Onward to Marzanilla from the_embattled
After everything that happened today, the last thing I wanted to do was get on a Chopper with Angel and Cordelia to an island, we knew nothing about.
Me and Cordy argued. Me and Angel argued. And, all of it ended with Angel telling me he was going out with Cordy. It was a major slap in the face. I slap I didn't need or liked right now. I was angry. I tried to tell them I was happy for them, but Angel saw right through me. He knew I was lying. I had to deal with it. That's something I didn't want to do. Why should I have to sit here and watch them looking at each other and being all lovey dovey?
Xander and Anya decided to stay back. I was a little reluctant for them to stay behind, but they were going to keep a look out for Giles and Dawn. They were also going to take care of the funeral arrangements. I knew they would do a better job, than I could, now.
I was a wreck, emotionally. So many things have happened in the last couple of days, and I can't even remember the last time I slept. Riley sat next to me. I looked over at him. He could tell something was wrong with me. I didn't want him to ask, nor did I want to tell him what happened. I wanted to get this mission over, come back, bury Giles and Dawn and go back to Sunnydale.
We were now going to an island that Cordelia had a vision about, and we did no research. We were going in blind. That bothered me. "Do we even know why we're going to this Marzanilla place?" I figured Riley would know something. "You seemed all chummy with Fred back there. Did she mention anything?" Riley didn't miss the tone in my voice. He looked at me with some irritation.
I shrugged it off. I was downright moody, and if I came off as a bitch, then so be it.
The chopper was high up and I looked out at the city. I was dwelling in the past. Me and Angel had a special bond. We were the love of each others lives. It was something that would connect us for a long time.
I never thought he would find someone else. The selfish part in me, always thought he would love me and wait for me. I also thought he would brood for me, and never give another woman a chance, because they didn't add up to who I was to him. Boy, was I wrong. But, that was the selfish part in me.
I've been going through my moving on phase. Spike. He was someone special to me. I didn't fully understand our relationship. When I came back from the dead, I just needed to feel something. I was so numb. Spike was there and we held a sexual relationship under everyone's nose. I thought using Spike was helping me, when in fact, it was dragging me down. He didn't have a soul. I could never love him. He wasn't Angel. Spike was just someone that made me feel. Truth is, I started to fall for him. I could never admit that to anyone, but I think Spike knew it.
Despite what happened in my bathroom the night Spike left, I cared about him. I don't know where he went, or if he'll ever be back. But, deep down I hope he would be in Sunnydale when we all returned. He left with no word, and I haven't heard anything in months. I missed him.
The point is, I guess I shouldn't blame Angel for moving on. I just thought he would always be my Angel. That's not the case, anymore. If Angel knew what happened between Spike and I, he'd probably hate me. Then, that'll just fuel him more to thinking I'm a hypocrite about not liking that he moved on and with Cordelia. That's the last thing I wanted.
In the end, I had no say and no choice, but to get over the fact that Angel and Cordelia were now, together. I feel like brooding.
Riley waved his hand in front of me and I snapped out of my daze. I guess I missed what he said. "Ha, wha? Sorry, Riley. Did you say something?"
((Riley and Graham))
Me and Cordy argued. Me and Angel argued. And, all of it ended with Angel telling me he was going out with Cordy. It was a major slap in the face. I slap I didn't need or liked right now. I was angry. I tried to tell them I was happy for them, but Angel saw right through me. He knew I was lying. I had to deal with it. That's something I didn't want to do. Why should I have to sit here and watch them looking at each other and being all lovey dovey?
Xander and Anya decided to stay back. I was a little reluctant for them to stay behind, but they were going to keep a look out for Giles and Dawn. They were also going to take care of the funeral arrangements. I knew they would do a better job, than I could, now.
I was a wreck, emotionally. So many things have happened in the last couple of days, and I can't even remember the last time I slept. Riley sat next to me. I looked over at him. He could tell something was wrong with me. I didn't want him to ask, nor did I want to tell him what happened. I wanted to get this mission over, come back, bury Giles and Dawn and go back to Sunnydale.
We were now going to an island that Cordelia had a vision about, and we did no research. We were going in blind. That bothered me. "Do we even know why we're going to this Marzanilla place?" I figured Riley would know something. "You seemed all chummy with Fred back there. Did she mention anything?" Riley didn't miss the tone in my voice. He looked at me with some irritation.
I shrugged it off. I was downright moody, and if I came off as a bitch, then so be it.
The chopper was high up and I looked out at the city. I was dwelling in the past. Me and Angel had a special bond. We were the love of each others lives. It was something that would connect us for a long time.
I never thought he would find someone else. The selfish part in me, always thought he would love me and wait for me. I also thought he would brood for me, and never give another woman a chance, because they didn't add up to who I was to him. Boy, was I wrong. But, that was the selfish part in me.
I've been going through my moving on phase. Spike. He was someone special to me. I didn't fully understand our relationship. When I came back from the dead, I just needed to feel something. I was so numb. Spike was there and we held a sexual relationship under everyone's nose. I thought using Spike was helping me, when in fact, it was dragging me down. He didn't have a soul. I could never love him. He wasn't Angel. Spike was just someone that made me feel. Truth is, I started to fall for him. I could never admit that to anyone, but I think Spike knew it.
Despite what happened in my bathroom the night Spike left, I cared about him. I don't know where he went, or if he'll ever be back. But, deep down I hope he would be in Sunnydale when we all returned. He left with no word, and I haven't heard anything in months. I missed him.
The point is, I guess I shouldn't blame Angel for moving on. I just thought he would always be my Angel. That's not the case, anymore. If Angel knew what happened between Spike and I, he'd probably hate me. Then, that'll just fuel him more to thinking I'm a hypocrite about not liking that he moved on and with Cordelia. That's the last thing I wanted.
In the end, I had no say and no choice, but to get over the fact that Angel and Cordelia were now, together. I feel like brooding.
Riley waved his hand in front of me and I snapped out of my daze. I guess I missed what he said. "Ha, wha? Sorry, Riley. Did you say something?"
((Riley and Graham))