(no subject)
I don't know why I do the things that I do. For example, teach English in Korea.
I don't have an abundance of hopes, dreams, or goals.
I've kind of just been sitting around telling myself a hope or dream will suddenly pop into my head - is that how that works?
I'm starting to think that's not how it works. There's the hope of getting published in a well-known music magazine and stuff, and that hasn't completely faded, but as far as making a living aka actually earning money...it's whatever.
Do I force a dream on myself? It might be the only way.
I see others going to grad school or planning their future with teaching ESL or just teaching back in the states because they actually ARE teachers.
I see myself trying to pick what's next for me. If you put ideas in a hat and shook it up, I'd pick one out and say "Ok".
Like I said...it's whatever.
I never expected to feel this way. I'm trying to convince myself that it's ok to feel this way. The hope and/or dream isn't just going to pop up out of nowhere so what can I do about it?
Just take ideas of what I wouldn't mind doing and go from there, I suppose.
But hey doesn't that make for the best stories? "Yeah I parked cars for a while, then I was a garbage man, then I delivered mail, then I went to nursing school but realized I hate blood, then I wanted to be a helicopter pilot. Made a bunch of friends along the way"
Yeah, fuck devoting yourself to one aspiration. (I can't fully believe that statement)
...
Whatever.
It's whatever.
I don't have an abundance of hopes, dreams, or goals.
I've kind of just been sitting around telling myself a hope or dream will suddenly pop into my head - is that how that works?
I'm starting to think that's not how it works. There's the hope of getting published in a well-known music magazine and stuff, and that hasn't completely faded, but as far as making a living aka actually earning money...it's whatever.
Do I force a dream on myself? It might be the only way.
I see others going to grad school or planning their future with teaching ESL or just teaching back in the states because they actually ARE teachers.
I see myself trying to pick what's next for me. If you put ideas in a hat and shook it up, I'd pick one out and say "Ok".
Like I said...it's whatever.
I never expected to feel this way. I'm trying to convince myself that it's ok to feel this way. The hope and/or dream isn't just going to pop up out of nowhere so what can I do about it?
Just take ideas of what I wouldn't mind doing and go from there, I suppose.
But hey doesn't that make for the best stories? "Yeah I parked cars for a while, then I was a garbage man, then I delivered mail, then I went to nursing school but realized I hate blood, then I wanted to be a helicopter pilot. Made a bunch of friends along the way"
Yeah, fuck devoting yourself to one aspiration. (I can't fully believe that statement)
...
Whatever.
It's whatever.