then.”
Hah, Bella, you're going to have to get over it. The name you gave that kid blows, Nessie is much better.
Jacob and Sam had discovered that Alphas could speak to each other while in their wolf form.
Well, that's convenient!
Poor Charlie...
What would be the right thing to tell him? Were the Cullens right? Was telling him that I’d died the best, the kindest way? Would I be able to lie still in a coffin while he and my mother cried over me?
Yes. Once again, you made your choice, it's easier than them thinking you disappeared and always worried and wondering.
Renesmee smelled good in a very non-food way.
Still awkward...
Yeah, this baby's power/intelligence are really freaking me the hell out (as if the four week gestational period didn't already do that job).
“No. No way!” I shook my head fiercely and then shot a glance at the smug smile on my seventeen-year-old husband’s face. “No, this doesn’t count. I stopped aging three days ago. I am eighteen forever.”
For Christ's sake...she's immortal, she has everything she wants, and she's still going to freak over them considering her 19? It just never ends with her. Ugh, and I didn't like the age reminder.
Hey, once it's completely dead sex and not necrophilic sex, she describes it more!
I think it's fairly obvious what's coming next (as Bella's dreams almost always foreshadow something) but this perfect fairytale thing is making me fucking violent.
SMeyer's inability to completely describe a scene, so when she changes something it doesn't make sense at all and you wonder how the person got there/in that position, is truly maddening.
“There’s a tremendous amount of time left over when you don’t have to sleep. It makes balancing your… interests quite easy. There’s a reason why I’m the best musician in the family, why-besides Carlisle-I’ve read the most books, studied the most sciences, become fluent in the most languages.… Emmett would have you believe that I’m such a know-it-all because of the mind reading, but the truth is that I’ve just had a lot of free time.”
Yeah, there is, but what do you want to bet that she doesn't spend her time improving herself, studying, going to school or whatever. She's going to spend the rest of eternity as wife and mother. Even when the baby runs off with Jacob (*gag*), I don't see her doing much else with her time - other than Edward.
Why does the baby always automatically go to Rosalie? Never Edward? In fact, Edward has seemed to barely hold her. Like when she was dreaming it was mostly of Bella and Jacob, Edward didn't rank up there. What is that about?
So the sucking void of intelligence got worse? WTF, Jacob?? Charlie can assume whatever he wants, but it's going to be hard not to guess right (at least about her no longer being human) when he HUGS Bella and feels her "icy, marble skin." Unless they can come up with some plausible way to prevent that. And regardless, they'd still have to move away because of Dartmouth and the whole NOT AGING AND RAPIDLY GROWING MUTANT CHILD thing.
I was surprised that Charlie stayed away so long. Before they said that Bella was at the CDC in Atlanta he was like 20 minutes from her that whole time and he never tried to push his way in to see her?
Hahahahahah at how Bella is even hornier now that she's a vampire.
Huh. This is...weird. Okay, Charlie has accepted things and not getting full answers because he doesn't want to know, but he's touched her and that hasn't freaked him enough?
The hell? Why couldn't you just name her Carlie?? I think we could have all dealt with THAT!! Idiot.
That Charlie shit was WAY too easy. Everything is too easy. SMeyer has issues with real conflict doesn't she?
Haha, love Emmett. I wish he ripped off Bella's arm (though him losing was kind of funny, too).
OME, IT'S SPARKLE TIME!!
Of course Bella is the most dazzling of them all.
The baby doesn't really sparkle though, isn't that convenient!?
It's like the end of every chapter at this point is like the end of a book, where it could/should end, but it never does.
I took mythology a lot more seriously since I’d become a vampire.
HAH. Too bad you're not in a book with a decent mythology.
Man, this woman has issues with creating metaphors.
Oh, now NESSIE HEALS ALL.
OMG, WE ARE ALL ONE BIG VAMPY-WOLFY FAMILY!!!
So. Many. Eyerolls.
*starts singing a Breaking Dawn version of We Are Family*
At three months, Renesmee could have been a big one-year-old, or a small two-year-old. She wasn’t shaped exactly like a toddler; she was leaner and more graceful, her proportions were more even, like an adult’s. Her bronze ringlets hung to her waist; I couldn’t bear to cut them, even if Alice would have allowed it. Renesmee could speak with flawless grammar and articulation, but she rarely bothered, preferring to simply show people what she wanted. She could not only walk but run and dance. She could even read.
Well, at least the sucking void of intelligence hasn't had an effect on the Super Mutant Freak Baby. o_O
Fuckin' creepy-ass kid...jumping 15 feet?
For once, I was the quickest to understand...
Gold star for Bella!!
My Theory: Irina saw Nessie with Jacob, got pissed, figured out what Nessie was (with the super speed, hunting and shit), and let the Volturi know about her as revenge for taking up with the wolves.
Now, lets see how long it takes for them to catch on...
What the hell? Only a few paragraphs later?!? That sucking void of intelligence must be ebbing. I think the Super Mutant Freak Baby is doing it.
ALICE DID WHAT?!?!?!!?
...you're tap dancing on a thin-ass thread SMeyer...
Jacob let me hold Renesmee; he wanted space in case he had to phase quickly.
How nice. He let you hold your own daughter.
Well, of course Bella has an fantastical, amazing supernatural talent besides supernatural self-control. Why wouldn't she??
I mean, okay, that makes sense why Alice wouldn't want to be subject to Aro claiming her, but to run away? That still makes NO sense. At least no sense that everyone 100% believes it. Even Bella with the clue left for her by Alice. I don't know why I'm letting that confuse me, they aren't that bright.
Of course, Jacob got more surly with each new addition. He kept his distance when he could, and when he couldn’t he grumbled to Renesmee that someone was going to have to provide an index if anyone expected him to keep all the new bloodsuckers’ names straight.*
Me: WTF? Is there actually an index?
*scroll*
HOLY SHIT THERE IS AN INDEX!
Random.
Well, of course Mrs. Cullen can learn to expand her powers in the course of a few weeks while it takes others decades/centuries.
Bella's aversion to amazing cars is kind of annoying, too. 'Ferrari so pretty, but meh!' *rolls eyes*
“She looks like . . .” His eyes ran from my face to my shoes appreciatively. “Well, she looks like a freaking supermodel, that’s what she looks like.” I smiled and he winked at me, then went on. “Rocking body, pale as a sheet, dark brown hair almost to her waist, needs a good night’s sleep-any of this sounding familiar?”
*rolls eyes* Oh, please. You do wish, SMeyer, you really do.
...my eyes hurt from rolling them.
I preferred it that way-the last part anyway. I would not live without Edward again; if he was leaving this world, then I would be right behind him.
And damn the kid, right, Padme? Super selfish bitch.
On her wrist was an intricately braided Quileute version of a promise ring. Edward had gritted his teeth over that one, but it didn’t bother me.
Seriously? I would have cracked his fucking skull. Give my baby a promise ring?? Ugh.
Why does it seem so easy for her to ignore the craving with J. Jenks, Charlie, or any other human? SMeyer couldn't even spare a paragraph to describe the longing, burning desire that she has to fight tooth and nail?? That should be fairly prominent.
Honestly, Bella, Jenks thought you were trying to kidnap the kid, what would authorities think when a haggard, rushed Jacob, devastated by loss and horrified, goes running through the airport with this little girl that looks nothing like him? I really can't see that not making anyone suspicious.
Wait...so because of your freakish, obsessive need to be proximate to Edward at all times, you have your child sleeping in a tent in the cold instead of just staying at the house or the cottage?? The least you could have done is left her with Rosalie there. Crazy, co-dependent...
Uh, this shield thing is weird. Especially the elastic description of it and Bella's sudden control.
So, are the wolves being "shapeshifters" and not werewolves SMeyer's way of backtracking because she did some damn research? I think so. And did Edward know the whole time? Or was it when he suddenly found "clarity" in Eclipse about trying to keep Bella from Jacob? Wasn't there enough evidence before then? Like, from the first time it was explained to him? Ugh...whatever. I'm thinking too much.
Makenna’s maize-haired mate spoke in a high, nervous voice.
Hah. More alliteration.
Edward leaned his head against the same shoulder where he’d placed Renesmee. “Goodbye, Jacob, my brother… my son.”
Oh, look, BELLA SAVES THE DAY!! Of course!!
I'm guessing this improved mood in Edward is because Alice is back with info on the kid from South America.
Yep. Knew it! Y'all need to keep up.
That's why I gave SMeyer the benefit of the doubt before, I didn't think she'd let Alice go out like that (well, hoping, this is, after all, SMeyer).
Why do all these foreign vampires speak English? I wondered that about the Volturi in New Moon, but it would make sense for them to know English, they'd certainly have the time to learn. But these others that have never, nor never intended to leave their lands?
Wait...ugh, that's it?? BORING!
Why build up to these massive life-altering fights and have them fizzle out every time? Okay, you don't want to kill anyone off, but you couldn't fight? Have people at least get hurt? Kill off some side characters? SOMETHING so that it wasn't 100% easy?!?
Click to viewThis weird flashback thing SMeyer likes to do is annoying. Just go linearly and cover it. Most times these flashbacks get muddled and confusing.
Kind of figured out what Nahuel's issue was from the staring. Knowing you barely survived the birth to be made a vampire should have been your first clue. Why is it so rare that Bella know something without having her hand held?
That was such a weak-ass ending...but exactly what you would expect from wish-fulfillment fluff. I'm feeling lack of fulfillment through wish-fulfilment. Not that I really wanted of the main family to die, but it would have been more satisfying if everything weren't wrapped up in a perfect little bow. Like I said though, it was completely to be expected.
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I don't actually have as strong feelings about this book either way. I think I was right about going in with a completely different set of expectations (and knowing the major happenings before even starting the series). I don't think it was any worse than the other books, really. Actually, it had a leg up on the last two because at some points it was really, truly entertaining. And really, if you're going to do a horrible job writing books, the least they can be is entertaining (yes, I am easily entertained, why do you ask?). Honestly, I don't see what all the ballyhoo was about. The writing does not appear, to me, to be worse (in fact it looked as though she was attempting to be more descriptive - she failed, but still), and really the story goes in the same nonsensical direction the whole thing seemed to be progressing toward. Maybe my brain is warped because I've been reading these things one after the other, without taking a good lit break in between. So there was no break between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn for me to think about it, plus I was so annoyed and bored by Eclipse that I think it really propped up Breaking Dawn. I have a lot of negative things to say about the book, and I have agreed with almost every negative thing I've read about the book, but I can totally see myself reading this again when I'm in need of a non-thinking piece of fluff (how many of you doubt that I will get to that point again next semester? Bueller?).
First book took one hell of a nose dive. It was entertaining the hell out of me. Then she gets pregnant and it makes no sense. Like less sense than everything else. I probably could have bought it all if she started out in a place of being FREAKED THE FUCK OUT about the fact that within 16 days of having possibly been impregnated, she is not only experiencing all pregnancy symptoms, but she HAS A BUMP THAT IS MOVING. When he said they were getting that thing out of her she should have been like, "OKAY." Then as they make the long journey back she thinks about it and thinks about it, and feels it, etc. Until they get to the point when they're going to do the procedure and then changes her mind. Especially since she starts off saying how she never really considered having kids, she never saw herself as a mother, etc. But then she automatically knows she wants to keep whatever unknown, freaky-ass, mutant child they somehow spawned? As written it serves only the pro-life agenda SMeyer had in mind and it's fucking disgusting. Especially the blatant way in which she advocates being pro-life even in situations where the life of the mother is at serious risk. Fuck off, SMeyer. Fuck off.
The pedophilic undertones in this book are pretty serious. I don't know what SMeyer was trying to tell herself when writing this. It's one thing to have a big age difference between mates, sometimes you meet later and it's just a thing. I don't have a big problem with that (hell, you can even not think about the near century age difference between Bella and Edward because he is frozen at 17). What I do have a problem with is if one was damn near an adult and knew the other from the moment of their birth. That is beyond squicky. She writes that they just want the babies to be happy and healthy and that's all they want, but the idea is ALWAYS that they will be together when the child comes of age. SMeyer may think it sounds innocent, but it toes a seriously disturbing line. Like I said before, sick. [I don't understand why her predilection toward pedophilia and inappropriate adult/minor relationships isn't more of an issue. Apparently she started off the series with Bella leaving her mother because her stepfather was making her uncomfortable, the publishers did actually make her change that. Then she gets all cutesy saying that one of Bella's new teachers in Forks was all up on her jock, too. WHAT is that? Why aren't more people questioning that? I've heard she pulls this same kind of thing in her other book, The Host as well.]
I also read into this that once you let go, and completely surrender everything you are to another person you will get everything in life you want, everything will be amazing, and perfect. That is another extremely dangerous message to be sending to young girls. I don't understand why people think these books are okay for kids. Yes, there is a strong (and very awkward) abstinence message. However, the stuff Bella and Edward do in her room isn't necessarily okay either. Then she starts begging him for sex and trying to seduce him. The primary reason he won't is the very real possibility of killing her, and then the virtue of their souls is added in as an aside. The stalking, the emotional abuse, the flighty idiot girl, the "OMG, HE'S GONE MUST TRY NOT TO KILL SELF"...I mean, seriously? That's the message you want to send to your daughter?? Then add in the use of marriage as a tool to get what you want, and it is way past ridiculous. What's the point of preaching abstinence when all you're going to do is advocate extremely early marriage just to have sex? That makes NO sense.
I think I liked this one better because we were away from Bella a lot so there was like 170 pages where she wasn't whining, of course that's because there was that nonsensical jump to Jacob's POV. There's no way to win with SMeyer. There was less whining in general, so by the end I was mollified enough to not actively wish for Bella's (or Edward's) death. Everything from before didn't really matter anymore, they had exactly what they wanted. They were married, had a baby, and Bella was immortal so there was nothing to prevent or fight against (therefore less bipolar freak outs by the both of them). Edward appeared to continue his embargo against being a complete asshole. Though he did turn overly saccharine, and almost any desire Bella had, Edward would serve. Regardless of how stupid. Or maybe it was just the fact I didn't want the baby to suffer their deaths (even if she does freak me the fuck out), even if they didn't seem to care about leaving her behind. I can't even begin to convey how infuriating it is that both of them would still try to join the other in death even after having the baby.
Most of the time I had them aged in my head to about their mid-20s for it to work. I hated any time I was reminded that they were 19 and 17 and already married with a child.
What is up with the weird venom properties? There is venom in the eyes, okay. There is venom in their saliva, but if that is the case then why did nothing happen when Edward would lick Bella's lips when they were making out? And, from what I've heard, SMeyer's explanation for why Bella got pregnant is that it was his venom. Fine, we'll suspend belief even more and pretend that it makes sense that venom would fertilize an egg, why did it not transform Bella then? Oh, yeah, convenience...
Why was it just so necessary for Super Mutant Freak Baby to be born? She was just a convenient plot point so that we'd accept Bella's transformation. Because during the honeymoon she was talking about staying human longer and going to school for awhile. Yes, it was only for the sake of sex, but still gave her more time to think about the decision. So to get those who knew that it was ridiculous for Bella to so willingly give up her life, her soul, to be with Edward to accept the transformation more - which is what SMeyer really wanted to write about (and the subsequent perfection) - she needed a better impetus. So she created this baby Bella just HAD to have, risking life and limb (oh, hi pro-life message), and of course the baby tore her ass to shreds on the way out so there was no other choice but to transform her or let her die. That and just by the shear number of times she uses the baby's name instead of "the/my baby," etc. you know she was sitting around thinking about the characters doing 'what if?' scenarios, thought of this one, came up with that stupid name and was SO DAMN PLEASED with herself that she was like OME, THIS MUST BE WRITTEN!! Then, afterward, came up with a "conflict" to center around the child.
I was laughing through reading most of the book wondering how they will turn this into a movie. That will be a bigger fucking mess than the Twilight movie. Especially with KStew playing Bella.
Was anyone else expecting there to be an epilogue that said: ONE HUNDRED AND NINETEEN YEARS LATER?
I would have peed myself.
And, yes...I do hate myself for not hating this book like I should.