Karen's Wedding (7-13)
I'm coming off a panic attack. Time to express my hatred for weddings and snark Karen at the same time!
Chapter 7 (FASHIONISTA RAGE!)
Hey, what do you know?! It's the FASHIONISTA RAGE! chapter! Why the fuck couldn't Lisa leave Andrew with the BSC while they went dress shopping? Whyyyy drag a 4-year-old boy on what even a 19-year-old finds The World's Most Bullshit Form Of Shopping? Judging by the cover, Karen should've really used her brattiness to its full extent here. That dress is...ugh. Stfu Lisa, that purple and orange dress had NOTHING wrong with it and actually sounded kind of awesome. Well at least Karen got to pick out her own dress even if it is ugly. I really wish she'd upped the Brat Ratio a bit more so she could get a better one out of Miss Colman, but I guess even Karen has standards. I don't when it comes to clothes, I just don't. Nobody gets to pick my clothes out for me and I will raise hell if anyone tries.
Chapter 8
Karen and her friends do their odd jobs blah blah blah. Karen babysits Emily and trains for her future in her sister's cult. Wtf Addie, volunteering to be kind to a sick neighbor should NOT be a paid job! Because they're earning crap pay, they all decide to collaborate on one big project, so they decide to run a car wash. Obviously nobody remembers what happened the LAST time Karen tried to wash a car and ended up scratching the paint clear off.
Chapter 9
They have the car wash at Hank's house and Karen thinks the best way to advertise is to scream COME GET YOUR CAAAAR WAAAASHED at the top of her lungs, but in a rare moment of discipline Kristy tells her to cut that mess out. I'm surprised Karen didn't bite her like she bit Watson when he put his hands on her mouth to shut her the hell up (for the record, when people do that to me I lick them, not bite them xD). Pamela is secretly Jenny P, and doesn't want to do anything 'cause it might get her dirty, so she acts as money counter. Surprised Karen's not complaining about that because zomg best enemy. They end up earning twenty-nine (wow) dollars on this car wash. When kids on my street do something like this, the adults just go "ohhh how cute" and maybe a friend or neighbor pays 50 cents out of pity.
Chapter 10
Making a kid wake up early for school after they worked all day is kind of low, Lisa. They all count the money at school and it turns out HOLY SHIT, THEY EARNED ENOUGH FOR THE BS CUP OH MY GOD YAAAAAY! Natalie says she wants to be the one to go buy the cup (because no one in their right mind would trust Karen with money, even pre-Lucky Penny) and Karen's all set to shoot her down, but Natalie sticks up for herself and tells her "Hey, shut up, this is MY job okay?!" YOU GO NATALIE! But unfortunately this will not end well because nothing good can ever happen to Natalie Springer. Ever.
Chapter 11
Karen takes the bridal shower in remarkably mature stride. Bridal showers are the most boring fucking parties ever and omg no one cares about your new plates okay? We don't need to have a party for you to show off your goddamn PLATES. Karen uses it as an opportunity to go SUP GUYS I'M THE FLOWER GIRL AREN'T I AWESOME? because she is Karen (and because what else are you supposed to do at bridal showers? Squee over plates?). For some reason they're cleaning up the playroom even though this is an all-adults party. Whyyyyy? But HEY WAIT, it turns out Miss Colman's sister and niece are able to come after all! UH-OH, SHIT JUST HIT THE FAN FOR REALSIES. Karen is now terrified that Miss Colman is going to go back to her original plan of picking Caroline for flower girl and it is oooooon like Donkey Kong.
Chapter 12
Karen is so afraid to see Caroline now because SHE'S the flower girl, dammit, and nothing can take that from her! NOOOOTHIIIING!!!! Karen can no longer enjoy the party or greet the guests and all she cares about is OH NOES MISS COLMAN'S TAKING AWAY MY FLOWER GIRL JOB. Hey, let her, then maybe you can go buy that awesome purple and orange dress now. But it'd also mean she'd be completely ignored at the wedding (and I mean COMPLETELY). Instead of asking what Caroline wants to do Karen shoves some coloring pages at her. Great hostess.
Chapter 13
Karen can't stop thinking about losing the flower girl job all night. Finally she talks to Lisa, who's probably one of the worst people to talk to about problems because she's such a failtastic mother. As she's talking to Lisa, who really just repeats herself and repeats herself some more, Karen admits she actually wants Caroline to be the flower girl because she thinks it would be more fair. Shhh, you guys, it's a rare sighting of Karen Brewer's conscience! If you speak too loudly it might get frightened and run away! Oh wait, it already did; at the end of the chapter, Karen decides fuck Caroline, the flower girl job is hers and nobody else can have it!
Chapter 7 (FASHIONISTA RAGE!)
Hey, what do you know?! It's the FASHIONISTA RAGE! chapter! Why the fuck couldn't Lisa leave Andrew with the BSC while they went dress shopping? Whyyyy drag a 4-year-old boy on what even a 19-year-old finds The World's Most Bullshit Form Of Shopping? Judging by the cover, Karen should've really used her brattiness to its full extent here. That dress is...ugh. Stfu Lisa, that purple and orange dress had NOTHING wrong with it and actually sounded kind of awesome. Well at least Karen got to pick out her own dress even if it is ugly. I really wish she'd upped the Brat Ratio a bit more so she could get a better one out of Miss Colman, but I guess even Karen has standards. I don't when it comes to clothes, I just don't. Nobody gets to pick my clothes out for me and I will raise hell if anyone tries.
Chapter 8
Karen and her friends do their odd jobs blah blah blah. Karen babysits Emily and trains for her future in her sister's cult. Wtf Addie, volunteering to be kind to a sick neighbor should NOT be a paid job! Because they're earning crap pay, they all decide to collaborate on one big project, so they decide to run a car wash. Obviously nobody remembers what happened the LAST time Karen tried to wash a car and ended up scratching the paint clear off.
Chapter 9
They have the car wash at Hank's house and Karen thinks the best way to advertise is to scream COME GET YOUR CAAAAR WAAAASHED at the top of her lungs, but in a rare moment of discipline Kristy tells her to cut that mess out. I'm surprised Karen didn't bite her like she bit Watson when he put his hands on her mouth to shut her the hell up (for the record, when people do that to me I lick them, not bite them xD). Pamela is secretly Jenny P, and doesn't want to do anything 'cause it might get her dirty, so she acts as money counter. Surprised Karen's not complaining about that because zomg best enemy. They end up earning twenty-nine (wow) dollars on this car wash. When kids on my street do something like this, the adults just go "ohhh how cute" and maybe a friend or neighbor pays 50 cents out of pity.
Chapter 10
Making a kid wake up early for school after they worked all day is kind of low, Lisa. They all count the money at school and it turns out HOLY SHIT, THEY EARNED ENOUGH FOR THE BS CUP OH MY GOD YAAAAAY! Natalie says she wants to be the one to go buy the cup (because no one in their right mind would trust Karen with money, even pre-Lucky Penny) and Karen's all set to shoot her down, but Natalie sticks up for herself and tells her "Hey, shut up, this is MY job okay?!" YOU GO NATALIE! But unfortunately this will not end well because nothing good can ever happen to Natalie Springer. Ever.
Chapter 11
Karen takes the bridal shower in remarkably mature stride. Bridal showers are the most boring fucking parties ever and omg no one cares about your new plates okay? We don't need to have a party for you to show off your goddamn PLATES. Karen uses it as an opportunity to go SUP GUYS I'M THE FLOWER GIRL AREN'T I AWESOME? because she is Karen (and because what else are you supposed to do at bridal showers? Squee over plates?). For some reason they're cleaning up the playroom even though this is an all-adults party. Whyyyyy? But HEY WAIT, it turns out Miss Colman's sister and niece are able to come after all! UH-OH, SHIT JUST HIT THE FAN FOR REALSIES. Karen is now terrified that Miss Colman is going to go back to her original plan of picking Caroline for flower girl and it is oooooon like Donkey Kong.
Chapter 12
Karen is so afraid to see Caroline now because SHE'S the flower girl, dammit, and nothing can take that from her! NOOOOTHIIIING!!!! Karen can no longer enjoy the party or greet the guests and all she cares about is OH NOES MISS COLMAN'S TAKING AWAY MY FLOWER GIRL JOB. Hey, let her, then maybe you can go buy that awesome purple and orange dress now. But it'd also mean she'd be completely ignored at the wedding (and I mean COMPLETELY). Instead of asking what Caroline wants to do Karen shoves some coloring pages at her. Great hostess.
Chapter 13
Karen can't stop thinking about losing the flower girl job all night. Finally she talks to Lisa, who's probably one of the worst people to talk to about problems because she's such a failtastic mother. As she's talking to Lisa, who really just repeats herself and repeats herself some more, Karen admits she actually wants Caroline to be the flower girl because she thinks it would be more fair. Shhh, you guys, it's a rare sighting of Karen Brewer's conscience! If you speak too loudly it might get frightened and run away! Oh wait, it already did; at the end of the chapter, Karen decides fuck Caroline, the flower girl job is hers and nobody else can have it!