a bunch of turmoil in my head has been settling over the past couple weeks about socially transitioning from undergrad culture to post-college life. this is a long-overdue post, but it's been a long-overdue sense of peace, too ( Read more... )

( so it looks like i'm going to live in shadyside next year after all. )

"common ground": something is common ground between us if i know it, you know it, and we both know that we both know it.

i've developed this tendency to try to generalise thoughts*, and talk about situations in abstract (noncommittal) phrases that are supposed to work no matter the context. this is indispensably useful for pattern analysis, but i'm ( Read more... )

for a very long time i have had a fear - or an intense wariness - of offending people, or otherwise causing them to think poorly of me. when it is not clear what a "right action" is, i tend to choose the default, which is doing nothing - curling up in a ball, imagining myself in bed, comforting music to keep me company, not having to say a word. ( Read more... )

a good friend told me some time ago about an interaction tactic called "asked and answered": if you ask for someone's thoughts, and they say something definitive, it is not your place to wonder at or press for more to the matter than what was said. the ever-classic example of this is: "are you okay?" "yes" "are you sure ( Read more... )

a common failure mode that i'm particularly vulnerable to is when you're not satisfied with the way something is, and you say "but i can't bring it up, because it's not my place to do so" - i.e., ceding that since something is under another person's control, you must not try to do anything about it.

it turns out this is exactly wrong; these are the ( Read more... )

This year I am going to learn that I am worth other people's time.

while idealism may say how various parts should work fine on their own, it is trust that holds them together and keeps the whole running smoothly.