Audio
[Public to the Admiral]
Barge Jesus. I need another copy of my inmate's file.
Laminate it or something.
[Just...Public.]
Show of hands. Have you ever seen The Wizard of Oz? Read the book? You can put your hands down. Audio only today.
You know something that always bothered me about that story? The Wizard sends little, doe-eyed Dorothy off on her own little bildungsroman* to steal a broomstick from the Wicked Witch of the West.
The question of why he wanted a used broom in the first place aside, what kind of Great and Powerful anything sends an underage girl to go steal from a fucking witch? Why didn't he do it? Think about it. That asshole bamboozled a whole fucking city of verdigris-loving simpletons into believing he was a giant floating head. He couldn't talk Ms. Gulch into parting with something you can probably buy at the nearest Oz Sporting Goods?
If she was so attached to it, why not send a horde of Emerald City Hair Stylists to do it? Whose hair are they cutting all day? Why send a kid? What the fuck is a kid going to do that the Royal Oz Army's First Battalion and Hair Salon can't accomplish with some emerald canons?
I'm not even going to get into the legal issues at hand. Makes you wonder if Oz had laws against child endangerment.
Anyway.
You know what I could go for right now? A cow tipper. You'd think being stuck by a grill all day for a year would make me sick of 'em. Huh.
[*How does Randal know this word, IDEK.]
[Added Five Minutes Later, Filtered Away from Elphaba:]
[He sounds...agitated.]
There's a monkey on the ship!
[Added Soon After:]
We're gonna need a quarantine. Does anyone have a gun I can borrow?
[Added Later:]
Never mind.
Barge Jesus. I need another copy of my inmate's file.
Laminate it or something.
[Just...Public.]
Show of hands. Have you ever seen The Wizard of Oz? Read the book? You can put your hands down. Audio only today.
You know something that always bothered me about that story? The Wizard sends little, doe-eyed Dorothy off on her own little bildungsroman* to steal a broomstick from the Wicked Witch of the West.
The question of why he wanted a used broom in the first place aside, what kind of Great and Powerful anything sends an underage girl to go steal from a fucking witch? Why didn't he do it? Think about it. That asshole bamboozled a whole fucking city of verdigris-loving simpletons into believing he was a giant floating head. He couldn't talk Ms. Gulch into parting with something you can probably buy at the nearest Oz Sporting Goods?
If she was so attached to it, why not send a horde of Emerald City Hair Stylists to do it? Whose hair are they cutting all day? Why send a kid? What the fuck is a kid going to do that the Royal Oz Army's First Battalion and Hair Salon can't accomplish with some emerald canons?
I'm not even going to get into the legal issues at hand. Makes you wonder if Oz had laws against child endangerment.
Anyway.
You know what I could go for right now? A cow tipper. You'd think being stuck by a grill all day for a year would make me sick of 'em. Huh.
[*How does Randal know this word, IDEK.]
[Added Five Minutes Later, Filtered Away from Elphaba:]
[He sounds...agitated.]
There's a monkey on the ship!
[Added Soon After:]
We're gonna need a quarantine. Does anyone have a gun I can borrow?
[Added Later:]
Never mind.