21- Karen's New Teacher ch 1-6
And away we go again- this time LS #21-Karen’s New Teacher. I decided on this one next because Hatey is mentioned in Karen’s Wedding and the other current Snark Karen’s Field Trip… So let us find out where this name comes from and determine is it justified…
Chapter 1- Arithmetic Pizza
We start off the book with another fine day in Stoneybrook Academy where Ms C is helping the kids learn about fractions by having them divide pepperonis on a pizza. In a moment of intelligence Ms C tells the class to divide into groups of 3 or 4 (now if there are 16 kids in the class, logically she should tell them to go into groups of 4 so nobody is left out, telling them groups of 3 you’re going to end up with Jannie, Leslie & Pamela in one group, Karen, Hannie & Nancy in another, Terri, Tammy, Audrey in their own group, Hank, Bobby, Ricky in a group, Omar and the other two in a group (one of whom is named “Billy” according to a later group) and then poor Natalie will be left out- good move Ms C. I am not sure you should be teaching fractions. Anyways, the groups are going to make a pizza out of paper and later they will have a class pizza party- shocking. Karen thinks Ms C is the best in the world because how many teachers would teach you about fractions by using pizza? Um, I’d say anyone who is passionate about elementary education would, I had a teacher who taught us about division by putting us into groups and giving us chocolate bars to divide. Another teacher gave us skittles to help us learn math. Our French teacher let us play various French Bingo games to teach us French words (i.e YUMI had pictures of food). She also tells us Ms C dressed up for Halloween and how many teachers would- okay I went to a ritzy Christian school that didn’t celebrate Halloween, but wouldn’t most teachers dress up on Halloween? Ms C also lets them put on plays and go on field trips- again, is this that surprising? I mean it seems the BSC have dances every week and field trip every other week… The 3M are working on their pizza- they are putting extra cheese on a quarter and olives on the last quarter- I am not entirely sure how this helps with fractions- shouldn’t Ms C give them instructions such as “extra cheese on ½ the pizza, olives on ¼, sauce on 4/4 etc? How does this even help them at all? Karen doesn’t want olives bc they are gross- again this is a fake pizza, I don’t understand this assignment. But it’s Friday and Ms C is probably working off the alcohol that got her through this week… Karen starts singing and Ms C gives her trouble because she has a hangover and wants quiet.
Chapter 2/2
In chapter 1 Karen tells us she is divorced and now she says she has two houses and asks if we thought it was because her parents were divorced. No actually, I thought it was because her family couldn’t stand her so they have a house for her. The 3M have pledged to be friends “4-ever”, yes because that always works. I’m sure Lisa promised Sugar Daddy to work for him forever, now she is not and he is paying her- irony. Karen cannot imagine having another teacher- well no kidding, you’ve been in grade 2 forever.
Chapter 3
Big W bought a new van on the weekend- yay for a big house weekend. Nancy and Karen walk in and Ms C is not there, a substitute comes, OH MY LANTA NOOOOOOOOO… Ms Colman was…. sick (is that way they are calling it now, I used to call it coming off the high). The teacher they have is Ms Pettig and seems to think she is teaching Andrew and Alicia, not big smart 7 year olds like Karen, she makes them wear nametags and writes a greeting on the board but nobody can read what it says when Ms P asks, so she of course reads it. Ms P says the class must be shy and Karen thinks internally that she has never been called shy before (obnoxious, bratty, spoiled, rude, loud… nope not shy). Ms P reads them a kids book, gives them colouring sheets where they need to cross the one that doesn’t belong and do a colouring sheet of farm animals and Ms P tells them what crayon to use for what animal… Again, how does this happen. Do teachers not have lesson plans so that when a sub comes in they follow the lesson plan? Is it normal for a sub to come in and do what they want?
Chapter 4
The 3M walk into the room on Tuesday and decide to be quiet so as to not give Ms C a headache, good Karen now remember this ALL THE TIME. Ms C breaks routine by telling them she has a surprisingly awful announcement. She has to have an operation that isn’t serious but she will be in the hospital for a week and off work for a month. This makes no sense- I suppose I am dealing with Canadian wait times, but is it normal to be told you need non-serious surgery on a Monday and have it scheduled for Wednesday? I am having quasi-serious surgery tomorrow and have known about it for 4 weeks- it’s only emergency surgery that I get no notice on. And would non-serious surgery require a week hospital stay? I guess this is the 80s, but the hospitals here try and get in and out as soon as possible. I had brain surgery on a Monday and was home on Thursday, but perhaps it’s because of universal health care that they want us in and out ASAP. I dunno.. Anyways, they will be having a sub for a month but won’t be Miss P, thank the lord for that. The pizza party will be postponed until she comes back.
Chapter 5
Andrew is drunk and wants to play with Karen, he has asked four times and she responds by saying “Shut up! That is the fourth time you have asked me to play with you. Leave me alone!”- harsh Karen, harsh. Lisa tells Karen to apologize for Andrew for being a buttfan, Andrew says it’s okay but is crying. Lisa wants to know what up with Karen, Karen won’t say. Lisa asks if it’s because Ms C is leaving, Karen says NO and stomps upstairs… Of course, Lisa just lets her go instead of telling her to smarten up and we don’t stomp in the house. Karen spends all day in her room and doesn’t talk at all during dinner. I am starting to wonder if Lisa and Seth paid Ms C to take four weeks off so they can have a quiet Karen for a month. They want to talk and this part I really cannot mock because it is sad. Karen is upset because everyone is leaving- her parents got divorced, Amanda moved away, Louie died, Crystal Light 1 died, Nannie was in the hospital and now Ms C is leaving- I really think Karen should go to a child psychologist- this poor kid went through a lot and nobody seems to care… it would explain her behaviour.
Chapter 6-
As soon as Karen seems Ms H she decides she is mean because she has gray hair and wears gray clothes. She tells us that Ms C does not have gray hair (that’s surprising actually) and wears bright, colourful clothing. Karen, welcome to the world of adulthood- I, do not have gray hair, but my grandmother, she does. The sugar daddy has no hair, while Seth does. It’s fairly logical and I really hope you get gray hair when you’re 20. Ms H is a bit of a jerk I have to say- she tells them to sit at their seats and draw or read and not talk- this is before class, not detention, though I don’t know why they don’t just go outside and play until the bell rings. Mrs H wants the class to raise their hand before speaking. Karen does not understand when Mrs H says “in my class” because it is Ms Cs class- oh Karen it’s a figure of speech. And Mrs H is the teacher, therefore her class. Mrs H wants the class in alphabetical order- okay this is dumb, why move their seats? surely Ms C has a seating chart somewhere. Pamela sucks up by telling her she thinks this seating plan makes more sense- no, it really does not.