Kristy's Worst Idea Chapters 1-5
Chapter 1
We all know this is a Lerangis book because it opens up with a shriek of “EEEEEEEEEE!” David Michael is chasing Emily around and Kristy is trying to talk to Mary Anne. Kristy’s family has just gotten back from vacation, so there’s a bit of chaos. I don’t remember chasing my little brother around with a toy when we get back from vacation, but I’m twenty and he’s seventeen. Kristy’s family is jetlagged, so when she finally goes to check the answering machine, she sees that Mary Anne has left three messages. The first one is a basic, “Call me when you get home!” The second one is a little concerned, and by the third one she’s bawling because she thinks they’ve been kidnapped or moved to Hawaii.
Good grief, Mary Anne. Let’s assume that there were no delays in the flight. In fact, I’ll be generous and say the flight landed a little early. Kristy and her family would still have to go through all the long lines and get their baggage and everything. Traveling takes time, even if you don’t count delays such as the baggage machine stopping, or problems with the plane or bad weather. Did you just freak out because Kristy didn’t call you the second she got home? Did it ever occur to you that she might want to just relax after a long day of flying? I’m more than happy to call my friends when I come home from a trip, but when I just arrive home I just want to see what’s on TV and use my laptop. Mary Anne is the type of girlfriend who calls the cops if her boyfriend says he’ll meet her at ten and he’s five minutes late. That, or she thinks that he’s cheating on her with a sophisticated lady. But in all seriousness, exactly how long did Mary Anne take before she freaked out that Kristy hadn’t called?
This leads Kristy to say that Mary Anne is a high strung crybaby who loses it at the slightest sign of anything negative. If you say Old Yeller, Mary Anne will burst into tears. I’ve never seen that movie or read the book. I have an idea for a mean game- let’s shout random sad stuff at Mary Anne and see what makes her cry the hardest. I’m pretty sure that Mary Anne started crying over a Christmas tree on the sidewalk or something.
Ordinarily Kristy would have no patience for someone like Mary Anne, but Mary Anne is her best friend. Kristy is loud and proud. I feel a lesbian joke niggling at me, but I can’t put it into words. Her friends say she’s bossy and stubborn, but we shouldn’t listen to them because they’re members of the BSC, so she has to be bossy. Period. You know what I think when I see the period? It’s Kristy excusing herself from all her negative traits. It’s like she’s saying, “I’m a rude asshole who has no sense of decorum. I bully people until I get what I want, and show no regard for their feelings. I know better than everyone and I’ll throw a hissy fit until people back off and let me have my way. I take personal offense if someone doesn’t kiss my ass or has a different view from my own. But that’s who I am, so deal with it.” If I had a friend like Kristy, I’d have distanced myself from her. I never wanted friends so badly that I’d put up with her crap. By the way, Kristy, leaders do have to be able to take control. However, there is a difference between that and being a controlling asshole.
Kristy says some other vital facts about her. She’s short and a brunette. I don’t know how I would have survived not knowing this information. Surely knowing that Kristy is short will reveal a fascinating glimpse into her psyche. Now back to Mary Anne. Kristy is dying to talk to Mary Anne about Hawaii, but she has even more pressing business. How did the BSC survive without her? Well, aside from that mess with the carnival that worked out in the end, I think it did okay. I would much rather have Abby as a president that Kristy. At least Abby wouldn’t micromanage my life. But Kristy wants to hear all about how Abby fell to her knees and cried that she was a fool for thinking that she could dare to run the BSC and only the illustrious Kristy could do such a task and she was but Kristy’s unworthy servant. Running the BSC isn’t rocket science, Kristy. You aren’t as important as you think you are.
Sam comes in and he’s immature, prompting Kristy to say that she’s the only kid in her family that acts her age. I don’t think most thirteen year olds are obsessed with throwing pizza parties, fairs, talent shows, pet shows, and knowing every little detail about the children in their neighborhood. Sam opens the fridge and it smells like something died in there. Apparently they left an unopened bowl of tuna salad in the fridge. I thought that you should clean out your fridge of food that could spoil when you went on a vacation. Mom says that you should definitely throw out cold cuts and milk and other foods that spoil easily. I think our fridge is usually pretty empty when we come back from vacation.
Charlie comes downstairs and he wants to talk to his girlfriend, Sarah. Since I ship Charlie and Janine, I’m going to pretend that Janine is Sarah and Charlie is using a code name because he and Janine want to keep their relationship secret from their nosy little sisters. Sam wants to use the phone first and he and Charlie start fighting. Mary Anne asks if this is a bad time to talk, and Kristy says no. Kristy doesn’t have a cordless phone. If I had a cordless phone I would have locked myself in my room.
Kristy is upset that she can’t find any peace and quiet in a mansion. That’s right, she said mansion. But she’s not a rich snob or anything. In fact, she has the attitude that people who like nice things and designer outfits and change their underwear more than once a month are horrible snobs. She talks about how her mom started dating Watson. She expressed anger towards her father for running out on her family. I’ve never really seen Kristy express any anger towards her father.
Watson says he’ll get breakfast if Elizabeth cleans the fridge out. Charlie and Sam both try to leave, but Elizabeth says one of them has to say. You’d think that they would have a stronger tolerance of bad smells after living with Kristy for thirteen years. Kristy gets a break for a minute and tells Mary Anne to start gushing about how much the BSC missed her, but keep it fifty words or less because her mom will be looking to her for manual labor. Mary Anne laughs and said they survived. I think Kristy is friends with Mary Anne because she’s easy to control and is the only one who will kiss her ass.
Is Kristy happy that her club did well without her? No, she’s upset because she thought she’d be coming back home to disaster. Now she can’t ride in on a dinosaur and yell, “Have no fear, the Idea Machine is here!” Kristy gets mad that Abby threw a successful carnival. You’re just jealous that someone else can put together a fun event and that it was for a good cause. I know you stand at your window every morning willing the sun to rise, but I promise you, the sun will rise regardless of your efforts.
Miss Sensitive senses that Kristy isn’t happy, but before Kristy can whine that she’s mad someone else did something cool and Mary Anne can interrupt Kristy to whine about her problems, Elizabeth calls her. They have a lot of stuff to get done- such as picking up Shannon from the kennel, getting school supplies and getting the house unpacked. I know Shannon is the puppy, but I keep thinking of Shannon the girl. Kinky thoughts are rising at the idea of picking Shannon the girl up from a kennel. I wonder if there’s some sort of role play for people who like that.
Kristy wants to have the meeting tomorrow, but Mary Anne says it’s Labor Day. Kristy says the BSC isn’t labor, and Mary Anne tries to point out that it’s a holiday so clients will probably be spending time with their families instead of calling, and Kristy just steam rolls over her. If I had a friend like Kristy who steamrolled over everything I said and showed no concern for my emotions and I couldn’t stand up to her, I’d be praying for her to abandon me.
They need to have the BSC meeting tomorrow because Kristy misses being a controlling asshole who bosses people around. They need to update their records- why? What do they need to update? Did anyone move? Did Jamie Newton lose a tooth? They need to talk about the summer. That’s what sleepovers and hanging out is for. I don’t think you need to call a meeting to gossip about your summers. They also have to plan a bunch of dumbass carnivals, and Kristy brought them presents. And this can’t wait until Wednesday, why? When I went to Jamaica I got my friend a little wristband and forgot to give it to her for months. Forget it, Kristy’s a controlling asshole.
Mary Anne tries to subtly talk Kristy out of this by saying that Jessi and Claudia have plans, but Kristy does not understand polite social cues, so she just says that she’ll call them. I think people are better off saying, “Fuck your club, Kristy, we have family stuff to do.” Does Kristy not understand that her friends might have plans already? No, she understands, but the BSC must come above all others. Kristy is totally that boss who won’t let you take time off to go to the funeral of your beloved grandfather. Kristy hangs up before Mary Anne can meekly try to dissaude her.
Chapter 2
Kristy has bought her friend some ugly ass gifts. She got Claudia a pineapple clock, Stacey a ukulele, Mallory clip-on earrings( doesn’t she have pierced ears) and Mary Anne sunglasses. Abby makes a crack and they bust a gut laughing, even though it wasn’t that funny. Kristy asks where Jessi is and Mallory says her parents wouldn’t let her leave the barbeque. Good on them! I think the parents should stop catering to their children so that they could meet Kristy’s ridiculous demands. They need to say, “I’m not driving 200 miles per hour just so you won’t be a minute late to your little club meeting. We are not leaving your grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary because you have a club meeting. Kristy will just have to learn to deal. Kristy only has as much power as you give her.”
Janine mumbles that Jessi’s parents were smart from outside the door, and Claudia is all, “How dare you exist and how dare you talk shit about the cult! You don’t understand because all your friends are smelly nerds!” Janine says that they are and goes to her room to talk to her online friends about this bullshit. I’m on Janine’s side. Seriously, why the hell did the entire family have to leave the barbeque? If the Kishis couldn’t say, “You’ll just have to miss this meeting,” why did Janine have to leave? Why didn’t one of the parents drop Claudia off? I think sixteen is old enough to stay at a barbeque with some relatives without the rest of your family.
What purpose did Janine coming home serve? It’s not like she has anything to do with the BSC meetings, seeing as the club treats her with disdain. I did have this little fic that Janine bonded with Mallory after the BSC were such bitches to her in book 14.
Couldn’t Janine have gotten a ride from one of her relatives or something? If I were in Claudia’s shoes, I’d have been like, “Stuffing my face is more important than the meeting.” Kristy is lucky Claudia is so easy going and stupid to make a claim for power (unless it’s obfuscating stupidity). Claudia could own Kristy’s ass. Without her to provide the meeting place and phone line, the club would be in deep shit.
Mrs. Pike wants to know if Mallory can leave early because Uncle Joe is visiting from the nursing home and he never stays long. I can just hear Kristy going, “But what does that have to do with the BSC?” I swear she is incapable of understanding that people may have lives outside of the BSC. Claudia agrees that they should end early as well so she can get back to the barbeque. In that case, why didn’t you tell Kristy to screw off? Have you guys tried standing up to Kristy? Haven’t their parents noticed that their kid is involved in a cult? If I had a kid and they were constantly anxious because they had to arrive at their meeting at exactly 5:30 and do exactly what Kristy says, I’d be getting them as far away from Kristy as possible and getting them therapy so that they could realize that the BSC are a bunch of controlling and emotionally abusive, judgmental jerks, and not real friends.
Kristy asks if there’s any business and there’s dues. Abby groans and Kristy takes a shot at her since she nearly put them in debt. Kristy says that someone has to lay down the law. If my friend she had to lay down the law, I would not be thinking of her as a friend. I’d be praying that I had the courage to cut ties with her. Kristy starts wanking about how she invented the BSC, even though the idea of having an agency to call babysitters is not a new idea. I bet those places are way more reasonable than Kristy as well.
Kristy may have big ideas, but Mary Anne is the one who puts them into action. The club members have good ideas, too, Kristy. You just throw a tantrum when someone has a good idea that you didn’t think of. The other club members could probably get things done more quickly, but you have to make everything so needlessly complex so that people can say how brilliant you are.
I’m on 3ft6’s side regarding Kristy’s ideas. I think people just coddle her too much. You know how you don’t want to criticize a child so you say that the drawing is really nice even though it’s really ugly? I think people around Kristy forgot that children grow up and it’s okay to tell them that they’ve made a mistake, or their essay wasn’t very comprehensible. Sometimes Kristy has a really vague idea and gets bitchy when people aren’t thinking up things to please her. For example, she was a total bitch in Babysitters on Board regarding the presents. She kept bothering her friends to give the Pikes and Watson presents, and criticized all their ideas, even though she hadn’t come up with anything herself. In the end it was Claudia who came up with the idea to give them a scrapbook, but no one cares about that.
Richard used to be really strict until he started getting some, so now Mary Anne can wear her hair down instead of in braids. Kristy says that Mary Anne wears her hair in a cool, short hairstyle. That’s not what you lot were saying when she first got her hair cut. You guys flipped out at Mary Anne even considering cutting her hair or changing her appearance.
Kristy mentions Dawn, but she moved back to California permanently so she’s not important. Abby became the new alternate officer. She and Kristy are alike in the sense that they’re both athletes, but I think they have a vitriolic best buds going on. Or at least they would, if Kristy would lighten up. Kristy was hoping that Abby’s twin Anna would join as well, but Anna said hell no to that shit.
Everything Claudia touches turns to art. That sounds like a King Midas nod to me. Does Claudia just grab a chair and it becomes art?
They have less money than they should in the treasury. Kristy is interrupted from chucking a fit and she says that they walk all over her sometimes. You mean they don’t always bow down to your ridiculous demands? Claudia offers some sugarless gum to Stacey.
This prompts Kristy to say that Stacey is not a weight watcher. Exactly how much weight would you put on from gum? I wouldn’t think that someone was watching their weight if they turned down gum. I would just think that they didn’t like gum. Stacey turned down the gum because she’s diabetic. Kristy asks what a diabetic looks like. I wasn’t aware that diabetics looked any particular way. Kristy says that if they look anything like Stacey, they’re stunning. Okay.
Stacey is the treasurer because she’s the only one smart enough to realize that two times ten is twenty. Kristy is still sour about the debt. You know, you guys don’t have to put on a field day or special event for the kids every month. Wouldn’t you save money that way? There’s nothing overly snark worthy about Jessi and Mallory’s sections. Kristy says Dawn is an honorary member of the BSC. She’s part of the We Love Kids Club, which sucks because it isn’t the BSC or run by Kristy, but the girls are nice.
Kristy asks if there’s any other business and Stacey says that her dad bought tickets for Broadway on Friday night and he wants to have dinner after. Abby’s reaction is a snarky, “Le gasp! Doesn’t your father know that Friday is a BSC meeting?” Kristy asks if he can exchange it. Stacey says you can’t exchange a Broadway ticket. Even if you could, I would not change it to suit the needs of a jumped up thirteen year old. Stacey just says that she isn’t going to be at the meeting.
Mallory says that Jessi’s new dance class starts at 5:15. Kristy freaks out because everyone is ducking out and the year hasn’t begun. Jessi wants to change the meetings to Thursdays. But what if something comes up then? Does Kristy make Mallory make sure her orthodontist appointments don’t fall on BSC meeting days? Kristy says the parents won’t realize the new change and they’ll lose business. Abby rolls her eyes and tells Kristy that the parents’ heads won’t explode because there’s been a change in schedule.
Kristy freaks out because she thinks Claudia will have to take calls from parents who forgot about the new meeting day. Claudia tells Kristy that she may be an idiot, but even she knows the purpose of an answering machine. Mary Anne says Thursdays are clear. Jessi doesn’t have to be there for the Friday meetings. Just ask her for her schedule, check it, and if she’s available for a job, ask her and call the client back. Every BSC member does not have to be at every meeting. Kristy is a bitch and says that Jessi has to either quit ballet or the BSC. You have no business telling Jessi that she has to quit something she loves just to please you. How the hell does Kristy have any friends?
The two options are switching the meetings to Thursdays, or letting Jessi skip Friday meetings. I think it would make more sense to excuse Jessi from the Friday meetings, but I have an ounce of logic in me. Abby is a smartass when she asks for a vote, causing Kristy to put her bitchface on. I love Abby because she doesn’t take Kristy’s shit and snarks back. I think Kristy needs someone to tell her to lighten up. Of course, there are more pleasurable ways someone can get Kristy to loosen up.
The rest of the members tell Kristy to chill out, but she just yells that the club has gotten lazy. I imagine her as a mean teacher coming back when the kids have had a really fun substitute and making them write a dissertation on quantum physics. The BSC isn’t about having fun, no matter what Kristy says. Kristy realizes that she’s being too stubborn, so what does she do? Well, she sure as hell doesn’t apologize for being a control freak and say that Jessi can skip Friday meetings. No, she comes up with another hare-brained idea that she hasn’t thought out yet- the Fall into Fall Festival Block party. Aren’t festivals and parties basically the same thing? Kristy is only doing this because she’s mad someone other than her organized an event that went well and raised a lot of money. Kristy is so insecure that she has to belittle other’s success to make herself feel better.
Fall is coming, and the BSC has to be the one bright spot in a busy parent’s life as they get ready for the school year. They’ll close off a street, and have apple picking, cider making, and maple sugaring. I don’t think the BSC has the authority to close off a street. I bet if they couldn’t close off the street Kristy would just decide to hold the festival anyway and not give a shit about the inconvenienced drivers. Those activities sound really boring. I don’t want to pick apples. I like cider, but I have no interest in making it, and what the fuck is maple sugaring?
The phone rings. Kristy’s grip on the town is starting to slacken and reality is ensuing. This is why Claudia, Stacey, and Abby are looking at Kristy like she’s an idiot, instead of telling her that this is the best idea ever. Kristy feels the idea taking place, which means she won’t listen to anyone if they try to tell her how stupid her idea is. Pretty soon no one will remember Abby’s carnival. I hope your festival flops.
Chapter 3
The notebook entry is succinct. Kristy says that the sitters aren’t studying shorthand, but they’re in a really bad mood. Or maybe they got sick of writing down every bloody detail about the kids. I like to write, but I’d write “Fuck you, Kristy,” over and over again. I’d also write a bunch of sexually explicit stuff and use the dumbest words for genitals and make the scenes either purple prosey or straight up smut.
Abby is mad at Kristy for being a bitch to her on Monday. Stacey is worrying about a project. Jessi is busy cowering in fear that Kristy will hit her for having an activity intrude on BSC time, Mallory is trying to comfort Jessi, Mary Anne is busy with the record book, Claudia be expected to think because she’s busy concentrating on eating junk food, and Kristy is pissy because no one called on Thursday. Have you tried just excusing Jessi from the Friday meetings if changing the schedule is such a hassle?
Kristy calls Mary Anne and Mary Anne tells her about the terrible babysitting job she had with Claudia. I’m going to refer to Mrs. Dewitt as Mrs. Barrett because I’m so used to it. There’s a little bit of trouble with the kids, but nothing really major. It’s a little chaotic with a bunch of kids running around, but there haven’t been any injuries or broken items as yet, so things don’t look too bad. Mary Anne gets the kids to play board games and Buddy is playing a video game. You’d think that the cult would hate video games as much as they did TV.
Claudia comes in with art projects and is a gigantic bitch. She tells Buddy and Lindsey to spread the newspapers and to pick up the games because they need the floor space. She completely ignores the fact that they were having fun playing. Claudia says that they can play checkers any time, but art is something special. Yeah, and I can draw a picture any time as well, you nitwit. Why do you guys insist on forcing your interests down everyone’s throat? I love cats, but my mom hates them. I don’t drag her to pet stores and make her look at the cats.
Lindsey says that they can keep playing, and Claudia comes back. She wants to know why they haven’t laid the newspapers down. They haven’t laid the newspapers down because they’re happy playing board games and they don’t want to do art. They’re ignoring you and doing what they want. Someone should have tried doing that to Kristy. The kids stomp off and Claudia asks Mary Anne to get them. Mary Anne tries to tell Claudia that maybe the kids don’t want to do art, but Claudia knows best. She’s been possessed by Kristy for this chapter, clearly. The kids shouldn’t play competitive games because they’ll fight. God forbid. Art is all about cooperation, until someone wants the blue crayon. Then it’s all out war.
Mary Anne tells Claudia that she shouldn’t force her interests onto other people. Claudia says she knows her family isn’t into art because they suck, but who else wouldn’t like art aside from her loser family? Mary Anne is about to tell Claudia she and the kids weren’t interested in art when there’s a crash. The rest of the babysitting job is chaotic. Claudia storms out. I know you’re upset that the kids didn’t want to do art, Claudia, but your behavior was unwarranted.
Chapter 4
Kristy tells Abby to go a little lower and my mind jumps to massages and Kristy and Abby resolving their rivalry. No, it’s just part of the dumb festival. I’m going back to my Kristy/Abby imaginings, now. It has to be more entertaining than this idiocy. Kristy wants to hang apples from trees and let kids pick them. I’m not going to a festival where the main activity is picking apples off string. My teacher used to hang apples from the ceiling as decoration. We were studying a really boring poetry unit and I was trying to use telekinesis to get an apple to fall and knock me out so that I wouldn’t have to listen. Then I figured that I’d be a total loser if I got knocked out by an apple, and then an apple fell on a guy’s head. He was fine.
Kristy thinks a lame block party that no one wants to do is the perfect remedy for all the tensions going on in the BSC. I think Kristy should apologize to Abby, Claudia should apologize to Mary Anne, and Kristy should move the meetings back to Fridays and excuse Jessi from those meetings. Her friends try to tell Kristy her idea is stupid, but Kristy won’t listen to reason when she’s in the grips of a really dumb idea. I love that reality is rearing its head. Her friends think of more fun and simple ideas, such as jumping in leaves, face painting and bobbing for apples. Kristy says the ideas aren’t epic enough and she must outshine Abby’s
carnival. They go inside and Kristy gets her mom’s juicer and juices an apple to make cider. How fun.
Watson comes in and hears about the festival. He says it sounds interesting, which is grownup talk for, “It sounds like fucking shit, but it’s socially unacceptable to say that to a child.” He asks about permits. Kristy says she’ll call the permit people on Monday. Linny, David Michael, and Hannie arrive, along with Bill and Meldoy. Kristy tries to enlist them as child laborers, but they have better things to do. They say the festival sounds stupid. Since everyone is telling Kristy to just forget about the festival, she steps up her efforts and decides to make a leaf sculpture. At this point Kristy’s friends have just given up.
Chapter 5
Kristy isn’t paying attention in English class because she’s too busy thinking up ideas for the festival. Mr. Fiske, her English teacher, asks her a question, but Cokie answers. Kristy is mad. I’m surprised she didn’t just ask not to go to school because she was too busy organizing the event of the century. She actually said that regarding the festival. I don’t think people will remember picking apples off string when they grow old. Kristy’s teacher assigns her lots of homework and Kristy is stressed because she won’t have time to babysit. I guess that means the parents will have to take their kids with them when they go on errands or hire babysitters that aren’t bossy jerks. This will be great for the kids.
She meets Mary Anne, who also has a lot of homework. There’s a poster advertising a block party, and it’s on the same day as Kristy’s. Those assholes! How could they do that to her! It’s entirely likely that this was always the scheduled date and you just didn’t know about it because you can’t be expected to think of anything that doesn’t involve the BSC and children, Kristy. Are you so vain that you think people will organize a party on the same day as your own just to spite you? Well, I would. Mary Anne tries to tactfully tell her that no one gives a shit about her festival, but Kristy doesn’t understand tact. Just tell her you don’t want to do the festival and ignore her when she comes to bother you.
They go to lunch and others tell Kristy that they should postpone the festival or better yet call it off. Mallory’s visiting her family and Janine’s getting an award. If I were Janine I would beg my parents to let Claudia stay at home if she’s going to scowl during my award thing and act like a petulant child. Life just keeps getting in the way, and Kristy isn’t having that. The BSC can’t have family events or other activities. Kristy thinks this is a crisis. She finally asks if the BSC wants to do this, and it’s obvious that they don’t. Kristy just can’t understand subtle cues.
Kristy throws a tantrum about how she worked so hard to think up a great idea, but it won’t work if no one cares. Mary Anne is about to say that they do care and make up some excuse when Abby stops her. She tells Kristy to move on. Kristy freaks out because her friends are starting to have lives outside of the BSC. Run and never look back guys! She blames changing the meetings to Thursdays on everything going wrong. I don’t like change myself, so I wouldn’t be happy about changing the meeting days. But you could try lightening up.
It’s pointed out that not everyone has to be at the club. The parents don’t really care as long as they get a sitter. In fact, they can cancel club meetings and let the machine answer calls. But no, everyone has to be at every meeting, otherwise the clients will be cheated out of the full BSC experience. Kristy storms off in a huff. All these conflicts would be solved in Kristy could realize that she can’t control every detail in everyone’s lives and that some time shit happens. Life gets in the way of your activities. You have to learn to deal. This would be solved if Kristy just said that not everyone has to be at every meeting. Reality is finally ensuing and things I’m sure we’ve thought are being brought up. Too bad status quo is good and everything will go back to normal in the next book. Seriously, though, it is annoying that issues such as scheduling conflicts only appear in this book and are never mentioned again.Why did reality have to ensue for a very special plot? Couldn't it have stayed?