"my dad always said..." or things work out
my parents began farming (traditional, small-ish dairy cow farm) with my grandparents about a year after they were married. they farmed for ~8 years and my dad decided, for a number of reasons, that he didn't want to farm... no, he was going to school again to become a lawyer. now he goes to his nice office and does real estate all day and he's very happy. to hear him tell the story, the process of leaving the farm was also a process of divine intervention. everything went right... they found people to buy the cows and machinery at good prices... my dad took a chance by not sending in the deposits to some of the other schools while he was still waiting to hear from cornell law school (he got in)... my parents got a lot and built a house and there weren't any major mishaps in the process... etc. everything went smoothly and my dad took it as a sign that he was doing what he was meant to do. he still feels that way.
now i'm starting to understand what he means. i've finally come to grips with the fact that agriculture (working with the land and climate and weather and seasons to produce food and other necessaries for everyday life) is in my blood, by birth and by upbringing. in some form or another, agriculture is what i'm meant to do. things are starting to fall into place for me: i've embraced this aspect of my personality and my life and i'm taking steps, however small, to learn more about it. i did some networking while i was home for christmas, and hopefully some of my contacts will turn up more internship opportunities for me. i think the biggest realization of the last few days is that i do want the stability of place and i know that the place is central new york state (not to be too specific), but that i'm not ready to be there full-time yet. first of all, i'm not done living and learning in great barrington yet, and beyond that there's more i need to learn before i can jump into farming on my own. luckily i seem to have great reserves of patience these days and i'm willing to wait... but it's going to be active waiting. i have a vision, but i need to do some more preparation before i can live it.
also: people! this vision is not one of just me, some animals, and some veggies. i know that i'll continue to meet people as i learn more about farming, but it wouldn't surprise me if some of the people i currently know wind up involved with my agricultural community. heh, that makes me sound like some kind of whirling vortex or black hole that's going to pull people in... but i don't think that's really the case. i just think there's a place where my vision overlaps with the visions that others have and it'll all work out someday. i'll be more specific about my own vision in forthcoming posts.
i've experienced a wealth of emotions lately, but beneath all of the others the steadiest and most constant emotion seems to be one of contentment... some changes in my life and relationships lately could have shaken me to the core, but instead i seem to have found a greater understanding of myself and a greater sense of self-esteem than i've ever had. i think that the self-esteem is in good proportion to my qualities, because i'm definitely understanding my quirks better as well as my good qualities. i'm content with who i am at the same time as i know i'm not done growing and changing.
my mom annoyed me often in high school with the saying "if it is to be, it is up to me!" now in a lot of ways that is true, but i'm starting to think that's not the whole story. for me, it seems that farming is meant to be, but it won't be if i don't work at it. on the other hand, i've cycled through stages in my life when all i wanted to do was farm, and i'd get all starry-eyed about it. events in my life and in my changing, maturing thoughts keep throwing agriculture in my path. i could ignore it and choose something else to dedicate my life too, but life would keep throwing agriculture in my way. yes, i have to work at it, nothing comes easy in this life, but because i seem to be meant to do this (i'll probably be a lot more certain of it after this summer), it's going to become harder and harder to avoid, and when i choose to run with it, things will work out for me in ways that they probably wouldn't if i chose anything else. it's an interesting mix of self-determination and destiny. there's a difference between destiny and fate, i believe, and it's that fate is unchanging and totally predetermined. destiny is more like probabilities and tendencies... and you can tweak them en route. i was going to say that i don't believe in fate... but i have to think it over some more. there's layers to it that i hadn't considered before. probably more on this later.
now i'm starting to understand what he means. i've finally come to grips with the fact that agriculture (working with the land and climate and weather and seasons to produce food and other necessaries for everyday life) is in my blood, by birth and by upbringing. in some form or another, agriculture is what i'm meant to do. things are starting to fall into place for me: i've embraced this aspect of my personality and my life and i'm taking steps, however small, to learn more about it. i did some networking while i was home for christmas, and hopefully some of my contacts will turn up more internship opportunities for me. i think the biggest realization of the last few days is that i do want the stability of place and i know that the place is central new york state (not to be too specific), but that i'm not ready to be there full-time yet. first of all, i'm not done living and learning in great barrington yet, and beyond that there's more i need to learn before i can jump into farming on my own. luckily i seem to have great reserves of patience these days and i'm willing to wait... but it's going to be active waiting. i have a vision, but i need to do some more preparation before i can live it.
also: people! this vision is not one of just me, some animals, and some veggies. i know that i'll continue to meet people as i learn more about farming, but it wouldn't surprise me if some of the people i currently know wind up involved with my agricultural community. heh, that makes me sound like some kind of whirling vortex or black hole that's going to pull people in... but i don't think that's really the case. i just think there's a place where my vision overlaps with the visions that others have and it'll all work out someday. i'll be more specific about my own vision in forthcoming posts.
i've experienced a wealth of emotions lately, but beneath all of the others the steadiest and most constant emotion seems to be one of contentment... some changes in my life and relationships lately could have shaken me to the core, but instead i seem to have found a greater understanding of myself and a greater sense of self-esteem than i've ever had. i think that the self-esteem is in good proportion to my qualities, because i'm definitely understanding my quirks better as well as my good qualities. i'm content with who i am at the same time as i know i'm not done growing and changing.
my mom annoyed me often in high school with the saying "if it is to be, it is up to me!" now in a lot of ways that is true, but i'm starting to think that's not the whole story. for me, it seems that farming is meant to be, but it won't be if i don't work at it. on the other hand, i've cycled through stages in my life when all i wanted to do was farm, and i'd get all starry-eyed about it. events in my life and in my changing, maturing thoughts keep throwing agriculture in my path. i could ignore it and choose something else to dedicate my life too, but life would keep throwing agriculture in my way. yes, i have to work at it, nothing comes easy in this life, but because i seem to be meant to do this (i'll probably be a lot more certain of it after this summer), it's going to become harder and harder to avoid, and when i choose to run with it, things will work out for me in ways that they probably wouldn't if i chose anything else. it's an interesting mix of self-determination and destiny. there's a difference between destiny and fate, i believe, and it's that fate is unchanging and totally predetermined. destiny is more like probabilities and tendencies... and you can tweak them en route. i was going to say that i don't believe in fate... but i have to think it over some more. there's layers to it that i hadn't considered before. probably more on this later.