update
an Update. Finally. I've been doing semi alright. There are alot of things im not over, and im trying so hard to get over them.. So, im going to write more about people who have hurt me the most.
1. Yeah you get to be number one, i bet that feels great.. but it shouldn't, because you were the first person to destroy me completely, you were the one who killed my trust in people, and over time it got worst due to other people. You dated me for a year and three months and bashed my heart as much as you could, cheating on me all the time.. and now thanks to you, i am broken. Theres this really sweet girl, i've given my heart to.. and i can't even trust her now that im inlove with her because of you. You never cared enough, i was just the person you used when you were upset, you tore into me to feel better, i was your mime.. you never gave a fuck what i said. Whether i was hurt. You never truly cared, i was just a fill in. All those girls, i've been with.. not all of them were bad, but i lost them due to the pain i still carry, the distrust and everything else.. i need you to tell me that you had a reason for destroying me. am i imperfection?
2. when we were younger.. you betrayed me. You were my best friend and one of my only friends i had.. and you constantly faught with me, and he'd take yer side.. i learned loneliness from you, betrayal from you.. and even though you've changed so much, i still feel like nothing to you, i feel like your shadow... and i'll always carry the loneliness from then.. and i'll always feel that i'll get betrayed.
3. I trusted you, to say the least.. i trusted you so much.. i looked up to you, you were my hero. you were always there.. and then it happened, you violated my trust.. when you did that to me. How could you?! i thought you cared.. i was only 11 how could you do that?..
so many people.. over the years have betrayed me, and you know who you are.. its made it so hard to trust.. and i really want to. I want to trust so bad. I love her. Im not going to let you dictate my life anymore, you know who you are.. im not going to let you decide who i should love, or shouldn't. I don't care if you find me pathetic, im me.. and if you cared to take a moment, and try to really know me, you'd see so much more there then the fucking zombie you think i am. she knows the real me <3 and thats all that matters.. i just wished some of you cared enough. Im still not over her death, its gotten easier.. but im finally letting myself greive fully.. im remembring memories i tried to forget, that i tried to shut out. Ashley is my future <3 Im inlove with her. truly inlove. I never wanna lose her.
1. Yeah you get to be number one, i bet that feels great.. but it shouldn't, because you were the first person to destroy me completely, you were the one who killed my trust in people, and over time it got worst due to other people. You dated me for a year and three months and bashed my heart as much as you could, cheating on me all the time.. and now thanks to you, i am broken. Theres this really sweet girl, i've given my heart to.. and i can't even trust her now that im inlove with her because of you. You never cared enough, i was just the person you used when you were upset, you tore into me to feel better, i was your mime.. you never gave a fuck what i said. Whether i was hurt. You never truly cared, i was just a fill in. All those girls, i've been with.. not all of them were bad, but i lost them due to the pain i still carry, the distrust and everything else.. i need you to tell me that you had a reason for destroying me. am i imperfection?
2. when we were younger.. you betrayed me. You were my best friend and one of my only friends i had.. and you constantly faught with me, and he'd take yer side.. i learned loneliness from you, betrayal from you.. and even though you've changed so much, i still feel like nothing to you, i feel like your shadow... and i'll always carry the loneliness from then.. and i'll always feel that i'll get betrayed.
3. I trusted you, to say the least.. i trusted you so much.. i looked up to you, you were my hero. you were always there.. and then it happened, you violated my trust.. when you did that to me. How could you?! i thought you cared.. i was only 11 how could you do that?..
so many people.. over the years have betrayed me, and you know who you are.. its made it so hard to trust.. and i really want to. I want to trust so bad. I love her. Im not going to let you dictate my life anymore, you know who you are.. im not going to let you decide who i should love, or shouldn't. I don't care if you find me pathetic, im me.. and if you cared to take a moment, and try to really know me, you'd see so much more there then the fucking zombie you think i am. she knows the real me <3 and thats all that matters.. i just wished some of you cared enough. Im still not over her death, its gotten easier.. but im finally letting myself greive fully.. im remembring memories i tried to forget, that i tried to shut out. Ashley is my future <3 Im inlove with her. truly inlove. I never wanna lose her.