BSC SUPER SPECIAL # 5: CALIFORNIA GIRLS!! OR MOST OF THIS BOOK TAKES PLACE AT THE BEACH!!! PART 2!!
BSC SUPER SPECIAL # 5: CALIFORNIA GIRLS!! OR MOST OF THIS BOOK TAKES PLACE AT THE BEACH!!! PART 2!!
Hello fellow peeps!! Hope everyone is warm where they are, it’s freaking windy here and I am waiting for the ninja squirrel and demonic cat to fly past my house, it is that windy.
Once again, I thank you all for your awesome comments and for even reading my insane ramblings, you guys forever freakin rock and I have nothing but love for you all!!!
Let’s cool it with the mushy stuff and move right into Part 2!
Chapter 4:
Dawn writes a postcard to Sharon and Richard, talking about what a good time she is having in California, but ‘Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll return to Connecticut.’ Excuse me a sec….
She tells the parental units that the crew went to the beach with Carol and she’ll tell them more about her later. Oh, Honey. Your mom and step dad are probably so fucking HIGH right now, I doubt they give a shit. They’re probably having fucking four ways with the Pike parents.
Anyhoo… the first week of the vacay, the girls decide to go to the beach and Dawn spews forth so more fucking lies about how staying in California with Daddy and Jeff was not an issue. Yea, say that in about forty more books, Dawn. She admits that part of the real reason she wants to leave is Carol and while I do agree that would take some getting used too, she can fuck herself because Carol was awesome and Dawn acted like such a fucking cunt during that book.
Dawn bitches that Carol is over all the damn time, and you can bet your ass that Carol probably lived there some of the time, until the Unholy Blonde Hosebeast came by. Seriously, she is there all the time, if this was the real world; she’d live there full time.
Carol rings the doorbell bright and early Monday morning and Dawn acts like a complete twat, asking just what in the Sam Hell is she doing there. Now if I were Carol, that would be cause for a fucking backhand to the bitch, but Carol continues to smile and volunteers to be a taxi service to not only the Unholy Hosebeast, but the rest of the bitches. Although with the way Dawn acts towards her, she should’ve made them fucking WALK to the beach and everywhere fucking else. To Hell with them.
Dawn tries to shut that shit down, by volunteering Mrs. Bruen the housekeeper, to drive them around all week. And FUCK YOU PRINCESS!!! The poor women is just praying for you and the rest of the bitch brigade to get the HELL out of the house so she can roll a fatty and watch TV in fucking peace.
Mrs. Bruen tells her that her father doesn’t fucking pay her enough to be babysitting a selfish twat and her goddamn shitty friends and that she already DVR’ed ‘Sons of Anarchy’ and she ain’t missing Jax’s sexy ass, so Dawn can go fuck herself.
Can’t say I blame her, really.
Carol says that since she has the luxury to work whenever she fucking feels like it, (Nice life) she decided to cart around the Bitches of Eastwick. Dumbass.She asks what the girls want to do today and the consensus is the beach, with Mary Anne crying a goddamn river again about missing Hollywood, when she already knows they’re going to be there for two fucking weeks and she can calm her non-tits.
Dawn bitches that Carol owns a small, red car that is too young for her and SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU GODDAMN HIPPIE!!! YOU’RE GETTING FREE RIDES TO WHEREVER YOU WANT TO GO BITCH!!!! The snootiness over the damn car is moot anyway, since Carol borrowed a friends van. Is it as bitching as this one though? :
So, everyone runs around packing the crap they need. Mary Anne has her body armor and also a hat, nose coat, lip coat, extra towel and a freaking caftan to cover herself. Why is she even going to the damn beach then? And I love how everyone makes fun of Mallory later for doing the same thing at Shadow Lake, but no one does to Mary Anne. Mary Anne even asks Carol if she has an umbrella and Carol does, plus chairs, tapes and three Walkmans, which dates this book by a lot. Which also begs the question of what the fuck Carol was doing with all that crap if she didn’t know where the girls wanted to go in the first place? And SOMEHOW, Mrs. Bruen has packed enough food for an army in the time everyone got ready. Whatever, I don’t care.
They pick up Jeff’s friend Rob and get to the beach. Mary Anne sits in her Ole-Timey bathing suit, the boys go swim, Stacey eyefucks some surfers and Claudia zones out. Par for the course, I think. Jessi asks what got Stacey drooling and adjusting her filled out bikini top, and Stacey says surfers, that she’s always dreamed of going surfing. And I’m calling BULLSHIT on that one, we all know Stacey rather be ON HER BACK ON THE SURFBOARD, UNDERNEATH THE SURFER; THAN RIDING THE WAVES ON TOP OF THE BOARD. Carol pipes in that Stacey could take a class that day and Dawn starts preaching that ‘surfing is very dangerous’. Carol answers back, ‘Not if she fucking LEARNS HOW TO DUMBASS!’ And really Princess, what the fuck do you think a CLASS is for? Nimrod.
Stacey gets so excited, you’d think someone mentioned NY to her, and follows Carol’s directions to sign up for a beginners’ class. The other girls beg off, even K-Ron and I call BULLSHIT again. Then most of the others go in the water and Dawn’s left with Carol and Claudia, who’s still zoning out. Did she just become Quail Man or something? It would explain the batshit insanity of her outfits. No she’s ok, just staring at a boy, whose reading a book on his blanket. And lest you think she’s busy wondering just what that rectangle shaped contraption is he’s holding, she’s more staring because he’s ‘the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen.’ He’s described as having; ‘jet-black hair, dark eyes, and a serious handsome face.’ And that just described most guys, Hell it describes my husband, so way to go with a full description, ANN!
He also is reading a thick book and Claudia wants to know what he’s reading. WHAT THE FUCK? WHEN HAS CLAUDIA EVER SHOWN INTEREST IN BOOKS, UNLESS IT’S NANCY DREW? FOR FUCK’S SAKE, ANN!! THESE ARE YOUR FUCKING CHARACTERS, YOU’D THINK BY THIS POINT YOU’D KNOW BETTER!! Carol tells Claudia that she should go ask him, or maybe talk to him, since she already has eye-fucked the shit out of him at this point. Dawn gets stankface and feels that Carol should mind her own damn business and fuck you again, BITCH!
The sitters see Stacey trying to surf and apparently she comes back from her first class in love with it. The girls start to have lunch, when Carol suggests inviting the boy Claudia’s been staring at to lunch with them and that is really nice. And crazy, because they don’t know shit about him at this point. He could be a killer or something, but since this isn’t a Mystery Special, he’s ok. Claudia goes over and invites him and he comes by. His name is Terry and I instantly think of this guy:
Turns out that the girls learn a lot about Terry, especially that he loves school, he’s taking advanced classes, his hobby is reading and he won first place in a district-wide science fair. Claudia gets that, ‘I fucked up’ face:
and prays for Terry’s ass to be gone at this point. Terry is adorably clueless and stays interested in Claudia anyway. She even goes to chat with him after lunch.
Mallory starts bitching about not being blonde and even the book calls bullshit on that one. YOU DO REALIZE THAT HALF OF YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS AREN’T BLONDE EITHER, NIMROD? Dawn even says that most of the people at the goddamn beach aren’t blonde. Mallory gets the brilliant idea of putting washout blonde dye in her hair and I headdesk . Dawn waits for Carol to talk Mal out of it, but she just smiles. Probably laughing inside about what a dumbass Mal is, thinking she can SOMEHOW dye red hair and get blonde locks.
The day continues, with Claudia chatting with Terry, Mary Anne refusing to get in the water, Mal bitching about her fucking hair and freckles and Dawn introducing Stacey to some surfing kids she knows. Chapter over.
Chapter 5:
Since this book happens before the breakup of Stacey and Laine, Stacey sends her a postcard talking about surfing. OK then.
Carol comes by again to take everyone to the beach again, and once again Dawn acts like an epic bitch about it. Dawn says that Carol is too old to act like she’s one of their friends at 32. Fuck me, that’s how old I am. This book came out when I was eight. Fucking eerie. Dawn’s angry that Carol told Claudia to invite Terry over, that she told Stacey about the surfing lessons and smiled when Mal said she wanted to dye her hair. OH THE HUMANITY!!! Bitch is acting like she gave everyone fucking X and peyote in the desert.
Stacey wants to go surfing with her new friends and everyone else splits up; K-Ron, Claudia and Dawn(avoiding Carol) bike to the mall, Mary Anne decides to stay home to look at pamphlets and things, because she’s a giant loser, and Mal and Jessi go with Carol to the Max Factor Museum of Beauty and Boutique. I looked this up and it actually sounds really cool, they have all this stuff from horror movies, TV shows, and a whole exhibit to the baddest bitch ever, Elvira. However, Mal just wants to go for the makeup and crap, and moon that she’s not a blonde with perfect skin. So fuck you too, Mal.
Stacey’s the only one to go to the beach and waits for her friends. They come in a souped-up, muscle car and she runs out. The driver Paul tells her that she has to climb in because the doors don’t work. We then learn that the other kids in the car are Alana, Rosemary, and Carter. The boys turn out to be seventeen and the girls are sixteen, which begs the question; WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY HANGING OUT WITH A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD FOR?
Paul drives like a complete asshole and they finally arrive to the beach and Stacey signs up for another class. Bitch nearly fucking drowns riding a wave in and I’m really surprised that her goddamn bathing suit didn’t fall off and flash everyone, but whatever. Afterwards, she gets lunch and runs into Terry, who asks if Claudia is there too. Terry gets all ‘sad eyes’
and even though Stacey knows that Claudia doesn’t like him that way, Stacey still gives Terry her phone number. Just because they carried on ONE conversation. These bitches really need to mind their own fucking business.
Stacey leaves later and Mr. Schafer is freakin PISSED!!!! He wants to know who she’s been spending all day with and Dumbass doesn’t know anyone’s last name. Good job there Sparky. Dawn steps in and tells her father everyone’s name and that he knows everyone’s parents. Ok then.
Everyone’s home and Mal and Jessi share the tales from the museum, the mallrats bought matching bracelets and Mary Anne made a freakin long list of shit they have to do in California. Hollywood is, of course on top of the list. And Stacey decides NOT to tell Claudia that Terry has her phone number, opting to see what happens. AGAIN, GOOD JOB SPARKY!!!
Chapter 6:
Claudia writes to her parents asking ‘Who are you?’ and I headesk over the fact that SMS really is a fucked up school if they keep passing Claudia. Also, I had no clue that her dad’s name was John. Isn’t Mr. Pike’s name also John? Whatever.
So, after dinner the phone rings and Jeff nearly breaks his neck racing for it. Apparently his buddy is trying to get Grateful Dead tickets and Mr. Schafer is allowing him to do this. A fucking ten-year old at a Dead show. It would be so fucking funny if Jeff did go and ended up seeing Dan and Roseanne Conner having sex. Would serve his ass right.
Turns out that the call is for Claudia, it’s Terry wanting to invite her to lunch and a movie. Claudia says yes and proceeds to march upstairs and curse out Stacey. Can’t say I blame her, but then again, she’s fucking stupid for agreeing to go out with a guy she barely knows. Fucking Carol and Mr. Schafer for allowing this to go on. Anyway, Stacey doesn’t even apologize for invading Claudia’s privacy and even though Claudia says they have nothing to talk about, she lets Stacey pick an outfit out for her.
The next day, Claudia is waiting for Terry outside, wearing ‘a wildly patterned sundress’ and with no one else at home. WHAT THE FUCK? WHY IS THE THIRTEEN YEAR OLD ALLOWED TO GO OUT WITH SOMEONE SHE BARELY KNOWS AND SOMEONE THE ADULTS HAVEN’T EVEN MET? I WASN’T ALLOWED TO DO THIS, EVEN AT FUCKING SEVENTEEN, THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT!!!
Terry and his mom show up and Terry holds the door open for Claudia. Aww… that’s sweet. Since the couple remains fucking quiet, Terry’s mom has to do most of the talking and asks Claudia a million fucking questions about her life. They get to this huge mall and get dropped off at a restaurant called ‘The Grotto’ and I bet a million dollars fucking Ann had no clue where else that name was from.
Terry’s mom says that she’ll be back at four and Claudia wonders what the fuck they’re going to do for four hours. They get into the restaurant and the menus in Italian. Because that sounds like a place a normal thirteen year old boy would go on a date. Fuck you Ann for making me think dating was like this at that age.
Claudia has no fucking clue how to read the menu, and since it’s too big of a motherfucking burden to just pick pasta or Chicken parmesan or something, she has to wait for Terry to recommend the fettucine Alfredo. I so wouldn’t have that fucking problem, I am Italian and already know my favorite dishes.
They eat their food and Terry suggests seeing a foreign film and seriously, WHAT FUCKING BOY ACTS LIKE THIS? The movie’s all in Italian too and Claudia acts real fucking surprised that the subtitles go by so fast and that the story makes no sense. Dumbass.
Terry’s mom drives them home and when Claudia walks through the door, she says that she’s not smart enough for him and Carol tries to tell her that some people change who they are and she shouldn’t have to, before Blonde Hosebeast cuts her off and says that’s fucking stupid. Claudia takes the non-advice and says it seems like a good idea. Even though Carol didn’t finish, and it looked like she was going to advise you NOT to do this, jackass.
Whatever I don’t care.
Gonna end here for now, hope you all enjoyed it. Thank you again for comments and reading and I shall see you real soon!
Hello fellow peeps!! Hope everyone is warm where they are, it’s freaking windy here and I am waiting for the ninja squirrel and demonic cat to fly past my house, it is that windy.
Once again, I thank you all for your awesome comments and for even reading my insane ramblings, you guys forever freakin rock and I have nothing but love for you all!!!
Let’s cool it with the mushy stuff and move right into Part 2!
Chapter 4:
Dawn writes a postcard to Sharon and Richard, talking about what a good time she is having in California, but ‘Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll return to Connecticut.’ Excuse me a sec….
She tells the parental units that the crew went to the beach with Carol and she’ll tell them more about her later. Oh, Honey. Your mom and step dad are probably so fucking HIGH right now, I doubt they give a shit. They’re probably having fucking four ways with the Pike parents.
Anyhoo… the first week of the vacay, the girls decide to go to the beach and Dawn spews forth so more fucking lies about how staying in California with Daddy and Jeff was not an issue. Yea, say that in about forty more books, Dawn. She admits that part of the real reason she wants to leave is Carol and while I do agree that would take some getting used too, she can fuck herself because Carol was awesome and Dawn acted like such a fucking cunt during that book.
Dawn bitches that Carol is over all the damn time, and you can bet your ass that Carol probably lived there some of the time, until the Unholy Blonde Hosebeast came by. Seriously, she is there all the time, if this was the real world; she’d live there full time.
Carol rings the doorbell bright and early Monday morning and Dawn acts like a complete twat, asking just what in the Sam Hell is she doing there. Now if I were Carol, that would be cause for a fucking backhand to the bitch, but Carol continues to smile and volunteers to be a taxi service to not only the Unholy Hosebeast, but the rest of the bitches. Although with the way Dawn acts towards her, she should’ve made them fucking WALK to the beach and everywhere fucking else. To Hell with them.
Dawn tries to shut that shit down, by volunteering Mrs. Bruen the housekeeper, to drive them around all week. And FUCK YOU PRINCESS!!! The poor women is just praying for you and the rest of the bitch brigade to get the HELL out of the house so she can roll a fatty and watch TV in fucking peace.
Mrs. Bruen tells her that her father doesn’t fucking pay her enough to be babysitting a selfish twat and her goddamn shitty friends and that she already DVR’ed ‘Sons of Anarchy’ and she ain’t missing Jax’s sexy ass, so Dawn can go fuck herself.
Can’t say I blame her, really.
Carol says that since she has the luxury to work whenever she fucking feels like it, (Nice life) she decided to cart around the Bitches of Eastwick. Dumbass.She asks what the girls want to do today and the consensus is the beach, with Mary Anne crying a goddamn river again about missing Hollywood, when she already knows they’re going to be there for two fucking weeks and she can calm her non-tits.
Click to viewDawn bitches that Carol owns a small, red car that is too young for her and SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU GODDAMN HIPPIE!!! YOU’RE GETTING FREE RIDES TO WHEREVER YOU WANT TO GO BITCH!!!! The snootiness over the damn car is moot anyway, since Carol borrowed a friends van. Is it as bitching as this one though? :
So, everyone runs around packing the crap they need. Mary Anne has her body armor and also a hat, nose coat, lip coat, extra towel and a freaking caftan to cover herself. Why is she even going to the damn beach then? And I love how everyone makes fun of Mallory later for doing the same thing at Shadow Lake, but no one does to Mary Anne. Mary Anne even asks Carol if she has an umbrella and Carol does, plus chairs, tapes and three Walkmans, which dates this book by a lot. Which also begs the question of what the fuck Carol was doing with all that crap if she didn’t know where the girls wanted to go in the first place? And SOMEHOW, Mrs. Bruen has packed enough food for an army in the time everyone got ready. Whatever, I don’t care.
They pick up Jeff’s friend Rob and get to the beach. Mary Anne sits in her Ole-Timey bathing suit, the boys go swim, Stacey eyefucks some surfers and Claudia zones out. Par for the course, I think. Jessi asks what got Stacey drooling and adjusting her filled out bikini top, and Stacey says surfers, that she’s always dreamed of going surfing. And I’m calling BULLSHIT on that one, we all know Stacey rather be ON HER BACK ON THE SURFBOARD, UNDERNEATH THE SURFER; THAN RIDING THE WAVES ON TOP OF THE BOARD. Carol pipes in that Stacey could take a class that day and Dawn starts preaching that ‘surfing is very dangerous’. Carol answers back, ‘Not if she fucking LEARNS HOW TO DUMBASS!’ And really Princess, what the fuck do you think a CLASS is for? Nimrod.
Stacey gets so excited, you’d think someone mentioned NY to her, and follows Carol’s directions to sign up for a beginners’ class. The other girls beg off, even K-Ron and I call BULLSHIT again. Then most of the others go in the water and Dawn’s left with Carol and Claudia, who’s still zoning out. Did she just become Quail Man or something? It would explain the batshit insanity of her outfits. No she’s ok, just staring at a boy, whose reading a book on his blanket. And lest you think she’s busy wondering just what that rectangle shaped contraption is he’s holding, she’s more staring because he’s ‘the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen.’ He’s described as having; ‘jet-black hair, dark eyes, and a serious handsome face.’ And that just described most guys, Hell it describes my husband, so way to go with a full description, ANN!
He also is reading a thick book and Claudia wants to know what he’s reading. WHAT THE FUCK? WHEN HAS CLAUDIA EVER SHOWN INTEREST IN BOOKS, UNLESS IT’S NANCY DREW? FOR FUCK’S SAKE, ANN!! THESE ARE YOUR FUCKING CHARACTERS, YOU’D THINK BY THIS POINT YOU’D KNOW BETTER!! Carol tells Claudia that she should go ask him, or maybe talk to him, since she already has eye-fucked the shit out of him at this point. Dawn gets stankface and feels that Carol should mind her own damn business and fuck you again, BITCH!
The sitters see Stacey trying to surf and apparently she comes back from her first class in love with it. The girls start to have lunch, when Carol suggests inviting the boy Claudia’s been staring at to lunch with them and that is really nice. And crazy, because they don’t know shit about him at this point. He could be a killer or something, but since this isn’t a Mystery Special, he’s ok. Claudia goes over and invites him and he comes by. His name is Terry and I instantly think of this guy:
Turns out that the girls learn a lot about Terry, especially that he loves school, he’s taking advanced classes, his hobby is reading and he won first place in a district-wide science fair. Claudia gets that, ‘I fucked up’ face:
and prays for Terry’s ass to be gone at this point. Terry is adorably clueless and stays interested in Claudia anyway. She even goes to chat with him after lunch.
Mallory starts bitching about not being blonde and even the book calls bullshit on that one. YOU DO REALIZE THAT HALF OF YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS AREN’T BLONDE EITHER, NIMROD? Dawn even says that most of the people at the goddamn beach aren’t blonde. Mallory gets the brilliant idea of putting washout blonde dye in her hair and I headdesk . Dawn waits for Carol to talk Mal out of it, but she just smiles. Probably laughing inside about what a dumbass Mal is, thinking she can SOMEHOW dye red hair and get blonde locks.
The day continues, with Claudia chatting with Terry, Mary Anne refusing to get in the water, Mal bitching about her fucking hair and freckles and Dawn introducing Stacey to some surfing kids she knows. Chapter over.
Chapter 5:
Since this book happens before the breakup of Stacey and Laine, Stacey sends her a postcard talking about surfing. OK then.
Carol comes by again to take everyone to the beach again, and once again Dawn acts like an epic bitch about it. Dawn says that Carol is too old to act like she’s one of their friends at 32. Fuck me, that’s how old I am. This book came out when I was eight. Fucking eerie. Dawn’s angry that Carol told Claudia to invite Terry over, that she told Stacey about the surfing lessons and smiled when Mal said she wanted to dye her hair. OH THE HUMANITY!!! Bitch is acting like she gave everyone fucking X and peyote in the desert.
Stacey wants to go surfing with her new friends and everyone else splits up; K-Ron, Claudia and Dawn(avoiding Carol) bike to the mall, Mary Anne decides to stay home to look at pamphlets and things, because she’s a giant loser, and Mal and Jessi go with Carol to the Max Factor Museum of Beauty and Boutique. I looked this up and it actually sounds really cool, they have all this stuff from horror movies, TV shows, and a whole exhibit to the baddest bitch ever, Elvira. However, Mal just wants to go for the makeup and crap, and moon that she’s not a blonde with perfect skin. So fuck you too, Mal.
Stacey’s the only one to go to the beach and waits for her friends. They come in a souped-up, muscle car and she runs out. The driver Paul tells her that she has to climb in because the doors don’t work. We then learn that the other kids in the car are Alana, Rosemary, and Carter. The boys turn out to be seventeen and the girls are sixteen, which begs the question; WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY HANGING OUT WITH A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD FOR?
Paul drives like a complete asshole and they finally arrive to the beach and Stacey signs up for another class. Bitch nearly fucking drowns riding a wave in and I’m really surprised that her goddamn bathing suit didn’t fall off and flash everyone, but whatever. Afterwards, she gets lunch and runs into Terry, who asks if Claudia is there too. Terry gets all ‘sad eyes’
and even though Stacey knows that Claudia doesn’t like him that way, Stacey still gives Terry her phone number. Just because they carried on ONE conversation. These bitches really need to mind their own fucking business.
Stacey leaves later and Mr. Schafer is freakin PISSED!!!! He wants to know who she’s been spending all day with and Dumbass doesn’t know anyone’s last name. Good job there Sparky. Dawn steps in and tells her father everyone’s name and that he knows everyone’s parents. Ok then.
Everyone’s home and Mal and Jessi share the tales from the museum, the mallrats bought matching bracelets and Mary Anne made a freakin long list of shit they have to do in California. Hollywood is, of course on top of the list. And Stacey decides NOT to tell Claudia that Terry has her phone number, opting to see what happens. AGAIN, GOOD JOB SPARKY!!!
Chapter 6:
Claudia writes to her parents asking ‘Who are you?’ and I headesk over the fact that SMS really is a fucked up school if they keep passing Claudia. Also, I had no clue that her dad’s name was John. Isn’t Mr. Pike’s name also John? Whatever.
So, after dinner the phone rings and Jeff nearly breaks his neck racing for it. Apparently his buddy is trying to get Grateful Dead tickets and Mr. Schafer is allowing him to do this. A fucking ten-year old at a Dead show. It would be so fucking funny if Jeff did go and ended up seeing Dan and Roseanne Conner having sex. Would serve his ass right.
Turns out that the call is for Claudia, it’s Terry wanting to invite her to lunch and a movie. Claudia says yes and proceeds to march upstairs and curse out Stacey. Can’t say I blame her, but then again, she’s fucking stupid for agreeing to go out with a guy she barely knows. Fucking Carol and Mr. Schafer for allowing this to go on. Anyway, Stacey doesn’t even apologize for invading Claudia’s privacy and even though Claudia says they have nothing to talk about, she lets Stacey pick an outfit out for her.
The next day, Claudia is waiting for Terry outside, wearing ‘a wildly patterned sundress’ and with no one else at home. WHAT THE FUCK? WHY IS THE THIRTEEN YEAR OLD ALLOWED TO GO OUT WITH SOMEONE SHE BARELY KNOWS AND SOMEONE THE ADULTS HAVEN’T EVEN MET? I WASN’T ALLOWED TO DO THIS, EVEN AT FUCKING SEVENTEEN, THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT!!!
Terry and his mom show up and Terry holds the door open for Claudia. Aww… that’s sweet. Since the couple remains fucking quiet, Terry’s mom has to do most of the talking and asks Claudia a million fucking questions about her life. They get to this huge mall and get dropped off at a restaurant called ‘The Grotto’ and I bet a million dollars fucking Ann had no clue where else that name was from.
Terry’s mom says that she’ll be back at four and Claudia wonders what the fuck they’re going to do for four hours. They get into the restaurant and the menus in Italian. Because that sounds like a place a normal thirteen year old boy would go on a date. Fuck you Ann for making me think dating was like this at that age.
Claudia has no fucking clue how to read the menu, and since it’s too big of a motherfucking burden to just pick pasta or Chicken parmesan or something, she has to wait for Terry to recommend the fettucine Alfredo. I so wouldn’t have that fucking problem, I am Italian and already know my favorite dishes.
They eat their food and Terry suggests seeing a foreign film and seriously, WHAT FUCKING BOY ACTS LIKE THIS? The movie’s all in Italian too and Claudia acts real fucking surprised that the subtitles go by so fast and that the story makes no sense. Dumbass.
Terry’s mom drives them home and when Claudia walks through the door, she says that she’s not smart enough for him and Carol tries to tell her that some people change who they are and she shouldn’t have to, before Blonde Hosebeast cuts her off and says that’s fucking stupid. Claudia takes the non-advice and says it seems like a good idea. Even though Carol didn’t finish, and it looked like she was going to advise you NOT to do this, jackass.
Whatever I don’t care.
Gonna end here for now, hope you all enjoyed it. Thank you again for comments and reading and I shall see you real soon!