Jessi and the Superbrat, #4 and last
Part 1. Number 2. Part 3, and...
Chapter 12
“We’re very touched that you girls have spent so much time helping Derek readjust,” she said. “I don’t know how he would have done it without you.” I was practically beaming on the other end of the phone. It’s true, I thought. The Babysitters Club is special that way.
Special, if you add quotes.
And adjusting? What about John? Oh, right, the first rule of John is you do not talk about John.
Jessi and Mrs. M are talking about the going-away party in such piss-poor code that Derek asks what's up. He calls then nuts.
Mommy laves, and Derek and Jessi start talking about her big Hollywood career and how easy it's going to be for her to get a TV series. In the 80's. Maybe as a Huxtable, though with what Cosby's done, I actually wouldn't wish that on Jessi. Wow. Buzzkill.
In two seconds, she's at a meeting, and Claudia's sharing the invitations she made, that actually are clever. They're hand-cut like TVs with cereal commercials drawn in, inviting kids to "start your day the party way."
The list of invitees doesn't include John. Jessi inquires, and Mal tells her Nicky said there isn's a John in the class, and that no one's been bothereing Derek.
But Jessi is dense, and thinks excuses other than the kid lying.
She starts ignoring everyone since she's too sure she'll be a stahhhh. Here's how it will go down, in her words (scene starts with her in an agent's office in Stamford, and he's handing her a contract:
“I’ll make you a star, kid,” he was saying. He lit a cigar and slapped me on the back. “You’ve got the face. We’ll plaster your picture in every magazine across the country.”
My face. In every magazine across the country. I heaved a big sigh. I probably wouldn’t even have time to be in Swan Lake.
To which I facepalm.
Chapter 13
Party day, and somehow the girls' families happen to have literally dozens of folding chairs. Who has that many? I have more flat-screen TVs in my house than we have people, but no folding chairs. Now I want one just because I do.
Claud and Kristy are griping over donuts, and I guess Jessi knows that without waking up since she gets out of bed after that. And there's so unintentional innuendo:
For my part, I had set my alarm for very early that morning. .... I slipped down to my barre in the basement to wake up my sleepy and very tight muscles. Mmmmm. It always feels so good to get stretched out.
Blah blah, play by play of her getting ready, and forgetting her robe. Since there will be a lot of kids, Kristy the Dumb decided they'll wear robes as a uniform so the kids know whose in charge. Kids can tell who the older kids are, even without robes. At least Kristy did try having fun with it, suggesting curlers and caps, but everyone else was lame and said hell no.
Now they're setting up the party. Bad pacing in this book. Mal's setting up a relay that includes drinking a cup of imaginary juice so that no one chokes. I kid you not.
Each runner had to put on a pair of pants, drink a cup of imaginary juice (we thought it might be dangerous to use real juice since someone might choke), run a comb through his or her hair, grab a book bag, and run to pass the book bag to a teammate across the yard.
*le sigh*
And Jessi pulls her typical "Not to sound conceited" crap. In this case, the relay was her idea. Mal had to spend the morning, the WHOLE morning, digging prizes out of cereal boxes. Ah, back in the day where every box had a toy. Then the boxes had puzzles that too place of the toys. Bing back the toys, and we may start buying cereal that comes in boxes again.
Karen shows up in a glam outfit so Derek will notice her. Let's skip ahead now.
Party time, described in little detail. Seriously. A few paragraphs. What stands out is we now know how to get aren to shut the hell up.
The funny thing was, after all her scheming, she was too afraid to open her mouth and actually say anything to him.
Call in Derek.
And thena quick jump to leaving for the final audition.
I have whiplash, and don't see my chiropractor until Monday.
Chapter 14
It's so strange when ballet is the B-plot of a Jessi-book. She snarks that the "gossip girls" had been cut, and doesn't stress too much since she would just go into modeling.
It’d be something new and different. And it couldn’t possibly be as difficult - or as nerve-racking - as ballet.
Sure she could do ballet and perform every night (it doesn't work like that...),m but hey, she can always go right into modeling! Easy!
So the dance master taught them their part, and it was easy to learn.
I call bullshit. By the way, that's one small part of the swans' dancing. It's an insult to ballet to even think that anyone, even a professional, especially a child, can learn a dance in a few run-throughs.
This is exactly what I love about ballet. Once you’ve got the technique, you can really express yourself.
No. NO. When youre in the corp, it's NOT about expressing YOUR-FUCKING-SELF. You do NOT want to stand out. You want to be one part of the overall group, not be that little dipshit who tries making it all about her self-expression. It's actually harder to blend in than it is to put your own spin on things. If Jessi can't be part of the corp, she will never stand a chance.
Of course the stage manager singles HER out to compliment. Of course.
I love this next part. See, she told Mal she has to wait until Wednesday to find out.
“That doesn’t seem fair,” Mallory said.
“Mallory,” I said patiently, “nothing’s fair in love or ballet.”
Jessi doesn't care about fair. She expects a handicap, and if she doesn't get it, then racism.
The rest of the chapter is Jessi leaving Mal and her dad to go make phone calls with agents, and apparently a lot of agents are eager to talk to 11-year-old kids.
Chapter LAST
Jessi calls, and of course she's in. Keep your arm down if you saw that coming. Raise if it you didn't, and leave it there until exhaustion makes it fall and smack you on your head.
She's not just in the corps though. She's one of the maidens. They picked an 11-year-old to be out of the corps in a major production. This means she'll do some solo-ish stuff.
Jessi goes to see Derek, and he confesses to being John. But it's all good since she has to learn Swan Lake.
And that's seriously the ending. Very abrupt.
But hey, a BONUS!
Ann informs us that this is the first book with Derek, and she did NOT model him after anyone. But she's experienced in filmmaking! See, she visited the set once, ONCE, when the BSC movie was being made, and apparently child labor laws were being broken based on how she described how many hours they're working in addition to school work.
Oh, and of course she tells us all about how much the girls are superfans of the books.
A couple interesting thing in the About the Author. Her favorite BSC book is Kristy's Big Day, and she likes making clothes for kids. Yeah. I reeeaaally believe that. Oh, and the books dealt with contemporary issues, which is why the TV shows and so much of these books are straight out of Ann's childhood. I'm surprised the TVs the girls had were even color TVs...or were they?
I'm done. This book sucked ass. It sucked ass hard.
Chapter 12
“We’re very touched that you girls have spent so much time helping Derek readjust,” she said. “I don’t know how he would have done it without you.” I was practically beaming on the other end of the phone. It’s true, I thought. The Babysitters Club is special that way.
Special, if you add quotes.
And adjusting? What about John? Oh, right, the first rule of John is you do not talk about John.
Jessi and Mrs. M are talking about the going-away party in such piss-poor code that Derek asks what's up. He calls then nuts.
Mommy laves, and Derek and Jessi start talking about her big Hollywood career and how easy it's going to be for her to get a TV series. In the 80's. Maybe as a Huxtable, though with what Cosby's done, I actually wouldn't wish that on Jessi. Wow. Buzzkill.
In two seconds, she's at a meeting, and Claudia's sharing the invitations she made, that actually are clever. They're hand-cut like TVs with cereal commercials drawn in, inviting kids to "start your day the party way."
The list of invitees doesn't include John. Jessi inquires, and Mal tells her Nicky said there isn's a John in the class, and that no one's been bothereing Derek.
Click to viewBut Jessi is dense, and thinks excuses other than the kid lying.
She starts ignoring everyone since she's too sure she'll be a stahhhh. Here's how it will go down, in her words (scene starts with her in an agent's office in Stamford, and he's handing her a contract:
“I’ll make you a star, kid,” he was saying. He lit a cigar and slapped me on the back. “You’ve got the face. We’ll plaster your picture in every magazine across the country.”
My face. In every magazine across the country. I heaved a big sigh. I probably wouldn’t even have time to be in Swan Lake.
To which I facepalm.
Chapter 13
Party day, and somehow the girls' families happen to have literally dozens of folding chairs. Who has that many? I have more flat-screen TVs in my house than we have people, but no folding chairs. Now I want one just because I do.
Claud and Kristy are griping over donuts, and I guess Jessi knows that without waking up since she gets out of bed after that. And there's so unintentional innuendo:
For my part, I had set my alarm for very early that morning. .... I slipped down to my barre in the basement to wake up my sleepy and very tight muscles. Mmmmm. It always feels so good to get stretched out.
Blah blah, play by play of her getting ready, and forgetting her robe. Since there will be a lot of kids, Kristy the Dumb decided they'll wear robes as a uniform so the kids know whose in charge. Kids can tell who the older kids are, even without robes. At least Kristy did try having fun with it, suggesting curlers and caps, but everyone else was lame and said hell no.
Now they're setting up the party. Bad pacing in this book. Mal's setting up a relay that includes drinking a cup of imaginary juice so that no one chokes. I kid you not.
Each runner had to put on a pair of pants, drink a cup of imaginary juice (we thought it might be dangerous to use real juice since someone might choke), run a comb through his or her hair, grab a book bag, and run to pass the book bag to a teammate across the yard.
*le sigh*
And Jessi pulls her typical "Not to sound conceited" crap. In this case, the relay was her idea. Mal had to spend the morning, the WHOLE morning, digging prizes out of cereal boxes. Ah, back in the day where every box had a toy. Then the boxes had puzzles that too place of the toys. Bing back the toys, and we may start buying cereal that comes in boxes again.
Karen shows up in a glam outfit so Derek will notice her. Let's skip ahead now.
Party time, described in little detail. Seriously. A few paragraphs. What stands out is we now know how to get aren to shut the hell up.
The funny thing was, after all her scheming, she was too afraid to open her mouth and actually say anything to him.
Call in Derek.
And thena quick jump to leaving for the final audition.
I have whiplash, and don't see my chiropractor until Monday.
Chapter 14
It's so strange when ballet is the B-plot of a Jessi-book. She snarks that the "gossip girls" had been cut, and doesn't stress too much since she would just go into modeling.
It’d be something new and different. And it couldn’t possibly be as difficult - or as nerve-racking - as ballet.
Sure she could do ballet and perform every night (it doesn't work like that...),m but hey, she can always go right into modeling! Easy!
So the dance master taught them their part, and it was easy to learn.
I call bullshit. By the way, that's one small part of the swans' dancing. It's an insult to ballet to even think that anyone, even a professional, especially a child, can learn a dance in a few run-throughs.
This is exactly what I love about ballet. Once you’ve got the technique, you can really express yourself.
No. NO. When youre in the corp, it's NOT about expressing YOUR-FUCKING-SELF. You do NOT want to stand out. You want to be one part of the overall group, not be that little dipshit who tries making it all about her self-expression. It's actually harder to blend in than it is to put your own spin on things. If Jessi can't be part of the corp, she will never stand a chance.
Of course the stage manager singles HER out to compliment. Of course.
I love this next part. See, she told Mal she has to wait until Wednesday to find out.
“That doesn’t seem fair,” Mallory said.
“Mallory,” I said patiently, “nothing’s fair in love or ballet.”
Jessi doesn't care about fair. She expects a handicap, and if she doesn't get it, then racism.
The rest of the chapter is Jessi leaving Mal and her dad to go make phone calls with agents, and apparently a lot of agents are eager to talk to 11-year-old kids.
Chapter LAST
Jessi calls, and of course she's in. Keep your arm down if you saw that coming. Raise if it you didn't, and leave it there until exhaustion makes it fall and smack you on your head.
She's not just in the corps though. She's one of the maidens. They picked an 11-year-old to be out of the corps in a major production. This means she'll do some solo-ish stuff.
Jessi goes to see Derek, and he confesses to being John. But it's all good since she has to learn Swan Lake.
And that's seriously the ending. Very abrupt.
But hey, a BONUS!
Ann informs us that this is the first book with Derek, and she did NOT model him after anyone. But she's experienced in filmmaking! See, she visited the set once, ONCE, when the BSC movie was being made, and apparently child labor laws were being broken based on how she described how many hours they're working in addition to school work.
Oh, and of course she tells us all about how much the girls are superfans of the books.
A couple interesting thing in the About the Author. Her favorite BSC book is Kristy's Big Day, and she likes making clothes for kids. Yeah. I reeeaaally believe that. Oh, and the books dealt with contemporary issues, which is why the TV shows and so much of these books are straight out of Ann's childhood. I'm surprised the TVs the girls had were even color TVs...or were they?
I'm done. This book sucked ass. It sucked ass hard.