Eclipse
God this book sucked. It kind of gets sparse here and there, once I realized that I had copied nearly half of the first chapter I decided to pull way the hell back. I added some visuals since this book is fucking boring.
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The word boyfriend had me chewing on the inside of my cheek with a familiar tension while I stirred. It wasn’t the right word, not at all. I needed something more expressive of eternal commitment. . . . But words like destiny and fate sounded hokey when you used them in casual conversation.
Or you could just accept the proposal and call him your fiance. Of course, then Charlie's head would explode.
Fiancee. Ugh. I shuddered away from the thought.
Oh, nevermind then.
This little woman cook and clean, because big strong men don't know how thing is...ugh. Bella has done it from the moment she moved in with her father, and we saw Emily doing that for the pack. I'm sure if the Cullens ate food, the women would be the ones in the kitchen cooking.
Though the afternoon was the only time I spent away from Edward, it was enough to make me restless, and the hours always dragged.
Jesus, Mary...you've been together long enough that you should be able to spend a couple of hours apart. Freaking co-dependent, nutjobs...
“I think Phoenix is actually higher up the homicide list, Dad. I have lived like that.” And I’d never come close to being a murder victim until after I moved to his safe little town. In fact, I was still on several hit lists. . . . The spoon shook in my hands, making the water tremble.
Yes, that compares. Random violence v. hanging out with vampires.
Oh God, is she going to destroy Wuthering Heights like she did R&J? Okay, I have never read Wuthering Heights, but still.
“Okay.” He sighed, raising his hands as if in surrender. “So I’m thinking maybe you deserve a parole for good behavior. For a teenager, you’re amazingly non-whiney.”
HA HA HA HA HA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! Oh, Charlie, that's the best one since "she was never one for tantrums."
“Good evening, Charlie.” Edward was always flawlessly polite, though Charlie didn’t deserve it.
What the hell do you mean he doesn't deserve it? First of all, he's your father. Second of all, you may be so in "love" that last September and the eight months that followed don't matter to you, but to Charlie he's the boy who disappeared, broke your heart, and put you into such a deep depression that he was terrified he was going to have to hospitalize his baby girl. Pleasantries and bygones go out the window after that.
“No, that’s fine, Charlie,” Edward said, interrupting me. “I didn’t mean Seattle. I was thinking Portland, actually. I wouldn’t have Bella in Seattle, either. Of course not.”
WTF is this, My Two Dads?
“You know it’s out of the question for you to be around a werewolf unprotected, Bella. And it would break the treaty if any of us cross over onto their land. Do you want us to start a war?”
If Bella had a spine...and personality: "What do you mean 'it's out of the question', and 'unprotected?' Need I remind you that when you left me for eight months and I felt like I had no one in the world that werewolf was the best friend I had and he - even BRAND NEW - never once lost control and hurt me. YOU might not be able to go there, but I can, and I didn't need protection before, and I don't need protection now. Suck it."
“Photographic memory or not, I don’t understand why you like it. The characters are ghastly people who ruin each others’ lives. I don’t know how Heathcliff and Cathy ended up being ranked with couples like Romeo and Juliet or Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. It isn’t a love story, it’s a hate story.”
I'm sure SMeyer doesn't see the irony in this line.
His sincere curiosity disarmed me. “I’m not sure,” I said, scrambling for coherency while his gaze unintentionally scattered my thoughts. “I think it’s something about the inevitability. How nothing can keep them apart - not her selfishness, or his evil, or even death, in the end. . . .”
His face was thoughtful as he considered my words. After a moment he smiled a teasing smile. “I still think it would be a better story if either of them had one redeeming quality.”
“I think that may be the point,” I disagreed. “Their love is their only redeeming quality.”
“I hope you have better sense than that - to fall in love with someone so . . . malignant.”
“It’s a bit late for me to worry about who I fall in love with,” I pointed out. “But even without the warning, I seem to have managed fairly well.”
He laughed quietly. “I’m glad you think so.”
“Well, I hope you’re smart enough to stay away from someone so selfish. Catherine is really the source of all the trouble, not Heathcliff.”
“I’ll be on my guard,” he promised.
...and yet I still don't think she sees the irony. Or she's really trying to convince herself.
Oh, yay, the emotional abuse is back!
Hahahahah at Charlie trying to give Bella the sex speech!
I was a very different person from my mother. Someone thoughtful and cautious. The responsible one, the grown-up. That’s how I saw myself. That was the person I knew.
Uhm, whatever you have to tell yourself, Bella.
So he is so fucking controlling that he disabled your truck so you couldn't go visit your friend, and you cant stay away from him long enough to keep him out for the night? Pathetic.
Why is SMeyer skipping over stuff, like the visit to Esme, or more importantly, the visit to Renee in Jacksonville? Wouldn't that be a kind of relevant thing about which to write instead of a quick flashback?
“The way you move - you orient yourself around him without even thinking about it. When he moves, even a little bit, you adjust your position at the same time. Like magnets . . . or gravity. You’re like a . . .satellite, or something. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
Well, she apparently does revolve around him like a moon. Nice to know that has a physical response.
At any point will Bella stop being an idiot? Clue after clue that something big is going on or coming up is smacking her in the face and yet nothing is getting through. Edward tap dancing around Alice's vision, lying, getting you out of town. Alice doing the same, and then Jake calling out of the blue 20 times a day when he wouldn't return your phone calls before? It's not that hard.
“Okay,” Charlie said. He propped himself against the door frame, folding his arms.
I sighed and got to work, trying to ignore my audience.
“If I asked you to do something, would you trust me?” Edward asked, an edge to his soft voice.
We were almost to school. Edward had been relaxed and joking just a moment ago, and now suddenly his hands were clenched tight on the steering wheel, his knuckles straining in an effort not to snap it into pieces.
What the hell kind of transition was that? I swear SMeyer gets lazier and lazier.
Oh, look dawning comprehension after Jacob spells it out. she could not be more slow.
God, Edward is so controlling. This is just pathetic.
Why is Bella not immune to Alice's powers? Oh, yeah, convenience.
Gee, Bella, I wonder why they weren't so keen on you going to see Jacob, or why the Volturi's want you dead. What part of KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT did you not understand?
“I love him . Not because he’s beautiful or because he’s rich!” I spat the word at Jacob. “I’d much rather he weren’t either one. It would even out the gap between us just a little bit - because he’d still be the most loving and unselfish and brilliant and decent person I’ve ever met. Of course I love him. How hard is that to understand?”
Sometimes I want her rose colored glasses. Jesus.
“Am I the only one who has to get old ? I get older every stinking day!” I nearly shrieked, throwing my hands in the air. Some little part of me recognized that I was throwing a Charlie-esque fit, but that rational part was greatly overshadowed by the irrational part. “Damnit! What kind of world is this? Where’s the justice ?”
“Take it easy, Bella.”
“Shut up, Jacob. Just shut up! This is so unfair!”
“Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV.”
I growled unimpressively.
Holy crap. A stamping tantrum? At 18? And yes, life is so hard when you're not a supernatural predator.
OME, SO. FUCKING. CONTROLLING. Kidnapping her?? That is fucking insane. And she's just going to take it and that's it, right?
“Alice, don’t you think this is just a little bit controlling? Just a tiny bit psychotic, maybe?”
So...you realize this and yet it STILL DOESN'T BOTHER YOU ENOUGH? Would him beating the crap out of you get a reaction at this point? Nor does it bother you that Alice sold you out for a car (granted a car for which I might be willing to kill someone, but still)? Not cool, Alice, not cool.
This Rosalie and Bella scene is the most awkwardly insulting conversation. And Bella's still all, "PLEASE LOVE ME!" Rosalie still has a decent backstory. Is it wrong I totally have respect for her revenge? However, SMeyer still didn't write a real reason for Rosalie to hate Bella as much as she does. Though I do like she was the only one trying to get Bella to see how much of an idiot she is (and to stop being so damn vain about getting older).
Bella is really not getting how not okay this kidnapping thing is...
OME, imprinting on a two-year-old??? PEDO BEAR DOES NOT APPROVE! PEDO BEAR DOES NOT APPROVE!
(Ugh, what's worse is this is setting up for that shit I heard about in Breaking Dawn that I was really hoping wasn't true. SMeyer is a sick fuck.)
Why the hell does she think the scheduled time of her transformation is pertinent information for Jake to have? Yep, see, just how I thought he'd react.
Then he crushed me gently to his chest. “I’m so sorry.”
How does one crush gently?
Once again, even after what they did to her she does what she can so that Alice can keep her Porsche, and even with that angry voicemail she left him, as soon as Edward comes back it's OME, I LOVE YOU I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHY I WANTED TO TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB AND SET YOU ON FIRE. Weak, co-dependent, bitch.
Whoa, Bella horny.
Cockblock much, Edward? You shouldn't have started.
Huh...do I spy Edward character development?? He's suddenly realized how utterly controlling he is and that it is a bad thing?
Uh, why didn't Bella mention her missing clothes when they were trying to figure out who broke into her place? Wouldn't that be a relevant point? I guess she'd actually have to be keeping up with what is going on for that to be true. Her brain doesn't work that fast.
He made a noise in the back of his throat. “Is he your warden, now, too? You know, I saw this story on the news last week about controlling, abusive teenage relationships and -”
Rock on, Jake! You were joking, but it was the truth. Too bad Bella is too stupid to catch on to that.
Oh, look, the idiot finally felt the need to mention the missing clothes.
I feel like the Seattle murders thing is really easy to figure out with all the clues you have so far, guys. Victoria is creating an army. Duh.
While Edward was eavesdropping on Bella and Jacob, I hope he picked up on that "controlling, abusive" part.
No, but seriously, why is she dead serious about asking Edward's permission? She's so fucked up...
“You don’t have to ask my permission, Bella. I’m not your father - thank heaven for that . Perhaps you should ask Charlie, though.”
Even Edward seems to be trying to be less pathetic right now. He seems to have gained some clarity, let's see how long it lasts...
To be quite honest I am completely jealous of Alice's Porsche, even in an ugly-ass yellow.
Still with the...weird...mythology. The vampires, even ripped apart, can put themselves back together? It's weird that the only things that can kill Twilight vampires are other vampires and werewolves. Humans have no chance.
“You left it out,” he murmured, his soft voice lulling me toward unconsciousness. “Besides . . . the more time I spend with you, the more human emotions seem comprehensible to me. I’m discovering that I can sympathize with Heathcliff in ways I didn’t think possible before.”
Wait...what? I thought he didn't lose his human emotion, or at least made it seem that way. This makes no sense to me.
“Don’t be a baby about this. No tantrums.”
You would think since everyone tells Bella not to throw tantrums, or hissy fits, or act like a baby constantly she would realize that her behavior is pretty damn bad and try to adjust. Of course that would take intuition and a modicum of self-awareness.
It's nice that they did actually think about the fact that Bella, lacking her delicious lady blood, might be an issue for the relationship after she's transformed. I don't buy that her hold would be just as strong on him without it. If there was something to their love under the surface, maybe.
My face went from white to scarlet in a sudden blaze of chagrin.
Damn, y'all weren't kidding about the overuse of that word. All of a sudden, in this book, there is chagrin everywhere!
Ooooooh! Who has two thumbs and was dead right about Viki's army?
*buttercup31*
It wasn't that hard, guys, keep up.
...so Victoria still hasn't crossed their minds? They went to the Volturis breaking their own rules before thinking of Victoria? There goes that sucking void of intelligence again.
Ugh, here it goes. Bella, they just got through explaining the issues with neophyte vampires and why it is so important to go destroy the ones terrorizing Seattle. Why in the hell would you think that a two day old newborn vampire would be a help, instead of a hindrance in this situation? GTFO.
while demonstrating a slide, he’d tangled up with the catcher and broken his thigh bone
Femur. How hard is femur? If the kiddies don't know what the femur is: GOOGLE IT. Dumbing down drives me fucking crazy.
“Would that help?” I asked quietly.
“It doesn’t matter. We aren’t going to change who we are.”
I frowned. If something helped even the odds . . . and then I shuddered, realizing I was willing to have a stranger die to protect him. I was horrified at myself, but not entirely able to deny it, either.
And yet you screech at anyone you think is a monster...
Even more embarrassingly, something I would never say aloud, I wanted his venom to poison my system. It would make me belong to him in a tangible, quantifiable way.
Way to consider yourself chattels, dear. I bet you branding burns just as much as the venom.
Aw, Jake...she said "no" and was fighting you. That meant "NO". WTF is the matter with you?
Hahah, still, her breaking her hand on his jaw was funny.
Not cool, Jake. Not cool. You shouldn't ignore the fact that she's pissed. It's not a joke, or a blithe little incident.
UGH, CHARLIE!!! "YEAH, ATTACK MY DAUGHTER, FUCK THAT BITCH FOR BREAKING HER HAND ON YOUR JAW." NOT. FUCKING. COOL.
Okay, Bella, I get you're mad, and I don't blame you this time, but this fight would be a fight to the death, not a normal teen-boys-fight-over-a-girl fight.
Stop being a dick, Charlie. The kid just forced himself on your daughter. THAT'S WORSE THAN LEAVING HER. And it is really disconcerting that you don't care that she broke her damn hand.
Jake's attitude about this is really pissing me off.
I think it's kind of hot that Rosalie is the mechanic of the household.
I’d always known that I would be different. I hoped that I would be as strong as Edward said I would be. Strong and fast and, most of all, beautiful. Someone who could stand next to Edward and feel like she belonged there.
Thus ends my time of defending Bella. These are not reasons to become a damn vampire, stupid. Giving up your soul for low self-esteem is just...asinine.
Finally she starts asking all those pesky little questions about becoming a vampire that I asked throughout the last book; like will she be able to control herself? Would she not want the same things when she changed? She made up her mind very quickly without having all the facts.
Huh. Another astute observation for Bella. That's a whopping two now!
“No matter what side I’m on, if someone kisses you without your permission, you should be able to make your feelings clear without hurting yourself.”
Welcome to the party, Charlie. Glad you could finally fucking make it.
That graduation was pretty anti-climatic. Why the hell couldn't Bella wait until they were out of the place to tell Edward her theory? Stupid.
So while everyone is at this graduation party, who is watching Charlie? Oh, he's not relevant at the moment.
You’re very perceptive today,” he added. “It’s impressive.”
Hah, I know, right? It was shocking to me too. Though I get the feeling why everyone else wasn't getting the obvious was so that SMeyer could use it as a Bella propping moment. She can't be the dumbest of the characters ALL the time.
It's about time someone thought of covering her in Jacob's scent. I've only been saying that since you started the discussion.
Yep, "angel." GOT. IT.
God, she's slow. Intuitive as hell about dying, but when someone's thinking about giving her a ring she loses all sense.
Huh, so was that third wife foreshadowing about Sue Clearwater or Bella? Probably Bella, she would do something like that.
I've rolled my eyes so much this book that I may have permanent damage before I'm done.
Alice shot me a frustrated look. I could tell she thought that I was very slow tonight.
-tonight +always, that would be more accurate.
As soon as I cut the engine he was at my door, opening it for me. He lifted me from the cab with one arm, slinging my bag out of the truck bed and over his shoulder with the other.
How does that work, exactly?
Huh, that sucking void of intelligence is working on him again. He's being just as obtuse about Bella saying that she wants hot monkey vampire sex before becoming one herself.
“Might,” I scoffed. “You have no more idea what you’re talking about than I do.”
Right, so you'd opt for the having sex regardless of whether or not it would kill you while he's opting for the keeping you alive regardless option. I wonder who's in the right here...
She's quite literally begging him for sex and I find that hilarious.
Sometimes I feel like these two would have to be contortionists to be in the positions SMeyer describes.
His mouth was not gentle; there was a brand-new edge of conflict and desperation in the way his lips moved. I locked my arms around his neck, and, to my suddenly overheated skin, his body felt colder than ever. I trembled, but it was not from the chill.
And he crushes her skull. THE END.
Oh, damn...
He was too beautiful. What was the word he’d used just now? Unbearable - that was it. His beauty was too much to bear. . . .
I had always wondered what the definition of the word "unbearable" was.
Cold iron fetters locked around my wrists, and pulled my hands above my head, which was suddenly on a pillow.
I knew they were into some BDSM shit...
Aw, Mormon Marriage Cockblock = 2, Bella = 0
I've never seen an 18-year-old girl try so hard to get laid and still get nothing. Not even some over the sweater action.
Wait...what? I didn't see her agree to marry him anywhere in there. Or did it just become implicit through her horniness and that being the condition? Oh, nevermind, it was back there in that begging jag...
This Virgin Vampire wanting to save it for marriage out of concern for the virtue of their souls is SOFA KING FUNNY!! How much more ridiculous can this get??
“You know that I’ve stolen, I’ve lied, I’ve coveted . . . my virtue is all I have left.” He grinned crookedly.
...*DIES*
He smiled at me until I gave up with an angry humph. “So that’s it. You won’t sleep with me until we’re married. ”
I'm fairly certain that's what you just spent the last ten pages discussing.
Edward interrupted my fretting. “It doesn’t have to be a big production. I don’t need any fanfare. You won’t have to tell anyone or make any changes. We’ll go to Vegas - you can wear old jeans and we’ll go to the chapel with the drive-through window. I just want it to be official - that you belong to me and no one else. ”
I'm sorry, WHAT NOW?? You're not fucking trying to gain title to property you asshole. NOT. YO'. PROPERTY. MAN.
Aww, he had a ring to force on her at just the right time. The description of which sounds hideous, the reinterpretation for which crazy, psycho Twihards spent hard earned cash isn't so much:
She has absolutely ruined the big romantic moment he has dreamed about since he was a little girl. That's okay, I'm sure it doesn't occur to either of them that they have yet to mention a good reason to get married. He wants to lock that down, and she's just trying to get laid and transformed and this is his prerequisite. Must they twist EVERYTHING? And if Edward were as truly as old fashioned as he touts, he would have asked Charlie first. Of course, I think we all know what his answer would be.
OMG, this proposal is the weirdest thing I have ever read....and kind of painful.
Okay, the fact that SMeyer appears to be a supporter of Prop H8, and is making her placeholder so cavalier about marriage using it as a means to sex and transformation, is actually making me kind of seriously violent.
Edward's explanation for no longer being affected by Bella's blood seems very...convenient.
Ugh, why did she turn Jake into such a dick? The bravado is just so obnoxious.
Wow, this truce and conversation Edward and Jake are having is more than awkward. Especially with Jake in the sleeping bag holding Bella.
Jacob whispered a laugh. “I’d rather not move just now, if you don’t mind.”
“Do you think that matters?” I was blinking back tears, and this was easy to hear in my voice. “Do you think I care whether it’s fair or whether he was adequately warned? I’m hurting him. Every time I turn around, I’m hurting him again.” My voice was getting louder, more hysterical. “I’m a hideous person.”
Yes, yes you are...
I was selfish, I was hurtful. I tortured the ones I loved.
It's too bad she's just saying this and isn't truly becoming self-aware. Though it's nice that her self-loathing has finally reached Edwardian proportions.
Okay, WTF is going on here? She was just trying to apologize and say goodbye, and then Jacob was all "BYE I GO KILL MYSELF NAO," and then she's begging him like she's going to stay with him, choose him, and asking him to kiss her? WTF, MAN??
WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED???? OMG. I hate this bitch so much. I want her to die. Where the hell is Victoria?? So we've been through nearly three books of OMG, I LUV EDWARD SO MUCH WILL GIVE UP EVERYTHING FOR HIM. And now she's in love with Jacob too and is making a choice? THE HELL? God this book just reached epic levels of FAIL.
At least Edward appears to be more self-aware in saying that he knows it is his fault she ever had the chance to fall in love with Jacob, and he will go with whatever decision she makes. I don't know, they both are seriously mindfucking Bella to the nth degree.
Once again, foiled by first person fuckery. The fight in the clearing would have been more interesting.
OME, SPARKLE FIGHT!!!
This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read.
She wheeled and flew toward the refuge of the forest like an arrow from a bow.
But Edward was faster - a bullet from a gun.
Similes are fun!!!
Ugh, two books of OME, VICTORIA IS COMING FOR BELLA!! And that was it? She was never in any real danger. All those people died in Seattle and she didn't even get kidnapped and tortured for awhile? LAME.
Of course Jacob got hurt. Of course.
Hmm, I'm genuinely surprised SMeyer covered why Alice and Jasper's powers work on Bella though no one else's does. Not surprisingly the reasoning seems pretty flimsy.
BELLA HEALS ALL! Even the rift between vampires and werewolves! Okay, only temporarily, but still. That's ridiculous.
I could see what he saw, and I knew that he was right. If the world was the sane place it was supposed to be, Jacob and I would have been together. And we would have been happy. He was my soul mate in that world - would have been my soul mate still if his claim had not been overshadowed by something stronger, something so strong that it could not exist in a rational world.
Wait...what? Jacob is your soul mate and you can't even define whatever the hell it is you have with Edward, but you're making the right choice? Sorry to say, but Real World Love > Supernatural Obsession. It's not that I'm necessarily Team Jacob, but this is ridiculous. It doesn't make sense (yes, I know, but it makes even less sense than the rest of it).
“The worst part . . .” I hesitated, and then let words spill out in a flood of truth. “The worst part is that I saw the whole thing - our whole life. And I want it bad, Jake, I want it all. I want to stay right here and never move. I want to love you and make you happy. And I can’t, and it’s killing me. It’s like Sam and Emily, Jake - I never had a choice. I always knew nothing would change. Maybe that’s why I was fighting against you so hard.”
WHAT? Just...what?
Okay, annoyed by Charlie's lack of concern for the obvious emotional breakdown his daughter is having, and is instead only concerned with Jacob.
As someone who completely understands the desire not to have a wedding, Alice is getting on my nerves.
For Christ's sake, Edward, make up your fucking mind and go with it!
Edward:
Man, he is a fucking nut job. Suddenly everything changes for him. He went through all of that to lock down the marriage compromise and now he's throwing it out the window to make her happy at all costs? Bella isn't explaining why she won't let him throw it out right. It should be because this isn't just about her and it isn't just about him, it's about the two of them and them BOTH being happy. But no, now she is concerned with their virtue? Makes sense. *rolls eyes*
WTF, WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS CUT OFF POTENTIALLY DECENT CHARLIE SCENES? Announcing the engagement would have been a good one. Better than, "oh, hai, it's cool if you force yourself on my daughter!" Sonofabitch!
UGH, WTF IS WITH THIS EPILOGUE?! Why did we jump to Jacob's POV? Dammit. That was such an awkward, bummer. Poor, Jacob. I'm sad now.
I hope it wasn't her original intention to end the story that way.
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Ugh, I am so chagrined at how much I hate this book. I mean more so than the others. This made Twilight seem like brilliant literature. It's just a fucking mess. NOTHING FREAKING HAPPENED. So boring. Like I can't even remember a lot of what went on already. Just that there was a lot of backstory in this one. At least New Moon had the Volterra thing. This just had an impotent showdown of no consequence. Bella breaks Jake like we all knew she would. The End.
Then on top of that she had to go and ruin some of the few decent characters in these books. Jacob, Charlie, and even Alice to an extent. I feel like it was all in an attempt to prop up Edward. Jacob became intolerably pushy toward Bella to get what he wants, even to the point of threatening to commit suicide to get her to kiss him. That's disgusting. Then Edward suddenly realizes he's super controlling, and that it is his fault that Bella fell in love with Jake while he was repairing the damage he caused. It's all very convenient to try to make you stay on or go to Edward's side in this. I also hate how most of the time you can't have a male and female best friend pairing without one or both falling in love. It drives me crazy. It really is possible to have a male best friend without falling in love. But, whatever, it was a convenient plot twist because God forbid SMeyer exude true creativity in trying to tell this story. As if there aren't enough obstacles for a human and a vampire in love. I mean aside from their freakish, psychotic back and forth. I want this, now I don't. I want you to do that, now I don't. Fuck these two need professional help. In the end I think Edward and Bella deserve each other. They're both freakishly obsessive, bi-polar, self-loathing nutjobs. Why inflict that on anyone else?
Ugh, the constant cockblocking is really annoying. I know it's supposed to be "young adult" and all, but I feel like she crossed that line already so who cares? And the fact that there is absolutely no "on screen" death in a fucking vampire/werewolf book pisses me off to no end.
OME, it's Breaking Dawn time. Yikes. Hopefully I'm more insulated because I'm going in with a completely different set of expectations than everyone else.
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The word boyfriend had me chewing on the inside of my cheek with a familiar tension while I stirred. It wasn’t the right word, not at all. I needed something more expressive of eternal commitment. . . . But words like destiny and fate sounded hokey when you used them in casual conversation.
Or you could just accept the proposal and call him your fiance. Of course, then Charlie's head would explode.
Fiancee. Ugh. I shuddered away from the thought.
Oh, nevermind then.
This little woman cook and clean, because big strong men don't know how thing is...ugh. Bella has done it from the moment she moved in with her father, and we saw Emily doing that for the pack. I'm sure if the Cullens ate food, the women would be the ones in the kitchen cooking.
Though the afternoon was the only time I spent away from Edward, it was enough to make me restless, and the hours always dragged.
Jesus, Mary...you've been together long enough that you should be able to spend a couple of hours apart. Freaking co-dependent, nutjobs...
“I think Phoenix is actually higher up the homicide list, Dad. I have lived like that.” And I’d never come close to being a murder victim until after I moved to his safe little town. In fact, I was still on several hit lists. . . . The spoon shook in my hands, making the water tremble.
Yes, that compares. Random violence v. hanging out with vampires.
Oh God, is she going to destroy Wuthering Heights like she did R&J? Okay, I have never read Wuthering Heights, but still.
“Okay.” He sighed, raising his hands as if in surrender. “So I’m thinking maybe you deserve a parole for good behavior. For a teenager, you’re amazingly non-whiney.”
HA HA HA HA HA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! Oh, Charlie, that's the best one since "she was never one for tantrums."
“Good evening, Charlie.” Edward was always flawlessly polite, though Charlie didn’t deserve it.
What the hell do you mean he doesn't deserve it? First of all, he's your father. Second of all, you may be so in "love" that last September and the eight months that followed don't matter to you, but to Charlie he's the boy who disappeared, broke your heart, and put you into such a deep depression that he was terrified he was going to have to hospitalize his baby girl. Pleasantries and bygones go out the window after that.
“No, that’s fine, Charlie,” Edward said, interrupting me. “I didn’t mean Seattle. I was thinking Portland, actually. I wouldn’t have Bella in Seattle, either. Of course not.”
WTF is this, My Two Dads?
“You know it’s out of the question for you to be around a werewolf unprotected, Bella. And it would break the treaty if any of us cross over onto their land. Do you want us to start a war?”
If Bella had a spine...and personality: "What do you mean 'it's out of the question', and 'unprotected?' Need I remind you that when you left me for eight months and I felt like I had no one in the world that werewolf was the best friend I had and he - even BRAND NEW - never once lost control and hurt me. YOU might not be able to go there, but I can, and I didn't need protection before, and I don't need protection now. Suck it."
“Photographic memory or not, I don’t understand why you like it. The characters are ghastly people who ruin each others’ lives. I don’t know how Heathcliff and Cathy ended up being ranked with couples like Romeo and Juliet or Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. It isn’t a love story, it’s a hate story.”
I'm sure SMeyer doesn't see the irony in this line.
His sincere curiosity disarmed me. “I’m not sure,” I said, scrambling for coherency while his gaze unintentionally scattered my thoughts. “I think it’s something about the inevitability. How nothing can keep them apart - not her selfishness, or his evil, or even death, in the end. . . .”
His face was thoughtful as he considered my words. After a moment he smiled a teasing smile. “I still think it would be a better story if either of them had one redeeming quality.”
“I think that may be the point,” I disagreed. “Their love is their only redeeming quality.”
“I hope you have better sense than that - to fall in love with someone so . . . malignant.”
“It’s a bit late for me to worry about who I fall in love with,” I pointed out. “But even without the warning, I seem to have managed fairly well.”
He laughed quietly. “I’m glad you think so.”
“Well, I hope you’re smart enough to stay away from someone so selfish. Catherine is really the source of all the trouble, not Heathcliff.”
“I’ll be on my guard,” he promised.
...and yet I still don't think she sees the irony. Or she's really trying to convince herself.
Oh, yay, the emotional abuse is back!
Hahahahah at Charlie trying to give Bella the sex speech!
I was a very different person from my mother. Someone thoughtful and cautious. The responsible one, the grown-up. That’s how I saw myself. That was the person I knew.
Uhm, whatever you have to tell yourself, Bella.
So he is so fucking controlling that he disabled your truck so you couldn't go visit your friend, and you cant stay away from him long enough to keep him out for the night? Pathetic.
Why is SMeyer skipping over stuff, like the visit to Esme, or more importantly, the visit to Renee in Jacksonville? Wouldn't that be a kind of relevant thing about which to write instead of a quick flashback?
“The way you move - you orient yourself around him without even thinking about it. When he moves, even a little bit, you adjust your position at the same time. Like magnets . . . or gravity. You’re like a . . .satellite, or something. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
Well, she apparently does revolve around him like a moon. Nice to know that has a physical response.
At any point will Bella stop being an idiot? Clue after clue that something big is going on or coming up is smacking her in the face and yet nothing is getting through. Edward tap dancing around Alice's vision, lying, getting you out of town. Alice doing the same, and then Jake calling out of the blue 20 times a day when he wouldn't return your phone calls before? It's not that hard.
“Okay,” Charlie said. He propped himself against the door frame, folding his arms.
I sighed and got to work, trying to ignore my audience.
“If I asked you to do something, would you trust me?” Edward asked, an edge to his soft voice.
We were almost to school. Edward had been relaxed and joking just a moment ago, and now suddenly his hands were clenched tight on the steering wheel, his knuckles straining in an effort not to snap it into pieces.
What the hell kind of transition was that? I swear SMeyer gets lazier and lazier.
Oh, look dawning comprehension after Jacob spells it out. she could not be more slow.
God, Edward is so controlling. This is just pathetic.
Why is Bella not immune to Alice's powers? Oh, yeah, convenience.
Gee, Bella, I wonder why they weren't so keen on you going to see Jacob, or why the Volturi's want you dead. What part of KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT did you not understand?
“I love him . Not because he’s beautiful or because he’s rich!” I spat the word at Jacob. “I’d much rather he weren’t either one. It would even out the gap between us just a little bit - because he’d still be the most loving and unselfish and brilliant and decent person I’ve ever met. Of course I love him. How hard is that to understand?”
Sometimes I want her rose colored glasses. Jesus.
“Am I the only one who has to get old ? I get older every stinking day!” I nearly shrieked, throwing my hands in the air. Some little part of me recognized that I was throwing a Charlie-esque fit, but that rational part was greatly overshadowed by the irrational part. “Damnit! What kind of world is this? Where’s the justice ?”
“Take it easy, Bella.”
“Shut up, Jacob. Just shut up! This is so unfair!”
“Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV.”
I growled unimpressively.
Holy crap. A stamping tantrum? At 18? And yes, life is so hard when you're not a supernatural predator.
OME, SO. FUCKING. CONTROLLING. Kidnapping her?? That is fucking insane. And she's just going to take it and that's it, right?
“Alice, don’t you think this is just a little bit controlling? Just a tiny bit psychotic, maybe?”
So...you realize this and yet it STILL DOESN'T BOTHER YOU ENOUGH? Would him beating the crap out of you get a reaction at this point? Nor does it bother you that Alice sold you out for a car (granted a car for which I might be willing to kill someone, but still)? Not cool, Alice, not cool.
This Rosalie and Bella scene is the most awkwardly insulting conversation. And Bella's still all, "PLEASE LOVE ME!" Rosalie still has a decent backstory. Is it wrong I totally have respect for her revenge? However, SMeyer still didn't write a real reason for Rosalie to hate Bella as much as she does. Though I do like she was the only one trying to get Bella to see how much of an idiot she is (and to stop being so damn vain about getting older).
Bella is really not getting how not okay this kidnapping thing is...
OME, imprinting on a two-year-old??? PEDO BEAR DOES NOT APPROVE! PEDO BEAR DOES NOT APPROVE!
(Ugh, what's worse is this is setting up for that shit I heard about in Breaking Dawn that I was really hoping wasn't true. SMeyer is a sick fuck.)
Why the hell does she think the scheduled time of her transformation is pertinent information for Jake to have? Yep, see, just how I thought he'd react.
Then he crushed me gently to his chest. “I’m so sorry.”
How does one crush gently?
Once again, even after what they did to her she does what she can so that Alice can keep her Porsche, and even with that angry voicemail she left him, as soon as Edward comes back it's OME, I LOVE YOU I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHY I WANTED TO TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB AND SET YOU ON FIRE. Weak, co-dependent, bitch.
Whoa, Bella horny.
Cockblock much, Edward? You shouldn't have started.
Huh...do I spy Edward character development?? He's suddenly realized how utterly controlling he is and that it is a bad thing?
Uh, why didn't Bella mention her missing clothes when they were trying to figure out who broke into her place? Wouldn't that be a relevant point? I guess she'd actually have to be keeping up with what is going on for that to be true. Her brain doesn't work that fast.
He made a noise in the back of his throat. “Is he your warden, now, too? You know, I saw this story on the news last week about controlling, abusive teenage relationships and -”
Rock on, Jake! You were joking, but it was the truth. Too bad Bella is too stupid to catch on to that.
Oh, look, the idiot finally felt the need to mention the missing clothes.
I feel like the Seattle murders thing is really easy to figure out with all the clues you have so far, guys. Victoria is creating an army. Duh.
While Edward was eavesdropping on Bella and Jacob, I hope he picked up on that "controlling, abusive" part.
No, but seriously, why is she dead serious about asking Edward's permission? She's so fucked up...
“You don’t have to ask my permission, Bella. I’m not your father - thank heaven for that . Perhaps you should ask Charlie, though.”
Even Edward seems to be trying to be less pathetic right now. He seems to have gained some clarity, let's see how long it lasts...
To be quite honest I am completely jealous of Alice's Porsche, even in an ugly-ass yellow.
Still with the...weird...mythology. The vampires, even ripped apart, can put themselves back together? It's weird that the only things that can kill Twilight vampires are other vampires and werewolves. Humans have no chance.
“You left it out,” he murmured, his soft voice lulling me toward unconsciousness. “Besides . . . the more time I spend with you, the more human emotions seem comprehensible to me. I’m discovering that I can sympathize with Heathcliff in ways I didn’t think possible before.”
Wait...what? I thought he didn't lose his human emotion, or at least made it seem that way. This makes no sense to me.
“Don’t be a baby about this. No tantrums.”
You would think since everyone tells Bella not to throw tantrums, or hissy fits, or act like a baby constantly she would realize that her behavior is pretty damn bad and try to adjust. Of course that would take intuition and a modicum of self-awareness.
It's nice that they did actually think about the fact that Bella, lacking her delicious lady blood, might be an issue for the relationship after she's transformed. I don't buy that her hold would be just as strong on him without it. If there was something to their love under the surface, maybe.
My face went from white to scarlet in a sudden blaze of chagrin.
Damn, y'all weren't kidding about the overuse of that word. All of a sudden, in this book, there is chagrin everywhere!
Ooooooh! Who has two thumbs and was dead right about Viki's army?
*buttercup31*
It wasn't that hard, guys, keep up.
...so Victoria still hasn't crossed their minds? They went to the Volturis breaking their own rules before thinking of Victoria? There goes that sucking void of intelligence again.
Ugh, here it goes. Bella, they just got through explaining the issues with neophyte vampires and why it is so important to go destroy the ones terrorizing Seattle. Why in the hell would you think that a two day old newborn vampire would be a help, instead of a hindrance in this situation? GTFO.
while demonstrating a slide, he’d tangled up with the catcher and broken his thigh bone
Femur. How hard is femur? If the kiddies don't know what the femur is: GOOGLE IT. Dumbing down drives me fucking crazy.
“Would that help?” I asked quietly.
“It doesn’t matter. We aren’t going to change who we are.”
I frowned. If something helped even the odds . . . and then I shuddered, realizing I was willing to have a stranger die to protect him. I was horrified at myself, but not entirely able to deny it, either.
And yet you screech at anyone you think is a monster...
Even more embarrassingly, something I would never say aloud, I wanted his venom to poison my system. It would make me belong to him in a tangible, quantifiable way.
Way to consider yourself chattels, dear. I bet you branding burns just as much as the venom.
Aw, Jake...she said "no" and was fighting you. That meant "NO". WTF is the matter with you?
Hahah, still, her breaking her hand on his jaw was funny.
Not cool, Jake. Not cool. You shouldn't ignore the fact that she's pissed. It's not a joke, or a blithe little incident.
UGH, CHARLIE!!! "YEAH, ATTACK MY DAUGHTER, FUCK THAT BITCH FOR BREAKING HER HAND ON YOUR JAW." NOT. FUCKING. COOL.
Okay, Bella, I get you're mad, and I don't blame you this time, but this fight would be a fight to the death, not a normal teen-boys-fight-over-a-girl fight.
Stop being a dick, Charlie. The kid just forced himself on your daughter. THAT'S WORSE THAN LEAVING HER. And it is really disconcerting that you don't care that she broke her damn hand.
Jake's attitude about this is really pissing me off.
I think it's kind of hot that Rosalie is the mechanic of the household.
I’d always known that I would be different. I hoped that I would be as strong as Edward said I would be. Strong and fast and, most of all, beautiful. Someone who could stand next to Edward and feel like she belonged there.
Thus ends my time of defending Bella. These are not reasons to become a damn vampire, stupid. Giving up your soul for low self-esteem is just...asinine.
Finally she starts asking all those pesky little questions about becoming a vampire that I asked throughout the last book; like will she be able to control herself? Would she not want the same things when she changed? She made up her mind very quickly without having all the facts.
Huh. Another astute observation for Bella. That's a whopping two now!
“No matter what side I’m on, if someone kisses you without your permission, you should be able to make your feelings clear without hurting yourself.”
Welcome to the party, Charlie. Glad you could finally fucking make it.
That graduation was pretty anti-climatic. Why the hell couldn't Bella wait until they were out of the place to tell Edward her theory? Stupid.
So while everyone is at this graduation party, who is watching Charlie? Oh, he's not relevant at the moment.
You’re very perceptive today,” he added. “It’s impressive.”
Hah, I know, right? It was shocking to me too. Though I get the feeling why everyone else wasn't getting the obvious was so that SMeyer could use it as a Bella propping moment. She can't be the dumbest of the characters ALL the time.
It's about time someone thought of covering her in Jacob's scent. I've only been saying that since you started the discussion.
Yep, "angel." GOT. IT.
God, she's slow. Intuitive as hell about dying, but when someone's thinking about giving her a ring she loses all sense.
Huh, so was that third wife foreshadowing about Sue Clearwater or Bella? Probably Bella, she would do something like that.
I've rolled my eyes so much this book that I may have permanent damage before I'm done.
Alice shot me a frustrated look. I could tell she thought that I was very slow tonight.
-tonight +always, that would be more accurate.
As soon as I cut the engine he was at my door, opening it for me. He lifted me from the cab with one arm, slinging my bag out of the truck bed and over his shoulder with the other.
How does that work, exactly?
Huh, that sucking void of intelligence is working on him again. He's being just as obtuse about Bella saying that she wants hot monkey vampire sex before becoming one herself.
“Might,” I scoffed. “You have no more idea what you’re talking about than I do.”
Right, so you'd opt for the having sex regardless of whether or not it would kill you while he's opting for the keeping you alive regardless option. I wonder who's in the right here...
She's quite literally begging him for sex and I find that hilarious.
Sometimes I feel like these two would have to be contortionists to be in the positions SMeyer describes.
His mouth was not gentle; there was a brand-new edge of conflict and desperation in the way his lips moved. I locked my arms around his neck, and, to my suddenly overheated skin, his body felt colder than ever. I trembled, but it was not from the chill.
And he crushes her skull. THE END.
Oh, damn...
He was too beautiful. What was the word he’d used just now? Unbearable - that was it. His beauty was too much to bear. . . .
I had always wondered what the definition of the word "unbearable" was.
Cold iron fetters locked around my wrists, and pulled my hands above my head, which was suddenly on a pillow.
I knew they were into some BDSM shit...
Aw, Mormon Marriage Cockblock = 2, Bella = 0
I've never seen an 18-year-old girl try so hard to get laid and still get nothing. Not even some over the sweater action.
Wait...what? I didn't see her agree to marry him anywhere in there. Or did it just become implicit through her horniness and that being the condition? Oh, nevermind, it was back there in that begging jag...
This Virgin Vampire wanting to save it for marriage out of concern for the virtue of their souls is SOFA KING FUNNY!! How much more ridiculous can this get??
“You know that I’ve stolen, I’ve lied, I’ve coveted . . . my virtue is all I have left.” He grinned crookedly.
...*DIES*
He smiled at me until I gave up with an angry humph. “So that’s it. You won’t sleep with me until we’re married. ”
I'm fairly certain that's what you just spent the last ten pages discussing.
Edward interrupted my fretting. “It doesn’t have to be a big production. I don’t need any fanfare. You won’t have to tell anyone or make any changes. We’ll go to Vegas - you can wear old jeans and we’ll go to the chapel with the drive-through window. I just want it to be official - that you belong to me and no one else. ”
I'm sorry, WHAT NOW?? You're not fucking trying to gain title to property you asshole. NOT. YO'. PROPERTY. MAN.
Aww, he had a ring to force on her at just the right time. The description of which sounds hideous, the reinterpretation for which crazy, psycho Twihards spent hard earned cash isn't so much:
She has absolutely ruined the big romantic moment he has dreamed about since he was a little girl. That's okay, I'm sure it doesn't occur to either of them that they have yet to mention a good reason to get married. He wants to lock that down, and she's just trying to get laid and transformed and this is his prerequisite. Must they twist EVERYTHING? And if Edward were as truly as old fashioned as he touts, he would have asked Charlie first. Of course, I think we all know what his answer would be.
OMG, this proposal is the weirdest thing I have ever read....and kind of painful.
Okay, the fact that SMeyer appears to be a supporter of Prop H8, and is making her placeholder so cavalier about marriage using it as a means to sex and transformation, is actually making me kind of seriously violent.
Edward's explanation for no longer being affected by Bella's blood seems very...convenient.
Ugh, why did she turn Jake into such a dick? The bravado is just so obnoxious.
Wow, this truce and conversation Edward and Jake are having is more than awkward. Especially with Jake in the sleeping bag holding Bella.
Jacob whispered a laugh. “I’d rather not move just now, if you don’t mind.”
“Do you think that matters?” I was blinking back tears, and this was easy to hear in my voice. “Do you think I care whether it’s fair or whether he was adequately warned? I’m hurting him. Every time I turn around, I’m hurting him again.” My voice was getting louder, more hysterical. “I’m a hideous person.”
Yes, yes you are...
I was selfish, I was hurtful. I tortured the ones I loved.
It's too bad she's just saying this and isn't truly becoming self-aware. Though it's nice that her self-loathing has finally reached Edwardian proportions.
Okay, WTF is going on here? She was just trying to apologize and say goodbye, and then Jacob was all "BYE I GO KILL MYSELF NAO," and then she's begging him like she's going to stay with him, choose him, and asking him to kiss her? WTF, MAN??
WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED???? OMG. I hate this bitch so much. I want her to die. Where the hell is Victoria?? So we've been through nearly three books of OMG, I LUV EDWARD SO MUCH WILL GIVE UP EVERYTHING FOR HIM. And now she's in love with Jacob too and is making a choice? THE HELL? God this book just reached epic levels of FAIL.
At least Edward appears to be more self-aware in saying that he knows it is his fault she ever had the chance to fall in love with Jacob, and he will go with whatever decision she makes. I don't know, they both are seriously mindfucking Bella to the nth degree.
Once again, foiled by first person fuckery. The fight in the clearing would have been more interesting.
OME, SPARKLE FIGHT!!!
This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read.
She wheeled and flew toward the refuge of the forest like an arrow from a bow.
But Edward was faster - a bullet from a gun.
Similes are fun!!!
Ugh, two books of OME, VICTORIA IS COMING FOR BELLA!! And that was it? She was never in any real danger. All those people died in Seattle and she didn't even get kidnapped and tortured for awhile? LAME.
Of course Jacob got hurt. Of course.
Hmm, I'm genuinely surprised SMeyer covered why Alice and Jasper's powers work on Bella though no one else's does. Not surprisingly the reasoning seems pretty flimsy.
BELLA HEALS ALL! Even the rift between vampires and werewolves! Okay, only temporarily, but still. That's ridiculous.
I could see what he saw, and I knew that he was right. If the world was the sane place it was supposed to be, Jacob and I would have been together. And we would have been happy. He was my soul mate in that world - would have been my soul mate still if his claim had not been overshadowed by something stronger, something so strong that it could not exist in a rational world.
Wait...what? Jacob is your soul mate and you can't even define whatever the hell it is you have with Edward, but you're making the right choice? Sorry to say, but Real World Love > Supernatural Obsession. It's not that I'm necessarily Team Jacob, but this is ridiculous. It doesn't make sense (yes, I know, but it makes even less sense than the rest of it).
“The worst part . . .” I hesitated, and then let words spill out in a flood of truth. “The worst part is that I saw the whole thing - our whole life. And I want it bad, Jake, I want it all. I want to stay right here and never move. I want to love you and make you happy. And I can’t, and it’s killing me. It’s like Sam and Emily, Jake - I never had a choice. I always knew nothing would change. Maybe that’s why I was fighting against you so hard.”
WHAT? Just...what?
Okay, annoyed by Charlie's lack of concern for the obvious emotional breakdown his daughter is having, and is instead only concerned with Jacob.
As someone who completely understands the desire not to have a wedding, Alice is getting on my nerves.
For Christ's sake, Edward, make up your fucking mind and go with it!
Edward:
Man, he is a fucking nut job. Suddenly everything changes for him. He went through all of that to lock down the marriage compromise and now he's throwing it out the window to make her happy at all costs? Bella isn't explaining why she won't let him throw it out right. It should be because this isn't just about her and it isn't just about him, it's about the two of them and them BOTH being happy. But no, now she is concerned with their virtue? Makes sense. *rolls eyes*
WTF, WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS CUT OFF POTENTIALLY DECENT CHARLIE SCENES? Announcing the engagement would have been a good one. Better than, "oh, hai, it's cool if you force yourself on my daughter!" Sonofabitch!
UGH, WTF IS WITH THIS EPILOGUE?! Why did we jump to Jacob's POV? Dammit. That was such an awkward, bummer. Poor, Jacob. I'm sad now.
I hope it wasn't her original intention to end the story that way.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ugh, I am so chagrined at how much I hate this book. I mean more so than the others. This made Twilight seem like brilliant literature. It's just a fucking mess. NOTHING FREAKING HAPPENED. So boring. Like I can't even remember a lot of what went on already. Just that there was a lot of backstory in this one. At least New Moon had the Volterra thing. This just had an impotent showdown of no consequence. Bella breaks Jake like we all knew she would. The End.
Then on top of that she had to go and ruin some of the few decent characters in these books. Jacob, Charlie, and even Alice to an extent. I feel like it was all in an attempt to prop up Edward. Jacob became intolerably pushy toward Bella to get what he wants, even to the point of threatening to commit suicide to get her to kiss him. That's disgusting. Then Edward suddenly realizes he's super controlling, and that it is his fault that Bella fell in love with Jake while he was repairing the damage he caused. It's all very convenient to try to make you stay on or go to Edward's side in this. I also hate how most of the time you can't have a male and female best friend pairing without one or both falling in love. It drives me crazy. It really is possible to have a male best friend without falling in love. But, whatever, it was a convenient plot twist because God forbid SMeyer exude true creativity in trying to tell this story. As if there aren't enough obstacles for a human and a vampire in love. I mean aside from their freakish, psychotic back and forth. I want this, now I don't. I want you to do that, now I don't. Fuck these two need professional help. In the end I think Edward and Bella deserve each other. They're both freakishly obsessive, bi-polar, self-loathing nutjobs. Why inflict that on anyone else?
Ugh, the constant cockblocking is really annoying. I know it's supposed to be "young adult" and all, but I feel like she crossed that line already so who cares? And the fact that there is absolutely no "on screen" death in a fucking vampire/werewolf book pisses me off to no end.
OME, it's Breaking Dawn time. Yikes. Hopefully I'm more insulated because I'm going in with a completely different set of expectations than everyone else.