BSC #6: Kristy’s Big Day Or DEAR GOD MAKE IT STOP!!! Last Part!!!
BSC #6: Kristy’s Big Day Or DEAR GOD MAKE IT STOP!!! Last Part!!!
Something tells me that it’s a good thing that there’s still some Pepsi and candy left in my fridge. It’s like I knew I was going to need just to get through this crappy book. My memory must not be what it used to be, cause I swear I didn’t remember the book being this damn bad. Cheesy yes, batshit yes, but bad? I’m really sorry I half-assed the last chapter in my previous snark, but I refuse to devote an any more time to that demon spawn Karen than I have too, and I still have the fake wedding to get thru. GOD HELP US ALL!!!
Chapter 9:
Here’s a confession you guys. I know you all think I’m so sophisticated because I come from New York and have a love for Pepsi and books that rivals most, but when Stacey wrote that Mary Poppins was her favorite movie even though she is the Queen of Dibbleness, I nearly pissed myself laughing!!! Why shouldn’t she love that movie? I do, I own the VHS and even saw the play. You know, I’m 32 and I still love watching Muppet Babies and Rugrats. Whenever Teen Witch is on television, I have to watch it. (Even though I fucking own the movie!!) Plus, when the BSC TV show came to Netflix, I sat with my husband and made him watch all the episodes with me!! Fuck you princess, you ain’t nothing special.
So, instead of Stacey bringing the VHS tape to K-Ron’s and maybe having an indoor movie day for all the kids, she instead decides to bring all her group to the movie theater and pay out the ass for tickets and snacks. Dumbass!
Of course, instead of going right into the damn movie debacle, this being a BSC book, we have to take a motherfucking detour first. We have to hear about Karen’s ass being banned from the playground in the last chapter, which I refused to even read about because she was such a fucking brat in it. Long story short, Karen scared the shit out of some kids and royally pissed off a worker at the playground, and never apologized for it and was generally treated as if it was fucking adorable of her. Moving on…..
In a house of three fucking bathrooms, the fourteen kids and five teenagers can only use two and that is cause for everyone to forget which ones to use. I say use whatever’s fucking available, but what the fuck do I know? I, as always, STILL JUST FUCKING SNARK HERE!!! J
Anyhow, the red group makes it to the movies, driven by Nannie in that awesome fucking car!! And instead of checking to make sure all of the kids have their goddamn money before Nannie leaves, dumbass waits until after. And what the fuck do you know? One of them doesn’t have any!!!! And Super Blondie didn’t bring any incidental money just in case. Once again, DUMBASS!!!!
Stacey calls the house, waking up the babies and finally the fucking kid finds the damn money in her stinky sneaker. EWWWW…. I hope the cashier spit in your damn popcorn, you nasty fucking kid!!! That’s some straight up nastiness right there. I honestly can’t remember if I ever did that, but if I did, I am ashamed!!!
The group finally makes it into the theater and SOMEHOW have money for a snack. THEN WHY THE FLYING FUCK COULDN’T THEY CHIP IN AND BUY EMMA’S TICKET WITH IT? I DON’T…… HANG ON A SECOND…..
Whatever, I don’t care. They buy some goddamn candy, which the dumbass kids spill all over the damn audience and no, they don’t apologize and they laugh like hyenas the whole fucking time. Nannie comes to pick them up and Little Miss Blondie is all, ‘Well at least I can see Mary Poppins at home.’ Could’ve just brought the movie to Kristy’s and everyone could have watched it there and you wouldn’t have to inflict these asshole children on the world in the first fucking place, bitch!!!!!
But at least K-Ron got her fucking shoes!!! And she needs to figure out what she’s giving her mom and Watson as a wedding present. I think you volunteering your entire club to babysit while she plans this shitshow would be fucking enough for this crazy bitch, but she is paying you shitty money, so I would do a photo album or scrapbook. Ask Mary Anne she’s good at that crap.
Chapter 10:
Wait, so on top of having all your relatives fly in, drive in, walk in, to help with this fucking wedding and having your daughter and her friends watch all the kids, you’re telling me that NONE of these fucking parents are able to leave for a bit to get their sons haircut? The babysitters have to fucking do that too? Oh HELL NO!!! I DRAW THE LINE AT THAT!! I AM NOT THESE CHILDRENS PARENTS; I DID NOT GIVE BIRTH TO THEM OR RAISE THEM! THAT IS YOUR FUCKING RESPONSIBILTY, NOT MINE!!!
Mary Anne and Kristy take six of the kids to the barber and they act like complete fucking brats about it. You’d think they were getting fucking shots at the doctor or something, by the way they act. Not even kidding, they fucking climb trees to escape!! That is until Kristy threatens to call Nannie and have her deal with them. Fuck, Nannie is a badass!!! Who knew?
They finally make it to the barbers and the boys basically act like wild fucking animals, until they get lollipops. Kristy moans and groans about the damn gift again and David Michael asks for her help in choosing a gift as well. Why don’t they just make something? Or everyone pool a couple of bucks together and buy something, and give it to them after the honeymoon? Kristy will have over a hundred bucks, Sam has a job, Charlie has a job I think, and David Michael has to get an allowance. Surprise the couple with a gift when they come back.
Chapter 11:
It’s one day to go before the wedding, it’s raining, and the kids are fucking bored. What to do when every game has been played and they are resorting to WATCHING TV at this point? I KNOW…….
FAKE WEDDING!!!! Have all the kids act out a fake wedding for funsies. But, only until the sitters have to dress the kids for the rehearsal dinner. Because God Forbid Bridezilla lets the parents go home early and dress their own damn kids. No, the girls have to do that as well. I really hope they get paid extra for all this.
Anyway, the cult decides to have the kids involved in a fake wedding. Thankfully, K-Ron’s deadbeat father’s mother FOR SOME REASON sent them all dress up clothes. RIGHHTTTT….. SHE SENT THREE TEENAGERS AND A LITTLE BOY A BUNCH OF DRESS UP CLOTHES. INSTEAD OF MAYBE TELLING ELIZABETH WHERE HER PIECE OF SHIT SON WAS, SO MAYBE HE CAN PAY CHILD SUPPORT OR SOMETHING. NO, DRESS UP CLOTHES ARE BETTER. FUCKING BAFFLES ME, THE STUPID IS STRONG HERE.
Of course Karen is the bride. Cause of course she is. Her intended groom? Her future stepbrother!!! ANYONE ELSE HAVE FUCKING FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC VIBE GOING ON HERE? I’M SORRY, THIS JUST REEKS OF EWWWWWWW!!!!
Anyway, the fake wedding goes off and I ain’t recapping that shit. Here’s something better to look at instead:
Chapter 12:
Time to get everyone ready!!! Too bad the other pain in the ass Emma switched everybody’s clothes around. Fucking Hell, can someone give this child a foot in the ass already?She’s showing Karen levels of epic brattiness!! Everybody gets dresses and pictures are taken. Parents are happy and to the rehearsal dinner they go.
Karen throws a bitch fit about her flowers being all white, EVEN THOUGH THEY FUCKING AGREEDED ON WHITE AND YELLOW BEFORE!!!! NO, NOW PRINCESS BRAT IS WORRIED ABOUT MRS. PORTER’S BLACK MAGIC INTERACTING WITH WHITE ROSE MAGIC, OR SOME SHIT I DON’T FUCKING CARE!! BOOT HER IN THE ASS TOO!!!
Outfit description!! K-Ron wears a white sweater dress with sliver designs woven into it. In June. Outside. In the Heat! I need to finish up before I BSOD again.
The babysitters get paid, with a ten dollar bonus!!! Wow, an extra TEN WHOLE DOLLARS!!! YOU CAN BUY ONE MOVIE TICKET WITH THAT!!!
Chapter 13:
WEDDING DAY!!!! Thank God, this insanity is almost over!!! Let’s Rock!!!
Sun is shining, everyone’s happy, Elizabeth is calmer, things are good. Then Karen starts dancing around, acting like a complete pain in the ass and poor Andrew is wondering around, banging into walls because no one fucking helped the FOUR year old get dressed. Poor Kid. And then we have to hear about Mama Thomas’ blue panties.
Okayyy then…..
So, they get married and right before the kiss, Karen screams that Mrs. Porter is coming to cast a spell. Goddamnitt, will somebody shut the little bastard up? That must have been a beautiful moment on the damn video. And poor Mrs. Porter for having to deal with Karen, even part-time. Watson throws his hand over her mouth and the brat straight up FUCKING BITES HIS HAND!!!! Now kids that would’ve been the point I got smacked for my misbehavior and fucking dragged to my bedroom for the rest of the night. Top Notch parenting there, Sparky.
The couple cuts the cake and Kristy decides what to give them as a gift.
Chapter 14:
Everybody leaves and the couple go on the honeymoon. Charlie is in charge and basically tells them that he’s going to be busy banging Janine for a week, and no one should bother him while he’s getting his fuck on.
David Michael tells Kristy that he is giving the happy couple goldfish as a gift and that’s sweet. Can’t snark that. The next day Kristy goes to Claudia’s for help in making a sort of family tree project for the couple. It’s going to show how the two families are now connected.
And not to judge, but it’s ugly. They are ways to Photoshop or work a better one. You know what, I don’t care. The book is over.
Sorry about some of the short chapters, but this book was so dumb. I just couldn’t. Thank you for sticking with me and I hope you enjoyed it. Stay tuned for Little Miss Stoneybrook… and Dawn which should be up by Monday at the latest. Thank you for reading!! Have a great weekend everybody!!!
Something tells me that it’s a good thing that there’s still some Pepsi and candy left in my fridge. It’s like I knew I was going to need just to get through this crappy book. My memory must not be what it used to be, cause I swear I didn’t remember the book being this damn bad. Cheesy yes, batshit yes, but bad? I’m really sorry I half-assed the last chapter in my previous snark, but I refuse to devote an any more time to that demon spawn Karen than I have too, and I still have the fake wedding to get thru. GOD HELP US ALL!!!
Chapter 9:
Here’s a confession you guys. I know you all think I’m so sophisticated because I come from New York and have a love for Pepsi and books that rivals most, but when Stacey wrote that Mary Poppins was her favorite movie even though she is the Queen of Dibbleness, I nearly pissed myself laughing!!! Why shouldn’t she love that movie? I do, I own the VHS and even saw the play. You know, I’m 32 and I still love watching Muppet Babies and Rugrats. Whenever Teen Witch is on television, I have to watch it. (Even though I fucking own the movie!!) Plus, when the BSC TV show came to Netflix, I sat with my husband and made him watch all the episodes with me!! Fuck you princess, you ain’t nothing special.
Click to viewSo, instead of Stacey bringing the VHS tape to K-Ron’s and maybe having an indoor movie day for all the kids, she instead decides to bring all her group to the movie theater and pay out the ass for tickets and snacks. Dumbass!
Of course, instead of going right into the damn movie debacle, this being a BSC book, we have to take a motherfucking detour first. We have to hear about Karen’s ass being banned from the playground in the last chapter, which I refused to even read about because she was such a fucking brat in it. Long story short, Karen scared the shit out of some kids and royally pissed off a worker at the playground, and never apologized for it and was generally treated as if it was fucking adorable of her. Moving on…..
In a house of three fucking bathrooms, the fourteen kids and five teenagers can only use two and that is cause for everyone to forget which ones to use. I say use whatever’s fucking available, but what the fuck do I know? I, as always, STILL JUST FUCKING SNARK HERE!!! J
Anyhow, the red group makes it to the movies, driven by Nannie in that awesome fucking car!! And instead of checking to make sure all of the kids have their goddamn money before Nannie leaves, dumbass waits until after. And what the fuck do you know? One of them doesn’t have any!!!! And Super Blondie didn’t bring any incidental money just in case. Once again, DUMBASS!!!!
Stacey calls the house, waking up the babies and finally the fucking kid finds the damn money in her stinky sneaker. EWWWW…. I hope the cashier spit in your damn popcorn, you nasty fucking kid!!! That’s some straight up nastiness right there. I honestly can’t remember if I ever did that, but if I did, I am ashamed!!!
The group finally makes it into the theater and SOMEHOW have money for a snack. THEN WHY THE FLYING FUCK COULDN’T THEY CHIP IN AND BUY EMMA’S TICKET WITH IT? I DON’T…… HANG ON A SECOND…..
Whatever, I don’t care. They buy some goddamn candy, which the dumbass kids spill all over the damn audience and no, they don’t apologize and they laugh like hyenas the whole fucking time. Nannie comes to pick them up and Little Miss Blondie is all, ‘Well at least I can see Mary Poppins at home.’ Could’ve just brought the movie to Kristy’s and everyone could have watched it there and you wouldn’t have to inflict these asshole children on the world in the first fucking place, bitch!!!!!
But at least K-Ron got her fucking shoes!!! And she needs to figure out what she’s giving her mom and Watson as a wedding present. I think you volunteering your entire club to babysit while she plans this shitshow would be fucking enough for this crazy bitch, but she is paying you shitty money, so I would do a photo album or scrapbook. Ask Mary Anne she’s good at that crap.
Chapter 10:
Wait, so on top of having all your relatives fly in, drive in, walk in, to help with this fucking wedding and having your daughter and her friends watch all the kids, you’re telling me that NONE of these fucking parents are able to leave for a bit to get their sons haircut? The babysitters have to fucking do that too? Oh HELL NO!!! I DRAW THE LINE AT THAT!! I AM NOT THESE CHILDRENS PARENTS; I DID NOT GIVE BIRTH TO THEM OR RAISE THEM! THAT IS YOUR FUCKING RESPONSIBILTY, NOT MINE!!!
Mary Anne and Kristy take six of the kids to the barber and they act like complete fucking brats about it. You’d think they were getting fucking shots at the doctor or something, by the way they act. Not even kidding, they fucking climb trees to escape!! That is until Kristy threatens to call Nannie and have her deal with them. Fuck, Nannie is a badass!!! Who knew?
They finally make it to the barbers and the boys basically act like wild fucking animals, until they get lollipops. Kristy moans and groans about the damn gift again and David Michael asks for her help in choosing a gift as well. Why don’t they just make something? Or everyone pool a couple of bucks together and buy something, and give it to them after the honeymoon? Kristy will have over a hundred bucks, Sam has a job, Charlie has a job I think, and David Michael has to get an allowance. Surprise the couple with a gift when they come back.
Chapter 11:
It’s one day to go before the wedding, it’s raining, and the kids are fucking bored. What to do when every game has been played and they are resorting to WATCHING TV at this point? I KNOW…….
FAKE WEDDING!!!! Have all the kids act out a fake wedding for funsies. But, only until the sitters have to dress the kids for the rehearsal dinner. Because God Forbid Bridezilla lets the parents go home early and dress their own damn kids. No, the girls have to do that as well. I really hope they get paid extra for all this.
Anyway, the cult decides to have the kids involved in a fake wedding. Thankfully, K-Ron’s deadbeat father’s mother FOR SOME REASON sent them all dress up clothes. RIGHHTTTT….. SHE SENT THREE TEENAGERS AND A LITTLE BOY A BUNCH OF DRESS UP CLOTHES. INSTEAD OF MAYBE TELLING ELIZABETH WHERE HER PIECE OF SHIT SON WAS, SO MAYBE HE CAN PAY CHILD SUPPORT OR SOMETHING. NO, DRESS UP CLOTHES ARE BETTER. FUCKING BAFFLES ME, THE STUPID IS STRONG HERE.
Of course Karen is the bride. Cause of course she is. Her intended groom? Her future stepbrother!!! ANYONE ELSE HAVE FUCKING FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC VIBE GOING ON HERE? I’M SORRY, THIS JUST REEKS OF EWWWWWWW!!!!
Anyway, the fake wedding goes off and I ain’t recapping that shit. Here’s something better to look at instead:
Chapter 12:
Time to get everyone ready!!! Too bad the other pain in the ass Emma switched everybody’s clothes around. Fucking Hell, can someone give this child a foot in the ass already?She’s showing Karen levels of epic brattiness!! Everybody gets dresses and pictures are taken. Parents are happy and to the rehearsal dinner they go.
Karen throws a bitch fit about her flowers being all white, EVEN THOUGH THEY FUCKING AGREEDED ON WHITE AND YELLOW BEFORE!!!! NO, NOW PRINCESS BRAT IS WORRIED ABOUT MRS. PORTER’S BLACK MAGIC INTERACTING WITH WHITE ROSE MAGIC, OR SOME SHIT I DON’T FUCKING CARE!! BOOT HER IN THE ASS TOO!!!
Outfit description!! K-Ron wears a white sweater dress with sliver designs woven into it. In June. Outside. In the Heat! I need to finish up before I BSOD again.
The babysitters get paid, with a ten dollar bonus!!! Wow, an extra TEN WHOLE DOLLARS!!! YOU CAN BUY ONE MOVIE TICKET WITH THAT!!!
Chapter 13:
WEDDING DAY!!!! Thank God, this insanity is almost over!!! Let’s Rock!!!
Sun is shining, everyone’s happy, Elizabeth is calmer, things are good. Then Karen starts dancing around, acting like a complete pain in the ass and poor Andrew is wondering around, banging into walls because no one fucking helped the FOUR year old get dressed. Poor Kid. And then we have to hear about Mama Thomas’ blue panties.
Okayyy then…..
So, they get married and right before the kiss, Karen screams that Mrs. Porter is coming to cast a spell. Goddamnitt, will somebody shut the little bastard up? That must have been a beautiful moment on the damn video. And poor Mrs. Porter for having to deal with Karen, even part-time. Watson throws his hand over her mouth and the brat straight up FUCKING BITES HIS HAND!!!! Now kids that would’ve been the point I got smacked for my misbehavior and fucking dragged to my bedroom for the rest of the night. Top Notch parenting there, Sparky.
The couple cuts the cake and Kristy decides what to give them as a gift.
Chapter 14:
Everybody leaves and the couple go on the honeymoon. Charlie is in charge and basically tells them that he’s going to be busy banging Janine for a week, and no one should bother him while he’s getting his fuck on.
David Michael tells Kristy that he is giving the happy couple goldfish as a gift and that’s sweet. Can’t snark that. The next day Kristy goes to Claudia’s for help in making a sort of family tree project for the couple. It’s going to show how the two families are now connected.
And not to judge, but it’s ugly. They are ways to Photoshop or work a better one. You know what, I don’t care. The book is over.
Sorry about some of the short chapters, but this book was so dumb. I just couldn’t. Thank you for sticking with me and I hope you enjoyed it. Stay tuned for Little Miss Stoneybrook… and Dawn which should be up by Monday at the latest. Thank you for reading!! Have a great weekend everybody!!!