BSC SUPER SPECIAL #6: NEW YORK, NEW YORK!!! OR WHEN YOU GET LOST BETWEEN THE MOON AND NY CITY!!! END

Apr 06, 2015 16:47

 Finally, freakin FINALLY, this snark is over! I can’t wait, how about you? However, I must thank you all for reading and commenting as always, you guys forever freakin rock!! Also, I wish you all a belated Happy Easter, Passover and what have you!!

Without further ado:

Chapter 15:

K-Ron says that she’s embarrassed and the worst thing in the world happened. What did Bart find out her dirty little secret, that he isn’t the one she fantasies about in the bath, Mary Anne is? No, it’s that Laine’s mother found the dog; she named it Sonny, for Son of Louie. Talk about your anti-climax. I thought it was something good. L

K-Ron says that they were able to hide the dog for three days; mainly because the Cummings thought that the smell was coming from Mallory.  Also, Laine’s parents are always out and the maid is off for the next few weeks and no one can be assed to clean their own fucking house for that long. Assholes.



Anyway, dog’s been found and K-Ron’s told that the Dakota allows dogs; it’s the Cummings that doesn’t allow animals that cause too much dirt. Because God Forbid they have to clean something themselves. Also, real fucking nice of Laine to tell K-Ron that dogs were allowed in the building, guess she was starting that bitchiness early.

Laine’s mother asks what in the fucking Hell is Kristy planning on doing with the dog and scoffs at the idea that K-Ron can change Watson’s mind about keeping him. She tells K-Ron to find the fucking owner ASAP, because she sure as shit ain’t keeping  the motherfucking dog longer than that. The next day, K-Ron has the GREAT IDEA! to take the dog to the vet so he can get a clean bill of health, and then it will be easier finding him a home. But OH NOES!! K-Ron has no more money!!! Whatever will she do? Oh, wait; Laine and Mary Anne lend her five bucks each for a pay -whatever-you- can-afford-too clinic. BULLSHIT!! Does any fucking vet do that? And ten dollars is a cheap fucking fee for a vet. Just saying!

K-Ron swears to pay them back after she earns it babysitting, and that’ll take fucking YEARS at your prices, jackass.  Later on, K-Ron, Jessi and Mal all walk to the vet with the dog. They say it’s because everyone else is busy, but it’s really so they don’t have to give Mal and Jessi anymore fucking chapters. YOU CAN’T FOOL US, ANN!!!  K-Ron thanks the tokens for coming with her and Mal says that she feels that Sonny is like ‘a member of the BSC.’





So, it turns out Sonny’s fine and he’s three years old. The girls decide to make signs and put an ad in the paper about the dog and now the countdown is on to get a good home for him.

Since that was boring, I leave this for you guys:

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Chapter 16:

Dawn writes that she left the apartment again; BIG TIME!! WHEN THE FUCK DID SHE LEAVE THE APARTMENT IN THE FIRST PLACE? THIS IS NEWS TO ME!

She writes that she went out with Richie and that it was just the two of them ‘against a city full of thieves and murderers’ and fuck you Schafer, you ain’t special. Shew says that they traveled all over Manhattan and ‘nothing happened’.


Except that she learned she likes Richie, A LOT and that’s why we never read about him again, ever. He’s living on the island of forgotten people  with Price, Scott, Parker, Will and all the rest of the assholes these bitches meet on vacation.
Dawn says that she’s not afraid of going out, because she and Richie have been reenacting ‘West Side Story’ on the fire escape every night. Richie tells her that he’ll be by early in the morning on Sunday and they are going out. Bitch actually counts down the seconds and he gets there by the second. Dawn claims to love punctual people and did she and K-Ron just switch fucking personalities or something?

Richie has a surprise for her, he got a walking cast and he’s prepared to walk all over the city with her. BULLSHIT!! If he broke his leg a few weeks ago and it’s completely healed yet, HOW THE FUCK IS HE GOING TO BE ABLE TO WALK ALL OVER THE CITY, WALKING CAST OR NO? You know what, I don’t care; it’s almost over.

They get a cab to Madison Avenue, where Richie says is ‘one of the finest shopping streets in the city. Here you will find Laura Ashley clothes, cowboy boots, boutiques and bookstores. It’s the soup to nuts of the shopping world’. First, who says soup to nuts? Second, I hate to say this, but straight teenage boys? They don’t know Laura Ashley. Dawn, Richie doesn’t like you that way, he likes you in the way Will likes Grace, Jack likes Karen and Jack liked Jen. You’ll be nothing more than his hag, ever.


Dawn’s future!

Then they go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, which has ANOTHER pay what you wish option, but according to the site, they have to pay a min of at least seventeen dollars. And you can bet your asses that these two paid like a buck each, because they’re assholes like that.  Then they go to Central Park, Grand Army Plaza, the Plaza Hotel and a fuckton of other places Ann name drops. The two stop and get tacos, with Dawn snotting that she doesn’t eat meat and has to get a veggie taco. Richie orders one vegetarian, one regular and she bitches that he thinks she’s irregular. He says he hopes not, and my mind went right into the fucking gutter on that one. Did they just make a poop joke or something more sinister?


Dawn says that the taco was good, with lettuce, tomato, guacamole and cheese. Ew… that’s sounds nasty. Not trying to knock vegetarians or anything, but out of a hundred vendors on the street, she could have something within her habits other than that. Then Richie takes her to Godiva chocolates and she’s all sad about having to breathe the same air that chocolate resides in. Fuck you Princess, Godiva’s the shit! And you have a dude willing and able to afford to buy you a whole fucking box, so you can suck it. Where I’m from, Godiva’s like four dollars a fucking bar, I can’t imagine a whole box. Richie tells her to just try one and he’ll give the rest to his mom. Of course, Dawn swallows that shit faster than Stacey will learn to later in life, all because a boy told her too. Individual my ass. And of course, bitch likes it.



They ride to Chelsea and Dawn asks how Richie’s ankle is and he answers that ‘It likes Chelsea’. His fucking ankle likes Chelsea? No, I think other parts of his anatomy like it more, just sayin’. They walk along SoHo and in out of stores. One store has live animals and clothes in the same place, which must smell like ass. Because I know when I buy clothes, I want them to smell like the inside of an animal’s cage. They decide to get cappuccino and continue sampling food all day, and Dawn’s ass even has cannoli, with no mention about having to rinse her mouth out because of the calories.


Dawn thinks that cannoli’s have too much sugar!!!

And apparently, we’re supposed to believe that in ONE FUCKING DAY, they’ve seen Central Park, Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building, and the World Trade Center. Plus all the other crap they did. And fuck you Schafer again, you made me sad mentioning the Twin Towers.

Now I can’t end this chapter on a sad note and since yesterday was Easter Sunday, I’ll leave this here:

image Click to view



Chapter 17:

Mary Anne is still scared about the man in the hat and sunglasses, but doesn’t worry that he might be following her and Stacey home to Stoneybrook. And she still doesn’t tell the kids parents that they’re being followed. Fucking Hell.

The girls take the kids to the South Street Seaport and I would have laughed my ass off if they ended up taking the kids to the Bodies Museum over there. Forget the kids, Mary Anne’s ass would have been gone the second she walked into that place. Most of the others go with them, except Claudia and Mal, they have art class. Which Claudia has to act like complete fucking snot about again, because God Forbid the bitch actually fucking try to listen to a teacher or anything. She bitches that the teacher will probably make them sketch a fucking statue or something and someone really should tell her that EVERYONE needs to learn to walk before they can run, just sayin. Mal is more excited about that than she would upon seeing Misty of Chincoteague’s stuffed horse corpse. Don’t believe me?


I’M ACTUALLY SURPRISED DAWN NEVER LOST HER SHIT ABOUT A POOR ANIMAL’S DEAD BODY BEING ON DISPLAY LIKE THIS!!!

Claudia proceeds to lay an evil eye on Mal so severe, it rivals Mommie Dearest’s.

Everyone else goes to South Street Seaport and they all throw down their one character trait and proceed to exclaim over the stores like assholes: K-Ron over a sports store, Dawn over Laura Ashley, Jessi over the dance shop, the kids over the game and toy store, Stacey wonders where Benetton is and Laine for SOME reason likes the craft store, which is Mary Anne’s thing. But she’s too busy watching the man in the hat again, who SOMEHOW  fucking vanishes without a trace before Stacey can see him too. Ok, now he’s fucking Batman. Whatever. I don’t care.

They decide that instead of taking the poor kid to the ONE place she wants to see, they’ll take her to the Children’s Center. Plus, Mary Anne says that they don’t have to go into every fucking store at the Seaport, because all over the fucking country, there’s stores. Finally, bitch makes sense. However, no one else gives a shit, because they all head to the stores. Then, as a final ‘FUCK YOU’ to the kids, after the girls see the Dreaded Man again, they take the kids to the Children’s Center anyway. Fucking teases.

The sitters worry about the man following the children and figure that he wants to kidnap them. Then they make up reasons why that rival the batshit insanity that Doug Funnie used to daydream. Crazy shit like: microfilm in one of the kids backpacks. I’m fucking serious and the best part? It’s not Mary Anne imagining this crazy shit, it’s fucking STACEY. That’s right; our favorite blonde who can’t keep her fucking legs shut thinks that the Man with the Hat hid microfilm in one of the kid’s bags and will kidnap them in order to get it back. This isn’t a BSC book anymore; it’s fucking another shitty sequel to ‘Home Alone’.

They decide to each take a different child and spilt up, that way they can see which kid is the unlucky one. It turns out that the man followed BOTH kids!!!

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Wait a minute... now there’s TWO men? Or IS he really Batman or something, because then how was he in two places at once? Are there two different men?  Sadly, the second man? NEVER FUCKING EXPLAINED!! AT ALL!!! FUCKING HELL!!

They FINALLY decide to tell the parents that something’s up. They drop the kids off and the housekeeper says that the parents are going to be off until Friday,  so the girls aren’t needed until then.  Instead of waiting around to tell them about the possible kidnapper, these stupid fucking bitches just leave.



Both of you!!!

Chapter 18:

Claudia writes that the art class went on a field trip to the Cloisters. OH, HELL YEA!!! THE CLOISTERS IS REALLY COOL!! She says that she likes drawing there, but the best part is what Mac said. She doesn’t tell us in the journal entry what he said, we just learn that they talked, she no longer has resting bitch face, and her and Mal are friends again. Yay?

So, Mac has been shutting down Claudia’s attempts at art for a while now and bitch isn’t happy about it. Fuck you Princess, all the man said was to slow the fuck down, not give up art and become a bag lady or something. Anyway, they get to the Cloisters and Mac turns them all loose and tells them to sketch whatever they want. Claudia sits at a part of a chapel that she likes and begins sketching like the Road Runner on speed, one after the other. Mal sits down next to her and says that being there all day is gonna drive her crazy, and why the fuck did she sign up for the class then? Did she not know it was basically going to be hours and hours of drawing shit?

Mal asks how Claudia can keep drawing for hours at a time and Claudia says that it’s ‘in her blood’ and no, it’s the massive amount of sugar you  gavone every fucking day. I’d be sketching fast like that too, if I’d more sugar in my blood than fucking protein.  Mac comes up and lays praise unto Mal again and tells Claudia to set an Olympic record for sketching and slow the fuck down for once.

She sits back down and actually spends over three hours on one drawing and thus, almost forgets to eat. Which makes me think of this:


Mac walks by a couple of times to check on her, and her body language gives off the ‘Don’t fucking come near me’ vibe, so he says nothing to her.


When the bus comes, Claudia gets on and says that she doesn’t know where Mal is and she doesn’t care, that bitch can go ahead and die for all she cares. Damn woman, that’s fucking cold. Turns out, Mal is heading over to sit with Mac and he is all, ‘Bye, bitch. Let me talk to Claudia’, and leaves her ass there. Because Mal must always know her place in this series. Fucking Hell.

So, Mac looks over the drawing that Claudia spent all the time on and says that its ‘one of the finest places of work’ he’s ever seen, especially from a young student. OH, WHAT THE FUCK? I WAS HOPING FOR HIM TO LAY THE SMACKDOWN ON HER AND TELL HER THAT HER WORK ISN’T SHIT!! Instead he says that she’s ‘one of the most gifted students’ he’s worked with, just undisciplined and distracts easily.



And once again, Mal is made to be the buttmonkey, with Mac saying that she may concentrate, work harder and tie her goddamn shoes better than Claudia, but Claudia has actual talent. Fucking Hell, what the fuck did a Ginger ever do to Ann? Did one murder her fucking family or something? Shit, is she the female version of Malachai from ‘Children of the Corn’ or something?

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Is this Mal’s punishment for feeding Ann to  ‘He Who Walks Behind The Rows’?

Once they get back, Mal runs up to Claudia and says that she wants to draw puppies and rainbows instead of ‘serious art’ and Claudia tells her a lame ass sorry, because God Forbid these bitches actually fucking MEAN it when they apologize for their actions.



Mal accepts her lot in life for now, but years later will find much success and money forming a company that the idea of ‘puppies and rainbows’ art will look great on school supplies for girls. Thus; Lisa Frank is born!



Because FUCK THE BSC!!!

Chapter 19:

K-Ron finds a home for the dog. That’s all that happens. Just saved you a chapter;  so instead, I leave this:

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Enjoy!

Chapter 20:

Mal writes that the day was interesting and that she’s not upset at the turn of events at all. She knows what she did.

So, at the Cloisters  she ends up drawing a picture of a stone corner. She decides draw mice and a troll in the picture too and is bored to fucking death having to go back to the regular art stuff. During lunch, she sits next to Claudia, whose lunch description gave me a stomachache just by reading it: ‘ a Fluffernut sandwich, Oreos, chocolate chip cookies and Fritos’. Really can’t fucking wait for puberty to hit this bitch and Karma to give her an epic ass to go with the epic bitchery. Mal goes to tell her that Claudia’s lunch looks awesome, but gets the smackdown from Claudia that there’s apple juice and raisins in the cookies, so it’s completely healthy!!! Which makes me think of this:


Seriously, Claudia calm your tits!!

After Mac gives Claudia the uplifting speech, he gives Mal the smackdown that she sucks. Asshole. Mal doesn’t give a shit though, she’s happy to be able to draw animals and things. I’m telling you; Mal is gonna be Lisa Frank someday, in the hot body of April Macie:


Mal heads back to Stacey’s, imaging the book she’s gonna write and how she’ll be the hottest host at the AVN’s when she’s older.

Chapter 21:
Basically Jessi convinces Quint to ask his parents to let him try out for Julliard and then he kisses her.
Here’s something better:

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Chapter 22:

Stacey and Mary Anne FINALLY, FUCKING FINALLY, talk to the parents about the man with the hat. After listening to the tale of anguish, they call a man named Bill.

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BILL’S THE MAN WITH THE HAT!!!



He’s the kid’s bodyguard and the parents made him be in disguise, so the kids can actually feel like normal kids for once. Why they didn’t tell the sitters, I have no fucking clue nor do I care!

After that, they finally take the kids to the toy store and Stacey keeps waving to Bill. Saucy little Mix.

Chapter 23:

Claudia and the girls get to go to a show and dinner in a limo, courtesy of Laine’s parents. The limo’s so fucking cool, it plays ‘La Cucaracha’ on the horn.  So did Grandpa’s in ‘The Lost Boys’, you ain’t special bitch.

They also go to this place and get some awesome screaming and laughing mirrors and fish flashlights. Then Tavern on the Green, cause Laine really is Regina fucking George. Then they act like fucking assholes at the Broadway show. Everyone says goodbye.

And I Google the fucking mirrors and they actually exist! At least, the laughing ones do and you can bet your asses I’m ordering one once I have the fucking money!

Finally the Fucking End!!

So, everyone goes home and we get the massive amount of letters back and forth:

-Claudia writes to Mac and is working on a still life
-Mal writes to Laine and her parents thanking them and asks them info about the Plaza for her story. Plus, she’s the only bitch to write a thank you note.
-Quint writes to Jessi and he got into Julliard.
-Richie writes to Dawn and says he misses her.
-K-Ron writes to Sonny’s new owner and he loves the dog.
-Stacey and Dad write back and forth, Dad wanting to know where the fuck Dawn put his porn
-Alistaire proves that he spells better than Claudia and thanks Mary Anne and Stacey.
-Claudia shows the book to her family and they are dirty liars and tell her that her spelling’s improved.

I’m sorry it’s so long; but this book SUCKED!! HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED IT THOUGH!! Next up:

SS 7 Snowbound
SS 8 Babysitters at Shadow Lake
SS 1 Babysitters on Board
Then I have no idea.

Thank you so much for reading, commenting and enjoying. See you soon!

snarker: bleeding_thorn2, ss #6 new york

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