Karen's Doll (1-6)
Hi all! I know I have attempted to snark this one before, but it sort of fall flat. Rather than try to pick up a snark that failed, I decided I am just going to redo the whole snark from scratch. Besides, it gives me an excuse to re-read one of my favorite Karen books--it's about dolls, and it reminds me of my relationship with my own favorite dolls ,especially my Elsa doll and my balljointed doll Abby Starchild. For this reason, it also makes me cringe at Karen's blatant mishandling of her doll. D:
Chapter 1
One of Karen's sets of grandparents is in England. They are calling Karen and Andrew to tell them that they are allowed to ask for any souvenir they want from England. Because she is the spoiled-as-hell daughter of a millionaire, Karen asks for an expensive "real English baby doll" and spends a good chunk of the book emphasizing that she is a "real English" doll. I don't know what sets apart an English baby doll from the many baby dolls in America, nor do I understand why Karen asked for something she can get in America when she has her pick of any exclusively-English toy she wants. I also don't understand why her first instinct was to ask for a British royal guard--not a doll, an actual British royal guard--and fantasizes about bringing this human being in for show and tell. The only reason she nixes that idea is because "he'll get in trouble for leaving his post." That's...disturbing. She also nixes a Winnie the Pooh doll because "you can get that at any toy store." Newsflash: you can get a baby doll at any toy store. Andrew asks for a doubledecker bus because he can't do anything without being adorable, and Karen fantasizes about how to force him to let her play with it so she can use it for her doll. Andrew lucked out when he got to move to Chicago for a few months in the later books and be free of Karen.
Chapter 2
Two-two chapter. Fuck this mess, shit and damn.
Chapter 3
Karen's grandparents arrive with the doll and the bus. Karen is awed by the doll, and I'm reminded of how I was surprised with my Abby on Christmas Day, when I didn't think I would get her and opened the final present to be greeted with her beautiful brown eyes. Lisa tells Karen that the doll is very expensive and she must take VERY good care of her, and that because she is a REAL ENGLISH baby doll she cannot be replaced if lost. Karen decides to take the doll with her whenever she moves houses.
Nancy arrives to gush over the doll, and they discuss names. Karen decides to name the doll "Hyacynthia," after originally deciding on Cynthia and hearing Nancy say, "Hiya, Cynthia!" It's...not the most creative way to name a doll.
Chapter 4
It's show and tell day at school, and of course Karen has to take Hyacynthia so she can brag about her expensive doll to all the lowly peons in Miss Colman's class, forgetting Lisa and Seth's lecture about how she can't take her somewhere where she can get lost. Things get lost at school. Things can get stolen at school. Things can be forgotten at school. I'll be DAMNED if I ever take Abby or Elsa to school (especially the latter, with Elsas being so hard to find and Frozen being so popular). Lisa does not approve, but since she knows Karen is just going to whine and bitch and possibly trash the house until she gets her way, she gives in so long as Karen is careful and lets Miss Colman hold her after show and tell. Karen doesn't mind the regulations, so long as she gets to brag about her fancy doll. Karen gets to school and makes her little spiel about "Glasses wearers sit in the front row!" Nancy isn't there, but it doesn't matter because she's already gotten the chance to be appropriately envious of Karen's ~real English~ doll. Everyone is "gigundoly impressed" with the doll, including the boys, and I call bullshit and shenanigans because since when do second grade boys care about dolls? Just because it's a ~real English~ doll doesn't mean they give a shit. Pamela is awed, and so we uncover the reason why Karen was so adamant about bringing this doll in the first place. She makes a big show about how the doll is from England and writes the doll's name on the board because it's so damn important that they all know how to spell the name of a doll that isn't theirs and they will care about for all of 7 seconds. After school, Karen creeps on Nancy's house and phone harasses her only to receive no response.
Chapter 5
Boy, the way Karen's blowing up Nancy's phone won't make her go no faster! Especially since it turns out she's in the hospital with appendicitis, which sets the stage for one of the most appalling chapters I've ever read. For a page or two, Karen is actually empathetic and caring, worrying over her best friend's illness and well being in a way that Karen is not exactly known for. She's even behaving like a realistic 7-year-old, who doesn't exactly know how appendicitis works and who would freak out upon hearing "friend in hospital." She calls Hannie to report the news that a Musketeer is down, and says she will make a get well card for her and bring it to school for everyone to sign. We are roped in by this rare display of Karen kindness and empathy. She even prays for her sick friend!
And then we get to the next chapter and it all goes down the toilet.
Chapter 6
Karen brings in Nancy's card...and makes it ALL ABOUT HER. Miss Colman enables her show by telling her she can pass the card around, instead of saying "You may leave the card on the table over there, and anyone who wants to sign it throughout the day may do so." She's all happy that she gets to flaunt that she knows what an appendix is, she's happy that everyone is crowding around her and giving her attention and Pamela is jealous of that even though this is supposed to be about HER SICK FRIEND, DAMMIT. I just can't with Karen and her ability to twist EVERYTHING into being all about her. "All right everyone," she blares, "if you want to sign Nancy's card, line up in front of ME!" Miss Colman allows this, of course, because she's a tool. So the appalling freak show goes on, as Karen divulges the details of Nancy's illness while everyone praises her for being so kind and caring to her friend and making her a card. Pamela isn't having this bullshit and says she's going to make her own card, but nobody wants to sign her card because they think Nancy will feel bad if they don't sign Karen's. Instead of taking this as a hint that everyone else in the class is trying to look out for Nancy's feelings, Karen glows over how everyone is paying attention to her and not Pamela. I CAN'T AND I'M DONE....
....for now, anyway. (:
Chapter 1
One of Karen's sets of grandparents is in England. They are calling Karen and Andrew to tell them that they are allowed to ask for any souvenir they want from England. Because she is the spoiled-as-hell daughter of a millionaire, Karen asks for an expensive "real English baby doll" and spends a good chunk of the book emphasizing that she is a "real English" doll. I don't know what sets apart an English baby doll from the many baby dolls in America, nor do I understand why Karen asked for something she can get in America when she has her pick of any exclusively-English toy she wants. I also don't understand why her first instinct was to ask for a British royal guard--not a doll, an actual British royal guard--and fantasizes about bringing this human being in for show and tell. The only reason she nixes that idea is because "he'll get in trouble for leaving his post." That's...disturbing. She also nixes a Winnie the Pooh doll because "you can get that at any toy store." Newsflash: you can get a baby doll at any toy store. Andrew asks for a doubledecker bus because he can't do anything without being adorable, and Karen fantasizes about how to force him to let her play with it so she can use it for her doll. Andrew lucked out when he got to move to Chicago for a few months in the later books and be free of Karen.
Chapter 2
Two-two chapter. Fuck this mess, shit and damn.
Chapter 3
Karen's grandparents arrive with the doll and the bus. Karen is awed by the doll, and I'm reminded of how I was surprised with my Abby on Christmas Day, when I didn't think I would get her and opened the final present to be greeted with her beautiful brown eyes. Lisa tells Karen that the doll is very expensive and she must take VERY good care of her, and that because she is a REAL ENGLISH baby doll she cannot be replaced if lost. Karen decides to take the doll with her whenever she moves houses.
Nancy arrives to gush over the doll, and they discuss names. Karen decides to name the doll "Hyacynthia," after originally deciding on Cynthia and hearing Nancy say, "Hiya, Cynthia!" It's...not the most creative way to name a doll.
Chapter 4
It's show and tell day at school, and of course Karen has to take Hyacynthia so she can brag about her expensive doll to all the lowly peons in Miss Colman's class, forgetting Lisa and Seth's lecture about how she can't take her somewhere where she can get lost. Things get lost at school. Things can get stolen at school. Things can be forgotten at school. I'll be DAMNED if I ever take Abby or Elsa to school (especially the latter, with Elsas being so hard to find and Frozen being so popular). Lisa does not approve, but since she knows Karen is just going to whine and bitch and possibly trash the house until she gets her way, she gives in so long as Karen is careful and lets Miss Colman hold her after show and tell. Karen doesn't mind the regulations, so long as she gets to brag about her fancy doll. Karen gets to school and makes her little spiel about "Glasses wearers sit in the front row!" Nancy isn't there, but it doesn't matter because she's already gotten the chance to be appropriately envious of Karen's ~real English~ doll. Everyone is "gigundoly impressed" with the doll, including the boys, and I call bullshit and shenanigans because since when do second grade boys care about dolls? Just because it's a ~real English~ doll doesn't mean they give a shit. Pamela is awed, and so we uncover the reason why Karen was so adamant about bringing this doll in the first place. She makes a big show about how the doll is from England and writes the doll's name on the board because it's so damn important that they all know how to spell the name of a doll that isn't theirs and they will care about for all of 7 seconds. After school, Karen creeps on Nancy's house and phone harasses her only to receive no response.
Chapter 5
Boy, the way Karen's blowing up Nancy's phone won't make her go no faster! Especially since it turns out she's in the hospital with appendicitis, which sets the stage for one of the most appalling chapters I've ever read. For a page or two, Karen is actually empathetic and caring, worrying over her best friend's illness and well being in a way that Karen is not exactly known for. She's even behaving like a realistic 7-year-old, who doesn't exactly know how appendicitis works and who would freak out upon hearing "friend in hospital." She calls Hannie to report the news that a Musketeer is down, and says she will make a get well card for her and bring it to school for everyone to sign. We are roped in by this rare display of Karen kindness and empathy. She even prays for her sick friend!
And then we get to the next chapter and it all goes down the toilet.
Chapter 6
Karen brings in Nancy's card...and makes it ALL ABOUT HER. Miss Colman enables her show by telling her she can pass the card around, instead of saying "You may leave the card on the table over there, and anyone who wants to sign it throughout the day may do so." She's all happy that she gets to flaunt that she knows what an appendix is, she's happy that everyone is crowding around her and giving her attention and Pamela is jealous of that even though this is supposed to be about HER SICK FRIEND, DAMMIT. I just can't with Karen and her ability to twist EVERYTHING into being all about her. "All right everyone," she blares, "if you want to sign Nancy's card, line up in front of ME!" Miss Colman allows this, of course, because she's a tool. So the appalling freak show goes on, as Karen divulges the details of Nancy's illness while everyone praises her for being so kind and caring to her friend and making her a card. Pamela isn't having this bullshit and says she's going to make her own card, but nobody wants to sign her card because they think Nancy will feel bad if they don't sign Karen's. Instead of taking this as a hint that everyone else in the class is trying to look out for Nancy's feelings, Karen glows over how everyone is paying attention to her and not Pamela. I CAN'T AND I'M DONE....
....for now, anyway. (: